Don't Tread On Me, Shepard
Chapter One: The American Way
Hello. My name is Sergeant John Coolidge Washington and I am an American. Damn proud of it too. I joined the US MC the moment I could hold a gun. My dad was the best general of his time. You may have heard of General Patton but I know him as Dad. My scores on all the recruit tests were so outstanding they instantly promoted me to Sergeant much to the jealousy of my peers. Especially Private Josef Osama Castro. He is the most despised soldier in the US army. I suspect he's a Communist spy and I think he will be thrown out any day now. After all, I am General Patton's son. I go to church every Sunday and pray to God(Not mass, I'm not one of those Catholic pussies)
Josef sat on the nearby wall, on his own of course, and stared at John who was doing pull-ups in the nearby tent. Everyone cheered him on and Josef sighed. If only my father wasn't Fidel Castro he thought. I wish I didn't have to be a spy. I look across at John and his crew-cut blonde hair shines in the bright sunlight. His rippiling biceps flex as he lifts himself up the bar. His grey vest is stained with sweat and is ripping from the weight of the man within.(No slash here btw. certainly no gay slash anyway)
His perfectly tanned skin makes all the FEmale soldiers get lady boners(or whatever God gave them instead).
"Come on, John! You can do it!" yelled Richard Kennedy, John's best friend since they were children. John sometimes wished he could have Richard's father, George Bush Sr. His brother George was pretty fun too.
Commander Armstrong came up and said, "ALRIGHT, MAGGOTS! MOVE IT TO YOUR STATIONS!" Everyone ran away except for John, who was still doing exercise.
"John, could you please stop your exercise for a moment?" Everyone was always nice to me because of my dad but I told them to treat me like a normal American soldier.
John got down and saluted the commander. Meanwhile, Josef too out his spy camera and began spying on them.
"Please come with me, John."
John followed the commander and Josef sneakily followed them both.
John was taken to a tent that he reckognised. The Food Hall. The pictures of famous presidents were hung on the walls. John saluted all of them as he went by. He could have sworn the picture of Patton winked at him. Josef was still following sneakily. Patton scowled at him and Josef looked away in fright.
Finally, they came to the picture of the current president, Barack Obama. John didn't like him but saluted anyway. The commander said, "God Bless The United States" and a door opened. The commander and John entered. John turned around. He could've sworn he heard someone. Josef slipped through sneakily before the door closed.
"Damn immigrants." said the Obama picture.
John followed the commander through the dark tunnels. He wasn't scared because he knew he was on American soil. Eventually, they came to a room with loads of cryo pods.
The commander walked up to one and told John to get in.
"But why?" asked John.
"We have to continue the Patton line for the future. Any female in the future will want you, buddy."
Meanwhile, Josef was sneaking into another cryo-pod. He lay next to Thomas Jefferson as he went into stasis.(Yes, he's going to be the evil guy!)
"God bless you, sir." John saluted to his commander one last time.
"And god bless the USA." replied the Commander before the cryo pod shut and John fell asleep and woke up again instantly to a man with a grizzled beard looking over him.
"Wake up. The Reapers are here."
Authors Note: Yes, I have tamepered with the ME universe a bit but it shouldn't be noticeable! I have played all the ME games as Lance Shepard and he will be appearing in the next one. I romanced Ashley, then Tali and finally Liara. Like a stud ;)
Until the next time.
-God Bless the USA
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