MEET ERICA CARTMAN
CHAPTER 1
KENNY SETS THE STAGE
ONE MORNING IN SOUTH PARK AN ANNOUNCEMENT COMES OVER THE RADIO THAT BECAUSE OF A BLIZZARD SOUTH PARK IS BURIED UNDER TWO FEET OF SNOW. NOW IN SOUTH PARK WHEN THERE IS THAT MUCH SNOW THERE IS NO SCHOOL. WHILE CARTMAN WAS SETTING ON HIS COUCH EATING HIS USUAL BREAKFAST OF POWDERED DOUGHNUT PANCAKE SURPRISE MS. CARTMAN COMES UP WITH THE IDEA THAT ERIC NEEDS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FRIEND KENNY 'BUT MUM I DON'T WANT PLAY WITH KENNY HE'S POOR' REPLIES CARTMAN.
'DON'T BE DIFFICULT ERIC' YELLS MS. CARTMAN 'OK MUM' SAYS CARTMAN WHILE PICKING UP THE PHONE TO CALL KENNY.
'HELLO KENNY' SAYS CARTMAN IN A VERY NASTY VOICE
'WHAT DO YOU WANT FAT ASS' REPLIES KENNY
'I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WANTED TO COME OVER AND BUILD A SNOWMAN WITH ME' SURE'' KENNY MUMBLED
'MEET ME IN TEN MINUTES' SAYS CARTMAN.
AS CARTMAN IS FINISHING HIS BREAKFAST KENNY SHOWS UP. 'COME ON POOR BOY' SAYS CARTMAN 'DON'T CALL ME POOR FAT ASS' REPLIES KENNY 'WHAT EVER YOU SAY POOR BOY' BY THIS TIME KENNY IS REALLY BEGINNING TO GET REALLY PISSED OFF.
SO THE BOYS GO OUT BACK TO BEGIN BUILDING THE SNOWMAN CARTMAN BECOMES BOSSY AS USUAL TELLING KENNY THAT 'I'M BOSS YOU'RE NOT BECAUSE YOUR POOR AND ONLY POOR PEOPLE ARE LABORERS' NOW ABOUT THIS TIME KENNY GETS AN IDEA TO GET BACK AT CARTMAN. WHILE CARTMAN HAS HIS BACK TURNED GETTING THE CARROT FOR THE SNOWMAN'S NOSE KENNY PACKS A ROCK IN A SNOWBALL AND JUST AS CARTMAN TURNS AROUND 'WHAM' AND HITS CARTMAN RIGHT IN THE TEMPLE 'OH MY GOD I'VE KILLED CARTMAN' 'I'M A BASTARD' SAYS KENNY LAUGHING LIKE HELL 'TEACH HIM TO CALL ME POOR THE FAT BASTARD'. ABOUT THIS TIME MS. CARTMAN COMES TO THE BACK DOOR TO CHECK ON THE BOYS AND FINDS ERIC LAYING FLAT ON HIS BACK IN THE SNOW ' WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED' ASKS MS. CARTMAN 'I DON'T KNOW WE GOT INTO A SNOWBALL FIGHT AND HE JUST FELL DOWN' SAYS KENNY.
CHAPTER 2
ERICA CARTMAN
TWO HOURS LATER
AS CARTMAN BEGINS TO WAKE UP TO THE SOUND OF MS. CARTMANS VOICE SAYING ' ERIC, ERIC WAKE UP ARE YOU ALL RIGHT' 'I'M NOT ERIC I'M ERICA' REPLIES CARTMAN 'AND WHY AM I FAT AND MY ROOM ALL BOYISH' BUT 'YOU ARE A BOY' REPLIES MS. CARTMAN 'NO I'M NOT LOOK' SAYS CARTMAN WHILE PULLING DOWN HIS PANTS 'SEE' SAYS CARTMAN 'BUT YOU HAVE A FIREMAN' REPLIES MS. CARTMAN ALL THE WHILE THINKING 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LITTLE POOPIKINS' TIME FOR A VISIT DR. APPLEBOTTOM.
AT DR. APPLEBOTTOM'S OFFICE THE NEWS IS NOT GOOD 'I'M AFRAID THAT ERIC' 'I'M NOT ERIC I'M ERICA' REPLIES CARTMAN
'OK I'M AFRAID THAT ERICA HAS A BAD CASE OF AMNESIA' SAYS DR. APPLEBOTTOM 'WHAT CAN WE DO' ASKS MS. CARTMAN 'THERE IS ONLY ONE THING TO DO' REPLIES DR. APPLEBOTTOM 'WHAT IS IT' ASKS MS. CARTMAN 'YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO LET HIS MEMORY COME BACK ON ITS OWN' 'HER' SAYS CARTMAN.
LATER AS MS. CARTMAN AND ERICA ARE SHOPPING FOR NEW CLOTHES THEY ARE GETTING SOME VERY STRANGE LOOKS FROM THE STORE KEEPERS THEY RUN INTO JIMBO AND NED OUTSIDE THE HUNTING SUPPLY STORE 'HI MS. CARTMAN AND ERIC' SAYS JIMBO 'MY NAME IS ERICA NOT ERIC' SAYS CARTMAN 'WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU TURNED GAY ON US' ASKS JIMBO BEGINNING TO SNICKER 'I'M NOT GAY I'M A GIRL' SAYS CARTMAN BEGINNING TO CRY 'YOU ARE NOT A GIRL YOU ARE GAY' SAYS JIMBO 'YEA GAY' SAYS NED.
'COME ON ERICA' SAYS MS. CARTMAN AND 'YOU' WHIRLING AROUND AT JIMBO AND NED 'YOU BOTH SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES, ERIC HAD AN ACCIDENT AND HAS FORGOTTEN THAT HE IS A BOY' YELLS MS. CARTMAN. 'I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL STAN' SAYS JIMBO 'YES BUT DON'T FORGET KYLE' SAYS NED.
CHAPTER 3
LIKING KENNY
BACK AT CARTMANS HOUSE ERICA IS HAVING A FINE TIME DRESSING UP IN HER NEW CLOTHES AND PLAYING FASHION MODEL.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR AND MS. CARTMAN OPENS THE DOOR TO FIND KENNY HOLDING A BOX OF CANDY AND A BAG OF CHEESY POOFS
'I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW CARTMAN WAS DOING' SAYS KENNY
'WELL I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU' SAYS MS. CARTMAN
AT THAT TIME ERICA PEEKS AROUND MS. CARTMAN TO SEE WHO IS AT THE DOOR AND JUST AS SOON AS SHE LAYS EYES ON KENNY FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM 'ARE YOU MY BOYFRIEND' ASKS ERICA 'NO' YELLS KENNY 'WILL YOU BE' ASKS ERICA 'HELL NO'YELLS KENNY
'WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY WITH ME' ASKS ERICA 'OK BUT JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE' SAYS KENNY ALL THE WHILE THINKING THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN 'WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY HOUSE' ASKS ERICA 'AHHHH OK'
SAYS KENNY.
OUT BACK IN THE CLUBHOUSE ERICA IS JUST SETTING LOOKING AT KENNY REALLY ROMANTICALLY 'WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT' SAYS KENNY 'OH JUST LOOKING AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL EYES' REPLIES ERICA 'SO LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS' SAYS ERICA 'I'M THE MOMMY YOU'RE THE DADDY' 'YOU'RE A RICH LAWYER AND I'M A MODEL' SAYS ERICA. 'OH ERICA ITS TIME FOR YOUR LITTLE FRIEND KENNY TO GO HOME' SAYS 'BUT MOM I DON'T WANT KENNY TO LEAVE PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE CAN'T HE STAY A LITTLE WHILE LONGER' SAYS ERICA 'WELL HE CAN STAY A LITTLE WHILE LONGER' SAYS MS. CARTMAN
IN THE MEANTIME THANKS TO JIMBO AND NED THE WORD HAS SPREAD TO STAN AND KYLE AND THE BOYS PREPARE TO GO TO CARTMAN'S HOUSE.
CHAPTER 4
MAKING THINGS RIGHT
AT CARTMANS HOUSE THINGS ARE BEGINNING TO HEAT UP IN THE CLUBHOUSE AS ERICA TRIES TO GET KENNY TO KISS HER 'KISS ME KENNY' ASKS ERICA 'NOOOOOOOO' YELLS KENNY DODGING ERICA'S ARMS AGAIN 'WHY WON'T YOU KISS ME KENNY' SAYS ERICA AS SHE BEGINS TO CRY 'IS IT BECAUSE I'M FAT, OR BECAUSE I'M UGLY , OR YOU JUST PLAIN HATE ME' 'NO ITS NOT THAT' SAYS KENNY 'THEN WHAT IS IT' WINES ERICA 'ITS JUST THAT.....' SAYS KENNY 'YOU HAVE ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND DON'T YOU' SHOUTS ERICA 'I WISH' SAYS KENNY 'THEN WHAT IS IT DAMMIT' YELLS ERICA 'YOU'RE A BOY' SHOUTS KENNY
'NO I'M NOT I'M A GIRL' SHOUTS ERICA AS SHE RUNS OFF CRYING.
BACK IN THE HOUSE MS. CARTMAN IS ONCE AGAIN ANSWERING A KNOCK AT THE DOOR THERE STANDS STAN AND KYLE 'WHERE IS THE FAT A.... I MEAN CARTMAN' SAYS KYLE 'WELL BOYS HE I MEAN SHE IS OUT BACK PLAYING HOUSE WITH KENNY' SAYS MS. CARTMAN 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE' STAN AND KYLE BOTH YELL 'WELL YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE FOR YOURSELF' SAYS MS. CARTMAN.
OUT BACK STAN AND KYLE CORNER KENNY 'WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO FAT ASS' ASKS STAN 'WELL WE WERE BUILDING A SNOWMAN AND I GOT TIRED OF BEING CALLED POOR BOY AND FAT ASS BEING A BOSSY BASTARD AND I PACKED A ROCK IN A SNOWBALL AND LET HIM HAVE IT' EXPLAINS KENNY 'WELL YOU KNOW WE NEED TO FIX THIS' SAYS KYLE.
THE BOYS COME UP WITH A PLAN TO FIX CARTMAN SO THEY GO INTO THE HOUSE AND EXPLAIN THE PLAN TO MS. CARTMAN 'BUT DR APPLEBOTTOM SAYS TO LET IT RUN ITS COURSE' SAYS MS. CARTMAN
'OK' REPLIES THE BOYS EVERYONE OF THEM HAD THEIR FINGERS CROSSED BEHIND THEIR BACKS.
CHAPTER 5
BACK TO NORMAL
BACK OUTSIDE THE BOYS PUT THEIR PLAN INTO ACTION 'OH ERICA WHERE ARE YOU MY DARLING' SAYS KENNY SWEETLY 'WHAT DO YOU WANT' SOBS ERICA 'WHY DON'T YOU COME AND GIVE YOUR LOVERBOY SOME SUGAR' CRONES KENNY ' BUT YOU SAID THAT I WAS A BOY AND YOU RAN AWAY' SAYS ERICA AS SHE CONTINUES TO SOB 'I'M SORRY BABYDOLL JUST COME HERE AND GIVE ME SOME SWEET LOVIN' SAYS KENNY
'OK' SAYS ERICA.
MEANWHILE STAN AND KYLE HAVE FOUND A GOOD SIZED ROCK AND HAVE GOTTEN IT UP IN THE CLUBHOUSE.
' COME ON SWEETY' SAYS KENNY GETTING ERICA RIGHT UNDERNEATH WHERE STAN AN KYLE HAVE THE ROCK. AS ERICA LEANS IN TO KISS KENNY 'NOW' YELLS KENNY AND STAN AND KYLE LET GO OF THE ROCK WHICH LANDS RIGHT ON TOP OF ERICA'S HEAD.
FOUR HOURS LATER
'OH WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME' MOANS CARTMAN 'I FEEL LIKE I GOT HIT BY A TRAIN' 'YOU HAD AMNESIA' SAYS STAN 'OH' MOANS CARTMAN.
THE NEXT MORNING AT THE BUS STOP KYLE, STAN, AND KENNY ARE DEBATING WHETHER TO TELL CARTMAN THE WHOLE STORY OR NOT AS CARTMAN APPROACHES THEY JUST EXCHANGE LOOKS LIKE AS IF TO SAY NO JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.