She looks so tiny, so delicate like a flower and precious. Fingers, toes, and her nose- everything about her is perfect. Our little angel.
It's quite unbelievable. The waiting we did, I did, to hold her, to kiss her, to see her smile and to call her mine. Now, everything's in fast-forward. We're starting a new chapter.
I look at her, sleeping soundly like an angel sent from above. She yawns – oh dear- and breaks me into tears. Every time I see her do those little movements with her tiny fingers and make those soft sounds, I remember how I listen to her and feel her kick from the belly. It brought back the excitement in my spine that I felt when we saw those 2 lines. We were the happiest. I know I was.
"You're going to be father, Gary. We're going to be a family." She said to me, smiling with her brown eyes and hugged me, chuckling. And I felt burst of happiness inside my chest. I'm going to be a father, I said to myself.
I took care of her, never letting her tire herself. Every day, I drop by the joke shop just to check that she's alright.
"She'll be fine, Gary." Stevie reassured me. "Stop worrying yourself. I'm always here to look after her when you're at work." But I could never get my hands off. She is my wife and the love of my life. And I almost lost her when I thought she had fallen out of love with me and I don't want to happen that again. And we are having a child.
Every night, I try to leave the restaurant early and go to the flat, which we now call our home. I bring her fruits and sometimes a flower to brighten our place. Even bring her a cake once in a while, because as what she said, our child asks for it.
"Daddy's going to make some cake, for you, love. Right, Daddy?" She murmured, looking at me sneakily from the corner of her eyes, while rubbing her tummy.
There are nights when she just sits at the sofa, rubbing her tummy, telling her endless s anecdotes and singing her songs.
"And Nanny will be very happy to meet you, love. Ugh. I'm not even sure she'll let you call her your what we call 'Nanny'. She probably like 'grand-mama' better, letting it sounds a bit posh." I hear her laugh. "Have I ever told you I snogged Gary Barlow once? Oh, he's lovely, dear. Shhh. Don't you tell your Daddy I told you that."
Sometimes, I sit beside her, looking how happy she is. She looks so contented.
"You're going to be an amazing father, Gary." She turned her head to me and looked at me in the eyes with a smile.
"And you will be a wonderful mother." And I kissed her and rubbed her belly.
Miranda wakes up, tired. She's pale and her breathing is uneven. But when I saw her open her eyes, even just half of them, I saw it glow. It had been a roller coaster for us both. I felt dreadful and hated myself when I could help her ease her pain. Her screams echoed through the walls as she was brought to the delivery room. She held my hand firmly and I could see her suffering.
"Gary.. Please." Big drops of tears and sweat roll to her cheeks. She pants heavily. Her eyes dilated. My darling, Miranda. I start to tremble. How could I be so useless? When I was the one who promised, in front of all eyes, to protect her no matter what. Now, I just feel so pathetic. I hold her and kiss her knuckles. I tried to run as fast as I could to catch up with their pace. She holds onto my hand tighter and tighter and stronger. Her nails dig into my skin but I didn't care. All I wanted was to end it all. She screams again and then bites down her lip, making it bleed.
"Sir, I'm sorry. This is as far as you could go." A doctor said to me when we reached the door. I look at her through a glass window until they reached the delivery room. I felt my knees weaken and I slowly dropped to floor, sitting on a corner of the hall with my back against the wall. Painful tears ran down to my cheeks. When I couldn't hear the sound of the wheels anymore, Penny arrived with Stevie and Tilly. Stevie kneeled and ran her hand up and down against my back, trying to help me breathe. I look through the window again then pressed the heels of my palms to stop the tears but I couldn't.
I waited hours for her to wake up. My eyes were swollen from crying and the lack of sleep. Penny came by to bring me food but I refused to eat until I am certain that they were both alright. I tried to distract myself, sitting by her bedside and brushing her hair away from her pale face until she was brought to the room and laid beside Miranda.
Her little fingers are holding her lovely mother's thumb.
"Hi, love." Miranda says to her weakly but never let her smile fade. She gently pushes herself closer to her and cradles her in her arms. "Came to join the club, ey? Took you a bit longer than expected." Every time she coos, I see Miranda's lips curve to a smile. It seems all the exhaustion, all pain she got and the tears she shed were immediately erased from her. All that's left were joy and excitement.
I sit closer to them and lean in to see her in Miranda's arms. She's beautiful just like her mother. I softly played with her toes, making small circles in her foot. Miranda's still looking at her, smiling. She yawns again and my heart starts to sing once more.
"Hey." I finally said. My voice is still a bit coarse. "There's my girl." Miranda rested her head against the space where my neck and shoulder meet. I look at her again. Eyelashes, tiny nails and the way she moves her lips- all were perfect. She looks very perfect.
"She's lovely." Miranda murmurs, with a single tear in her eyes.
"Yes, she is. Just like you."
When I look at them, I see a beautiful future. I'll work harder than ever to give them everything they need. I promise to myself that I'll protect my daughter and be always in her side and would never leave her. Miranda and I will grow old together happily and we'll raise her, as well as the oncoming little angels will have in the future if we're blessed, as best as we could. I can't wait to see her jumping in her bed. I can't wait to see her running around in the joke shop, giving her Auntie Stevie a headache. I can't wait to teach her how to bake cookies and tell her bedtime stories.
"Camilla." Miranda says. "She'll be called Camilla. And she'll be wonderful."
A tear fell from my eye and touched the back of my hand. Camilla. Our little angel. Yes, she'll be wonderful.
Most of all, I can't wait to give all my love to her, as much love as I have given to Miranda, and I'll start by saying, "Hello, Camilla. Daddy's here."
Note: The name "Camilla" is from Call the Midwife, a show where Miranda Hart play as a midwife called Camilla "Chummy" Fortescue-Cholmondeley-Browne-Noakes.