Disclaimer: I own nothing. Arrow and its characters are owned by The CW and DC Comics. I am just taking them out for a spin...
Empty. Numb and empty is how she is feeling after their talk. She's not even sure how she managed to focus long enough to get herself home in one piece, but apparently she did as she surveys her kitchen and living room. She goes to her bedroom, strips out of her purple A-line dress and heels, grabs her fluffy Batman robe and a glass of red wine before heading to the bathroom to start running a hot bath. She debates whether or not to grab the pint of Moose Tracks Mint Chip in her fridge to complete the wallowing she fully intends to allow herself once she steps into her tub, and thinks better of it. She can always grab some afterwards if she decides to curl up in front of the TV and watch any number of shows currently filling up her DVR queue.
After settling into the tub and gulping down half of the wine she poured herself, Felicity lets the tears come. Slowly at first, but as she sits there and reflects on the last 72 hours, they increase in size and volume till she is a heaving, quivering mess of emotions. Anger. Pain. Heartbreak. Frustration. Disappointment. Grief. They all make an appearance as she releases all of them with her tears.
God she hates Oliver Queen some times. The amount of heartbreak, man-pain and drama that man has brought into her lives rivals that of some of her favorite TV shows - only this is real life and it sucks majorly. She knows she did the right thing in walking away, but she also now has to find out a way to live with the knowledge that he really does love her. She only wishes that his love was strong enough to fight back his fear and self loathing.
Finishing her wine and her bath, Felicity unplugs the drain and gets up slowly, feeling the physical and emotional fatigue hit her as she reaches for one of her soft, purple, fluffy towels. Quickly drying herself off, she wraps the towel around her waist and walks into her bedroom to get her pajamas so she can try and get some sleep.
As tired as she is, her brain doesn't want to shut off. It keeps going over their breakup and subsequent first kiss. Of all the ways she imagined kissing Oliver for the first time, reality was so much more unexpected - both in the experience and the cause of the kiss. It was wonderfully bittersweet as she felt him confess all the things he could never seem to put into words for her. For a brief moment she was allowed a glimpse of what it was like to be loved by Oliver Queen, and it was like coming home. Now she had to live with the reality that she would most likely never get to be the one to love him the way he deserved to be loved, all the while knowing that in his own broken way he loved her. It isn't enough, and as much as she may want to keep clinging to the maybes he's been tossing her direction, she knows her heart can't continue down that path without becoming even more damaged than it currently is now.
She doesn't want to move on, but knows for her own sanity and self-esteem she needs to start exploring the possibility. She's let Oliver's crusade over run her life, and as passionately as she feels about helping the city, she knows now she will have to learn how to mask her heart from him in order to keep the team from falling apart.
A noise in her bedroom startles Felicity out of her slumber. Without her glasses the room looks a bit hazy, but she soon lands on a very large, green, leather clad vigilante standing just outside her now open window. Picking up her glasses so she can better see him, she is surprised to see him hunched over with his shoulders shaking, and his head tilted towards the floor.
"Felicity. It's Sara. She's gone," he calls out hoarsely.
"What do you mean by gone, Oliver?" she asks.
"She was shot with three black arrows and fell off of a five story building shortly after meeting up with Laurel tonight. I don't know what to do Felicity."
Tears well up in her eyes at his words as she strangles out, "Oh God no. Not Sara."
Getting out of bed, Felicity comes and stands in front of Oliver, slides off his hood and removes his mask, revealing his bloodshot eyes and tearstained cheeks. Slowly she unzips his jacket and slides it off of his shoulders before laying it on a chair that is currently holding her empty laundry basket. Turning back around she draws him in for a tight hug and lets the emotions that are bubbling to the surface pour out of her.
She is not sure how long they both stand there wrapped up in each other's embrace, but when she finally draws back to look up at him again, she is struck by the pain, grief and heartbreak that is written across his face. "Come," she says. "Lay down with me and rest. We will deal with everything else in the morning."
"I'm not sure that is a good idea Felicity. As much as I want to, given everything we've been through in the last couple of days, I think it best if I don't. Can I stay on your couch instead?"
"Sure, if that is what you want. It has a hide-a-bed in it if you want to use it. Let me grab you some sheets and a spare blanket."
She quickly went to her linen closet and pulled out sheets, a pillow and an extra large blue velour blanket for Oliver to use. When she turns around to head into the living room, she finds Oliver standing right in front of her, blue eyes piercing straight into her heart. He grabs the linens and sets them on the chair before striding back, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. He lets his head fall to her hair and inhales her scent – slightly sweet and fruity and so completely her. He raises his hand and cups her cheek, lightly stroking her jaw with his thumb.
"I love you," he whispers in her ear before leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"I love you too Oliver. All of you. The Arrow you. Oliver Queen you. Even Ollie you, although I love him least of all. It is in the totality of who you are that makes you the man I respect, admire and love. Now go get some rest. We have a lot of work to do in the morning."
Cupping her face with his hands, Oliver says to her, "Thank you. You've always taken such good care of me. It's one of the things that make you so remarkable. Goodnight Felicity."
"FYI, the coffee maker auto starts at 7am, so if you wake to the smell or hear any odd sounds in the kitchen, that's what it is. Try and sleep, for all our sakes. A grumpy you is even more of a pain in the ass than the normal brooding you. Night Oliver."
They both went to their respective beds with the goal of trying to catch a couple more hours of rest before they start hunting for Sara's killer.
Now the real work begins.