Block After Block
by: Dick Dubya
He fingered the buttons masterfully, like no human can ever do. She giggled as she watched him play, carefully laying her pieces while making sure that she doesn't beat her lover's score.
He zoomed through nineteen levels in a few minutes. She swooned and she swooned as she watched line after line of blocks disappear under his expert play, and before she realized, it was game over for her. But she didn't care. She thought it was even better, for now she can concentrate more on watching her lover pile up on points, and less on trying to get her own high score. Otherwise, her prince might have become angry at her because he was better than her in every way, and she was his damsel in distress-- and, by golly, she would never, ever, ever allow herself to anger her one true love!
Edward, the dashing and handsome princely vampire, had never played this game before, despite his 100-something years. Bella had introduced the game, after a night of teasing foreplay (for they had vowed to never have sex) and now he became addicted to the game... more than he had a liking for her-- but of course he would never admit that aloud!
And speaking of admitting, Bella would never say that she had never owned the game, nor would she ever say that she had stolen these ancient contraptions. Next door neighbors were selling in a garage sale these ungodly pieces of metal encased in rock-hard thermoplastics when she decided to sneak in, be sneaky and snatch the Tetris consoles for free. She knew Edward was gonna be interested-- and she got it right! Of course, Edward would never have approved of her actions, but, thankfully, he couldn't read her mind-- there wasn't much to read, anyway.
She also stole the batteries from her father's hardware. Never mind if rust covered every metallic inch of the battery. She felt it would work, anyway.
So she tried, and it did work! OMG OMG OMG OMG, she thought, lyk, Edward is sooooo handsum wen his happy, and im, lyk, OMG so totaly head ovr heals in LOOOOOVE wid him, lyk i cud die n go 2 hell 4 him! im MRS EDWARD CUNTEN 4EVER!
Anyway, Edward played the game at a feverish pace, and Bella tried to keep up with watching but she couldn't, so she fainted and died on the spot. But Edward, too transfixed with his gazillion Tetris, didn't notice that Bella was already a rotting corpse and that Jacob was already munching on her skin and meat.
Unfortunately for Edward, he didn't notice that the lead was already leaking from the aged, tortured batteries. The chemical seeped through his fingers, which the stupid vampire accidentally licked from his thumb when he thumbsucked it as he thought of Jacob's cute little pee-pee-maker.
Edward dropped dead immediately, and then Jacob tried to eat him but also fell dead. And that was the end of their story.
And then a raging 10-wheeler truck ran over the brick game, destroying it forever--
Or did it?
THE END
Disclaimer: Mary Sue vampire crap is Stephenie Meyer's, not mine-- and that's a freakishly good thing! Never read it, never watched it, and never will. Just reading the character profiles gives me Mary Sue chills, brrrr! Thank you, Wikipedia! I couldn't have written this fic without you.