Dude Looks Like a Lady
So I haven't published any fanfics in a really long time. Since work, my other projects and life in general took up all my time. But now that everything is calming down I want to get back to writing so I'm starting with this one shot about Destiel. This is something I think would have happened. If Cas suddenly turned into a girl in season five, then Dean would have gotten with him. I do not own the rights too Supernatural if I did then this would have happened in season five.
Dude Looks Like a Lady
It had taken months. After saving Sam from the British Men of Letters the brothers and angel buckled down on the family business and on finding Lucifer. They needed something to do while they waited to see what the British branch was going to try to do. Month after month they had taken out monster after monster and followed lead after lead only to come up empty handed. But of course, being the Winchesters and Castiel there was no giving up. They stuck to it and finally Cas found a lead.
"Damn it Cas, listen to me." Dean growled through the phone.
"I don't understand why you want me to wait." Cas gritted back. "I've found a lead on Lucifer and have him in my sights now. There is no time to waist."
"I get that Cas, but it is stupid idea to go find him alone. This is Lucifer for Christ sake. He's dangerous."
"I don't think that he is. I mean he reconciled with father after all. I just need to talk to him and find out what he is planning."
"Not alone. C'mon Cas, I know that he is your older brother but this is just ridiculous this is the devil we're talking about. Just wait for us okay. Don't move."
"If I wait he might be gone by the time you get here."
"Don't move Cas. Please." Before Cas could get another word out Dean hung up.
Cas glared at the phone for a moment. Knowing that Dean had a point but hoping that his brothers newly resolved issues with their father were enough to make him more reasonable. Cas had his eyes on his brother now. He was sitting on a bench in an empty park, enjoying the peace in his new-found vessel. This was a tall man, light brown hair and green eyes from what Cas could see. It seemed like an appropriate look for him. Castiel knew that his brother knew he was there. He should wait for the brothers like Dean said but by then Lucifer could be gone and they will be back too square one. No, he couldn't let this opportunity slip by him. So, with a deep calming breath, he strode forward.
"Hello Castiel." The man said not needing to turn to see who was behind him.
"Lucifer." Cas nodded coming to stand next to him.
"What can I do for you brother?" Lucifer smiled ever so sweetly at the fellow angel.
"The Winchesters' and I are… concerned."
"What reason would you have to be concerned?"
Castiel inclined his head as an answer.
"Oh right, you're wondering if I'm going to try to start up the apocalypse again."
"That is the most pressing of our worries yes. But mostly we are just wondering what you plan to do."
"You want to know what my plans are?"
"Yes, that is why I've come here."
"Hmm… well you can all rest your tiny little minds. I'm not going to start the apocalypse again. That train crashed into the mountain side long ago."
"Then what are you planning on doing?"
"You really want to know?"
"Lucifer please, don't play games."
"Fine, fine, I'll ease your over worried minds." He sighed standing and strutting over to some trees in that way that only Lucifer can achieve. "I have a new mission, one that was given to me by our father."
"No one has seen God since he and Amara went off to father knows where."
"I know; he always did have a way of abandoning his children."
"What is your plan, brother." Cas urged taking a step closer to the other angel.
"My plan? It's actually you're and the brother's plan only I have the power and resolve to finish it."
"Speak plainly."
"I forget you're not one for suspense. Fine, I am going to kill Amara."
"What!" Cas blanched. "Please brother, think rationally. This is not what our father wants. He has made peace with our aunt. The world for once is not in peril. But there is a war among the men of letters coming one that could disturb the natural balance of this world. We could use your help."
"I don't care what happens to the glorified hunters or their way of life. There gonna die bloody anyway, might as well let them destroy themselves and save us all the trouble. This is my mission and I will see it done Castiel. Your either with me or against me."
"I… I am such a fool." Cas sighed shaking his head at the ground.
"Yes you are, we've known that since you met the Winchesters. But please, elaborate on what exactly you mean by that."
"I thought that perhaps you had changed. I was there when you and father spoke, resolved your rage with him. I thought that you had come to except his will and become one of us. But now I see that I was wrong. You had never changed."
"Why would I?" Lucifer chuckled. "I had always loved God the most. Oh, believe me. I've forgiven our father, but he is not thinking clearly. If Amara is free she is a threat. He is blinded by their ties. I will sever them and he will come back to us."
"You just want him back with you. It's the same desperate cry for attention as the apocalypse only worse. You do this and it will through the world into utter chaos. It will destroy everything."
"Nah, I bet dad has a plan for that. It'll be fine."
"This is insane and I can't let you do this."
"Yeah, I know you and the Winchesters will do whatever you can to stop me. So, I want you to send them a message." Lucifer smirked holding up his hand.
With a scream of pure pain, Castiel was ripped from his vessel and forced to watch as Lucifer—with a snap—destroyed his long-time body.
"Better find a new vessel before heaven drags you back. I can't imagine that they would treat you kindly. And tell the Winchesters to stay out of my way or I'll do worse to them." Lucifer smiled letting Cas go.
"Yes."
The hospital room lit up in a golden light making the lights and equipment surge. Then it just stopped. The nurse and doctor rushed in checking on the dark-haired girl that lay unmoving in the bed.
"What the hell was that?" the nurse asked panicked.
"I don't know. She seems stable, we need to get the machines back on." The doctor urged leaning over the girl.
Blue eyes suddenly shot open, the girl sat up pushing the doctor through the opposite wall making the nurse scream. The girl glared at her before jumping out of bed and sprinting out the door. She kept running till she was out of the building itself a mass of angry security guards and nurses behind her. Pausing once when she was outside, she looked left and right before deciding on left. Then she was gone.
"Damn it, I'm gonna kill Cas." Dean growled tapping away at his phone trying to get a hold of said angel. "Why can't he ever listen to me?"
"Would you have listened if he told you not to talk to me?" Sam sighed as they entered the bunker's library.
"That's different." Dean gritted.
"How so, their brothers."
"Yeah but not like us. I mean Lucifer was probably in hell for most of Cas's life. They are not close. Why the hell isn't he answering?"
"Because my phone was destroyed."
They both went straight into hunter mode, pulling out their guns and training them on the black haired blue eyed woman standing in front of them wearing only… one of Dean's shirts?
"Who are you and how the hell did you get in here?" Sam demanded.
The girl back up a step holding up her hands.
"I know where you keep the spare key." She answered, voice soft like a breeze.
"You what?" Dean asked.
"The one in the tree." She shrugged.
"How the hell did you know about that? Who are you?" Dean snarled.
"I understand that you don't know me in this vessel but I promise you that I am Castiel." She assured.
"Cas?" Sam asked.
"I'm not buying it. She's probably one of those British Men of Letters." Dean shook his head.
"I was the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." She tried.
"Yeah, everyone knows that line thanks to those books Chuck wrote." Dean smiled in that sarcastic way he does.
"I took Sam's visions of hell and survived Purgatory with you."
"Lots of people know that."
"Assbutt." She hissed.
"Cas?" Dean asked.
"That's what convinced you?" Sam raised his brow.
"Why are you a girl, and why are you wearing my shirt?" Dean questioned as he put down the gun and circled the new Cas.
"… You may have been right about Lucifer."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I found out what he was doing."
"And what would that be?" Sam asked.
"And how did you end up in a woman's body? And seriously why are you wearing one of my shirts?... is that all your wearing?"
Cas looked down at herself with a bit of a blush. Her new small slim frame made the shirt look like a dress, though the black made her new pale skin glow a bit. The neck was so wide that the it hung off her left shoulder. She was glad that the shirt was long enough to reach just below her mid-thigh covering her very naked self.
"Yes." She answered, her brows furrowed. "But in my defense, I went to the first room that I came across and grabbed the first thing I saw."
"Why wasn't your vessel wearing any clothes? Where did you find her? Wait is she still in there?"
"No, I know who you feel about that. She was a patient in the hospital here. Dying of cancer. I asked her if I could use her body and she said yes. I didn't have anything to wear besides the hospital gown and that was…uncomfortable."
"Can we get back to Lucifer now?" Sam urged getting Cas's attention. "What is he planning?"
"He wants to kill Amara." Cas answered.
"What?" the bothers gaped.
"He feels that God had given this mission and he needs to carry out."
"Well that is going to go down well." Dean groaned. "Chuck and Amara just became simpatico and he wants to screw that up. Why can't we go one year without the world trying to off itself."
"He does realize that if he kills Amara that is going to through balance of the universe into chaos, right." Sam urged.
"I don't think he cares." Cas sighed. "It was pretty clear that he isn't taking God second leave of absence well at all."
"And that gives him the right to try and end the world again?" Dean raised his brows.
"Well, my brother is known for his temper." She cocked her head making Dean rub his temples.
"God, you act like Cas but you don't look like him." He groaned slumping into a chair.
"I am me Dean. Lucifer ripped me from my vessel and destroyed my body. I don't think God will fix it this time. I had to find another vessel before I was dragged to heaven. I did what I had to. I'm sorry if my new vessel makes you uncomfortable."
"I know Cas, it's just gonna take me a minute to get used to it." Dean sighed.
"So what are we going to do about Lucifer?" Sam asked bringing the attention back to the main issue. "What do we do?"
"What else," Dean sighed rubbing his head. "We got to put him back in the cage."
"I don't think my father would like that very much." Cas murmured playing with her long hair.
Dean watched her do this, his brow furrowed in confusion and aw.
"Well he is gonna have to deal with it." Sam gave his own heavy sigh. "Deans' right. We can't kill the devil, we're gonna have to send him back to hell."
"And how do we do that?" Cas exclaimed throwing her hand to her side. "Last time Sam had to let him into his body and through himself in the pit and that barely worked. Lucifer is not going to make the same mistake."
"We're gonna have to try, Cas." Sam shook his head.
"So another damn suicide mission. Who is it going to be this time?" she cried glaring at Sam. "Let's see, it was Dean last time so is it going to be you or perhaps me."
"Okay Cas, calm down." Dean cautioned, slowly walking to her side.
"No, I almost lost you last time. Do you have any idea how that felt?"
"Probably like how I felt when we lost you to the leviathan, or when I thought you were stuck in purgatory." Dean shrugged.
"Yes but this time no one is coming back. God isn't going to bring me back and if you two die then Billy is going to put you in the void. There is no coming back from that. We got lucky last time. But this is getting ridiculous. I won't say goodbye to either of you again."
"Cas, no one is going to die this time." Dean promised placing a calming hand on her shoulder. "Okay, we'll find a way that doesn't involve killing us. So just calm down."
Cas looked to him, blinking rapidly before rubbing her temples.
"I'm sorry." She moaned. "I don't know what came over me. This vessel has all kinds of emotions and hormones that my preferred one didn't. This is a bit unsettling."
"Yeah, and this is where I can't help you." Dean coughed scratching his cheek. "Where's mom?"
Right on que the door opened and Mary stood at the top of the balcony looking down on her little family.
"Sam, Dean," she looked to her oldest. "Who is your friend and why is she wearing nothing but your shirt that was left on your bedroom floor this morning."
Dean looked to Cas with a raised brow.
"You got that off my bedroom floor?" he asked.
"I said I grabbed the first thing I saw. It was right by the door." She shrugged.
At his Dean gave a makes-sense-I-guess face.
"Mom, this is Cas." Sam gestured to the new girl.
Mary furrowed her brow, descending slowly down the steps.
"I thought Castiel was a man." She scrutinized the girl, eyeing her up and down.
"Angles are neither male or female." Cas corrected. "My former vessel just happened to be that of a man."
"So how did this happen?" she asked crossing her arms.
"Cas didn't listen to me and went after the devil." Dean snorted.
"What?!" Mary cried.
"He is my brother, I thought I could reason with him." Cas tried to reason.
"Yeah, well instead we found out that Lucifer intends to kill Amara and destroyed Cas's vessel. Now he's a girl." Dean laughed humorlessly.
"Wearing only your shirt." Sam smirked.
"I don't have anything else." Cas insisted.
"Nothing, not even underwear?" Dean asked backing up a little.
Cas blushed looking down trying to pull the shirt a little further down to cover herself.
"She can borrow a pair of my pants for now." Mary smiled wrapping her arm around the angel. "C'mon we'll find you a pair that fit then go shopping for some better fitting clothes."
"Meanwhile we'll be trying to figure out if there is any other way to get Lucifer in the cage beside the horsemen's rings or Rowena." Sam nodded going for the book shelves.
"Why can't we use the rings again?" Dean watching Cas and Mary go.
"Because we only have three of them, and the new death is not a fan of ours." Sam reminded. "I doubt he'll let us borrow it."
"Yeah, good point." He nodded pulling out his laptop.
"What do you think of this?" Mary asked holding up a blue form fitting sweater with a loose turtle neck. "I think it'll bring out your eyes."
"I don't know anything about fashion. But…if you say so." Cas shrugged playing with her hair again—an odd habit she had picked up somehow.
She didn't want to be here longer than they had to. She could feel everyone looking at her. It might be because she was wearing a baggy shirt, sagging jeans, one of Dean's canvas jackets and a borrowed pair of Mary's sneakers. She probably looked like a wreck. Normally she wouldn't care about this sort of thing, but for some reason it was bothering her now.
"Sweetie, you need to relax." Mary smiled rubbing her arm affectionately. "This is new for you; I get that but it won't matter soon enough. You'll be comfortable and settled soon. Plus, I bet Dean will make sure your taken care of."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Oh just that you two seem very close is all."
"… We do share a bond. I was the one that pulled him out of hell. That kind of event tends to bond people."
"You also helped him in purgatory."
"How,"
"Sam told me. He told me a lot about what you two have been through together. He also told me how Dean reacted when Lucifer possessed you."
"He was angry." She murmured. "What I did was stupid."
"He was angry yes. But mostly he was worried. Sam said he had to reassure him every day that they would get you back. And when Amara had you he only got worse."
"I don't understand why we are talking about this."
"Well maybe it's time for you two to take the next step."
"I don't understand."
"I see the way you look at each other." She smirked putting another shirt in the cart. "It reminds me of the way John used to look at me."
"He doesn't look at me like that." Cas insisted crossing her arms.
"Yes he does, and you do it two." Mary said her smirk growing as she put her hands on her hips. "Trust me a mother knows when her kids are in love."
At this Cas coughed on air.
"He does not love me." She chocked trying to keep her voice low.
"But you love him, right."
"I…" Cas sighed going back to playing with her hair. "I don't think I actually understand what love is. I mean I know that Sam and Dean mean more than anything to me and I would gladly give my life for them as they would me. But I don't think I've ever felt what romantic love is like so I don't know what it feels like."
"I only know what my feelings felt like, but I'll tell you what it was." Mary nodded holding up a green V-neck t-shirt against Cas's chest. "It's this feeling in your gut. Warm and fluttery, like butterfly's. It makes you nervous at first. Like your worried that you won't be good enough for them at first. But then after a while being next to them becomes as easy as breathing. All you can think about is are they okay, are they healthy, what can you do to make them happy—within reason that is. Their life, is the only thing that matters to you. The only thing that will matter just as much is your children if you decide to have any. That's what I felt whenever I was around John, is that what you feel for Dean."
Cas could only look down at her borrowed shoes as she blushed. She did feel that yes, but she always thought it was just loyalty or brotherly love. He's seen Sam feel the same thing. Though she did notice—though she thought she was being bias—that her emotions were a bit more intense. Could she have been in love with Dean this whole time?
"I don't know." She finally answered.
Cas didn't see it, but Mary's smile became brighter and more genuine as she watched the angel fidget and play with her hair.
"Alright I think we have enough to last a little while. We'll buy more along the way." She said placing the last pair of pants in the basket by the leather boots Mary picked out earlier. "Except I've picked out everything in this cart. Sweetie you should pick something out. Go ahead, pick anything don't worry Dean's paying."
Cas raised her brow knowing that if she didn't Mary would just make her anyway. So, with reluctant small steps she began to look around. It didn't take her long to find something thankfully. It wasn't anything fancy or awe inspiring. Not something you would wear to seduce a man or anything like that. But it was something that she knew she would love.
"I'll take this." She smiled pulling it off the rack.
Mary only smiled putting it in the cart.
"I think it's perfect." She nodded.
"Anything?" Dean asked rubbing his eyes.
"Not since the last time you asked me five minutes ago." Sam gritted.
"Man this sucks." Dean groaned falling back into his chair. "We are up a lava creek and the boats burning."
Sam sighed running his fingers through his hair. Before they could get further into their pit of despair, the door opened and they heard two sets of feet marching down the steps. Seeing that they had nothing else to do they went to meet the girls.
"Wow." Sam whistled as they reach them.
"Doesn't she look great?" Mary smiled.
"Yeah, you look good Cas." Sam nodded looking her up and down.
"Thank you." Cas blushed not making eye contact.
"You're still wearing the trench coat." Dean smiled fondly.
"It's not the same, but yes. I felt… awkward without it." Cas shrugged.
"She picked it out herself. The rest I had to do." Mary nodded placing the bags on the strategy table. "Do you have a room here? I remember you telling me you don't sleep."
"I do, it's just two doors down from Dean's." Cas nodded.
"Alright, I'll take these to your room. And I want you to change clothes every day. Don't just wear that same outfit like you did with your last vessel." She called as she went to put the bags in Cas's room.
In all honesty, Dean wouldn't mind if Cas decided to wear this outfit every day like she did with her last vessel. She was wearing that blue turtle neck sweater that Mary had said would bring out her eyes—which it did, not that Dean noticed Cas's eyes that often or anything—and a pair of black legging with the heeled boots. Add that with the trench coat and it kind of looked just like a female Cas—again, not that Dean had ever imagined what that would look like.
"Dean, are you alright?" Cas asked suddenly right in front of said hunter.
"Yeah I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" he nodded backing away.
"Your cheeks are red. Do you have a fever?" she asked worriedly placing the back of her hand against his forehead.
A jolt shocked them both, making them jump a little. That hadn't happened since the first time they met. Dean backed up further, his mind a muddled mess.
"I'm fine, Cas. I think I need to go see if baby needs a tune up." Dean mumbled hurrying off in the direction of the garage.
"Didn't you just do that yesterday?" Sam called after him getting no reply.
"You know how he is with that car." Cas shrugged heading for the kitchen. "He could spend hours with it."
"You sound like a jealous girlfriend." Sam snickered.
"I am not jealous nor am I his girlfriend." Cas sighed rolling her eyes as she started coffee—no she didn't drink it, but she liked helping the brothers.
"You could have fooled me." Sam scoffed under his breathe.
But Cas, having heightened angle senses, heard him.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded giving the youngest Winchester a steely glare.
"Well, I mean… you know what, it's nothing. Forget I said anything." He tried to push the subject away knowing this wasn't his place—that and Dean would kill him if he ever heard what Sam was thinking.
"I will not." Cas's glare hardened, as he put his hand on her hips. "Now explain what you meant."
"C'mon Cas. It's nothing."
"If it was nothing you wouldn't have said anything. Now tell me what you meant."
"… ugh fine. It's just the way you act around him, it's funny to watch sometimes."
"How is that?"
"Well, the way you can tell what the other is thinking. Or whenever we get into trouble his focus—if I'm in his sight—is you and making sure you're okay. You're the same way with him. He told me about the smiting sickness and how you did your little checkup thing. I mean, you should have seen him when you were possessed by Lucifer. Every other sentence was about you and how he was going to save you. Tell me how that is not like a couple. If you two spent less time worrying about heaven and the world I think you would have gotten together a long time ago."
"What your describing is a sibling love, nothing more."
"Oh no, I'm his actual brother and how he acts around you is nothing like how he acts with me. You guys are on a different level."
"Even if what you and Mary say is true-"
"Wait what about mom?"
"Dean is not interested in men, so we would never have gotten together."
"Yeah, but that's the thing. Look at you now Cas, you're a woman. If you had chosen a female vessel rather than a male I guarantee that Dean would have been all over you. More so than he is now."
"That is ludicrous."
"Is it?"
"Yes. I was no different than any other angel when you first met me. Anna and I were alike in so many ways and look who he chose."
"Yeah, but that was because she was a girl. I'm telling you Cas, he loves you and I know you love him too."
"How could you possibly know that."
"Because I see it. I have had brief glimpses of love, but I know it when I see it. You just need to open your eyes and let your heart lead you."
Cas pondered this, looking away. Two people today had told her about this now. She was beginning to wonder if being in a female body made people as crazy as it made her. That seemed to be the consensus.
"I think I need some time to think about this." She sighed pushing off the counter.
"Don't think too long, it'll drive you crazy." Sam called after him.
Cas ignored him, closing and locking the door behind her. Though she didn't sleep she found her bed to be quite comfortable. So, without further ado she flopped against the pillows and stared lost at the ceiling. She didn't know what to do. Normally in situations like these she would ask Dean for help, but this whole thing was about Dean. Confused and not knowing what else to do she reached into one of the shopping bags and pulled out Dean's shirt that she had borrowed earlier that day. She pressed it to her nose and took a deep breath inhaling the scent. It was a uniquely Dean smell, autumn wind mixed with motor oil. It always managed to put her to ease. How come after she took on a female vessel everything became so confusing. The whole hormones thing was a bit uncomfortable and now Sam and Mary were filling her head with silly thoughts of love and Dean and it was making her crazy. Normally whenever she felt like this she would pray or talk to Dean. Knowing now that her father may possibly be listening she didn't want to talk to him. So, that only left one option. And she was going to make a complete fool of herself.
It was easy to find Dean; he was still in the garage working compulsively under the hood of the car.
"Um, Dean?" she called timidly.
Consequently, she startled Dean into jumping and smacking his head on the underside of the hood.
"Ow, damn it." He hissed rubbing his head.
"Sorry." She winced hurrying forward to check that he was alright.
"I'm fine, all good." Dean groaned waving away Cas's concern. "What's up?"
"I wanted to give you this back." Cas said shyly holding the shirt out to him.
"Thanks." Dean nodded taking the shirt and putting it in the front seat through the open window. "You didn't stain it, did you?"
"How could I have done such a thing when I don't eat or drink?" she cocked her head cutely—not that Dean, oh just screw it, yes he noticed.
"I was being sarcastic." Dean snorted.
"Right, sorry." She nodded ducking her head.
"Was there something else?" he asked after she didn't move.
"Um, well I sort of need your advice on something." She fidgeted playing with her hair again.
"Shoot."
"Um, for some time now I've had these… feelings…"
"Uh, Cas…"
"I'm sorry, it's just whenever I have a problem I can't think through on my own you're the person I normally talk to."
"Yeah but feelings aren't really something I'm good with. Don't you want to talk to Sam or mom about this?"
"I already did—against my will I might add—but they only served to confuse me more."
"… Okay, um, go on I guess."
She nodded avoiding eye contact wording her thoughts carefully so as not to give anything away.
"So anyway, I've had these feelings for someone for a while. At first I thought that is was just familial, but after reviewing them I don't think that anymore. I care for this person more than just as a family member. I would die for them and I know they would do the same but it's because they see me as family though after talking with Mary and Sam I'm beginning to think, or hope that they may think of me as more, but I don't want to say anything for fear of making things… awkward for lack of a better word. And now with this new vessel I just am so confused and don't know what to do. Dean, please help me."
At first Dean said nothing. Just leaned down grabbing a beer from his loving green cooler and popped it open and took a long swig. All the while making Cas a nervous wreck. What if she said too much or gave away who she was talking about somehow? Why did she open her mouth?
"Well-" Dean began but didn't get much out.
"Never mind." She suddenly cried backing away. "Forget I ever said anything. I… I think I'll go see what Marys' up to."
Without a second thought she took off with no intention of finding lovely mother Winchester. Instead she ran straight to her room flopping on her bed and curling into a little ball. Her stupid hormones where driving her to do stupid things and now Dean was going to think she was some crazy freak. Now he knew and she couldn't take it back. If she had a better handle on her emotions then she would have gone on blissfully content just being near the eldest Winchester and nothing would have changed, but now she went and let them ruin everything. What was she going to do now?
Dean watched as Cas took off, seeing as her coat billowed behind her, her heeled boots clacking hastily against the concrete floor. it took him all but thirty seconds to give chase and by then she was long gone. Honestly he had no idea why she took off, all he knew was that Cas liked someone and that they thought of her as family but she thought of them as more. When she said that his heart broke just the slightest. But if this is what Cas wanted then he would be supportive. What he didn't understand is why she suddenly got so flustered and took off. Did she think that he would judge her, or did he somehow let some of the hurt slip? Either way, Cas asked for his help and he was going to give it even if he had to tie her to a chair and make her listen—of course she was an angel so tying her to a chair was going to do nothing, stupid logic.
So, the first thing Dean did was go to his mom's room since Cas said that she was going to be talking to her. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. He knocked a couple of more times but still got nothing. After that he went to Sam's room hoping maybe he knew where mom or the wayward angel where. No answer there either. He checked the strategy room, then the study and the shooting range but they weren't there either. Finally, he checked the kitchen. Bingo. Well, sort of.
"Hey you guys seen Cas, I thought she said she was going to come talk to you mom." He asked still standing in the doorway.
"I haven't seen her." Mary shook her head sipping at her coffee.
"Does anyone find it weird that we just naturally started calling her a her when she used to be a he?" Sam wondered out loud poking at his cereal.
"Not really." Both Dean and May answered with a shrug.
"Anyway, Sammy have you seen her?" he asked again.
"No. Why, what's going on?" Sam asked.
"Well she comes to me to give me back my shirt then starts talking about these feelings she has for someone and asking my advice on what to do. But before I could even put in two cents she took off like a frightened rabbit. Now I can't find her."
Hearing this, Mary and Sam shared a look before bursting into giggling messes.
"What?" Dean asked looking between the two of them.
"Did she tell you who this person was?" Mary asked.
"No, just said some things then took off." Dean huffed.
"What did she say exactly?" Sam asked.
"Why do you want to know? She said she already talked about this with you guys."
"Just answer the question sweetie." Mary encouraged.
"Uh, well she said that she used to think that the feelings—oh God—the feelings that she had were familial but after talking with you two she thinks they may be different now. But she doesn't think this person feels the same and wanted to know what she should do. Then she got all panicky and took off supposedly to find you, mom."
"And you chased after her?" Sam asked, his smile couldn't get any bigger.
"Hey she asked for my help and I never turned my back when she needed me." Dean huffed crossing his arms. "Why do you two find this so funny? What did you tell her anyway?"
"We told her to go for it." Mary smiled.
"I mean it's been in the making for like seven to eight years it just needed to happen already." Sam shrugged trying to hide his smile now.
"What has been in the making? Do you guys know who it is she likes? Who is it?" Dean demanded stepping fully into the kitchen now.
"I think she should tell you." Mary told him, her smile turning to a stern look.
"Well it's not like he would believe us if we told him anyway. I mean he hasn't figured it out after all this time so there is just no way." Sam sighed giving his brother the you-are-hopeless look.
"What do you mean I haven't figured it out? How can you tell anything she's been thinking? She's a freakin' angel, they are like brick walls."
"Is that how you really feel?" Mary asked not believing him.
"Ah yeah."
"Even about Castiel?" she asked raising a brow.
"… well at first maybe, but now it's not that hard anymore."
"So then you should have known who she was talking about." Sam's smirk was back.
"Well I don't."
"Oh yes you do. Thinks of her as family, would die for her, has died for her. Seven to eight years."
"Sam." Mary warned.
"What, I'm tired of watching them dance around each other. You weren't here for all those years. It's been painful to watch." Sam whined.
"Wait…" Dean's brow furrowed as everything Sam said sunk in. Then his eyes went wide. "… son of a bitch."
"And there it is." Sam smiled throwing his arms up in the air.
"But wait, so all this time she has been…"
"Yup." Sam nodded.
"But I…"
"Uh-huh."
"But she was a guy and now she's a girl… I don't… this… son of a bitch."
"Don't over think it, sweetie." Mary cooed, running her hands through his hair. "Just go talk to her. You'll figure this out. Now go."
Without a second thought Dean made a beeline for Cas's room.
He knocked, but got no answer. He knew that Cas had to be here since there was no other place she could be. So, he knocked two more times and waited. When he still got no answer, he said screw it and opened the door himself.
Cas sat straight up at hearing the door open and stared widely at Dean as he stood in the doorway.
"Dean," she murmured surprised.
The sight that greeted Dean was not what he expected. He was expecting the angel to be standing in the corner or sitting at the edge of her bed staring at the wall in silent contemplation. This was so not what he was expecting. She was curled up under the covers, hiking them past her chin, in the tightest ball she could manage. When she sat up she looked like he was aiming a pistol filled with angel-cide bullets at her. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought that she was just another woman going through a bad break up. But he did know better, and he knew that this had to be more confusing for Cas—especially right now—than it was for him.
Don't overthink it Dean. He thought to himself. Just follow your instincts.
"Hey Cas. We need to talk." He said closing the door as he came closer to the bed.
"About what?" Cas asked backing against the headboard.
"About what you asked back in the garage."
"… I told you to just forget about it."
"Well I don't want to. I want to help you, Cas."
"I don't need help anymore."
"Cas-"
"Dean, this is all unnecessary. I appreciate your concern but there is nothing to talk about. Please leave."
"No."
"Dean, I would like some time to myself. I need to rethink my approach against my brother and I find your presence very distracting."
"Forget about Lucifer for a sec Cas and talk to me." Dean growled getting agitated.
"There is nothing to discuss. If you won't leave then I'll find some place where I can think in peace." She growled back leaving the bed and passing him to get to the door.
"Damn it Cas, stop." Dean snarled grabbing Cas's out reaching hand and pressing her against the wall adjacent to the door.
"Dean, let me go." She whimpered avoiding his eyes.
"You and I both know that if you really wanted that you would have sent my ass slamming into the opposite wall or just zapped out of here." He hissed close to her face.
"Please." She whispered not even knowing what she was pleading for just knowing that she didn't want to talk about this.
"Just listen to me." Dean pleaded himself, wanting desperately to get this out of the way so they could move on. Whichever way this conversation takes them is up to Cas. "I know what you are talking about. About caring for someone much more than if they were just family. I know what you mean, I've felt it too, but… there was just so much crap that I couldn't get over. I loved this person more than anything and that scared me. I didn't know that the hell it was all about. I knew this person would die for me, hell they turned from their family to be with me. That made me happy in a sick narcissistic kind of way, but I was still happy. They did all kinds of bad shit to keep me safe or to try to make me happy or proud of them. Admittedly I didn't always give them what they wanted. They just made me so mad that they would hurt themselves for me. But after it's all said and done we've always found our way back to one another. Maybe that's the universe trying to tell me something but I wouldn't listen. I found myself undeniably attracted to this person but I couldn't get over one thing. God, it was such a stupid thing too. I couldn't get over the fact that this person looked like a guy."
At this Cas's eyes became wide and she tensed, still refusing to look up.
"It really shouldn't have mattered since I love them, but I had never once found myself attracted to a guy before. Don't get me wrong I don't give a crap about whoever being whatever sexuality but for me it was just so confusing. I loved this person but I couldn't see myself with them like that all because he was a guy. It didn't matter that he was technically genderless and that he could change himself to become more my type. It was just not something I could get over. But then they did. They show up in my home in nothing but my shirt looking like a girl version of themselves and I realized how stupid I've been. It shouldn't have mattered that they were in a guy's body before. I should have made a move no matter what. I loved them and that's all that mattered. God, I was just so stupid."
"… Why?"
"What?"
"Why after they became a woman didn't you make a move then?"
"I was… scared." Dean sighed letting his head rest against hers. "I didn't know if she felt the same for me. And after all these years, I just didn't want to risk losing her over something so stupid."
"She did feel the same." She whimpered biting her lip. "Since you said no to Michael she felt an overwhelming sense of love for you."
"Castiel, look at me… Please." He begged.
Slowly, like she was scared that facing this would make him disappear, she lifted her chin so her crystal blue could lock onto his pine green ones.
"I love you." He confessed keeping her eyes locked with his. "I have for years and I've just been too stupid to admit it. But I say this now in the hopes that you'll like this mushy speech and give me a chance."
Cas could only giggle as she wrapped her arms around her man, tucking her head under his chin.
"I don't think I could ever say no to the man I love." She sighed letting him wrap his arms tightly around him. "However, I'm still getting used to this vessel and just everything. I don't think we should go too fast."
"As much as I just want to jump you right now, I think you're right." Dean nodded. "We have waited way too long for this to screw it up by moving faster than we're ready for. So, we will go as slow as you want."
"Then what do we do now?" she asked looking up at him.
"Whatever you want to do sweetheart." He smiled.
She grinned at the pet name and thought.
"We could either tune up baby or watch something on Netflix." She suggested.
"Well I already tuned up baby, so I guess Netflix it is." Dean smiled pulling Cas to the bed so they could get comfortable.
Almost like there was no change to their relationship, they snuggled close on the bed and turned on the TV getting started on their Walking Dead marathon.
"Dean." Cas said after a little while.
"Yeah?" he answered looking down at her.
With just a second of hesitation she leaned up and pressed her lips gently to his. Meaning for it to be a quick peck but finding that wasn't possible. Dean tangled his fingers in her raven feather hair holding her close and deepening the kiss letting the sensation spark throughout their bodies. It was only when Dean needed breath did he let her pull away.
"I love you too." She smiled snuggling closer.
Dean smiled, holding her as close as he could and letting her presence put him at ease.