Title: Therapy for Losers
Disclaimer: No! No! No! I do not own PJO! (Hey, that rhymes!)
Author: None other than yours truly, Heejung! Although recently I've decided to romanize my name so it's Hee Jung, which is what it's supposed to be.
Summary: Mix in a few characters from PJO, a therapist, an arrest, name confusion, angst, and jackalope threats. What do you get? Therapy for losers! Threeshot.
So there's no confusion:
Voice 1 is Angela Denoto, therapist, OC, named after a character from another book
Voice 2 is Percy
Voice 3 is Thalia
Voice 4 is Nico
Voice 5 is Luke
Voice 6 is Annabeth
Voice 7: Grover
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The following was found in the desk drawers of Angela Denoto, a well-known therapist, shortly after her death. The first is a long tape recorder conversation involving strangely odd people…
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VOICE 1: Hello. My name is Angela Denoto.
VOICE 2: Um, hi? I kinda figured that because of your nametag and all.
VOICE 1: So…
VOICE 2: So what?
VOICE 1: Your name is…?
VOICE 2: Percy.
VOICE 1: We would prefer your full name, please.
VOICE 2: Perseus Poseidon Jackson.
VOICE 1: I suppose your mother really liked Greek mythology.
VOICE 2: Um, you could say that…I guess. She especially liked particular one sea god in the Greek mythology.
VOICE 1: You look uncomfortable. Would you like another chair?
VOICE 2: No! No! It's all right.
(Twenty-five second pause)
VOICE 1: I hope you realize why you're in here.
VOICE 2: I'm in here because I tried to defend myself.
VOICE 1: Excuse me?
VOICE 2: Self-defense!
VOICE 1: I wouldn't call it that.
VOICE 2: Let me explain things. You see, I was just walking around with some friends of mine when this guy comes and attacks me and threatens to kill me. I had to defend myself! I didn't even try to hurt the little guy! Then Luke comes up with that weird sword, Backbiter, and he goes wild! Do you expect me not to defend myself?
(Noise of shifting papers)
VOICE 1: According to this, several eyewitnesses claim that the little boy yelled that you had murdered his sister previously.
VOICE 2: No. No, I didn't.
VOICE 1: You don't sound very sure.
VOICE 2: She died, all right, but I didn't kill her. But it was my fault, I think. I let her go, and I promised Nico that I would protect her. That's just as bad, isn't it?
VOICE 1: Can you please tell me exactly what happened at the time of his sister's death?
VOICE 2: No.
VOICE 1: Why not?
VOICE 2: You won't believe me.
VOICE 1: Try me.
VOICE 2: Fine! (Mutters something indistinguishable.) You see, some friends and I were in part of a quest that the Oracle sent of on because Kronos kidnapped my friend and the goddess Artemis, and I-
VOICE 1: I want the truth.
VOICE 2: I am telling the truth! Whose bright idea was it to send us to a freaking therapist?
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VOICE 1: Hello.
VOICE 3: I'm calling my lawyer.
VOICE 1: Very well, then. We will give you a phone shortly. Would you please answer my questions?
VOICE 3: No.
VOICE 1: Please state your name.
VOICE 3: No.
VOICE 1: Your name is Thalia, correct?
VOICE 3: I know my rights.
VOICE 1: Thalia…
VOICE 3: I am serious. You can't do this to the lieutenant of the Hunters of Artemis!
VOICE 1: Hunters of Artemis?
VOICE 3: Forget it. (Now muttering) Stupid Percy. Whose bright idea was it to make us walk in broad daylight the day before his sixteenth birthday?
VOICE 1: I don't know what you're talking about.
VOICE 3: When Arte…I mean my lawyer. Sorry, I meant lawyer. Don't look at me like that. When my lawyer returns, you'll be a jackalope.
VOICE 1: (slightly strained voice) Is that a threat?
VOICE 3: Nope.
VOICE 1: According to this, you pulled out a real bow and arrow set and attempted to shoot someone with it.
VOICE 3: Little traitor had it coming. I can't believe I used to like him.
VOICE 1: You are talking irrationally. I seriously recommend for you to tell the truth.
VOICE 3: (Ignoring completely) Back then, Luke used to be my hero. But now, he's…
VOICE 1: Do you have any history of any disorders?
VOICE 3: I need my lawyer.
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VOICE 1: Please sit down.
VOICE 4: Thank you.
VOICE 1: Your name is Nico di Angelo, correct?
VOICE 4: Yes, ma'am.
VOICE 1: You seem like a polite young man.
VOICE 4: Yes, ma'am. My sister always told me to be polite to adults.
VOICE 1: You don't seem like the kind of person who would attempt to kill four teenagers standing around.
VOICE 4: I'm not a teenager yet, ma'am. I'm twelve.
VOICE 1: Ah, yes.
VOICE 4: Look, Angela. I can call you Angela, right? Thanks. Anyway, Angela, I can assure you that I have a perfectly good reason to do what I did. I was an orphan. Actually, my dad was a big, powerful, important man and I was his bastard. My sister and I weren't even supposed to be born. Our mother died and our father didn't even bother to look after us. Then my sister died, and the very person who promised to protect her could've prevented her death. But he didn't. He was too cowardly.
VOICE 1: You are talking about Perseus Poseidon Jackson?
VOICE 4: Yeah. Not just him, but Thalia, too. She was on the quest. But mostly Percy.
VOICE 1: You associate, Luke, claims that Percy is a threat. A threat to what?
VOICE 4: A threat to my sanity.
VOICE 1: Nico. I'm not fooled by your acting skills. My daughter took acting classes ,and I can see that your eyes are shifting to the right, which means you are lying or feel that you are lying slightly in the very least. (AN: Or was it to the left? I forgot.)
VOICE 4: (Loses charm) Oh yeah? Stupid little mortal. What can you do about that? It's not my fault that some stupid mortal police hauls us off to a stupid mortal therapist who can't even do anything. Jump off a cliff. When Kronos rises to full power, I'll be there by his side, his favorite grandkid. I will avenge Bianca.
VOICE 1: You and your associates-
VOICE 4: Percy, Thalia, Annabeth, and Grover are not my associates. Enemies all the way!
VOICE 1: Yes. You enemies and associate seem to have an unhealthy obsession with Greek mythology. You talk about Kronos as if he was real.
VOICE 4: He is real, and don't you forget that.
Noises outside
VOICE 1: What is that?
VOICE 4: Probably Thalia strangling Luke.
(Muffled, distant shouting followed by a sound that seems like an arrow whistling past someone and hitting the wall.)
VOICE 4: Definitely Thalia strangling Luke.
VOICE 1: Oh dear.
VOICE 4: Don't get up, Angela. It doesn't matter. They're gonna stop soon, anyway.
VOICE 1: Are you really twelve years old?
VOICE 4: If you really go by years, I'm almost in my hundreds. No wait, I mean I'm getting close to my eighties or nineties. It's kind of hard keeping track.
(Pause.)
VOICE 1: Please. Can you pass me that bottle of Tylenol?
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VOICE 1: Thank you for volunteering to come back.
VOICE 2: Had to. Couldn't stand being around Thalia and Luke. I had to get away.
VOICE 1: Ah, yes. Back to business. Eyewitnesses have stated that you took out a ballpoint pen and tried to stab Luke with it. Why is that?
VOICE 2: Riptide is not just a pen. He's my sword, the only balanced sword, and an actual gift from my father.
VOICE 1: Percy. Look, I want to be your friend.
VOICE 2: Well, you're not being really friendly. You're trying to interrogate me, aren't you?
VOICE 1: Have you been in jail before?
VOICE 2: Uh…no.
VOICE 1: Percy…
VOCIE 2: Does being the target for a nationwide manhunt count?
VOICE 1: I'm being serious.
VOICE 2: You want me to be honest, then? Fine. I've had a troubled past, I guess. For a long time, I thought that Dad was dead. Then my two uncles, Dad's brothers who really hate each other by the way, accused me of crimes I didn't do, and it took a while before my name got cleared. Then my cousin Luke Then I found out I had a half-brother who was kind of…big. Then my cousin Thalia comes back after she was…gone for a long time. Then I met my other cousins, Bianca and Nico di Angelo. Bianca died and Nico blamed me.
VOICE 1: Wait. Thalia, Luke, and Nico are your cousins?
VOICE 2: Yeah. But I don't really think of them that way much. If you want to get technical about it, Thalia is my father's brother's daughter. Nico is my father's other brother's son. Luke's father is Thalia's half-sister, so I guess Luke is my father's brother's son's son. Annabeth is like that, except she's my father's brother's daughter's daughter.
VOICE 1: Please, tell us about this "Kronos" whom others think is alive.
VOICE 2: Look, I'd rather not talk about it. I'd probably slip up. Ask Annabeth when its her turn. She's the smart one.
VOICE 1: Are you fond of Grover, Annabeth, and Thalia?
VOICE 2: Yeah. They're my friends.
VOICE 1: No romantic inclinations to either Annabeth or Thalia, or maybe even that dear sister Nico mentioned, Bianca? Possibly Annabeth? It is said that you were especially protecting her. Do you love her?
VOICE 2: Um, I know my rights! I don't have to tell if I don't want to!
VOICE 1:Now you're sounding like Thalia.
VOICE 2: Thalia's gotten a lot snobbier since she became lieutenant, and she was snobby to begin with. But she still has some good ideas.
(Crashing noises.)
VOICE 2: Speaking of Thalia…
VOICE 1: Not again!
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VOICE 1: State your name loudly and clearly.
VOICE 5: Luke.
VOICE 1: Full name.
VOICE 5: (Mumbles)
VOICE 1: Excuse me?
VOICE 5: (Mumbles even more)
VOICE 1: I can't hear you.
VOICE 5: Luke Annakin Skywalker.
VOICE 1: I'm sorry. Is this some sort of joke?
VOICE 5: No! Stop smirking! It's not funny. It was Mom's idea. She thought that it was cute. And appropriate, seeing how Dad is…
VOICE 1: Your father?
VOICE 5: Yeah. Stupid dad. I hate him. Hate, hate, hate. He turned to the dark side, not me.
VOICE 1: Ah, yes. In a previous conversation, Percy claimed that you, Thalia, and Nico are all related. Is that true?
VOICE 5: Yeah. Annabeth, the blond girl with the others, is also related to us. Not Grover, though.
VOICE 1: Why are all these relations trying to kill each other? Why are you and your cousins armed?
VOICE 5: Oh yeah. Thalia has the bow and arrow set because she's a Hunter. And her stupid spear is just a piece of junk, but Aegis is a magic shield that's a gift from old Zeus himself. Annabeth has her magic hat and knife. Percy has his inferior sword and two bottles of water. He's useless without some water. Nico has his…stuff. My sword is Backbiter, and I won't tell you anything else because my enemies might be listening out the door, and I don't want to risk that.
VOICE 1: Excuse me?
VOICE 5: Stupid mortal. Forget it.
(Pause.)
VOICE 1: Why did you try to attack the following people? Percy, Thalia, Grover, and Annabeth?
VOICE 5: We were trying to attack Percy. The others just got in our way.
VOICE 1: Why him?
VOICE 5: He wouldn't join us. So we had to kill him.
VOICE 1: That sounds a little too extreme.
VOICE 5: Nothing's too extreme.
VOICE 1: I have a feeling that this session will be useless. I'll bring in someone else.
VOICE 5: No! Thalia will kill me!
VOICE 1: Then why don't you fight back against her?
(Pause.)
VOICE 1: I've noticed that no matter how many attempts she has made to beat you up, you are careful not to hurt her back. Only defend. That's the reason you have those bruises.
(Pause.)
VOICE 1: Luke?
VOICE 5: I don't know. Would you try to fight back?
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VOICE 6: My name is Annabeth Chase.
VOICE 1: Yes. Have your friends told you about stating your name?
VOICE 6: Yeah. They have.
(Pause.)
VOICE 1: Thalia and Luke seemed to have calmed down considerably.
VOICE 6: Um, that's because you had them chained to the wall.
VOICE 1: There's that.
(Pause.)
VOICE 6: Percy seemed a little troubled when he came out the second time. He won't tell me what you talked about. Why?
VOICE 1: I think that's up for him to tell.
VOICE 6: Just be grateful that Thalia's lawyer is busy right now. She won't be arriving until later.
VOICE 1: Why do you think that Luke and Nico attacked Percy?
VOICE 6: Why should I tell you?
VOICE 1: You seem like a smart young lady.
VOICE 6: Smarter than you. Why did the police send us to a therapist? Are we under arrest?
VOICE 1: Yes, you are under arrest. The police decided to send you to me because they think that you and your friends are a little…troubled.
VOICE 6: You mean insane?
VOICE 1: No, not insane. Please, Annabeth. Can you cooperate?
VOICE 6: First, tell me what you and Percy talked about.
VOICE 1: I can't.
VOICE 6: Then I won't tell you either.
VOICE 1: Very well then. I'll send for the next person.
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VOICE 1: State your full name slowly and clearly into the tape recorder.
VOICE 7: Grove. Er. Under. Wood.
VOICE 1: Excuse me? A grove under wood?
VOICE 7: NO! Grover is my first name. Underwood is my last name, family name, surname, whatever you wanna call it.
VOICE 1: Your entire group always seems to have a trouble with telling their names.
VOICE 7: They were complaining about it. And is it really necessary to chain Thalia and Luke to the wall? They were saying all this stuff they would do to you.
VOICE 1: What kind of stuff?
VOICE 7: Oh. Just stuff. I think you're better off not knowing.
VOICE 1: Ah. You acted very violent when the police took away your mouth organ. Why is that?
VOICE 7: That mouth organ is very special. And it's my weapon.
VOICE 1: A mouth organ?
VOICE 7: It's a long story.
VOICE 1: Then save it for another time.
VOICE 7: Okay. I'm hungry, Mrs. Denoto.
VOICE 1: Call me Angela.
VOICE 7: I'm really hungry, Angela.
VOICE 1: You just ate!
VOICE 7: But those were just cookies! I need something filling. Like tin cans.
VOICE 1: Tin cans?
VOICE 7: Oops. I slipped up. And Annabeth told me specifically not to.
(Sound of head banging on table.)
VOICE 1: Please, Grover, stop!
(Sound of head banging on table ceases.)
VOICE 1: Thank you.
VOICE 7: That doesn't help my hunger much.
VOICE 1: Very well. A one hour break to you and your friends, and then it' back to therapy.
VOICE 7: Deal.
Wow! Long chapter! The juices of inspirations are flowing through me, and I am officially out of my creativity flump. You like? I'll admit it, I took this idea from a fanfiction from the "Midnighters." I just couldn't resist! (I also recommend that you read that fic if you are acquainted with the "Midnighters." Like I said, this will be a threeshot. Await more! And review!