Mari's Lost Song

As a Kaleik, I stand here alone and isolated from my herd; cursed from my blind eyes.

Trapped and cold, so lost in my own nature.

Frigid and stiff as stone.

Freezing beyond my marrow.

I can't feel any section of my body; the winter forbids me to move from my shackled location.

I can't seem to go on.

Questions play endlessly and fearfully throughout my mind. For the fact I am blind, darkness hovers around me, and my feet stumble in many directions as I wander aimlessly.

So engulfed in this pain with darkness lingering me around.

I'm shattered, mentally, physically and emotionally. I know why my herd has abandoned me. Warm tears stream from my pale eyes, as the winter tundra turns the water leaking on my cheeks into shards of ice.

So indulged with this pain, why can't somebody save me?

Where do I go, how will I survive? I'm as blind as a bat.

What do I do now?

Moving my feet in the frost biting snow, I stumble here and there. I try to use my hands as guidance, but fall into the nearly frozen pond.

I'm in way over my head.

I fight against the stabbing cold, and emerge above water, gasping and panicking for air to seep through my lungs.

So far gone.

I am shivering. I can actively hear my teeth chatter, as I push against the water, kicking in an attempt to swim. If I could see, I would probably look strangely ridiculous.

I can't come down.

I try to scream, only to swallow what feels like gallons of water. I try to keep my head from going under, but I know I'm drowning, somewhere deep within this frozen tundra. No one can hear me.

Somebody save me!

I go under. The pain of the below zero water hits me to the core, and I can no longer fight to save myself from this tormenting situation.

Is it too late for me to fight the will of being alone?

Suddenly, my hand scrapes against something soft, yet rocky. I use my other hand to grip it, this time I feel murky dirt and roots. My blind eyes shoot open, as I sink my nails into the frozen mud, using the underwater land to guide me above the water.

Was it faith? What have I done to deserve this?

I take in a huge swallow of air and cough the water from my lungs, as I dig my nails and hands into the snow covered dirt. Knowing that I've been saved, and the epiphany of my herd leaving me astray, causes mixed emotions and I can't help but cry.

I'm an ocean of tears, drowning my lost in a frightened dream.

Slowly, I recover. I'm freezing; I feel as if I already died because my body's so cold. I need to seek shelter and recollect my temperature as soon as possible.

I'm so far away, I'm so lost.

Within the faint beats of my heart, I can't dissolve this burning desire to live. Maybe it's from my reckless strength I inherited from my mother? I move carefully, but swiftly to a deserted location.

My heart forcing myself not to fall apart.

What could have been minutes, but felt like hours, I trip my glacier body over thick piles of snow, and ram my skull into the bark of a tree, before landing in a forestry of naked branches. I feel so hopeless as my body and consciousness slips swiftly away.

Now I'm a vessel of broken sadness and despair.

My headaches from the impact, shivers and shudders caress my body due to freezing nature of the cold. I can hear the wind blowing hard over me in its dreadful peacefulness.

What do I do now?

As the snow overlaps my body due to the nature of the strong wind, I close my blind eyes and try to remove myself from the painful branches that felt as if pins and needles struck my body worse than the cold.

I'm in way over my head.

Breaking each branch, I find the spark of fight within me to muster up the strength to get up from the torturous bed of branches. Using my hands to guide me through the cold, I begin to think of heat to keep me from succumbing to death. Meanwhile, I continue stomping my feet through the thick blankets of snow.

So far gone.

I use my keen ears to pick up any melodic tunes that would help me through this blinded journey.

I can't come down.

But the more I tried to push my fragile body, the more my head would ache, the more the wind would pierce right through me, and the more the darker my blinded vision became. I knew that momentarily, I would not make it.

Somebody save me!

I shake my head against the growing darkness, and place my hand farther in front of me. Strangely, the pads of my fingers brush against something soft and welcoming. Trembling I touch to understand what I feel; soft thickening hides of fabric, it's so soft it seems almost foreign to me. In that moment, it dawns on me that is is shelter! Shelter trapped within this storm.

Is it too late for me to fight the will of being alone?

Tears filled my blind eyes once more, as I energetically search for the entrance. Once discovered, I slip inside to feel a tiny bit of warmth. I didn't care if someone came within minutes later, the only thing that was on my mind was defrosting and easing the aching in my head.

Was it faith? What have I done to deserve this?

Falling to my knees, I frantically searched for comfort. I felt the huge mound of blankets, and a appeased sigh of relief relinquished itself from my chattering lips. I snuggled my way into the pits of the blankets and wrapped them continuously around me.

This overbearing will of surviving holds me.

As I shake and shiver under the mounds of blankets, I can feel the darkness and the aching of my head bring me under. I know if I fall asleep I might not wake up. I cradle my fragile, damp, icy body and think.

I can't stand this!

I've never seen my mother's face, but her voice carried a song that will forever place me in a trance of love and compassion. Well if it were such, then why abandon your only daughter to follow the herd? Knowing I bared the curse of being blinded was the reason, but why would her song seem so sincere towards me? Questions created a tsunami of rage.

A wave of eternal envy crashes to overpower and claim you!

Why did I trust her?! Why did I love her?!

Your trust, your caressing, and loving song seems everything but enduring.

I came from her; I could hear her smile; her compassion. But all of it lacked the truthful meanings of love that I needed to survive.

What possible thing could you have shown me to make me believe in you?

As cold tears freeze against my cheeks, and the aching in my head begins to pound harder than before, I allow darkness to engulf my blinded vision; falling into a deepening slumber...

I've already died so what more could you possibly do?

I feel battered, broken, but free, as my ears pick up voices lingering above me. "She is pale... Her head is swollen and slightly bleeding... Her lips are purple... She's nearly dead..." Another voice speaks after the first, this one sounding strained and sad. "Her song is sad, darkened, and tainted by death... She needs help!"

Torn and broken from the inside out.

Twelve years later, I, Mari, am now a member of the Rogue's. I no longer let my disability affect me. Instead my senses are sharer, my body is the very definition of a shadow, light and stealthy. My past life is a basically a blinded memory of a life that should have never existed.

I've grown stronger, I'm over it now.

I hunt with my herd; mastering all levels of being a Rogue. I feel they helped me slaughter my fragility and molded me into a worthy warrior. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not myself.

The past pain and suffering has driven me wild!

But then, I hear her song again... The same faint pain of a woman abandoning her helpless, small daughter in a blizzard, because she was different, or in fancy words, cursed.

Can't defend the pain that I witness or the sorrow.

She knows me, and approaches me, all the while trying to embrace me. The hug awakens the small girl I was; bringing back tears I withheld for over twelve years.

Nothing I can do to take it away.

I push her away. Not wanting to give into the pain. All the time and effort I spent nurturing my broken spirit; I can't let it get the best of me.

I'm so hallow.

I sing the emotions in the words I spit at her with fire from the torment I witnessed. I can hear her rapid heartbeat, listen to her guilty persona, and feel from the hands that grips my forearms, the tensing of her body. All I do is sing passionately, venomous words of hurt, detailing the tragedies I witnessed then.

Emotionally, I'm hurting.

Finishing, I feel prone to my weakness. I can tell my song clarified that feeling. I can hear it from the blood pumping in her body. Too fragile to harbor strength, I feel the tears stream down my face.

I'm so fragile.

I sing my rage.

Seeing you turned me into stone.

I'm as good as over.

Observe the coldness of me.

I'm focused on this future I prepared.

Shutting out the music from you.

And I'm...

I feel closure. I feel peace. As I turn from her, walking away from her pleading, sorrow filled song -I reunite with my herd. Meanwhile, as moments pass, I sit on a branch of a tall tree, soaking up the warm comfort of the shadows. Shielding my emotions and masking my pain, I ease my way into the life of a Rogue member. None the less, I can't help not being able to shake the feeling that even though I walk in the path of my herd, I am...

Still all alone.

Mage Scholar: Arias Kelly