Delusions

by Meepyonnee

With her profession, she knew long ago that attacks like these were inevitable. She was not disabled in any way, yet the only action she could take was to brush them off as 'inconsequential', 'insignificant', 'insubstantial'. They were all just that to her, yet one blade lunged when she was at her weakest, worming through her already-battered armor and unraveling everything.

Delusions

-:-:-:-:-

'Stick and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.'

Whoever said this was wrong. And delusional.

'Names will never hurt me' they said. I, too, had said this to myself countless times.

I don't care about what other people think.

Who are they to me anyway.

I am myself. My own voice is the only voice I listen to.

Countless times. Every morning after I woke up, every night before I went to sleep, every damn time I fell face-first, I chanted this mantra to myself, hoping hoping hoping it worked.

But it didn't.

Of course not.

With just one underhanded hit, numb agony immediately consumed me.

I'd never seen myself as fragile, as someone easily broken. I truly saw myself as tough and formidable, for I'd survived so many hurdles in the past—hurdles that were far more spiteful than mere names.

I'd never imagined for this time to come, a time in which the 'inconsequential', 'insignificant' and 'insubstantial' finally stabbed through me and made my tears fall, made my mind shatter, made my spirit crumble into dust.

I'd never realized how much it hurts to be me.

-:-:-:-:-

notes:

word count - 200 (according to ff)

mood - pissed. and hurt. extremely in both aspects.

thoughts - meep's not exactly herself now, as you've already noticed. she'll surely regret posting this in the morning. anyway, thanks (and sorry) for reading her first rage (?) fic.

dedication - to the asshole who made me cry. i hope you rot in the deepest pits of your fucking ignorance.

postscript - J, i'll reply to the email tomorrow, promise. i can't exactly write properly at the moment. sorry.