I gazed out the window touched by the beautiful scenery. The sun was just peering over the mountains setting the sky a blaze with pink and faint purple. The new light caught the ponds particles forcing it to dance in a breathtaking show of liquid crystals. I sat and wrote about what I saw, not ever wanting to miss a morning in London. I quietly began to ponder why I came here, after Mr. Darcy proposed to me. I could hardly stand it, the man who was usually hidden behind a facade, poring out his sola to me while all I could see was the man hidden behind terrible rumors. I could not face my family after I turned him down, the lectures my mother would give me about being dishonorable and stubborn. So like a coward I ran away to London to work for an apprentice at a old printing press. I just wanted to start a new, escape him and the mixed feelings I had for him. But even now as I sat in the tiny shop, so many many miles away from Mr. Darcy his face and voice danced into my thoughts. I was planning to go back soon, and woo him some how. I would find a way to keep my dignity and have him fall for me again. I just wanted to see him speak to me like he did months ago, tell me he loved me. Or perhaps it was not him I wanted to love me but any man, a human of the male species. It did not particularly matter as long as he loved me with a love that I saw in Mr. Darcy's eyes, because now I know that the rumors I had heard about him were far from true. Every ill thing that I had heard about him erratic been made up and brought to my ears. And I, being so hot headed and quick tempered believed them all. And when he was on his knees asking me to marry him all I could say was 'he was the last man I would ever marry.' my cruelness stung me now.

I stopped thinking about it. Every day as I watched the sun rise I tell my self im going to go back, to my family, and to him. But every night I lose my courage and that is why I am still here. Frustrated I jumped up, and trudged outside I needed to walk to clear my mind. There was not path out side the small press just barren field that stretched endlessly into till it seemed to touch the sky. I raised my skirt so I could feel the damp grass brush along my ankles, and make me shiver as only the morning air could. I looked out at the mountains protruding into the sky like jagged daggers. By now the sun had risen by was still weak and only sent a soft yellow glow over the valley, the scene took my breath away. Looking at everything I began to miss my family terribly. Jane would always walk with me, hand in hand as we discuses things trivial and unimportant just to pass the time. I missed Pa sitting in his red veinal chair for hours reading and smoking his pipe. I even missed my erratic mother always moving always doing something. I needed them and my hole inside suddenly tore open leaving me defenseless.

I could not run fast enough back to the press. I ran to my little room and through all of my things into a burlap sack. I wrote a note to Mrs. Shire telling her about my departure and thanking her for a prosperous internship. My stomach was churning and was full of butterflies. I flew down the stairs and could have run all the way home.

I was weary from my ride, but not weary enough to stop slow me down as I ran through the house looking for my family. No one was there. A little disappointed that I had come at a bad time I climbed to my room to find perfect Jane perched on our bed with a book in had. I flew to her before she could even look up, and embraced her in my arms. She hugged me back with fervor.

"Oh Lizzy don't leave me again" she murmured into my shoulder.

"I wont it was purely excruciating." I said breathless I was so happy to have her close again.

"Where is every one?" I asked after our greeting was over.

"They are at Mr. Bingley's." she sighed.

"Oh..and why did you not join them, are you still fond of Mr. Bingley." I asked

"Yes I am still fond of him." her cream cheeks blushed scarlet.

"However, Mr. Bingley is not there only Mr. Darcy." his name sent chills down my spine. He was still here and not very far away.

"Oh," I said trying to stay composed.

"Why are they only visiting Mr. Darcy." I preyed

"Because it would not be proper for Kitty to go by herself." Jane huffed at me plopping back down onto the bed. I was confused why would my younger sister be wanting to make private trips to see Mr. Darcy.

"Im confused." I stammered. Looking to Jane for some guidance.

"Well, they are engaged, they meaning Kitty and Mr. Darcy, he asked her about two weeks ago. It was quite sudden actually they barley even talked. Now Kitty is just head over heals for him but you can tell he is not quite returning the affection. There is a ghost in his eyes, something holding him back." I sucked in my breath trying not to lose it. I was not even going to lie that part of the reason I came back was for him. My chest was on fire and I curled my arms around my abdomen keeping my self together. I loved him! Now I could not have him, I waited much to long and now every day of my existence I would have to watch him with my sister while I lived in a loveless existence. Jane just stared at me with agaonized eyes trying to decipher my break down, I did not care if she saw me fall apart but I would have to pull myself together for every one else