When I see you
"Hi"
The low and slightly insecure voice coming from the door made Brooke's head shout up in surprise. She'd been at the clinic for three days now and except the daily visits from her Dad and Jane she hadn't heard a word from anybody else. No phone calls, no letters, not even a get-well-soon card. And there had definitely not been any visits. She know her so called friends know were she was and she'd figured they at least for appearance sake would make some kind of effort. But none so far. And it took all Brooke had to pretend not to care when her parents asked if she heard anything from her friends. Shrugging it of with an "I told them I need some time alone". Whish of course was a total lie. She'd said no such thing and being alone was the last thing she wanted. But that was what she was. Totally and utterly alone.
"Am I bothering you?"
And then there was Sam.
Sam McPherson was standing in her doorway, looking even more beautiful than usual, her dark hair cascading around her face, dark circles under her eyes. Eyes that looked unusually shy as they stayed fixated on Brooke's own closed up face. The completely surprising feeling of sheer joy shooting throw the blond well hidden behind her inner walls.
Sam McPherson who for the last three days had been keeping watch at her best friends bed, fighting the leukemia right there with him. Giving him the strength he needed. Or so Jane had told her. And now she was standing in her doorway, looking more vulnerable than Brooke had ever seen her. And all Brooke could do was stare right back at her. Not able to move or even speak. Caught in her own head, drinking in her presence like someone lost in the dessert finally spotting water.
And the time just ticked by, her unable to move and Sam just looking at her. Looking at her with warm brown eyes that seemed to see everything. That seemed to like what she was seeing.
But as the time went by the dark haired girl seemed to grow smaller, looking more and more insecure, like she shouldn't be there. Like she believed she shouldn't be there. That she wasn't wanted. When the only thing Brooke really wanted was for her to stay. To stay forever. But she still couldn't speak. Couldn't tell her. And then Sam seemed to shrink before her eyes, her head sinking down and her eyes fixating the floor. Her voice suddenly sad and somewhat hollow as she began to mumble, directing her words at her feet instead of the girl before her.
"I'm sorry. I know I'm probably the last person you wanna see right now and I know you said you wanted to be alone, but I just needed to see you. To see how you are. But I guess I should have known better. So I'm sorry for being selfish. And I promise I want bother you again. I promise. I just wanted to say that you're gonna be okay. I know that sounds utterly stupid, but you need to know that. You're Brooke and you're gonna be okay."
Still talking the brunette lifted her head, for a moment fixating the blondes eyes with her own, as willing her to listen. To really understand. And all Brooke could do was hold on too the bed with all her strength, as Sam's words kept coming. Covering her in a strange felling of need, making her aware of every tilt to the warm voice. Unable to ignore the sincerity coloring it. And Sam just kept going, once more looking down.
"You're this amazingly strong, gifted and beautiful person that I admire so much and you just need to see that. What an extraordinary person you are. You just need time to see that for yourself. To see the real you, the one I see. The one I admire so much. This amazing girl that we all care about. Care about so much. And you're going to. I promise. You can do this. I belief in you. I belief in you so much. And perhaps I usually don't have so many answers but this, this I just know. You can make this. You're going to be okay."
The intense rambling suddenly stopped and the girl's warm brown eyes ones more fixated Brooke, repeating the last sentence with so much conviction there was nothing she could do than belief her.
"You're going to be okay."
And for a moment their eyes were locked together and for those brief heart beats Brooke now she was right. She could do this. She would be okay. It wouldn't be easy and it would take time. But she could do it. Sam believed in her and suddenly so did Brooke herself.
And then Sam's eyes went back to the floor as she slowly began backing out of the room.
"So I guess I'm going then. Sorry for bothering you. But you take care now, you here me. You take care."
With a last look her way Sam finally turned around, leaving the room and her behind. And then, suddenly, Brooke could move again.
"Wait"
Before her brain could register what she was doing her voice and body sprang into action. Almost shooting for the other girl to stop, to wait for her, as she bolted of the bed, grabbing Sam by her wrist and swirling her around. And without knowing how it happened she suddenly stood face to face with Sam in the doorway, her surprised eyes so close Brooke could see the swirls of gold hiding in them. Standing so close she could feel the heat radiating from the other girls slender body. Suddenly out of breath Brooke couldn't do anything but whisper as she still hold the other girls wrist in her grasp, keeping her close. Not letting her go.
"Please stay"
As the whispered plea reached her, Sam's eyes suddenly became incredible warm, her face lightning up in a smile Brooke never seen before. At least not directed at her. It was so warm and happy and made the brunette almost glow.
"Really?" she whispered back, as she needed the reassurance. Needed to know she was really wanted. Something Brooke could more than sympathize with.
"Yes, please" she whispered back, suddenly fighting back tears. "Please stay".
"Okay" came the fast response and as Brooke closed her eyes in relief, she felt a soft hand stroking her face. "I'll stay as long as you want".
'Forever then' Brooke wanted to answer, but instead she kept her eyes closed, concentrating all her senses so she wouldn't miss a single stroke by the warm hand, trying her best not to cry. She didn't want to scare the other girl away.
"It's alright" Sam whispered in her ear as she removed her hand from the grip Brooke still held on her wrist. Tensing up Brooke just waited for Sam to step away, to leave her in the cold. Instead she felt Sam's hand going around her back, pulling her in. The hand on her face guiding Brooke's head to her shoulder. And as she hid her face in the crock of Sam's neck both arms now went around her body, pulling her impossible closer. One of her hands moving up and down her back, as Brooke's own arms went around Sam, holding on for all she was worth.
"It's all right to cry" the soft voice whispered in her ear, the strokes on her back never faltering. "It's all right. I want leave. I'll never leave." And as the reassurance reached her Brooke finally let go. For the first time in years letting anybody else see her tears. Or more accurately feel them. And as she stood there in Sam's warm embrace she felt something she hadn't felt in so long she almost had forgot what it felt like. Standing there in Sam's arms she felt safe. So safe. And it was the best feeling ever.