War Hammer 40k: On Trolls and Troll Culture
One Shot
Rick never liked trolls, but having to work for them when they were the worst bureaucratic types around? listening to them wax poetic about Legal fines and the finer points of Justice, drove him to despair, Sadly, painless suicide was unavailable at the time and a jump off the bridge cost $11.99
while lethan injection cost $20. Yes suicide was a money maker in War Hammer, as dumb as it seemed.
When someone decided to end their life, they had to sit through a long and boring wait while all the papers got signed, stamped and processed, then rechecked for proper payment and possible Collateral.
If they killed themselves right then and there, they would be dragged to a revive Chamber and made to suffer through it again. if everything checked out, then, and only then could they die, but their options were limited to violent Smash or Smash until dead. Painless suicide was reserved for the ultra wealthy.
So you can see why Rick hated working there, especially since his Job was suicide prevention, a job that Trolls despised above all else. Saving a suicide was bad for business and he would need to be killed some other way. Numerous laws were in place to prevent such incidents but 911 would always be called, and a troll would always stand in the road, stop the car and kill the paramedics, all for the sake of their paycheck, which came out to .25. This went on for four years, until finally, the ACLU took notice and began to push for reform. All of them were either dead or dying five hours later as the trolls first asked, then demanded that the law stay put. When the judge moved to repeal the law, the trolls started killing members of the Jury one by one, all of whom were part of Suicide Prevention. After a brief gun battle, the last troll, standing over the corpses of his brethren, gave in and the law was repealed, leading to riots in the troll community. They started a petition to put the law back citing reduced suicide rates and the horrifying sight of even more human families. they lobbied day and night, would not sleep, bought out ads and even staged an entire demonstration which ended with 13 trolls dead and the rest in custody. A new law went into effect which stated that assisted suicide would be payed for by the government, dealing a massive blow to trolls everywhere, who would all be penniless, forced to live next to noisy neighbors and hear their ear bleedingly terrible excuse for Music: Heavy Metal. Particularly Symphonic or Melodic. If they could hear the words, something was wrong.
Trolls extolled the beauty of Ear grating, eye bleeding, sanity destroying, nails on a chalkboard, music, that to humans, was so bad that it made Skrillex seem like Mozart, The volume was cranked to the max and a recording of an instrumental that resembled nails on a chalkboard ran for hours. This would be enough to kill a man, but as Suicide was impossible, it was the only choice. This led to the destruction, murder and near extinction of the Troll species, who only survived due to hiding in the hills, in the company of Wolves. They were choked, beaten to death with their own record players and made to listen to said record until their ears bled and finally exploded. Now, both sides are locked in a war, a war over whose music is better. It is not uncommon to see trolls blasting their music at anyone who will listen, while having metal blasted right back. The poor sod that gets in the middle will have his ears permanently destroyed for life. such is Life in Warhammer