Victim to the Past
I'm not your ghost anymore.
I learned to live…half alive…
I have grown too strong
I learned to live half alive…
I wished I had missed
The first time that we kissed
Because you broke all your promises
And now your back…
You don't get to get me back
Who do you think you are?
Captured in the blackness…the watery ashes of my former self. Explosive heat lashing at my body. Intense passion licking like flames against my possessed heart. Then I was gone…there was nothing left of me.
But I had come back, because I always do, but now…this was it. This was my life; life and death over and over loss, and love never ending. Now it was ending. When everyone thought it never would; here it is…the end.
Traveling through ashes of shadows, blowing in the wind. I was blowing in the wind, a burning soul of nothing. There was nothing back there for me now. I know I shouldn't have left Daniel, but I need to know. I need to know what I was, what I am. Why me? Why did Daniel pick me? Why should I suffer for his absurd choices? Why should my families and friends suffer for his stupidity?
I realize there's no love like ours…but I doubt it's me. How could it be me when I wanted so little to do with him some days? Why do I want him so desperately the next day? It can't be me! It just can't be my emotions pulling me along this crazy spiral of a ride! It must be something bigger. Something that I can't control.
I didn't just travel through my past; I traveled through his too. The little prick was a player! It wasn't just Shelby. No it was Natasha, Valery, Scarlet, Dakota, Abby, Annabelle, oh the list goes on! And it broke my heart…
There were no explosions of heat and fire, nor were flames licking at their souls and hearts, no complete combustion… that's only me.
The days that past all began to blur. I didn't know how long I had been traveling through each of my past lives, or Daniel's, but I knew I wouldn't be near the end any time soon. So when I turned away from the horrifying site of another one of my deaths I saw Daniel in the shadows of a tree. They weren't announcers, just shadows. Though, I could see a shattered, ash of an announcer at Daniel's feet. It was the same announcer I had recently stepped through. I looked back at the burning building of the beautiful house I had lived in once. Daniel had described it to me as he drove me to Shoreline. It was much more beautiful than he had described. Though, now it would all turn to ashes.
"We should probably leave. The fire burns the whole neighborhood down." He suggests.
"That's why it's a trailer park now." I mumbled looking back to his dark, tired face. "How long have you been following me?"
"I went after you as soon as you left, as soon as I could."
"And we came with him." A new voice broke through the depressing ashy air.
Miles
"Miles!" I shouted, and bolted toward him. He embraced me in the warmest hug I had ever been in… and I've been in a lot. Though, all those hugs had brought me to my fiery death, but all those hugs had made me so cold. A hug with Miles was a breath of fresh air, like a summer breeze.
"Shelby!" Shelby's frustrated voice shouted through the air. "You never remember me Luce. It's insulting, really it is."
"That fire's getting pretty close don't you think?" Cam's voice chimed in.
"You? Who brought you here?" My voice held disgust and venom in it.
Cam just laughed. "Look, can't we talk about your distain for me somewhere else where you three humans won't get burnt to a crisp?"
"Humans?" Shelby spit out at him. "The fuck I am!"
"Oh right, you're above all that aren't you?" He sneered.
"The fuck I am!" She repeated.
"You're nothing toots, just a pawn to the fuckin game. A fuckin pawn!"
"Fuck you!" She shouted.
"Stop." Daniel commanded softly.
He then walked over to me and swiftly grabbed my arm, jerking me away from Miles. "Let's go."
Arriane appeared from behind the trees and smirked, "C'mon pretty boy you're ridin' with me." Arriane tugged on Miles elbow, and she took off into the midday light blue sky. In an instant they looked like nothing but a ray of sun.
Daniel wrapped his arms around my waist and again I was trapped in that dire need to be closer to him. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I mildly saw Shelby and Cam touch off before Daniel's marvelous white wings unraveled before my eyes. They were feather light to the touch but as I could feel the strength and power working throughout every fiber of them. I threaded my fingers through the fineness of them.
Daniel groaned as my fingers traced over the thick curve at the top, and down the line that connected to his back. He shivered, and quickly grabbed my arms and pulled them away from his glorious wings, and onto his chest.
"You've never been able to do this in past lives. You've never even seen them." He mumbled.
I stared up into his beautiful eyes. "It feels so good."
"Better than the way Scarlet made you feel? 1892… You think I didn't go back through your lives too?"
Daniel backed away from me like he'd been burned. "I don't-"
"Don't pretend like you don't know who she is." I warned. "So I'll be the only one to die a virgin."
A tank of gas from a near by car blew up and sent shock waves throughout the air. "Let's talk about this later. We need to go now."
I nodded my head, and let him hold onto me as he reached his wings out, and soon a soft fluttering surrounded my ears before he shot off into the sky. When we landed I didn't see the others anywhere. In fact I didn't even know where we were.
"Where are we?" I demanded turning from him dramatically. "And why is Cam here! He was going to kill me! He would have if Miles hadn't saved me!"
"Miles didn't save you; he did a stupid magic trick, that's it!" Daniel's voice shook as he tried to keep his demeanor. "I could have done that!"
"Yeah, and you didn't." I said my voice growing softer with vulnerability.
"I didn't know what to do. You mean so much to me Lucinda. I panicked."
"Because you hadn't had years to come up with a plan? You had hundreds of lives to decide, to forge a reliable guard of defense. I've seen some of your lives, and not one of them did you try. You just stood there and watched, not doing anything. You just watched me die again and again, burning to ashes right in front of your eyes, and you never tried to stop it! Instead you would hook up with some girl will I was off being reincarnated!"
"Lucinda! How could you say something like that! Of course I tried! I tried over and over to forget you, to not come close to you so that maybe you could have a chance, a chance at a normal life. I tried every time to forget you. That's why I was with those girls, Luce, because I wanted to see if I had that pull." He paused and walked closer to me hesitantly, like he was afraid I'd combust into a flash of flames at his proximity.
He slowly wrapped his arms around my waist and when I didn't shake him off he pulled me to his body. That body I was so forced upon. It was like I was a magnet. The only way to stop this was to cross a magnetic field so that I could pull free from this gravity and become my own person.
"That pull that I have with only you Lucinda," He continued on, "I-I just needed to make sure that I couldn't stop myself. Everywhere I went you showed up, sooner or later, and after I saw you for the first time in that life I know there's no way that I could walk away. You'd have to be the one to turn away from me. That's why in between lives while I still could, I would try to break this connection we have."
He leaned down, while he was talking, to rest his forehead against mine. I pulled away from him, not wanting to forgive him quite yet, and with his closeness I knew there would be no way for me to think with a straight and clear head.
"Do you every wonder why you picked me?"
"No never Luce. It's always been you."
"Yeah but why?"
"I don't understand the question."
"Why do you love me Daniel? Why did I become such a distraction that you couldn't live without me?"
"It's always been you Lucinda."
"Yes I know that Daniel! What I'm asking is why! Do you ever wonder that maybe you wouldn't love me in any of my other lives if you weren't forced to?"
"I'm not forced to love you Luce."
"No? Well then am I forced to love you? Because sometimes it feels like that. When I'm near you everything feels right. There's this intense passion and all I want to do is get closer to you." I said walking closer to him.
I threaded my fingers through his blonde hair, and smiled softly. "But if we fight, or whenever you leave I'm left to think of these big, giant, gaping holes. I ask myself question after question about our relationship, how we first started, why it hasn't ended, why I can't end it, why I have all these questions, and what they mean. I just-I'm just not sure I can do this any more."
"Is this because of Miles?" Daniel exclaimed.
"No! This is not because of Miles! This is because I can't trust you! I can't trust myself. I don't know who I am. Who am I without you Daniel?"
"Are you leaving me?" Daniel had tears in his eyes, threatening to spill over.
"I need to find out who I am without you, so yes I'm leaving." I whispered, and tucked some of my freshly dyed black hair behind my ear.
"I won't let you. It's too dangerous with no protection Lucinda."
"I'm not completely defenseless Daniel." I said.
"Of course you are compared to us? You're just a human, you have no chance against an outcast, or one of Sophia's pack."
"I can do this." I said as I raised my hand up to his chest and focused, bringing out what was deep inside me. It was intense heat coming from the tip of my fingertips. The blinding white light and heat flittered over my skin and shocked into Daniel's heart. He shot back in the sand of the rocky beach side we were on. The blast was so forceful it built a trench as his body dug into the sand.
I don't know where it had come from, but I had been attacked by an outcast. It was a ten year old boy, and he had been recently injured before he tried to attack my burning soul, but I had found this strange new…talent of mine. I had found out that if I focused more and forced the darkness of my heart and the burning of my soul to project farther I could kill the child. The light had turned blue, and I felt so much better after I finished him off. I felt like a bad person afterwards but I knew that if I hadn't killed him he would have done far worse.
Daniel reemerged from the sand dome and had a shocked facial expression. "How did you do that?"
I shrugged, "I just can." Then I turned to him seriously, "I could have killed you if I wanted. It would have been easy." I whispered into his ear, "You being so vulnerable, not able to see it coming." Then I backed away from him and started pacing back and forth in the sand. Then I walked to the rock wall and started sliding my hand along its rigid edges.
I turned to him still pacing while tracing the cracks and slopes of the stone, "I could have ended this stupid little chase. I would have been free…or I would have died again, finally my end. The final death, trial, to this tragic love story."
"You can't live without me." Daniel said.
"Maybe…but I can live with that." I whispered.
Daniel stepped up to me, putting his hands against the wall, trapping me against it, "I can't." He whispered.
"You won't have to." My voice was soft, seductive…even I thought.
My hand reached up to his cheek and gently stroked it. I brushed some of his blonde hair out of his face with my fingertips. He didn't even flinch, not that I thought he would, but it would feel nice to feel dominate for once. Even after I kissed Miles I still felt powerless, and drowned in guilt.
Daniel looked over me; it first started at my lips, and then his hands tangled into the strand of my hair which by this time had grown three inches passed my shoulders. Finally his eyes racked down my whole body, and his wings suddenly unfurled. His stormy blue eyes had gotten darker, and his breath was coming in shorter gasp like inhales. He removed his hand from my hair and traced it down the side of my body.
"You can't say you want to kill me right now." He must have noticed my intake of breath as his hand softly caressed the side of my breast, and traveled the curve of my waist to find peace at my hip.
"No I can't. I want to kiss you until the sun goes down, and then comes back up. I want to be held in your arms all night and wake up with all this horrible stuff passed so that we can finally be together. That's the problem because I always forget all the pain and regret I feel when I'm not with you, and in this moment nothing else matters but you. Then you leave again, and I'm left feeling empty, and completely fed up with this whole situation."
"Luce, we just need to live in this moment, until the wind finishes blowing, and the dust settles." He whispered leaning into me.
"By dust you mean the ashes of all the unfortunate angels that will die to save your precious little love fest that's lasted millennia?"
"It's not just to protect you Luce. It's to protect all the rest of human kind. Without the last battle the world will still be stuck in this limbo, and depending on who wins that will be the future to evolution of mankind."
"And depending on who wins means which ever side you end up taking."
"Yes." He admitted.
"Isn't it easy to decide?" I asked him impatiently.
His body pushed away from mine. "It's not as simple as you think Lucinda. The lines between good and evil, Angels and Demons are very blurry. If you knew what had gone on you wouldn't be so accusing."
"Daniel, can't you see that's what I'm trying to do?" I whispered to him.
He just looked at me, staring deep into my eyes. "I love you Lucinda." A sudden flame was upon me. Heat from his body, and the unexpected touch of his lips against mine, fanned a burning passion that struck so deep.
I kissed him back. There was no question about it. My body instantly reacted to the fiery feeling. I felt dangerous, but safe shielded by his wings. I loved the feeling of being wrapped around him. He was the air I needed to breathe, and the hope to struggle from this constant grip the rest of the world had on us. He was right. I could wait until tomorrow to regret my decisions of today.
"I can't get enough of you, and it's going to kill me." I whispered as I broke away from the intense kiss.
"I hope it won't." A wave of fear crashed over his expression. I reached up and stroked the side of his face. His eyes fluttered closed.
"There's another chance to kill you, right now." I gripped the base of his neck tightly.
"You won't though. I'm too valuable to die."
"Conceited aren't you?" I laughed.
"You've changed a lot Luce." Daniel advanced his body, making me back into the stone wall. His head lowered and his nose traced the skin along my neck all the way up to my ear. I shivered, and my breathing stuttered. "I like it." He inhaled, and then exhaled; his cool breath causing goose bumps to arise on my skin. Then he kissed the skin right below my ear. "I like it a lot."
"You like power." I stated in an accusatory tone.
"True, but I love you." He said. His hand started tracing along the skin of my mid drift that my shirt left exposed.
"I love you too Daniel." My voice shook.
Daniel started trailing his lips down my neck, and another shiver ran up my spine. I tilted my head back to give him better access. "Mmm, that's my girl." Then he kissed to my collar bone, and nipped at it excitedly. Like a shepherd dog nipping at the heals of sheep.
"You've changed a lot too Daniel." My voice came out in chops, and heavy breaths. My chest heaved from the effort.
His hands grasped at my back and pulled me into his body. "Everything that's been going on got me thinking." He paused and flicked some of my hair off my shoulder. "I don't want to lose you."
"I've lived this long I don't think you're going to lose me anytime soon…not from the flames at least." I mumbled.
"No, that's not what I was talking about. I'm talking about Miles."
"Miles?" I questioned. I know we kissed, but Daniel can't really believe I would choose Miles over him. He's my soul mate, the only love I've ever known.
"When I saw you kiss him it broke my heart. I felt a shattering pain, and burning in my eyes, a trembling in my wings, and shaking in my bones. I felt like I might burst into flames this time. "I can't wait, or be hesitant anymore. I'm afraid you'll leave me if I don't step up, and be a man. I can't lose you."
I shook my head, and whispered, "I don't think you ever could."
"But I have Lucinda. I've lost you every single life time. I just…I don't know what I would do if I lost you because of your own free will."
I exhaled loudly, my breath stuttering. I looked down at the sand below my feet.
"You can't even say anything?" He asked shocked.
I shrugged, "What do you want me to say?"
"Say that you love me. That you care. That you would die without me!" He almost screamed in my face.
"I die with you too!" I shot back.
He stumbled back like I had punched him in the gut. His face was expressionless, but his eyes shined with the thick layer of salt water that threatened to leak over.
"I-I'm s-s-sorry. I d-didn't mean th-that." I rushed out my voice faltering every now and then.
His face darkened and his eyes hardened. He was suddenly in front of me, shoving me against the wall. His body heat enveloped me, and his wings spread out, twitching from agitation. "You're mine! No one else's mine! Do you hear me Lucinda!" He growled before springing into action and crushing his lips to mine.
His hands moved along my body frantically, squeezing and gripping at every curve of my body. Suddenly I was standing there in only my skinny jeans, flip flops, and underwear. Daniel had stripped me of my t-shirt, and began clinging to my skin. He pulled my body to his, and with one of his hands he gripped the back of one of my thighs and pulled it up to wrap around his waste.
He crushed my body against his and the rock, and kissed me harshly. I whimpered as my body gravitated toward his. My hands hurriedly grasped at his shirt, both pushing him away and pulling him closer. I couldn't make up my mind. I wanted this to stop; knowing that I was still mad at him, and I needed to discover myself before I tried to know him, but his body, and smell, and heat was so addictive I never wanted us to end.
One of my hands worked into the thick, smooth strands of his sandy colored hair. Our kiss intensified as his hand worked across the skin of my back and sides. His fingers traced from below the wire of my bra to the waist of my jeans. His thumbs pressed into my hips, and he pulled my pelvis towards his.
I felt the brush of something hard along my hip. I gasp, and his tongue shot into my mouth. I knew what was going on. He was aroused; I wasn't stupid, but it just surprised me. I had never felt one before, never even thought about it really. I never thought we would get in this situation. He had never let it go this far. If this was anytime else we would have…well we probably would have been fighting again already. We usually do after we have intense make out sessions.
His tongue probed my mouth dangerously, threateningly. I never stood a chance against his astonishing force and determination. He fought for dominance, but I was all too willing so it wasn't much of a fight. I was completely submissive to his demands. His fingers hooked into the back of my bra and pulled, growling into my mouth as he did. He slid his hands to my front and grasped at my chest running his thumbs over my nipples, and shutters ran through my body as he touched me. I threw the bra off half hazardously and gripped his shoulders tightly. Pulling him closer to me I traced my hands down his lean stomach until I reached under the hem of his white cotton shirt.
He pulled away from my breasts for a moment, just a moment, to take off his shirt. His hands were replaced on my skin before I could blink. His lips went to my neck and left light kisses before slightly sucking at the skin there. My head was tossed back and I released a breathy moan.
He chuckled and kissed along my exposed throat. He tugged at my belt loops. His voice was husky when he said, "Take those off."
"W-what?" My voice shook.
"Take off your jeans." He commanded.
"Oh okay."
I unbuttoned my jeans and stumbled as I tried to kick them off. When I finally got them off after removing my flip flops he smirked, and then he said, "Now take mine off."
I gulped and looked down at the sand below my bare feet. I slowly raised my hands to his leather belt and unbuckled it. I snapped the button of his jeans that hung just below his hips. Slowly I unzipped his fly and hooked my fingers in the band and pulled them down at a heart stopping pace.
When I released his erection from the cage of his jeans he groaned. He kicked off his shoes and then his jeans followed. He quickly stripped me of my panties, and his soon made their way towards the sand as well.
He heaved my legs up so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. I sighed as his skin met mine. He shifted me down a little, and he moaned as he drug his hips along mine.
I gasped when his genitals brushed against my core. He slipped along my skin. I hadn't realized that I had become so wet. I've only been aroused once or twice before, and never this much.
"Luce," I heard Daniel growl along my neck. I shivered, and dug my nails into his shoulders.
"You have me naked here, Daniel, what are you going to do about it?" I breathed out.
"I'm going to make love to you Lucinda Price." After he said that my heart beat blared, and my mind reeled. I couldn't believe what he was saying. Out of all the lives he's never said something like that, and our actions would have counted as quite sinful.
He slowly backed me into the wall, and gripped my hips before lining his penis up to my vagina. He swiftly entered me until he felt my hymen, and then he stopped. He looked me deed in the eyes as I took a deep breath. As soon as he thrusted into me I exhaled rather loudly. I was tingling with a slight sharp pain, but it quickly faded away as the sensation of him being buried in me took over.
It was weird feeling him like this. I opened my eyes suddenly realizing I had closed them when he entered me. I took in his face, the way his head was slightly tilted back, how his shoulders caved in as his arms enveloped me, how his wings were trembling slightly. The glow of them had become a bit brighter than normal. My fingers instinctively threaded through the soft feathers of his amazing white wings.
"Luce." He cried out as I stroked his wings. His eyes fluttering closed. His head came down and rested on my shoulder. His hot body over mine made the freezing temperature of the stone wall behind me feel like ice against my sweating body.
"May I?" He asked curtly into my ear in his thick, husky voice that made my legs tremble. I frantically nodded.
He pulled out of me silently, and then thrusted his hips up to meet mine. A soft whine left my lips as he hit my cervix. His grip on my hips tightened, and he started pulling my body down to meet his groin. His thrusts became sharper, and my back and butt started to hit the rock wall behind me from the impact of his force.
One of his hands dove into my hair and slightly pulled at the roots when he fisted a handful of it. I moaned out as he hit a place inside of me that made me want to lose control. After I let out a high pitched scream he repeated to thrust at just the right angle to always hit that spot. I started to whine, and moan in high pitched little squeals every time he thrusted into me.
Under my throws of pleasure I heard him chuckle darkly. It made me shiver from fear, but his dark side appearing only made me enjoy the things he was doing to my body even more. Suddenly his hand was between us and his thumb worked into my skin. It made me scream in an even higher octave than before. His thumb kept circling on that spot and I thought I saw the blinding white light that could only be Heaven, but when my eyes refocused I noticed that the light was coming from Daniel's wings.
"Daniel!" It came out as a high pitched moan when he hit that spot and circled my clit. My toes curled in on themselves, and my nails dug into the skin of his upper arms. I noticed his wings start to vibrate as he continued to thrust into me. His thrusting became faster and he encircled my clit fiercely. "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!" I screamed.
"Don't say God! He was trying to take this away from us all this time." He commanded his voice deep and seductive.
"Oh Daniel, Oh yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" I screamed as my tense muscles suddenly shuttered and then feel limp. A simple wave of release washed over me. I suddenly became lightheaded and dizzy but I focused on Daniel's face, and watched as his eyes fluttered closed, and they rolled into the back of his head. His wings shook violently and blazed in a fiery white haze of light.
"This must be Heaven." I whimpered. I lazily started to stroke his wings. Daniel sighed and softly pulled out of me. He set me on my feet and I clumsily fell back into the wall on my unbalanced legs.
Suddenly we heard clapping and my head whipped to the right and I took in the site of Cam clapping. Arriane suddenly elbowed him in the guts, "I told you we shouldn't have gone looking for them!" She whispered harshly.
Shelby glared with hatred, and jealousy, but didn't say anything.
Really it was Miles' reaction I was so scared about.
Suddenly Daniel was handing me clothes, and was already redressed in his casual apparel. I quickly put on my clothes, knowing I would get sand in places I'd rather not.
"Looks like you lost pretty boy!" Daniel said as his wings vanished, and he walked toward the group of people.
"What? Was this all some competition to you Grigori?" My voice was low and scratchy.
"No, of course not Luce. I meant every word I said. I love you." He tried to plead.
"I can't believe you!" I shouted running towards him. I hit his chest with my tiny fists over and over again. "I hate you! I wish I burned up back when I had the chance!" I burst.
"He stumbled back like I had shot him, or stabbed him with a dagger to the heart. I wish I had…
"You don't mean that." He shook his head.
Oh but I did. I just shook my head and said, "Don't follow me this time, or I'll kill you!" I shouted at him.
I heard Cam bust out laughing, even smacking his knee as he doubled over from the pain of laughing to hard. I glared at him, and suddenly I was standing in front of him. My hands raised to his shoulders and heat coursed through me. I gave him the same shock I gave Daniel, though this one I gave a little extra boost so that he would hurt, oh yes, he would definitely hurt. I smiled as I saw him fly back into the sand.
I finally turned to Miles to see a sad, dangerous, and confused look on his face. "I'm sorry." I admitted. "I hope one day I'll get to explain myself. You deserve that much."
And without effort I summoned an announcer and threaded it into shape without a thought, and opened the door within second. I shut out that world to open up a new one. A world where I could start fresh in my hunt. I still needed to find myself, find who I was. It could take a while, but in this since I had forever.