I originally attended to write this as a one part story but life is really getting in the way at the moment (and annoyingly not in the good way) and I'd have to spend so long making sure the pace worked and it flowed right and was in the correct order...yeah that's too frustrating right now so I decided to post multiple chapter style. Please note that this story will not have a linear structure and some of the events that take place may not even be real. I am most likely not making sense and I hope that this is assessable. Enough of me babbling and onto the story...
What it is To Burn
"Hi Ron, missed you." Roxy busied herself emptying the browning flowers into the bin and replacing them with a freshly bought bouquet, arranging them with deliberant attention. She moved out of habit, she had done the same routine every time she visited trying to ignore the futile nature of the situation. She tried to avoid looking at her sister for too long out of fear that she would not be able to hold back her tears.
"We all miss you. Aunt Peg will try and visit soon. She's just got a lot on at the pub right now but we're all fine." She wanted to tell Ronnie that Amy had said her first whole sentence just a few days ago but sharing any information about the little girl seemed too dangerous. Her name alone was tainted with so much pain and regret.
She pulled a box of chocolates from her bag, Ronnie's favourites and she hopped they would tempt into eating more regularly.
"Got you these. Oh and the cutest tracksuit that I might have to keep for myself." Roxy carried on talking as she unpacked not expecting a response from Ronnie. The smell of disinfectant and mothballs made her feel a little nauseous.
With everything unpacked she turned and sighed loudly as she examined her sister. Sometimes the days of catatonic stillness were worse than the paranoid hysteria when she spent hours screaming and hiding in the corner of the room until she had to be sedated. At least then it was like part of her sister had survived. Looking at her now, sat cross legged on her simple bed her back against the wall she may as well be dead.
Her stillness was painful to watch, it was easy to miss the slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, eyes open and cloudy, staring blankly ahead. The skin over her violent cheekbones pulled tight and chalky. She looked like a tragic statue.
The burning sense of loss was something Roxy did not think would ever go away. She never was very good at looking after anyone, not even herself. She was terrified that she could not be enough for her sister. That she would just let her down again.
She had always shared everything with Ronnie but her sister had never been able to do the same. She should have seen this coming but Ronnie's behaviour seemed to change so gradually that Roxy had not noticed. Maybe she had not wanted to notice and there was always a new tragedy to explain anything bizarre.
She had stood by as Ronnie slipped away. The day she first feared for her sisters sanity played in her head every time she closed her eyes. It had been like the world had ended when Ronnie had been admitted and Roxy was so angry. She was not sure who she was angry at, maybe everyone including herself. She wanted to inform the doctors, the people whispering about the latest Mitchell drama back at the square that her sister was more than the confused shell of a woman locked in a faceless hospital room.
She knelt down in front of the bed, the titled floor uncomfortable under her knees and tried in vain to will her sister to acknowledge her presence. Blue eyes stared right through her and Ronnie's hand was cold as she attentively touched it. She wanted to pull Ronnie into a hug and shake her till she woke up in equal measure.
"Please come back to me Ron. I just want you to come home."