Prologue
My Last Chance
I open my eyes.
My arms are beginning to ache from where Bartemius Crouch has them pinned behind my back. I wonder when he'll let me go… he promised he would spare our lives if I dropped my wand. So I did. It's there, at the bottom of the steps, beyond reach. He traced my chin with his fingers after that, slowly peeling away the mask, which obscured my face. His tone was of mock surprise as he announced loudly to the other aurors, the identity of the Death Eater before him. The question however, had never been who I was, but when they would finally find me again. They had seen me before, and my cousin Evan Rosier. If only we had been more careful, perhaps we could have escaped. But I should know; you can't run away from your fate. Rosier is dead now. I will be soon.
I lift my head to look up at Crouch. There is a twisted smile on his face. He lowers his head, so our faces are almost touching. The words he hisses in my ear send a shiver down my spine.
"I would never let a Death Eater just walk away."
He looks up, raising his voice so all can hear.
"Kill them!"
I gasp, desperately struggling against his grip. I have to escape, I can't let this happen. At last, I break free and stumble backwards. I'm surrounded by aurors. Just ahead of us, I see other Death Eaters are fighting the enemy. But there are five of them, and they all have wands. I am unarmed and quite alone. What can I do?
I turn, just in time to face Frank Longbottom, who already has his wand aimed at me. Doesn't he realise what he's doing? There is a person beneath this cloak too. I have emotions, feelings… I have a heart, which beats life through me. Doesn't he know who I am? Whom he is about to destroy? Not the void that will be left behind, the space in people's lives where I once was? Wild ideas flutter through my mind frantically; warm, beating, like the blood that is pounding in my ears. I must do something, but what? I could still kill him. I want to fight. I could strangle… no, break his neck with my bare hands. I am Aquila Siren Damaris Wilkes.
But I do nothing.
"You coward, Longbottom..."
It's not enough. Blinded by a flash of light, I slump forwards in agony. I can hear my own voice, distantly, screaming, but everything is becoming distant now... this world, itself is fading. Am I falling? Air rushes past me as I descend into darkness...
Then I am alone. I feel like a shattered glass, lying there so uselessly. Where am I? My robes are warm and damp with blood. There's a ring... a tiny circle of light from above. Oh to reach that light! Please don't let me die alone. My breathing shallow, I concentrate on the dim circle. For now I must remember. I know there is no escape for me, there's nothing else to be thought of. For once my mind is not focused on the future; it is the past I must return to. It's all I have. Then I won't be alone. If I close my eyes, I can still see their faces... These last precious moments must be as long as my entire lifetime. It's all I can do to escape.
This is my last chance.
The End of All Things
As I sit here, in the depths of my sorrow, I try to remember where I went wrong. I try to remember what I did to make things turn out like this. If were a believer in Fate I could say that the decisions I made were not my fault, I would say that it was all destiny. Unfortunately, I am not a believer. I do not believe in much anymore, actually. I do not believe in God, any gods for that matter. I do not believe in humanity, for it has given me nothing to be grateful for. In all actuality, it is what has brought me to the edge of insanity.
Everything is darkness. So, this is what it all boils down to, is it? Black. All of the evil that has plagued my life is coming back to haunt me. As I sit in this bloody cell I die a little every minute. I am wasting away.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I had everything planned out. I would play Quidditch as Seeker for the Magpies, marry the woman I loved, and be a Death Eater on the side. So much for that. I ended up marrying a woman whom I have no affections for, Bellatrix Black. The only one I have ever loved is dead. The life of a Death Eater has consumed me, pushing all other things aside. Lord Voldemort is twisting and contorting me to this day and always will be. When I look in the mirror I can't even recognize myself. How is it possible that I have changed so much?
Azkaban will most certainly be the death of me. I have only been here for a day but already it is affecting me. Images of my past flash through my mind. What did I do wrong? Why am I being punished like this? Is it Fate or destiny? I have never believed in either before and don't intend to start now, but it makes me stop to wonder if there may be something more. A presence that controls all, beyond this earth. Could that be? My mind tells me that death is the end but my heart prays it isn't.
I have no chances left, no luck to be found. All I have are my thoughts to comfort me, or torture me depending. I wish it would all just end.