Chapter 1
At the entrance to the forest, I began to rattle off my despicable lies. I told her fictions about how I didn't want her…didn't need her. She believed me. Bella, usually so self-contained, was splintering before my eyes as she processed that I was saying goodbye, forever. I took her hands in mine. She was silently shaking. I touched my lips to her cheek in farewell and then I ran. Before she even registered my departure, I was far in the distance.
Escaping through the forest, I could hear her choking and sobbing. My anguish was consuming me, but I didn't stop. If I had hesitated for even a fraction of a second, I would have turned back and returned to her.
"No, Edward! Don't do this," she screamed. Her pleas echoed in my ears as the wind rushed past. She cried out for me again and again. I ran faster. Eventually, I outraced any trace of her. Even though every part of me rebelled against leaving her, I felt it was the right thing, the moral thing, to do.
Earlier, after Carlisle and Esme had agreed to leave Forks for Bella's sake, Alice had phoned me from outside Denali. "Edward, why do I see Bella in a catatonic state?" she had asked. As soon as we had made the decision to move away, Alice had seen Bella's future shift. Her vision had turned dismal and bleak.
"Catatonic?" I whispered.
"Yes. And I see you alone. I can't picture where you are. What's going on?"
"I'm leaving. She deserves a chance to create a life with her own kind. I want it to be a clean break. I want this transition to be as easy on her as possible. That means no visits, no phone calls, no letters or e-mail from any of us."
"It doesn't work that way, Edward. You can't just decree that she forget you and find another. She loves you. She wants you. My vision was rock solid until five minutes ago," Alice complained.
Her vision was the primary reason that I had to do this. She foresaw Bella becoming immortalized as one of us, a vampire, by my own venom coated teeth. A prospect I refused to contemplate. I loved her too much to risk her life and her soul.
But now, I was running. I didn't have a destination in mind. My only thought was to outpace my compulsion to return to her. I needed to put a great distance, a continent or more, between us. Deciding against joining my family in Alaska, I turned south. If I couldn't be with Bella, I wanted to be alone.
As the sun came up on my left, I phoned Alice. My excuse was that I wanted to check in and relay my plans. The truth was I was desperate to hear how Bella was coping.
"How is she?" I asked.
"She's tormented," Alice snapped. "They found her in the woods. She's home now," she said.
I came to a standstill. "What happened?"
"What do you think happened? She followed you," Alice explained. "She walked miles into the forest and got lost. It started to rain and washed away her tracks. They searched for hours. Finally, someone found her. She's home now with Charlie, who, by the way, blames you for abandoning her out there."
With acute misery, I realized I had failed her. I never imagined that she would try to follow me. Although Bella rarely did or said what I expected, I had assumed that she would return to her house. The path through the woods was ruined with roots and stones and fallen branches. I could imagine her stumbling through the dense, dripping trees where even the intense green was obscured by night and rain.
"She's not hurt? The worst is over?" I asked.
"She's okay. But no, her hardest days are ahead of her."
I couldn't bear to hear anymore. "Thanks, Alice. Please don't monitor her future anymore."
"I'll try. Where are you? Jasper and I will join you."
"No. Stay with Carlisle. I'll call in a few days." I disconnected the call. I wasn't fit to be around man, beast or vampire. I bolted for somewhere at the bottom of the world, devoid of anything except the crushing solitude I craved.