Chapter one – A Fresh Start

The new Doctor held her hand as they watched the TARDIS disappear from the beach, leaving them behind forever. He felt the horrible emptiness echo through his mind as the presence of his oldest and most faithful companion dematerialized. It almost brought him to his knees.

"What's wrong, Doctor? What is it?" Rose asked as she felt him flinch in pain. Her heart broke for him as she watched tears stream down his face. She had never seen him cry before, even after the Dalek in Van Stratten's bunker had almost broken him completely. Had their separation broken him as badly as it had her? The panic attacks when she first arrived in the parallel universe had been horrible. But what could be so upsetting right now? They were together again; That should be a good thing.

"She's gone. The TARDIS' link to my mind. She filled the empty void that has been there ever since the war and she's gone now." He wanted to cling to Rose for his sanity, but he was afraid to scare her away after all they had just been through. So he stood there stiffly, grasping her hand as tightly as he dared. Of course, even after so long apart, Rose knew exactly what he needed and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his tear streaked face to her shoulder. She held him through his shuddering sobs, neither of them really paying any attention to how long they stood there on the cold, wind-swept beach.

Eventually, Rose became aware of her mother close by. "I called your father to send the zeppelin for us, but we'll need to find a hotel for the night. We'd best start walking now before it gets dark. My feet are freezing already." She sounded tired and cold. As much as Rose wasn't planning to be back here, she was definitely happy that she wouldn't be trapped away from her mother for the rest of her life.

"Sure mum. If I remember right, the place we stayed last time we were here isn't too far away. Alright, Doctor?" Rose tried to catch his gaze but he was steadfastly staring downwards as he clung to her hand.

"Yeah, of course, I'm always alright." Rose knew that his standard answer meant what it usually did (that he was definitely NOT alright, but didn't want to talk about it). His shoulders were slumped, he wouldn't meet her gaze and he was clutching her hand like he thought she'd disappear in a puff of smoke. But if he didn't want to talk about it, then she would do what they usually did and keep moving.

Jackie tried to give them some space during the walk into town in the hopes that they could work through some of the things that had them so upset from the day. She was, of course, thrilled to not only be back in the same universe as Pete and Tony, but to also have Rose and the Doctor as well. Now they could all be one big happy family... If these two could just get through this sudden change of plans.

Rose squeezed his hand in reassurance. "Is there anything I can do to help, Doctor? I know I'm not telepathic or anything, but there must be something we can do?" Any doubts she may have had about whether this was really the Doctor flew out the window as her compassion for him drowned out everything else. She remembered him telling her that he used to be able to feel all of the Time Lords in his head, that he would know if there were any left because he would feel it. He mentioned at one point that after the war, the silence was terrible and all he had left was the TARDIS. Now, he didn't even have her.

"There is something, Rose. But let's talk about it when we're settled for tonight, ok?" Would she be frightened by the thought of bonding her mind with his? He had dreamed about this with her for so long, he almost couldn't believe that it might be within his grasp. Best not discuss it in front of Jackie though, she'd never understand.

The Doctor spoke to the clerk at the hotel in fluent Norwegian to get them two rooms that Jackie insisted were going to be paid for by Torchwood since they had saved the entire multiverse. She quickly went to her room to have a hot bath while Rose and the Doctor found their own room. The room was clean, if a little worn. The usual hotel colours of yellows and browns seemed a bit washed out, but it was far better than some of the prison cells they'd found themselves in before.

It had been years for both of them since they had travelled together, but sharing a room was nothing new even if they'd never done more than sleep in the same bed. There had been a few intense moments during their last weeks together where they had kissed, but it never went further than that. So, lying face to face on the king-sized bed, they spent a few moments just looking into each other's eyes. She took the time to re-memorize all of his freckles, the shape of his mouth... she had almost forgotten all those beloved details as her memories became fuzzy over time.

Finally, Rose took a shaking breath and said the words she hadn't spoken to him since that first time at Bad Wolf Bay. "I love you," she whispered as she stroked the side of his face.

He closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch. "Oh, Rose. I love you so much. Those words just aren't enough..." He said something then in a language that was musical and flowing and ancient. He had said it to her before, but only when he was sure she wouldn't hear him. Like when she was asleep or leaving the room, he'd whisper those words and the TARDIS never translated Gallifreyan anyway.

"That's beautiful. What does it mean?" She took his hand and twined their fingers together. Had she heard that before? Somehow, it felt like she might have. Sleepy memories after he read to her in the library or something.

"It's Gallifreyan, so it's difficult to translate accurately in English. We had ways of communicating variations of eternity, parallels, alternate timelines and across regenerations, but I can try to give you a rough approximation. You were/are/ever will be the most precious and beloved person in all my lives, past, present, and future. My hearts always have/do/will yearn for yours to be near me and make me whole." He kissed her forehead and tucked her hair behind her ear. It wasn't quite right, but close. She could never be with him long enough for her to really learn his language, but he could at least teach her a little of it.

"I guess 'I love you' is a bit small in comparison to that. Maybe someday you could teach me how to say that too? If I could even pronounce it of course."

"I'd love to, Rose. I'll share anything and everything you'd like. After I lost you, I swore that if I ever had the chance to see you again, I wouldn't hold back anything anymore. I had tried to shelter my hearts when we were together because I was so afraid of the day that I'd lose you, but all I had afterward were regrets. You are my everything and have been since you said, 'There's me.'" It had been their 'first date' (as they joked about it after his regeneration) and for the first time after the war, he hadn't felt alone with her hand in his.

"We were both scared, Doctor. After we met Sarah Jane and you told me how you didn't want to watch someone you cared about die and have to live on, I understood. You already had to lose all your family in the Time War. I didn't want to push you into that again." She had felt her heart break so much between the time they spent with Sarah Jane and of course all the nonsense with Reinette. He apologized, of course. It was a misunderstanding more than anything. It had seemed like he fell in love with her, but as he pointed out, it was only a day for him. While Reinette may have fallen for him (she felt she knew him her whole life), he had only known her for a day. He was only upset afterward because he had promised her a trip and felt like he had let her down. Things got a little better between them after that. They had grown closer, but she had still felt like she didn't want to push him into anything.

"I did lose them all in the war. I was responsible for it. The deaths of every single Gallifreyan and Dalek were because of me. They would have destroyed the whole universe and I couldn't let it go on any longer. I put the war into a time lock so nothing could get in or out and destroyed it all for the sake of the rest of the universe. I lost my friends, my family, everything." His eyes filled with tears that he had tried to keep hidden for so long. But in the arms of his love, he let himself mourn. Rose snuggled close and rubbed his back as he cried. She knew he blamed himself for everything, but hadn't known that he had been the one to push that final button. He had saved the rest of the universe, but still blamed himself for not being able to save everyone. No wonder he was so happy when 'just this once, everybody lives.' It was so rare that there wasn't a cost to saving the day. When his breathing finally settled, she realized that he had fallen asleep. They had been through so much that day. Rose rested her head against his chest and allowed herself to fall asleep listening to the single heart beating in his chest.

When she woke again, she could feel him gently stroking her hair. "Hello," she said as she stretched a bit and curled closer into his side. Somehow, they were both under the covers (though still wearing all their clothes from the day before) and she felt pleasantly warm in his arms.

"Hello. It's still very early, you can sleep more before we have to leave for the zeppelin." He had been awake for a while already and had turned off the lights before settling back into the bed with her. It was so rare in his lives that he could just stay still and relax. Holding his love and breathing her scent as she slept felt like heaven. Why had he denied himself this for so long? Why had he denied her?

Rose stretched in his arms before answering in a sleepy voice, "I'm alright. Got used to not sleeping much lately. Too much work to do saving the universe, you know." She held him a little tighter as she tried to organize her thoughts. There were so many questions she had for him, it was hard to decide where to start. "You told me once that you had been a father before. Were you married? Did your people do that kind of thing?" If they were going to spend their lives together like he had asked on the beach, then she needed to know these things and not just what he was like day to day. When they were together before, it was as if none of that was anyone's business but his own. But if they were really together now, then it was her business to know everything about him.

"Well... a long time ago, during my first life I was in an arranged marriage. Time Lord marriages were usually for political reasons. I barely knew her really. We both fulfilled the contracts involved by contributing our DNA to the looms for children. My people used these machines called looms to produce offspring after the planet was cursed by Pythia and everyone was then sterile. Through centuries of looming, we could produce the perfect little Time Lords and Ladies. All brilliant, emotionally detached, and superior to all other species in every way. I was never up to their standards of course." He smiled at Rose and she grinned back up at him. "When my granddaughter was a teenager, I stole the TARDIS and ran off with her to explore the universe away from Gallifrey. She and I didn't really fit in there. We lived on Earth for a while and she went to high school there until her teachers became suspicious of her brilliance." Ian and Barbara... that was where his real journey began. That was when he started his life with humans. They were the ones that taught him to make a difference and not just watch the universe go by. He was a part of it and needed to take part in it. Of course, taking part was the main reason most of the Time Lords despised him. He gazed off into the distance as he thought about how it all began and was a bit startled when she spoke again.

"What was her name? Your granddaughter, I mean."

"When we were on Earth, she took the name Susan and stopped using her Gallifreyan name completely. Her given name was originally Arkytior." He chuckled softly, "it means rose actually. She would have loved you as much as I do. I'm sure of it."

"Did she travel with you for a long time?" It would have been wonderful to meet the young girl who inspired the Doctor to leave Gallifrey and travel across the universe. Though the idea of being a step-grandmother while still in her twenties as a little odd. As she had told him before, there was one hell of an age gap between them. Although, the culture gap seemed to be the bigger hurdle to face than age. With his people being so long-lived, they would have generations of family living all at once. It probably wasn't uncommon for people to be hundreds of years apart in age and still be together.

"She was with me for several years." He smiled wistfully at the memories of their time together. "Then, one day, she met a young man, a human by the name of David Campbell and she fell in love. She would have left him behind though to stay with me. So I did what I always do and made the decision for her. I locked her out of the TARDIS and left her with him to have the life that I thought she should have with the man she loved." It seemed he was always making decisions for other people from the very beginning. And the full Time Lord was still doing it. He rubbed his hand over his face as he made the decision to change his ways (at least with regards to Rose), "The other me just did it again... the exact same thing with the two of us. You weren't really given much of a choice yesterday. That isn't the best way to start off this new chapter in our lives. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can, Doctor. You weren't given much of a choice either. I know you wanted to stay with me, but I'm sure you would also have wanted to stay with the TARDIS rather than being stuck away from her and all your friends in the other universe. We were both denied our own choices yesterday, but I think together we can find a way to make the best of it, despite Mr-Know-It-All deciding for us."

"I've missed you so much, Rose." He caressed the side of her face softly. "There is something that we can do that would allow us to connect in a way similar to what I had with the TARDIS, but that kind of link is very intimate as well as permanent. It's something I've wanted with you for a long time, but you need to know everything about it before you make that kind of decision. If ... if you want, of course." He had to make sure that she really understood what this would mean. He had dreamed about this kind of link with her for ages even as he had tried to distance himself from her to avoid the pain of someday losing her. When she was gone, it hurt almost more than he could bear and only made him regret all the things they had denied each other while they were together. Just as he was starting to tear down the walls around his hearts, she was torn away from him.

"I'd like to learn about it if it will help you. It's been really hard for me without you. At first, I didn't know what to do, how to even exist. I just kept waiting for you to find a way to rescue me. After your ... message on the beach, I spent days just ... disconnected from everything. When I finally pulled myself together, I decided that I'd never give up trying to find a way back." Rose held back her tears as she felt him squeeze her closer into his side.

He had spent months trying to find a way to get her back and had never found anything better than the one stupid crack to send her a message for two minutes. For weeks he hadn't slept and barely ate enough to stay alive; he'd been a wreck! Yet somehow, she had managed to make it through where he couldn't.

"And you did it. Where I failed, you found a way through the impossible." How had they managed it? How much did Rose work out on her own? How much help was Torchwood providing her before the crisis with the stars going out? Those kinds of answers could wait for now. Right now, he needed to focus on the two of them. Technicalities of the past could wait. "You never cease to amaze me, Rose Tyler."

They laid there quietly. Both contemplating very heavy thoughts while listening to each other's breathing and feeling the warmth of their embrace. The sun was just starting to rise outside and the sky was filled with pinks and purples through their window.

"Will you marry me, Rose? I've loved you more from the day we met than I ever felt for anyone else in 900 years. I've had close friends before as you know. Sarah Jane was one of my closest friends, but even that friendship never came close to what I feel for you, Rose. I told you that most Time Lord marriages were for political reasons, but there was a deeper form of marriage among the Gallifreyans that weren't Time Lords. It was a way of telepathically bonding minds and hearts together. It would make it possible to feel each other's presence in our minds all the time. We could feel where the other person is if we were separated and even feel strong emotions from each other at a distance. It would also mean that when we were touching, we could share thoughts and memories. As I said before though, it is very intimate and permanent. You would have to be sure that is what you wanted, forever." He held his breath and looked deeply into her eyes as she tried to process all of this information.

"Is there a way you could show me what it would feel like before we made it permanent? I do want to marry you, Doctor, but I understand why you want me to really consider the permanence of this. We've been apart for a few years now and as much as we love each other, we can't risk jumping too far too fast." She had thrown herself across dimensions for him, of course she wanted to marry him. But she did need to be careful before leaping straight into a permanent linking of minds without knowing what that would mean. Oh, who was she kidding? She was sure that she'd do this too if it was what he wanted, but it was a good idea to take this in steps... at least she probably should. They had both loved each other for so long, but had denied themselves the chance at more. Now they were going from zero to sixty all in one go.

"I've never bonded with anyone but the TARDIS like that before, so I can't say for sure what it will always feel like. But I can certainly make a temporary connection between us to share some memories and feelings, if you want." His heart was beating so fast at just the idea of linking his mind with hers, even temporarily.

"I'd like that. Will we be able to talk to each other, like in our heads?"

"When we are in physical contact, yes. There is a deeper connection that is possible, but my people stopped doing it once we gained the ability to regenerate. It linked a couple so completely that if one of them died, the other person died too. But they could feel each other and telepathically communicate no matter the distance between them. There was only once that I know of where it was done between a couple that could regenerate and they discovered that if one of them met up with a regeneration from before they were bonded, they could still recognize the bond between each other. We certainly don't have to go as far as that kind of bond, my love, but I'll take anything you are willing to give." There was no worry about not matching in regenerations or even meeting up with his past incarnations. It would be bliss to have that kind of connection with her.

"Let's start with the smaller connection for now, yeah? That sounds really special, Doctor, but we can take this one step at a time."

"Of course." He placed his fingers against her temples and sent a little telepathic knock to ask permission to enter her mind. Not quite knowing how to respond, she just nodded her head. Then she felt something like refreshing water and a warm hug all around her as he created the link. He basked in the golden glow of her mental presence. She was like sunshine warming his shattered soul and he never wanted to leave. They both sighed happily at the feeling of unity this created and she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull his forehead against hers and they both closed their eyes. He pushed towards her his memory of their walk together on Woman Wept under the towering frozen waves. He remembered her looking around at the sparkling, frozen planet in wonder and it had filled him with a renewed joy at exploring the universe even after the horrors of the Time War. She tried to send him some of her own memories from that day and felt a mental caress that told her she had done it right. That gave her the confidence to try and send him a different memory of her own. She pulled together all her thoughts and feelings from their arrival on New Earth when they sat together on his coat in the apple grass. The wave of affection she felt back from him was delightful and she could see why he craved a permanent connection with her so deeply. Sending her own feelings of love to him, she kissed him deeply. Not the desperate type of kiss they shared on the beach yesterday, but a slow exploration of his mouth with her lips and tongue. He kissed her back just as lovingly and they both felt the connection deepen with the contact. Oh, this was addictive... how would she ever want this to stop?

'This is lovely, I could stay here forever,'~ thought Rose.

~'Mmmm, I agree, but we should probably think about getting ready to leave soon. Your mother will certainly be anxious to get on the zeppelin as soon as possible to go home.'

She hadn't planned on starting a mental conversation with him, so she was a little surprised when he answered her. She giggled at the idea of holding secret conversations with him all the time. The purity and intensity of his feelings for her was easily apparent when they were connected like that. They could so easily find each other if they got separated or call each other for help when they travelled. Not to mention how easily they could avoid some of those miscommunications they'd had in the past over their feelings. As she thought about their relationship more, she considered the fact that he barely even knew his first wife. He and she both knew that they loved each other, had been very close and his people never had sex even if they were married. Cultural differences... no wonder he was asking her now. It seemed so sudden to her, but it really wasn't for him. They were already closer than he had ever been with anyone and it's not like he was ignorant about people... he's been interacting with people around the universe for centuries. They broke apart slowly and gazed into each other's eyes.

"Yes, Doctor. The answer is yes." They both had happy tears in their eyes as they hugged each other tightly.

"Well, let's get ourselves cleaned up for the day so I can find a way to get you a ring in the custom of your people before we bind ourselves together in the custom of mine. I'd hate to deprive your mother of the opportunity to plan a wedding." Taking her hand, they walked together to the shower. As steam filled the room, they slowly undressed and took their time washing, caressing and exploring each other's bodies as if they had all the time in the world. By the time they dried off and redressed in their clothing from the day before, Jackie had left three messages on Rose's mobile and they made their way downstairs to find her.