A Midsummer Night's Spoof

By Lassy Luna

Based on the Shakespearian play,

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Luna Lovegood and Ron Weasley have been lovers for quite some time, however, Luna's father, Angelo, has already decided that Draco Malfoy would make her perfect suitor. Hermione Granger—one of Luna's friends—is madly in love with Draco but he scorns her very existence.

Remus Lupin is soon to marry Nypmphodora Tonks but she isn't impressed with how he treats the four students who are madly in love. In the mean time, the King and Queen of fairies who live deep inside the Forbidden Forrest, are having relationship troubles of their own.

Chapter One: Denied Love

The Great Hall was deserted. Not a single student was sitting in the darkened room and only the outside moonlight shone through the bewitched ceiling of the dining room. There was a calm and sedated feeling in the air, which was shortly interrupted by the arrival of Remus Lupin—the Current Head Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry— Nypmphodora Tonks and the floating portrait of the late Albus Dumbledore. A few scatted house elves followed.

Remus began to speak, slightly tiredly but not before looking up at the sky and noticing that the moon was nearly full. "Dearest, Tonks. Our arranged day draws ever closer. In four days time a full moon will have passed and a new one shall arrive, yet I dread it's very presence!" he continued. "She lingers my desires and for long has withered my heart."

Tonks smiled kindly. "Four days will soon pass, Remus. It will only be brief and will quickly wear away. You shall find yourself at my side once more, soon enough," she clutched his hand for a moment and he then loosened it.

"Albus! Alert the portraits and stir up the ghosts," Remus spoke to the hovering portrait of Dumbledore and he floated away without speaking. "Tonks," he said turning back to his lover, "I somehow wooed you with my bite and won your love by mutating but I love every minute you spend with me," he finalised.

Suddenly, their conversation is cut short because of an eruption of argumentative speech from four new arrivals. Luna Lovegood's eyes are paled with tears as she is pulled from her hooded school robes to her Head Master by her father, Angelo. Two other students, a year older than the girl, rush behind as the angered father pulls her with him. The first is Ronald Weasley, a tall, lanky boy with fiery red hair and a freckly face. The last follower is Draco Malfoy, an equally tall boy, yet slightly better built, with matted blonde hair and pale eyes. A very similar looking boy to Luna.

Angelo wasted no time. "Remus, the renowned Head Master of this school!" he exclaimed.

Remus shook hands with the angered parent, fully aware that he had arrived at the school earlier that day and had been avoiding him. "Thanks, Angelo, my old friend. What news do you have for me?" he asked briskly, trying to ignore Luna's whimpers.

"I come with a rather hefty complaint, I am afraid. My only child—my daughter—Luna," his voice was far from quiet, "Draco, my fine lad, come here," the blonde haired boy moved to Luna's fathers side, "this boy has my consent to marry Luna when she is of age," he seemed restless in his speech. "Get here, Ron!" the girls father almost spat his name, "this boy has bewitched my daughter! He has obviously given her some kind of love potion and exchanges romantic notes and small tokens of his affection with her. I have on good authority heard that he spends endless nights in the Ravenclaw Common Room with her and she now swims in a world of unrealistic fantasy!" he took breath for a moment. "This boy has challenged the goodness in my daughters soul and if she does not consent to marry Draco, rather than this boy," he gestured to Ron, "then you must allow me to dispose of her as she is mine and this gentleman's," he pointed to a rather smug looking Draco, "she shall marry Draco or receive the Dementors kiss."

Remus appeared slightly taken aback but the girls father was far from rational. "What say you, Luna," he began quickly and in whisper, "Be advised, my good student. To you, you father should appear as a god. It was he who gave you life and he feels that he can take what he gave you, back. Be cautious with your answer. Draco is a worthy boy," he said somewhat reluctantly.

Luna spoke for the first time and her voice trembled, "So is, Ron!"

Remus could not deny that Ron was not one of the nicest boys in the school but her father was obviously expecting more. "In himself, he is," The Head Master admitted, "but in your fathers voice, you must be satisfied with the worthier," Ron's jaw dropped.

"Well," Luna's voice picked up slightly, "perhaps my father should look through my eyes," she glared at the people around her.

"Your father considers his judgement to be best and for sure, you must rest with the acceptance of his opinion," he didn't rush his words.

"Professor—please forgive me but I don't understand what power he feels that he holds me by!" Luna's moon-like eyes reflected Remus' face. "And I don't see how it should affect me. As my father seems to think you have a say in this matter, I beg to know what my worst should be if I deny the marriage to Draco?" her eyes were glossy with tears and she pulled her hand over her blond plait.

Remus looked pained. "Either to receive what your father has decided upon you—the Dementors Kiss—or to forever live a life without men. Luna, you must question your desires and examine your blood," he sighed, "if you decide not to marry Draco, I will see that you are protected from him by sending you to a convent. There you will live the life of a Muggle without magic or men and with only the essentials to keep you alive. Endless hours you will spend, chanting under a full moon to a God that has never even been proven to exist," Remus' intentions were only good and far safer than her father's relief.

Luna's voice was still croaky and she didn't seem to care for the words that were about to escape her lips. "So will I grow, so live, so die, Professor," she stammered, "I shall not give up on the one who I adore with my life. My life so shall it be, I would rather spare than love another."

"Think about your words, Luna," Remus said, rubbing his worn eyes, "by the next new moon I shall expect an answer worthier to more than your heart," he gestured slightly, "That day, be prepared to loose your soul as you so wish, for unless you are to marry Draco, your fathers wishes will be met and your short life will have been in vein," he continued sadly.

Draco stepped forward. "My, Luna," she glared at him, "please reconsider-- for you are as suited to me as honey is to bee," she rose her eyebrow and Ron made sick noises. "Weasley, back off and keep your hands away from what is rightly mine!"

Ron glared at Draco aggressively. "You obviously fancy her father, Malfoy. Will you not let her fancy me?" he shouted and Luna stifled a giggle with her hand as Ron's ears turned pink.

Luna's father whipped forward. "It is true that he has my blessing—something that you shall never gain from my mouth. As she is mine," he gestured to his daughter, "it is in my right to give her to, Draco!" he shouted aggressively.

"Sir," Ron hissed, "My blood is as pure as his. Recent events have made me as wealthy as he is," each time he spoke, Ron glared at Draco, "the only difference between us, other than the fact I have some decency, is that I have Luna's love! I will fight for her so be it! A wizard's duel to the end. Yet I have the dirt on him, he is not as what he seems. Sir. That man who you have given your daughter permission to marry is no good. One of my best friends—Hermione Granger—is madly in love with him after he praised her very existence," he said this with slight disgust.

Remus tried to shift the balance of despair in the room. "I must confess, Ron, that you make as equal a point as any and from what you have said—although it is no business purely of mine—your friend should certainly reconsider her paths. I must leave now and Angelo, Draco, I wish for you to come with me as there is something we must speak about. As for you, Luna, I must insist that look upon your fathers offer for if you do wish to do your fathers bidding, your soul will be spared. If not," Remus' voice trailed off. "Come, Tonks," he turned to the pink-haired woman, who was glaring at him with almost pure hate, "what's wrong, my dear?" he asked, noticing the frown, "we must find something to cheer you up," he added, "Draco, Mr Lovegood."

Everyone left, leaving the distraught Luna sitting beside the Gryffindor table and Ron standing above her. He looked down and offered her his hand yet she remained on the floor, unaware of him but still sensing his presence.

"What now, my Luna?" You're so white! Never has a rose paled so quickly. Surely you do not believe that I would let them—"

"The tears in my eyes speak for us both. Do not pretend to not see what is written so clearly," she turned her head and stared up at him.

"We always knew there would be some problems. Love is such a peculiar thing and it's not meant to run smoothly," he added. "If only I had been born—"

"It's just not fair!" Luna cried as he pulled her to her feet.

"I know," he replied back.

"We live in a time when stuff like this is outlawed!" she moaned.

"You'd think!"

"Oh, hell! What has become of life and love?" Luna rested herself into Ron's side and he put his arm around her.

"There was little sympathy in Remus' voice; yet, I feel he tried. War, death and sickness, seems less hard than love," he sighed, "so quickly has confusion arrived. We must think of a solution," he paused.

"Nobody believes that love can remain true—not in a time of war. They don't understand. They believe that love is just a dream, so easily devoured by the darkness," she wiped her hand over her eyes.

"Luna. A thought has just struck me," he released her from the embrace, "I have a muggle aunt, widowed," he began, "I was always her favourite and she is fortunate in every way. She thinks of me as a son and lives but a few miles away. If we were to hide in the Forbidden Forest and cross through to the other side, we could escape all of this," he hoped and even the thought of giant spiders wasn't enough to scare him. "Luna. You must marry me now—despite our ages—because I will not let you be harmed in any way," Luna went to speak but he stopped her, "Luna, wait for me by the edge of the forest tomorrow evening, beside Hagrid's Hut. From there we will leave and when we return, be bound forever!"

"Ron!" Luna practically fell around his shoulders as he kissed her on the forehead. "I swear by all the Thestrals that pull the schools carriages. I swear on the lives of all the Crumple-Horned Snorckacks that ever graced the planet. I promise on all the Gulping Plimpsies that I have ever seen, that I will wait for you under the full moon. Rain or fine. Dull or shine."

"Your promise means the world to me, Luna. Don't threat—here's Hermione. I am sure she will settle you!" Ron said cheerfully as he waved to his friend.

"How are you, Hermione?" Luna asked pleasantly but sensing the strangeness in her tone and because she had heard the end of their conversation, Hermione turned to leave, "why do you wish to leave so soon?"

Hermione glared at Luna. "You ask me why I wish to leave?" she snapped, "because Draco would do anything for and with you, yet every time my name is mentioned or I try to speak to him, he shoes me away and I see your heart in his eyes!" her tone saddened slightly, "oh for why I could not be like you? Born and bred in such the way that made you worthy for him and not I. If only my blood was as pure as the liquid that runs through your veins. If only the Polyjuice potion could do more than disguise."

"I hate him," Luna assured Hermione, "I'd gladly let you have him if only he would go."

"Oh if only it could be so."

"I curse and swear yet he leaves me extravagant gifts," Luna added.

"If only he would read me in the same way."

"The more I hate him, the more he wants me," Luna moaned.

"The more I try to love him, the more he hurts me."

Luna turned to face Hermione. "It's not my fault if he can't resist me," she complained. "He is no fault of mine."

"But if I were you, he would love me," Hermione sighed.

"Hermione, do not threat for Draco will no longer be able to see my face," Luna said cunningly, "Myself and Ron are going to leave this place and get married not too far away. For a while heaven was turned into hell but now it seems that we will remain happy after all!" she exclaimed.

Ron, who had been listening to their words, smiled slightly, his complete trust resting with Hermione. "Hermione, do you not see how we wish to be?" he asked her, "Luna and I are in love and if it is Malfoy who you wish to crave upon, I'm not going to stop you but for now you must remain silence. Please, my friend!" he didn't seem to think there was a problem.

Luna spoke once again. "We will flee through the wood where you and I have spent many days hovering around. We shall sleep on the grass and feed off the flowers, until we pass through to the other side," Luna informed her friend, "Unless we do return to Hogwarts, we will seek a new life and make new friends. Ron, do not forget our promise and Hermione good luck with Draco, when he sees what kind of a person you are he will forget his troubles. Till tomorrow, Ron," Luna said sweetly, as she left her lover and Hermione.

"Good bye, Hermione," Ron said, "As you love Draco, I hope he shall soon love you!" he didn't seem too sure but left the room before she could complain.

Hermione sighed and spoke softly to herself. "How happy some can find themselves. I was always considered just as pretty as she—more so in most cases. Draco does not like me for my heritage and I cannot fault him on that. It was the way he was brought up. I admire him, yet she scorns him and still, he stares at her with those puppy-dog eyes that I so desperately imagine watching me. Perhaps I could gain his affections? I shall tell him of Luna and Ron and their plans to set flight. Then, he will pursue her in the wood and I will gain his thanks. He will give me credit for her expense!" Hermione said, her attitude more pleasing. "Go now, I shall and forget the pain!"

Hermione looked around the room for a moment and finally looked as though she had gone utterly mad. Moving extremely quickly, she abandoned the Great Hall and left for the Gryffindor Common Room, where she would ponder in her thoughts and dream about Draco.