Christmas in the Real World
A/N: A little Christmas holiday gift for ya! I hope you enjoy and have a great holiday. Spelling and formatting errors have been fixed!...I hope.
Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.
Summary: Hitsugaya, Rukia , Matsumoto, Renji, Ichigo, and Byakuya in the Real World. At Ichigo's house. Celbrating Christmas. Doom is on the horizon.
"So," said Renji, "What am I supposed to do with this again?"
Ichigo sighed. "You're supposed to hang it in a doorway, and then pray to whatever god that exists that you get caught under it with a decent looking girl, so you don't have to kiss someone like Ikkaku. Or Byakuya."
"Oh…What kind of bullshit tradition is that?"
"A Christmas one dumbass!"
"Kurosaki, I fail to see the point of this occasion." Byakuya interjected coolly. Ichigo sighed.
Now, you are probably wondering why the hell Byakuya is here in Ichigo's house. Actually, you are probably wondering why Hitsugaya, Rangiku, Renji, and Rukia are there as well. Well, it's a long story, but it can be safely assumed that it is Rukia's fault. Why? Because it seemed to be her life's goal to make Ichigo's life completely suck. Anyway, Ichigo was in the Soul Society to beat the crap out of Renji for taking his Fairy Tail Manga. Now, as Ichigo was beating the crap out of Renji, he mentioned that it was a Christmas present for Karin. Because Karin wouldn't like that crap we call shoujou manga. Buy why he did something so stupid as to mention Christmas we will never know.
Anyway, once Rukia heard this, she assumed it was a special day in the Real World, which lead to the idea of having a party. So, she mentioned the idea to Rangiku, who being Rangiku, loved the idea at first sound. And being Rangiku, she proceeded to annoy Hitsugaya into letting her go. And, seeing as Hitsugya has a short temper when it comes to his goddamn annoying vice-captain, he eventually agreed; but was not stupid enough to let her go by herself. And that is why Hitsugya, Rukia, and Rangiku are here.
Anyway, once Renji had finished receiving his ass kicking from Ichigo; Rukia invited him. And seeing as he's Renji, and has massive feelings of unrequited love for Rukia, he saw it as an opportunity to score, and agreed. And that is why Renji is here. Now, Byakuya heard about all this when Rukia metioned it to him when he was doing his paperwork. Byakuya is a very overprotective brother, to the point of willing to kill the guy he thought Rukia liked. It is the reason he hates Kurosaki Ichigo, who, incidentally, is the guy he thought Rukia liked. It is also the reason that Renji is his vice-captain. No, it is not for his combat skills. It is so Byakuya can keep him under constant surveillance, and can interrupt all potential RukiaRenji occurrences at moments notice. The fact that Renji is a skilled Shinigami was a merely a lucky coincidence.
So, seeing as Byakuya is an overprotective brother, he did not like the idea of Rukia being with both Ichigo and Renji in the Real World alone, so he decided to come along to prevent all IchiRukiRen moments from occurring. And that, my dear readers, is the ridiculously long story as to why they are all here. Now, we continue where we left off, which is where Byakuya says:
"Kurosaki, I fail to see the point of this occasion."
Ichigo sighed and explained, "It's a Western holiday that celebrates the birth of this guy named Jesus. Now, I'm not going to say who Jesus is 'cause I've explained this to you four frickin' times. We basically celebrate it to give each other gifts and be thankful for each other and all that crap. Got it?"
"Yes Kurosaki, I understand the origins of this festival, but I fail to see why it is of such importance." Byakuya clarified, looking down at Ichigo like he was a total moron.
"Ya know, forget it." Ichigo sighed. "Hey, I've just thought of something. Why the hell are you here anyway?"
"Security reasons."
"…Huh?"
"Do not make me repeat myself Kurosaki."
"But-"
CRASH!
"MATSUMOTO!!!!"
"The hell?" Ichigo quickly walked towards the living room and what he saw made his eye bulge out of his sockets. There stood Rangiku, holding an ordainment, looking very confused. Renji, who had just finished putting the mistletoe on the doorway and was standing under it, was laughing his ass off. The fallen Christmas tree, that was about two and a half times his size, however, was currently crushing Hitsugaya. Not to mention that he had inhaled some pine needles. Needless to say, Captain Toushirou Hitsugaya, youngest Captain in the history of the Soul Society, was pissed.
Ichgio cursed. "Crap! Hey Toushirou, are you okay?"
"I'ma nof okomf anf ifs Hihmphugaya Taichoff!" Hitsugaya said as he struggled to get away from the tree.
"Uh, what was that Toushirou?" Ichgio asked as he managed to remove the tree from a very extremely ticked off Captain.
" I said, I'm not okay and it's HITSUGAYA TAICHO!"
"…"
"Hey everyone! I finished baking the cookies!" Rukia yelled entering the doorway. "For the love of Chappy, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!"
No one answered for everyone was staring about 4 feet above Rukia's head. The Mistletoe.
"…What?" Rukia asked, feeling extremely weirded out. "Renji…why are you grinning like that?"
Renji, seeing a perfect opportunity, was grinning like a maniac. Still grinning, he pounced, so to speak.
"Ren-umph!"
"Holy Crap! Renji?!"
"Woo! You go Renji!"
"Matsumoto!"
"…"
Renji had lifted Rukia about two feet into the air and was kissing the hell out of her, tongue and all, under the mistletoe. The rest stood in stunned silence as this went on for about another minute or so. Surprisingly, Rukia was responding rather well. I.E. she was kissing him back, also using tongue, and had wrapped her legs around his waist. This being stated, Byakuya was beyond the realm of pissed. Once this was over, he was going to hunt that bastard down and beat him to an inch of his life. Then he was then going to castrate him with a rusty broken spoon. A metal rusty broken spoon. And then he was going to dump rubbing alcohol all over his wounds in the most slow painful way possible. And then kill him. By now, Renji had let go off Rukia and placed her on the ground once again. Still grinning, he patted her on the head and proclaimed, "Merry Christmas Rukia!" Rukia had been stunned into silence, and was blushing like crazy and smiling. Everyone else just stood there. Until…
"Bankai. Chire, Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."
"AHHHH! Wait Taicho! The Mistletoe made me do it!"
"I will destroy you Abarai, for no one touches Rukia in such a manner. Senkei, Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."
"No! TAIIICHOOOO!"
"Wait! Nii-Sama! I need him to live for New Years!"
CRASH!
"…Hey Ichigo?"
"Yeah, Rangiku-san?"
"Why does Rukia need him to live for New Years?"
"…"
The End
And so that concludes my Christmas piece, which I edited so the errors wouldn't grate at my soul until I went insane. I hope you enjoyed it. Please Review, because they make me feel all warm and fuzzy.