The
Shakespenator:
A Play in Five Acts
Prologue:
The machines did rise from the ashes of the nuclear fire.
Their war to ext'rminate mankind hadst raged for decades,
but the final hurley burley would not beest fought in the future.
T'would beest fought hither, in our present.
On this night...
[Act I]
[Scene I. An alley near a tavern late at night]
[Enter Terminator a naked sir considerable in size and strength. Nearby hooligans squabble over a viewing glass.]
First Hooligan: 'Tis mine turn!
Second Hooligan: [notices man] Ho, what beest wrong with this image? Nice night for a stroll, good sir?
Terminator: Nice night for a stroll.
Second Hooligan: Laundry day on the 'morrow. Nothing crisp, ho?
Terminator: Nothing crisp, ho.
First Hooligan: [aside] Methinks good sir is short in cunning.
Terminator: Thy robes. Giveth those folk to me, anon.
First Hooligan: I bite my thumb at thee, canker-blossom!
[A fight ensues. Blades are drawn. Two of the three hooligans fall. The final hooligan deflects, removing his clothing and giving them to the naked sir. Terminator exits Stage Left. Enter Kyle Reese, a second naked man appears. He is of smaller build and may seem injured. He spies a drunkard and proceeds to steal his gaskins.]
Drunkard: Ho, valorous sir! Didst thee just see a bright light?
Constable: Hark! Stand ho!
[Kyle Reese runs away wearing gaskins.]
Drunkard: He did steal mine own gaskins!
[Chase ensues. Squabble between Kyle Reese and Constable. Weapon is drawn.]
Kyle Reese: What day is't?
Constable: Thursday.
Kyle Reese: What year?!
[More constables arrive. Kyle runs into nearby shop, procuring clothing as he goes, a cloak and boots. He escapes with a large weapon which he hides under his cloak.]
[Scene ii: An idyllic neighborhood. Enter Lady Sarah Conner, a beautiful maiden.]