Chapter 1

Okay hello there my peoples. GRIN People who know my other stuff will notice that this is my very first YuShu fan fiction. Suicidal Shuichi as always though. But here I swear down on this chicken burger I WILL finish this one and then finish Right In Front of me. If you've not checked it out I think you should because I've been getting hate mail and flames for not finishing it but when this is done I will do. I don't know how many chapters this is and the moment I can't think of a name. But hopefully you will like this, I've never written a Yuki POV… Ever so don't be too mean puppy eyes. All characters belong to Maki Murakami.

Okay remind me again why I came a full hour before visiting time? I sighed and rubbed my weary eyes. Because I miss the damn brat. That's why! I reminded myself for probably the twentieth time since I had arrived here. I groaned, standing to stretch my deaden muscles. I glanced to the ridiculously giant clock on the wall above the receptionist desk. It read 12.50. I had been here for a full 50 minutes but it felt like an eternity.

I smiled to myself. 10 minutes until I could see my pretty pink angel again. I could only pray that this time would fly by. I haven't seen Shuichi in nearly the 6 months that he's been here. Which is quit a leap when you go from seeing someone nearly every waking moment of your life for two whole years. I was thrown from annoying noise and mischief into a desolately quiet apartment. All those visiting weekend that I could have come, god knows how many. I known ill always regret it. I'm not even sure why I didn't come anyway. I think I was just scared. I had to smirk at that. Me Yuki Eiri was never scared even in the face of death I was never scared. But now I was second guessing everything that I did. Scared I would do something wrong or stupid and unset my delicate pink brat.

I was a wreck when he was first admitted here. For 2 weeks I had sat by his bed in the hospital where he had been recovering from. God I'm not going to remember that! I don't want to remember that! But as soon as he recovered, well physically anyway I don't think that he will ever be mentally healed, he was taken from me. I had slept that night beside him and I had woken to a cold empty room. They had taken him. I couldn't believe. I couldn't understand.

The room had begun to slowly fill as the clock ticked towards 1.00. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, it was almost deafening. God get a grip of your self Eiri! I was sweating terribly and I couldn't keep still. My foot was rapidly tapping on the floor. It was torture. I brushed my fingers through my hair. I wanted, no I needed a cigarette. BADLY. I needed the nicotine to calm my tattered nerves.

My hands were shaking as I took a badge from a nurse before me. It read visitor and I stumbled to put it on as she began the general safety talks. I remember her saying something along that lines that I was a social room and I that it was filled with a variety of people suffering from many different psychological problems. That we shouldn't interact with anyone other then the person we were there to see. Blah. Blah. Blah. Get on with it already. I can't take much more then this.

My heart was racing. I felt it miss a beat here and there and my stomach kept giving unnatural lurches every so often. I felt so nervous I thought id be sick.

All at once the room stood in a wave of motion and I along with them. We were lead down a long corridor. Everything in this damn place was painted grey. At the end were some large doors, guarded by men with muscles the size of oceanic chains. The orderlies. The doors opened into a room the size of a netball court. Still everything was grey.

The group soon dispersed, each person looking for their loved one. Some were painting; others playing board games and some were even watching Dumbo on the Disney channel. I thought it was quiet entertaining watching them glued to the 'pink elephants on parade song'.

But it was the one sitting alone in the far corner of the room almost hidden in the darkness. He was sitting on the box seat of a window, his forehead resting against the cold glass and his hair had fallen over his face, hiding those gorgeous amethyst eyes.

My mechanically moved and I found myself walking over to him. Almost weary of going to near. "Shuichi?" I felt my voice betray the calm faced that I had tried to put on. I stepped a little nearer and I strained my neck to see what he was gazing at.

Birds.

A whole nest of them. Blue tits I think they were called. "It's a beautiful day Shuichi." I hesitated and closed the distance. This was silly. I sighed and dropped my head in defeat. If I treated like there was nothing wrong he might not be able to handle it. But I felt that it would almost be patronising if I treated him like he really was a psychiatric patient.

"Yu… Yu-ki."

I raised my crestfallen heart and I heard his voice. I had missed it so much. I had missed him too. "The apartment is so quiet with out you Shu."

He turned and looked at me. Well at least I think he did. His eyes looked so hollow. Like there was none of my bubbly little shu-chan in them. They just didn't sparkle like I remember them doing. I moved to sit on the opposite end of the window seat facing him. Encouraged by this small sign of recognition.

"Yu-ki," he said again even quieter barley above a whisper. A single tear fell from an eye as he turned back to his birds. Not even noticing that I had moved before him. It was almost as if he was looking but not seeing.

Now I'm confused. I'm here why can't he see me? I reached a hand to touch his leg. "What's wrong Shuichi?"

He doesn't know you, he doesn't know anyone." Came an unfamiliar voice behind me. Though reflecting on it I could be going slightly crazy. It wouldn't surprise me. "He doesn't remember anything from before here. It hurts him too much. But somehow he manages to say that name. Just that name, over and over again. I don't think he truly knows who that is. For him to remember your name shows how much he loves you."

"Not half as much as I love the damn brat I bet." I smiled on the outside but inside my heart was breaking. Had he really forgotten me? I just couldn't accept it. I wouldn't. I couldn't. Why had no one told me he was like this? Why hadn't Hiro or K? My heart felt as though it had been ripped out and K had shot at it with one of his machine guns.

All this time Shu had never taken his gaze off that nest. He had always loved birds, and even in this catatonic state he loves them still. He loves me. He remembers me. Well sort of. Just that was enough for me to get all fired up inside. My soul was screaming out. Shuichi shouldn't be here. He should be at home with me. I'd be better helping him then these strangers with their needles and drugs.

Did he really not remember who he was? Had I lost my hyper pink baka for good? No I'm not going to accept that. God my life is meaningless with out him. I need him by my side.

I sighed trying to pull up the energy and love from deep within and I risked touching my love gently on the cheek but he didn't react I don't even think that he felt it. He didn't react when I wrapped him in my coat and carried him in my arms. I was shocked though. There had been many times when I had to carry him like this, whenever he would trip and hurt himself, whining until I would pick him up like this and carry him home. But now he was like skin and bones. What? Weren't they feeding him in this place? Damn he was going to be spoiled when he got home.

A few of the nurses tried shouting for me to stop. It wasn't like I was kidnapping him. I was merely rescuing him. And there wasn't a chance in hell that I was going to stop and leave him here. When in had pushed the doors open that lead onto the corridor the orderlies –men twice my size- tried standing in my way. I glared at them. Id killed before and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again to save my love.