Title: The Ties That Bind

Author: RuthieBelle

Rating: M

Spoilers: General Season 10 Variety

Disclaimer: We don't Own MM!

The silence was palpable between them, the frustration emanating from the pair in almost perceptible waves as they sat in the well-sprung carriage, coming home from yet another interview with yet another adoption board. The carriage was the only thing rolling along smoothly. Julia didn't need to wait with baited breath for a letter that gave them approval; she knew the case would be yet again, rejection.

At Julia's insistence, they had first visited with the orphanages chaired by one-time friends and acquaintances of her family. She'd been hopeful that whatever goodwill had once existed between them and her would be enough to obtain a child from them. However, her litany of sins against polite society were long, and in the end, her arrests, divorce scandal, murder trial, and the fact that she had no intention of becoming a full-time mother were too much for long passed familiarity to overcome, and all applications for a child had been denied.

Finally, Julia accepted that they had no other recourse, so this time they had met with the adoption board of the Archdiocese of Toronto. They had each chosen their most sober, serious clothing and presented their most genuine, sincere, open attitudes for the occasion. Given that her husband had obtained glowing letters of introduction from members of his Parish as well as his priest, Father Clemens, and that he was one of the more notable Catholics in a largely Protestant town, things had initially looked promising.

Until the interview, that is.

Though she had never told William, there was a reason she had been loath to go this route in the first place. In order to get William his Church wedding (that she had truly wanted to give him), she had agreed that all children resulting from the marriage would be raised Catholic. Now that said children were no longer some far off idea but were imminent and quite real, she balked at such a thing. Whatever had happened to free choice? Why did she have to agree that children were to be raised in a religion in which they had no say? Though she didn't know why, she somehow found it distasteful.

Thus, when she had been asked if she would be willing to sign an oath that she would promise to not only raise the children Catholic, but that they would also attend Catholic schools, she balked. She flat out stated that she did not know if she could in good conscience sign such an oath.

The interview concluded soon after that, and the two of them had returned to the hotel, all discussion of a celebratory dinner forgotten. Though he hadn't said a word to her since they had gotten into the carriage, she knew her husband well enough to recognize that his silence and staring out the window meant that his mind was trying to process what had happened and why she could not feel that she could sign an oath swearing that she would agree to something that she had already verbally agreed to at an earlier date.

To be perfectly honest, she wondered the same thing. But she did know that she could no longer sit and wait for the angry accusations: she couldn't deal with his resentment right now since she was too angry at herself at the moment.

Why could I not have agreed? She wondered, before her thoughts got darker: Why couldn't I have just lied? Then, I could have had this conversation with William at a later time, she irately reminded herself as the carriage pulled up at the hotel.

The carriage had barely come to a halt when she flung open the door and propelled herself out and towards the door. She hadn't waited for William to alight first and help her out as they usually did, and she didn't even look behind her as she entered the hotel and headed straight for the bar as opposed to their suite. She rather hoped he hadn't followed her, as she really wasn't keen on dealing with his distress; not when she was already disappointed with herself and trying to handle her own.

Once again, she had denied her husband a child, this time almost intentionally.

"Good Afternoon, Dr. Ogden," the bartender greeted her, correctly judging from her facial expression that she was not in the mood for pleasantries. "A whiskey, neat?" he asked remembering her usual order.

"Yes, please," she replied as she sat in a corner, well hidden from others. She needed time to think, to process what she had just done.

No sooner had her drink been brought to her when William sat down across from her, ordering a spruce beer for himself that was immediately brought to him.

No words were said for several minutes as they quietly sat across from one another until Julia surprised herself by breaking the silence.

"I don't know why I found the oath distasteful, William. I'm well aware that I agreed to raise the children Catholic when I petitioned for us to marry in the Church, I don't know why it seems unpalatable to me now, and no one ever mentioned anything to me about requiring a Catholic education in addition," she found herself explaining as she finished her whiskey, and motioned for a refill.

William's thoughts buzzed in his head. He'd been furiously turning the problem over in his mind on the carriage ride home hoping, God willing, for a way that the situation could still be retrieved with the adoption board and with his wife. He had started out being quite optimistic and happy about going to the Diocesan Orphanage, believing that their petition for a child would actually be welcome as there were so many Catholic orphans and so few Catholic families to take them in. His own brush as a lad with being threatened to be placed in a Home made him sympathetic to any child who might want to leave an institution like that for a warm, loving and permanent family. He and Julia had laid out their arguments ahead of time, rehearsed how they would answer the inevitable inquiries about their pasts and he had felt quite confident going into the meeting, assuming they had covered all their bases. He had even allowed himself a brief fantasy about how proud he would be when he brought their child into their new home. He never counted on Julia not going along with whatever was necessary to get approval for an adoption. He sighed, getting a grip on himself in the process.

Julia's impulsive objection to a Catholic education caught him completely off guard and he chastised himself for having assumed too much, it seemed, about her willingness to set aside her prejudices. He also assumed she understood something about what a Catholic education entailed, having known him for so many years. Too many assumptions, I guess, he thought with irritation. Knowing he had to move the conversation forward, he offered something more neutral instead: "I must admit, the education question surprised me as well. But would a Catholic education be the worst thing, Julia? I'm well pleased with my education provided by the Jesuits, and I would seek something similar for our son," he continued, looking seriously at her to gauge her reaction.

Nodding, Julia took a long swallow of her drink, relishing the burn in her throat as a nice distraction from that of her heart.

"It is always a son, isn't it? Why do we want a son, William? What if we were provided an opportunity to adopt a daughter, would she be that unacceptable to you?" she wondered aloud, as much as to herself as to her husband.

William merely gasped in response, noticing the questioning evident in her eyes. He knew he'd love any child, but had he ever said so? Had they ever really discussed this? Assumptions again, he thought ruefully. "I…I don't know," he admitted with a small shrug and the helpless expression he wore when she had caught him unawares. "No child would be unacceptable to me. Girls are equal in my eyes to boys…but I guess I have always imagined a son…"

"I don't know why I favor a son either, William," she conceded with a conciliatory gesture. "Perhaps it's time we reflect, think and ask one another why we both want a son, and what our hopes and dreams are for this child," she acknowledged, finishing her drink.

"Indeed." William nodded, his spruce beer hardly touched. "Julia, I will order dinner to be served by six thirty." He made the brief trip to the bar, asking Samuel to send to the kitchen for their meal, before coming back to his wife. "Let us go upstairs, shall we? We do have a lot to think about and discuss," he said, standing and offering her his hand.

"Only if you promise to not pretend that you're not disappointed or upset with me. You have a right to be," she countered.

William felt his guts clench. He saw that she was angry, but he had no intention of arguing back despite his own feelings roiling inside, so he made his face and voice as calm and neutral as possible. "No, I will not pretend. I'm very confused Julia, which is why I want to talk."

"Well, that makes two of us then," she replied, and accepted his hand.

Walking back upstairs to their room, Julia began to feel conflicted again. She was angry, yes, but why? There was no one to blame here but herself; it was her disastrous life decisions that had led them here, so anger could only be directed at herself.

So when William asked her what she would like to discuss first, she fired back, mostly at herself. She suggested that perhaps a surrogate was the way to go.

William was nonplussed, and it took a long moment to figure out if she was serious about risking another situation such as they had with Roland. "A private adoption?" he asked, noticing the memory still stung. "We discussed the risks of that before." Another thought presented itself, disturbing his intentions to remain calm. "Or do you want us to offer to pay a woman, bribe her with money, for a child she is too poor to raise? You cannot possibly mean for us to take advantage of her poverty!" He was shocked at the idea, eyes widening in concern, hoping against hope she was merely being stubborn or deliberately preposterous. He also began to wonder if he should have brought his spruce beer along with him to the suite… Or something stronger. This conversation was not going as he thought it would, with his imagination running wild all of a sudden. "I cannot believe you want to pretend the baby is ours then by having you go away for a while and coming home to Toronto with an infant as if you had given birth?" He stood by the settee with his hands in fists, unable to bring himself to move.

"No William, that's not exactly what I meant," she explained as she walked over to him, stopping just short of touching him. She needed to face this head on, as she wanted no misunderstanding and there would be no going back from what she was about to propose.

She took a deep breath before continuing. "I propose a different sort of surrogacy, one that has been practiced for centuries as well as in the Bible. The woman will be well compensated and will choose as such of her own free will. We can find a nice, healthy young woman, perhaps even one that looks like me if you like, and approach her…" she explained.

"Approach her for what?" he asked, the hairs on the back of his head rising.

Wincing, she steeled her resolve and forced herself to carry forward. "If she agrees, and I don't see why she wouldn't," she forced herself to smile here, squeezing his bicep before trailing her hand down his chest, "you can lie with her, as many times as is necessary until we are certain she has conceived."

William stared back in horror as thoughts of animal husbandry flickered through his mind. This is so outrageous, I wonder if I am hearing her correctly. It took a while for it to sink in what she was suggesting and when he made his mouth work he almost shouted. "Julia! Are you merely being provocative?"

Despite her best efforts, her voice broke here, speaking in a rush in an increasingly in vain attempt to convince him that her idea was possible. "We would ensure all of her needs are met, she would receive regular medical care…" she pressed on before William interrupted her.

"I have so many objections to that scheme it is difficult to name them," he bitterly retorted as his eyes narrowed in something akin to anger. He bit his lip and tasted a hint of blood. He knew he spoke sharply, but he was unable to decide which was worse: Julia's mounting distress or her indecent proposal, so he grabbed her shoulders in an attempt to snap her out of it.

"Such as?" she asked bringing her head up in defiance, almost daring him to reject her generous offer. But isn't that what you want him to do?

"Firstly, that is adultery, no matter how you dress it up! If I was unwilling to commit that particular sin with you I am certainly not willing to commit it with anyone else!" He thought he was shocked before, but the absurdity was creeping over him now as well. How did we get here? he wondered, shaking his head and holding her away from him, looking her squarely in the eyes. "And you use the Bible when it suits your argument? That is disingenuous of you," he almost laughed. Taking a calming breath, he reminded himself that Julia's quirky, morbid humor sometimes prevailed in an attempt to hide her distress, and that she enjoyed pricking him on occasion when she thought he was being pompous or obtuse.

A thorough examination of her face revealed she was dead serious; then he noticed she was physically quaking, judging by the feel of her muscles and bones under his hands. His thoughts spun. The whole idea was abhorrent, and he began to think that Julia was feeling guilty again about being infertile, and he was frustrated that she did not seem to believe him when he knew, down to his soul, that he did not resent her for it or hold it against her in the least. Sabotaging adoption, or resistance to Catholic Schooling was another matter…for another time, it seemed.

"Julia," he sought her eyes again with his before continuing, to make sure she was paying attention, and tried to put a little humor of his own into his answer. "That did not work out too well for Hagar or Sarah…or Abraham for that matter, let alone their children. Where is this coming from?"

"Yes, William, I know Sarah didn't handle it well, but it's what I deserve," she cried, attempting to push him away while he pulled her towards him. "It's my fault I can't get pregnant, it's my fault we lost Roland, and it's my fault we can't adopt..." she cried as William finally captured her in his arms.

So. I finally guessed correctly. William held her as she cried, her wet tears soaking the shoulder of his jacket. His instinct was to be strong for her so he hugged her and swayed with her until her body softened, her sobbing stopped and some of the pain left her eyes. When she seemed more composed, he loosened his grasp on her and backed away fractionally. "There," he said and planted a kiss on her temple. "All is not lost, but I see we have many considerations that we managed to overlook. This is not all your fault, but before we have another interview we need to know where we stand, together, Julia, always together."

Smiling and sniffling at the same time, she knew he had correctly deduced the reasons for her outrageous suggestion and inwardly chastised herself for thinking that it would ever be a viable solution to their problem. William's known me long enough to know how possessive I am. He knows I could never tolerate such an arrangement. How many times have we reminded each other that we belong to one another? How many times have I reminded him to exercise the utmost caution in his job, as he does not belong to himself anymore? How often has he done the same with me?

William noticed a little spark return to her face, and decided turnabout was fair play. "So…just how serious were you, hmmm? Thinking of lending me out to stud so to speak? You know, some women need a long time to conceive…so it could take many, many tries to get a girl pregnant, just to be sure." He was gratified that his outrageous comment was getting a rise out of her as she produced a slight giggle, accompanied by a swat towards his chest with her hand. He lowered his lashes and grinned complacently to himself to hide flaming cheeks, then brought his face to hers and gave her a deep kiss, feeling distracted by the taste of her lips.

That's better. One crisis averted…for now, he thought when she kissed back.

It concerned him that he and Julia were apparently so far apart on their views of child rearing, knowing that eventually her behavior today would need to be addressed. He thought about her questions, while acknowledging the assumptions he had been making also deserved discussion as well. He knew they really should take this quiet opportunity to talk….but all of that was fading in importance. At the moment, his attention was fixed on the stirrings of desire brought about by Julia's hands stroking his neck and the feel of her flesh under his hands. Talking will have to wait…

"Julia," he said as he repositioned his mouth to suck on the delicate skin below her ear. "You don't really want me to do this with any other woman, now do you?" He moved his hands along her rib cage and over her hips.

Julia shook her head, "No, I most certainly do not," she murmured as she nipped his ear.

"Then, come…" he kept his arms around her and backed her into the other room and over to their bed. "All this talk of Biblical 'begetting' has put me in a certain mood."

"Mmmm, yes. Stud service indeed," she giggled, opening his vest and attacking his shirt buttons.

The sweet, sensual kiss that followed held a promise of passion. William was never sure he had the words to tell her exactly how he felt and why he felt the way he did, but perhaps he could show her with actions how precious and primary she was in his life…

The jangle of the telephone intruded at the same time as a knock on the door announced their dinner cart, startling them abruptly apart.

"Damn it!" Julia muttered in annoyance, reluctantly pushing away from William. She looked at his state of dishabille and smiled as she noted his highly evident arousal. "I'll get the door and you get the telephone."

William nodded with a disappointed sigh and let her go so he could end the incessant ringing. I just know that has to be the constabulary. He picked up the earpiece and said his name, listening to the voice on the other end as Julia and the dinner cart glided past.

She stood there with her hands on her hips and waited until her husband was done making two sets of notes and hung up on the call. "Well? It's usually George who interrupts us…"

William frowned. "Speaking of schools…a body has been found at the Sommerbank Academy. Miss James has already been dispatched." He began rapidly fixing his attire, halting part way to lift the domed lid on one of the plates and inhale, filching a slice of meat to nibble on before giving his wife another kiss. Then he shrugged his jacket back on and selected a coat and his hat since the weather was turning. "But don't think you have escaped as your presence has been requested at the morgue by Crown Prosecutor Gordon. There is apparently a late hour plea deal in the making for the case against Alvis Grimsby and he wants to be briefed on the evidence. They are sending you a hansom that should be here in ten minutes." He came to her, holding both her hands in his to say goodbye.

"Julia, we will come back to this, I promise. All of it…" his neck coloured slightly. "And we do need to talk." With that he was gone.

Looking around their suite, Julia groaned. Not only was she to be deprived of the carnal delights of her husband for the evening, she would instead be entertaining the Crown Prosecutor, the same man who had attempted to have her hung for a crime she didn't commit. The bastard was unwilling to consider a plea deal for me, and yet I'm supposed to drop everything to be his lackey? Male privilege, indeed!

As she hurriedly grabbed a few bites to eat while she waited for the call that the carriage had arrived for her, she chuckled to herself. So arrogant I was in my own privilege of truth, I probably wouldn't have considered a plea bargain. Answering the call that her carriage was waiting, she sighed one final time in frustration as she grabbed her coat and went downstairs, disappointed that duty had prevented her and William knowing one another in a biblical sense yet again.