Title: New Year's Confessions
Disclaimer: Red vs. Blue and all of its concepts are copyright © to Rooster Teeth Productions! The Halo storyline and all of its concepts are copyright © to Bungie and Microsoft Games Studios! I make no profit from writing this story! This is purely for fun!
Rating: T—for O'Malley's gory, disturbing thoughts...
Pairing: Doc/O'Malley
Summary: It's New Years Day and that means it's a time for resolutions! But... Doc's resolutions for his "friendship" with O'Malley aren't what you'd call exactly... normal...
Word Count: 1,900+
A/N: Wow... another fic that's so gay and fluffy you might have thought that an apple from the Faggot-Tree would have conked me on the head...
Anyway—this is an old story that I'd posted on the rvb(underscore)slash LJ a while back and I liked it enough to post it up here. It's a little early to be posting a New Year's fic, but, meh, I don't really care... I hope you enjoy! And if you don't like the thought of two men sharing intimate thoughts together, well, why the hell are you here? I already gave a warning about what this fic will contain in the summary, so I'm not the one to blame for your bi-curious tendencies... If you don't like the story, just express your ill views toward this story in a very well, thought out, adult manner and all shall be fine.
Now, enough of my ramblings! Enjoy the story! AND A HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND A MERRY NEW YEAR TO YOU, TOO! Hurr hurr...
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It was twelve o'clock on the dot. Precisely on the dot, if you want to get anal. Unable to keep it inside of him anymore, Doc let out an ecstatic and loud, "Happy New Year, O'Malley! It's one more year that's gone and passed! And last year was a good one! Whoo-boy, it was! I finally found friends and got my own house... My life's coming together at last! I don't think I could ever be happier!"
"And what's so great about it, you fool?" the A.I. returned snappishly, bothered that the idiot was interrupting his work... again. "One more year here! Even though we're nowhere near it, I can still feel the idiocy from Blood Gulch reaching out for me! And it's also just one more year off of your pathetic lifespan! Soon you'll be withering into dust, blowing away into oblivion! Muwahahahahaaa! And also, I'm not your friend. You're just a means to an end. And another thing: this is not your house, this is my evil lair!"
Feeling just a small point of his happiness break, Frank pouted. "Aw, you really don't think of me as a friend, after all we've been through? And how come you have to be so pessimistic?"
"I'm not being pessimistic, I'm just stating the cold, hard facts," O'Malley replied officiously. "I can't help it if you're a simpleton with ridiculously stupid fancies floating about your head!"
"But this is no time to think such gloomy thoughts!" Frank chirped blissfully, making his way through the winding corridors of the lair. "This is a brand new year, ripe with new chances to better yourself! This is a person's chance to make their New Year's resolutions come to light! To make their dreams come true!"
It was quiet for the space of a heartbeat before O'Malley spoke again, "…You're joy makes me sick. If I had a stomach, I would have thrown up just about now… preferably in a crowded area, near a stairway, so someone could slip and fall down them, breaking various bones, while screaming deliciously..."
He almost felt bile surge up his throat at what was, to him, one of the most ghastly things his A.I. could have thought up yet. "How can you think like that all the time!?"
"It's quite simple, really. Would you like a full tutorial?"
"Err... no...? Not particularly..."
"Bwa-hahahahaaa!"
Checking a sigh, Frank continued walking to the front of the lair, his helmet tucked under one arm. A cool breeze drifted by, ruffling his dark brown hair, making it settle in front of large, blue eyes. The nearer he got to the front, the louder it became. Lopez and their newest recruit, the Red guy (Frank believed his name was Kenny), were outside, celebrating in the only way you could on New Years. There were high-pitched whoops and ramblings in Spanish every time one of the bigger types of fireworks lit up the sky, adding to the festive mood.
The medic smiled, not able to stay unhappy. "Hey, since it's New Years," he began, trying to strike up the conversation again, "do you have any resolutions you'd like to share?" He had walked up to the balcony by now, watching the Red Zealot run over to light a fuse, then run away, yelling like a fool, only to run back again to repeat the cycle. Lopez watched impassively (it was the only thing he could do), making his snide comments, which Kenny ignored.
"Are you completely out of your mind? Of course I don't have any 'resolutions'!" He snorted, feeling his irritation rising.
"You have to have something, O'Malley! It's New Years!" Doc had said it as if it made everything that much clearer.
"I said no, you nasty little blemish!" O'Malley snarled. "I did not waste precious time thinking up pointless intentions of self-improvement that rarely come to pass!"
Doc suddenly gasped in such a way that one probably thought he'd just seen a kitten get swallowed whole by a crocodile. "That's not true! I'm sure lots of people accomplish their New Year's resolutions!"
"Really? Then would you give me a precise number of that amount of people?"
"Well, err... I, uh―" Doc began, baffled.
"Exactly."
"You're so rude."
"Thank you. And, if you must know what I've been thinking, I have been running simulations on the defense of my lair. We could use a few more turrets near the east wall and maybe a missile pod or two..." he rambled on, more to himself than to Frank, who listened politely, though he did not particularly like the topic.
"Well," Doc began cheerfully, after the A.I. had finished his rant, "I don't think we have missile pods, but I can tell you what we do have that's close enough!" He paused, to see if O'Malley would enthusiastically reply. He didn't. "We have fireworks!"
"Oh, God..."
"What do you mean, 'Oh, G-Man'? Doc cried, hurt.
"'G-Man?'" O'Malley repeated in disbelief.
"I find it insensitive to just blatantly call out spiritual leaders' names..."
"I really need a new host," the computer program mumbled. "And I thought you were incapable of handling something even remotely dangerous... like a tack or whatever..."
"But we're going to have so much fun," the dark-haired man protested. "I've gotten everybody so many fireworks, though I don't like how short those fuses are... Maybe, I could make them longer—around a hundred feet longer, in fact. It might take a bit for them to go off, but your safety's worth it!"
"I think it would be thrilling to see a firework blast over and lodge itself into that Red moron's eye!" O'Malley snickered.
"Ewwwwwww!" Doc nearly squealed. O'Malley snickers turned to cackles. "I don't think I can talk about anything without you turning it into to something volatile!"
"Oh, shut up! You've been bugging me for the last half hour, so I'm going back to my scheming! Maybe I'll finally have some peace!"
The fool actually lapsed into a crushed silence, resting his elbows onto the railing lining the balcony and putting his head into his hands. Doc watched Kenny preach to Lopez about the joy and wonders of being a believer of the Red Flag for a bit before bringing up his courage and deciding to speak again. What he had to say was not exactly easy...
"Hey... O'Malley...?
"What is it now, you buffoon?!" he lashed out angrily.
The man hemmed and hawed, scratching at his elbow before murmuring hesitantly, "Do... Do you want to hear what my—ahem—my New Year's resolution is?"
"Oh, for the love of evil—!" the A.I. began, but was then cut off before he could start insulting.
"'Cuz, this is it: My New Year's resolution is that I'll hopefully turn you away from all of that evil—"
O'Malley would have burst in with a "Not on your pathetic life, you fool!", but Doc continued rapid-fire, "—and also in the process, we'll get to know each other better and become closer friends than we already are! Because, even though you constantly take over my head and body, curse at me, interrupt me, and tell me to shut up, I still think that you care for me in your own way, because different people have different ways of showing their emotions..."
He trailed off for a moment, fighting the urge to blush. Clearing his throat, he continued with slightly more gusto than before, "I-I would like if we became closer friends, I really would... You're the only friend I've ever really had." His voice grew sad and quiet with the memories. "Everyone else at Blood Gulch hated me, even when I was only trying to help. But—But you're always here with me and you always talk to me... even if it's just a tad bit rude... But that's okay because I really like you... Really, really, really, like you... for, ah, ahem, being here...
He stopped, a faint blush tingeing his cheeks and gnawing at his bottom lip, waiting for the almost obvious reply of O'Malley asking what the hell was he blabbering about and why don't he just jump in a lake and kill himself.
"O'Malley... is there anything you'd like to say...?"
No reply.
"O-O'Malley…?"
The only sound he heard was the Red Zealot popping more fireworks and Lopez muttering to himself.
"H-Hey, O'Malley? What's wrong!?" Frank felt a moment's panic grip him. "Was it something I said?! If it was, I'm sorry! Why are you being so—whoa..." He brought his hands to his head and held them there, eyes wide.
"Wh-What…?"
"Oh, hey, you're talking again!" he breathed in relief. "What hap—"
"Why did you say 'whoa'?" O'Malley persisted.
"Huh? Well, um, for a second my head got warm." He scrunched his face up in confusion, remembering. "But it wasn't like a heat flash or like a fever, it felt really nice... really calming..."
O'Malley was awkwardly quiet for a moment before stuttering out, "Well... err... you see..."
"Wait a second," Doc murmured, his eyes wider than any could have thought possible, "Were you... were you... blushing?"
"WHAT?!" O'Malley rasped sharply.
Highly excited, Frank began to blather happily. "Is that your way of blushing?! Were you seriously, actually, really blushing?!"
"Of―Of course not, you dope!" O'Malley hazarded. "How could you ever get that notion into your head?! I despise you! I despise every little thing about you! You make me want to retch every time I have to think about the fact that I'm residing in you!"
O'Malley listened. Hard. Doc seemed to be utterly speechless at the moment, probably reflecting on what the A.I. had just said. "Well, now that we have all that cleared up, I want to say―"
"Oh, wow," Frank breathed, "my head feels really hot! Which means... you were denying your feelings for me!"
"FEELINGS!?"
"You really do like me!"
"NO!"
"I've―I've never felt so happy in my entire life!"
"N-N-No! I hate you! I do!"
"I'm so happy... I'm gonna tell the others!" Doc's joy was practically bubbling over, he was already running down the balcony steps. O'Malley's embarrassment and horror were bubbling over, too; the thought of Lopez and, admittedly, that Red buffoon knowing something like this... it was almost too much to bear.
"DON'T YOU DARE!" he bellowed, desperately hoping a meteor could come falling from the sky to crush this idiot.
"Won't they be overjoyed to hear the news!?"
"SOMEBODY! KILL ME NOW!"
Unfortunately for O'Malley, no one did.
JOYOUS FINALITY
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Can we say sappy? Hope you guys enjoyed it!