She was broken, even more so than anyone thought possible. Brucas (eventually).

xxxx

I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

xxxx

She put on her sunglasses and walked Jaime to where Nathan and Haley were waiting. They reached out a hand towards her though she only took a step back. Shaking her head to the question their eyes asked.

Somehow she had managed to stop crying though she was sure a single touch would change her conviction.

She felt all hot and shame flushed her body. She was supposed to be strong. She was supposed to hold Jaime as he said goodbye to his friend. Instead she found him squeezing her hand to show her she still existed. Showing her it was going to be okay.

She made it to her car and managed to drive a mile or so from the graveyard before falling apart once again. Sobs shook her small frame.

She had made it three days without crying. Without mourning everything she had lost. It felt like she had been carrying the grief for a lifetime but really it was only three days.

Three days of no sleep. Three days of over sized sun glasses and dresses that managed to just cover up all the shame she was trying to hide. Three days of imagining foreign hands cruelly roaming her body. Three days of jumping at the slightest touch. Three days of silence that was surely going to drive her insane.

Her hands trembled as she reached into her purse. She had done everything according to the law. The gun was registered. She had passed the background check. Though the man had hesitated when she had revealed the bruises that covered her face but an extra 100 had quickly changed his mind again.

She released the safety in her lap. It felt so heavy. Like the gun itself objected to being in her delicate and bruised hands.

She imagined, only for a moment, how cool the gun would feel against her throbbing head. How quickly she could feel at peace again. The control she would regain in that moment.

She suddenly felt so guilty for the thought. Her friends were already mourning so much. She couldn't add to their burden.

She quickly put the gun away, her hands trembling even more. The realization that ending it all had calmed her, even for only a second, scared her more than anything else.

Revenge, that was all she needed. All she wanted.

She quieted the voice in her head that told her revenge would only leave her emptier…

xxxx

Victoria looked at her with such disconcern Brooke was shaken.

Her mother had had no reaction to the bruising which littered her daughter's face.

Even the presence of the gun had not shaken her. She merely laughed.

"You're not strong enough to do it. People like you don't have the backbone to do what they need to."

And though Victoria hadn't said the words Brooke knew she had planned the attack. The heartless look in her eyes told Brooke that Victoria would do anything to get what she wanted, what she felt entitled to.

"You're out of my life. I'm taking the company. I'm going to come up with new sketches and you are going to have no part in anything I do anymore."

She thought she said the words with conviction but Victoria only continued to smile.

"It's too late Brooke. The Board has already sided with me. Given your recent state they think it is perhaps better if you step aside and allow the company to be in more responsible hands."

"Responsible…" she chocked out, "You paid someone to attack me."

Victoria shook her head, "And who knows? What proof do you have? Who in their right minds would believe a mother would have this done to her daughter?"

She signaled limply to the bruises though no emotions played across her face.

"I didn't do this to myself," she yelled though there was no point. Her mother has already turned to pour herself another glass of Chardoney.

"You've been known to have questionable taste in men, I remember numerous occasions on which the principal told me of your habit of undressing in random boy's cars. You were bound to get yourself into trouble eventually…"

Brooke shook with anger and fear. The threads she was clinging to were breaking one by one.

The attacker's hands seem to find her again and pull her to the ground. She felt helpless once again.

"You're my mother. How could you do that to me?"

She somehow managed to get something out; though she knew in this situation it had no bearing. Being a mother was always Victoria's last priority.

She can't seem to speak anymore and by the look in Victoria's eyes she knows her mother can nearly read her mind. She knows she's always been easy prey for her mother. The insecurities no one else saw seemed to shine in her mother's eyes.

"I was young and beautiful once. I wanted my own clothing line and instead I fell in love and that man I loved managed to knock me up," she looked at Brooke in the eyes, her hand swirling the alcoholic drink, "I didn't want children but he wanted a boy. A boy to play basketball with, to teach to catch to. So I conceded. I'd let him have his boy and I'd be done with it."

She pauses to take a sip though the fervor was still present in her eyes, "And once I got fat he started fucking everything in sight. And then you were born and he wanted nothing to do with you but I had already given up my dream. It was too late. But now, now I am not sitting back and letting it go again for you."

She holds back the tears though Victoria had already seen her falter. It hadn't seemed possible but she felt even more broken.

"A friend of my friends' died today and I tried to feel their grief but I couldn't. All I felt was numb. Numb and the need for revenge. And I thought that was okay. I thought I could live with that person but if that person makes me into you I don't want it. You can have the company. I want you of my life. I'll sign the papers; just don't ever come find me. Today you get your dream in exchange for your daughter."

Victoria laughed softly again, "Sweetie, I've already taken it from you. You have nothing. People like you always just sit back and let everyone else take what they deserve," she walked toward Brooke and handed her the gun, "And you think you are someone. Look at your life Brooke, those friends see what I see. Something they can use because you will never be anything more to them than a commodity. You have nothing I need now. I don't need you."

Victoria began to walk out the door before she turned around once again, "And please Brooke dear, don't try and pretend anything you lost was of value to you. You gave your decency away a long time ago."

Brooke stood in the middle of the room terrified of the thoughts running through her mind.

The gun fell slowly to the floor. Nothing seemed to fill her insides and she felt powerless to even breathe.

Was there even a point?

xxxx

The rain poured down hard as Brooke knocked on the door.

She wasn't sure why she had come here but it was the only place she could think of.

Haley opened the door hesitantly, unsure of who would be at her doorstep this late.

"Oh God, Brooke."

She grabbed the brunette fiercely, sure if she let go she'd disappear.

"Where have you been?" she cried into her wet hair, "Where have you been?"

Brooke felt numb though she slowly wrapped her arms around Haley.

It had been four months since she had been in Tree Hill.

"Please save me," she whispered.

xxxx

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

xxxx

Sia, "Breathe Me" lyrics

This is going to be a twist on the attack storyline. It's set in the future with some other things going on as well. There will be plenty of Brucus, though it'll be a progression from friendship to more.

This is my first OTH fic so I'd love any thoughts (constructive preffered though). You should also know I haven't watched the series regularly (I can't stand Leyten/Pucas) so there might be some inaccuracies in regards to past events. Thanks for reading and I'd love a review.