Dear Reader and Bones Aficionado,

What a finale. Were you as blind-sided as I was? I can barely breathe. Well, now I finally can ... because I've had some time to think and strategize and pour my heart out to my best friends. So, you know what I have to do now - write. This was from the hip. No editing. Just your basic ... 'I have to make myself stop wanting to throw myself on the floor and rub dirt in my hair' ... and remind myself who we're talking about. Come on, this is Brennan and Booth! They never give up and they never back down. You know as well as I do that there's always more to the story we see on the screen. None of us will know what happened after Brennan went to bed and Booth joined her ... if indeed he DID join her that night he broke her heart by breaking their engagement ... but my heart would like to believe that it went something like this ...

~ MoxieGirl
~MoxieGirl44 on Twitter. Join me there!

P.S. Thank you to Catarina and Eryn for making me do this
... You know how much I love you!

Bed of Lies

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes

Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry
~Bed of Lies, Rob Thomas

Booth crept into their bedroom at 2 o'clock in the morning. Brennan had left the living room visibly upset after he'd ended their engagement. She'd actually been looking through a 200 page bridal magazine ... Temperance Brennan, for Christ's sake, and a bridal magazine!

Perhaps to an outsider she may not have looked that upset, but he knew her like he knew himself—better than he knew himself. She was upset. She was more than upset. Sweets had warned him once ... Cam had echoed Sweets' words: If he wasn't sure about his love for her ... and he let her put her heart out there only to have him change his mind ... she would close her heart and never open it to a single soul for the rest of her life. He'd sat in the living room wishing he could die. After all this time; all these years. The one thing he thought he'd never have. The one thing he'd wanted since the moment he saw her—though it hadn't appeared to him in the form of a proposal … he'd simply known that she was meant to be his future. That's how Seeley Booth looked at things. Call it kismet. Call it a miracle. He knew there would be miracles as long as he had her in his life. Marrying her-making her his wife-nothing would have made him happier. Nothing.

And she was so … happy. In all the years he'd known this woman. Never … not even when it had to do with their beautiful daughter … never had he seen her so utterly … joyous. And relaxed about being joyous! She'd finally surrendered to her feelings for him. She actually said she wanted it, wanted marriage, now ... and he had to take that away.

He saw the moment she put her feelings in a box, folded the flaps over the opening, and taped that box closed ... then painfully, quietly, slid that box onto the last shelf inside her heart. She -compartmentalized. "I'm impressed you've finally seen my point of view," she'd said, though he saw straight through it all. She was dying. And he was the one killing her. That's what was killing him.

As he made his way up the creaking stairs of their old home, the home he'd found for her, the home they'd spent months decorating together then filling with their love … he heard her click off the lamp on the table beside her side of the bed. He stood outside their bedroom door and listened to her sniff several times and quickly clear her throat, then pull the starchy sheets up over her limp exhausted body.

Booth pushed the door open with his fingertips and stood looking at her form under the sheets, her face turned away from him. He closed the door quietly and walked to the foot of the bed.

"Bones?" His voice cracked even though he was whispering. She didn't move. "Bones," he said again, sinking a tentative knee into the mattress, then sitting down beside her covered feet. He hesitated, then placed a hand gently on the duvet covering the fullest part of her right calve. He heard her eyelashes scratch against her pillow, but still she said nothing and gave no indication that she heard him.

"This probably doesn't make sense to you—" he started, then stopped. He couldn't do it. The speech he'd carefully thought out—word for word—and practiced down stairs—the speech meant to soothe Brennan without alerting Pelant that he was about to break one of his rules—it abandoned him. He couldn't remember a single word. It was as if the words of that speech had been erased backwards, one at a time, with each step he had taken since he began ascending the stairs. All that was left was his first sentence.

Holy Spirit, he prayed, put the right words into my mouth and help me say the right thing. Keep us safe. Then he opened his mouth to deliver the only thing he could remember from his speech.

"Bones, this may not make sense to you right now, but this doesn't mean I don't love you or I love you any less than I loved you this morning or earlier today or a week ago. I know it's not logical," he said, then swallowed loudly. He squeezed her calve and felt her pull her legs up and away from his touch. She sniffed. He closed his eyes and sighed. Then he crawled up and sat behind her.

"Bones—If nothing else, I love you more," he shrugged, though she couldn't see it. "You want me to be happy—" he continued, but then stopped when his throat tightened and he could barely breathe. That was when he realized her shoulders were shaking.

He listened closely for a moment and realized she was crying. He lay down behind her and put an arm around her, pulling her back against him. Her body was stiff, unyielding, and shaking.

"Bones," he whispered into the hair covering her ear. Then he had an idea. In a voice so low he could barely hear it himself, he breathed against her cheek, "cry as loud as you can, but listen to me. I have something to tell you. If you have any more love for me left in your heart, please, Bones!"

Brennan, still tense against him, turned her face two inches toward him for the first time and succumbed to the grief flooding her heart. It came out it a single silent sob that gripped her body like a dry heave and a quiet high-pitched moan that came out in one long string of intense grief.

At first he thought she was doing as he'd asked, making noise, but then he was struck with the realization that this was not an act; she had not understood what he'd said.

Pain struck through his chest like a bolt of electricity. Oh, God! This isn't going to work! He thought. I am going to stinking kill you, PELANT! A split second later he found himself scrambling over her so they were face to face. He pulled her forcefully into his arms and held her so tightly he feared he might hurt her. He had to make her feel his love … just as he could feel the life draining out of her crushed heart.

I can't do this, he thought to himself. We've made it through everything else; we will make it through this. We will figure out a way. Together. I can't put her through this!

The moment he opened his mouth to speak, he realized she wasn't the only one with tears in her eyes. "Bones," he whispered, enunciating every syllable so there was no mistaking what he had to say, "I have something to tell you—"

I might have to continue this ... due to the rapid and emotional response from readers. I cannot promise brilliance - I am stalwartly committed to The When and the How: A Bone to Pick ... but you will have updates if interest continues.

Feel free to share your thoughts/feelings/ impressions of tonight's episode or/and this one shot. Bashing is not welcome ... but everything else is.

~As always, MoxieGirl
~ Talk BONES with me on Twitter at MoxieGirl44

If you are new to MoxieGirl Fictions, check out my other BONES stories accessible through my profile.