Three sides of the prism

by Inugami

Alphonse Elric POV

Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist characters belong to their respective authors and those who had bought the franchise license. This is written only for fun, I don't earn any money despite I need it; moreover, the song is not mine either, it belongs to Gackt and neither I earn anything using it, just helping to give shape to the idea formed in my mind.

An Alphonse POV which resumes from my own perspective his feelings during the time between the end of the series and the events of Conqueror of Shambala. A bit angst, because I think that Aru suffered a lot despite the loss of his memories.

This is Elricest, but only slightly. Anyways, if you don't like shounen ai between incestuous brothers (lol) please go back or close the page. If you decide to read, it's your responsibility. Ah! and it has big spoilers of CoS.

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Chapter 1: Uncertain memory

I have faint memories… Blurred images, odd images… Anguish moments… Happiness moments… People that I don't know but I feel close to me… Somehow, those scenes are familiar to me.

Today is snowing, and the coldness I feel makes it hard to believe that once my body was an armor which didn't allowed me to feel anything. But that's the truth, and those faint images I have in my mind confirm it.

The fact that I don't remember anything doesn't mean that I don't have transient flashbacks.

kooritsuita machinami

kiekake no ashioto

hito wa subete hikari o ushinatteru

(The frozen houses on the street

The fading sound of footsteps

A person is being deprived of all of their light)

I am studying Alchemy again with Izumi sensei. Each day I had noticed she gets weaker, but her training is still strict. I make a great effort, because I want to get my brother back again; and any sacrifice is valid to get that goal. It doesn't matter if I have to train on the Yock island during many months, or studying at night, nor the hard physical training. Nothing compares with the greater importance of my goal.

Because I know that Ed is alive. I can feel it. Even when everyone says that it is a pointless search.

mabuta ni yakitsuita sepia iro no omoi de mo

ima wa sotto hikari no mukougawa e...

(And sepia colored memories that were imprinted on my eyelids

Are now on the other side of the soft light...)

I see him in my dreams, in a very odd place, although similar to this world. I even see another people, alike the ones I am knowing again little by little; close to those that it's supposed that helped us when we made our long journey, that one from which I have faint memories.

I see you in that world, dear brother, and you don't know how it hurts me because I'm not there.

kiesaru rakuen daichi no ikari to tomo ni

tsugunai o seotta mayoigo no you ni

yukisaki sae wakarazu ni

(Both paradise and the earth's anger vanish

Like a lost child bearing atonements,

I don't even know where I'm going)

Because even I dream every night with you, the next morning I wake up without you around.

However, I feel your scent in my pillow and a trace of warmth in my heart. I feel that you are there, and I would like to embrace you and telling you everything I feel, how I had missed you, how I had cried for having not your support. Because your absence is an empty space that anything nor anyone can fill up.

Why we must had to separate in that way?

Maybe your pain would be greater than mine, since probably you remember anything about our trip. The desire of healing that pain is the strength that encourages me to find you, to transmute that pain into happiness with love. That happiness we had searched for.

todokanai sakebi no naka de nani o shinjireba ii no...

fukaku ochiteyukeba nobashita kono ude no saki ni kimi ga mieru

(In the unreaching shout, what should I believe in...

If I fall deeply, before these outstretched arms I see you)

I had made my own refugee inside an iceberg covered in roses. Because this voidness hurts, and although I still smile to the people, it is just the façade of my refugee, because on the inside my soul is tearing apart with each remembrance and each every word about you I hear, making me wish I were dead to end this suffering. But our friends and known ones had been supporting me although they don't share my stubborness on searching for you, so the death wishes vanish as soon as they came.

Because I also know that if I die I cannot be able to see you again.

Sometimes, a light of hope melts that iceberg between everyone and me, but it freezes again as soon as it melts. My heart had built it to suffer less, I think it is the same reason why my memories were erased. To avoid the pain that would mean to remember everything that you did for me, everything we shared, we suffered, we lived…

kiesaru rakuen daichi no ikari to tomo ni

tsugunai o seotta mayoigo no you ni

yukisaki sae wakarazu ni

(Both paradise and the earth's memory vanish

Like a lost child bearing atonements,

I don't even know where I'm going)

Since I was a child I loved you. That's why I followed you when you had the idea to revive our mom. Because I thought that it would worked, and that my hapiness will have been complete with her and you at my side. Because I knew our feelings were reciprocal, and even if we had to hide them, we will have been happy. But everything failed and both paid a high price, now we're far from each other and I know, brother, that you feel the same as me.

Your life is as meaningless as mine…

todokanai inori no naka de nani o motobereba ii no...

kimi to ochiteyukeba kawashita kotoba no kazu dake tsumi ga kieru

(In the unreaching prayer, what should I ask for..?.

If I fall with you, only the crimes of evaded words disappear)

It doesn't matter if it is forbidden. We had commited a sin ¿it will matter another one? After all, the pain is an enough punishment. The loneliness has rotten our souls, this is time to end it… That's why I'll search for you everywhere. We will smile again, and cry again, but we'll be together, in good and bad moments. Living without you isn't life and I had decided that I want to live completely, as when you were at my side.

todokanai sakebi no naka de nani o shinjireba ii no...

fukaku ochiteyukeba kieteyuku kono ude no naka de kimi ga warau

(In the unreaching shout, what should I believe in...?

If we fall deeply, before these vanishing arms you smile)

These two years had been long, but today has been my happiest day on life. I had contacted you, even if it was through my soul transfer technique applied on those armors that came from the world you are trapped. Yo can't imagine how happy I was when I knew that there will be a way to meet you again. I could have cross the Gate and reach you, but Rose didn't allowed me; even so, talking with you made me happy.

That's why I will make anything to open the Gate again.

Because it doesn't matter what I will have to sacrifice to touch you again.

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Notas finales: I hope you liked it. I love Elricest, but the next chapter will be an HeidXEd. R&R please!