Into Space
By Kaj-Nrig
Neon Genesis Evangelion is the property of Gainax Company, Ltd. This work is meant for free entertainment purposes only.
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There were many thoughts as I left into space. There were the thoughts of my sons, my daughters, and my own son. And my own. How should I look at them? These distorted, all-encompassing virgin fireflies of soul and pathos? My own thoughts are of the eternity which awaits me, and I know the disturbance, the ripple of change from which the storm rises in those of all else save my son and his EveLillithMary. They two shall lead the masses, lead them to another instrumentality, perhaps, or lead them past New Genesis.
I am so proud of my son. So, so proud. Like a mother should be, when her son becomes the god at the expense of his father, her husband. I was used, I was dismayed, I was destroyed, I was given form, I was made Instrumentality, and finally, I was a mother born again. And like a mother, like every mother before me, and like the mother that will come after me, I was forced with separation from motherhood. And isn't that the fate of all things? Beyond destruction and rebirth, beyond those sparkling diatribes spouted forth by him and him and all of "The Soul," the ultimate fate of union and separation. Perhaps that was his goal, to reunite those separated. In a sense, then, I am his mother as well, for he himself wished reunion with me.
My daughter. My holy daughter, whom I birthed as a virgin, who took three forms – my husband's daughter, my husband's first and second wife, my husband's tool. Much like me. Then, like all things me, she took on a motherhood of her own, but also mine – my son's mother, my son's lover, my son's hope. We parted ways with my goodbyes to my son, me and the hope that dwells within him. She chose to stay with him, chose to remain his hope, but not his only hope, and in that way, I suppose, I live with him, as well, though I now drift in space and she exists in a state of nothing and everything.
I think on these things, and I see the Lillith within myself, myself within it, the soulless Lillith for which I provide a soul. It will be lonely, I told him, but as long as one person is alive, it will be eternal proof that mankind ever existed. This mother of all is already lonely, so, so lonely. But perhaps that is for the best. Perhaps that is what God must feel like. Of course, God can't feel lonely.
But I can, and I am lonely.
...is it truly loneliness? I wonder about that, and I ask the soulless Lillith within me, and in essence I am asking myself. I realize that it is not, because I am proud of my son, and of my daughter, and even of my husband, who, despite his misunderstood ways, truly did raise his son well, truly did turn him into a man. I married a good man, just like I told my professor all those years ago.
Those were my thoughts as I left into space.
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A/N: A short, quick work. I believe this was done in less than an hour, if not less than thirty minutes.
Whenever I try to think of a story to write regarding Evangelion, I find that I simply cannot – the story is too complete, the symbolism is too intense, and the series too definite. I've always felt that writing anything that somehow altered the world of Evangelion would never fully feel like Evangelion because it would just not be able to encompass all that Evangelion did. It has been the same with many productions that I've felt were too great to be expanded upon – the video game Xenogears, Stephen King's The Dark Tower saga, and the anime Voices of a Distant Star, to name a few. However, I eventually did manage to write a story aboutVoices of a Distant Star. That story, however, doesn't deal at all with any of the characters in the short OAV. Instead, I chose to tell the story from an outside perspective, like someone looking into a home through a window. Doing that, I found it easier to write my story about Voices, as I then had to draw similarities between only a few of the elements of the original work.
The same thing, for the most part, applies here. Yui Ikari plays a very large part inEvangelion symbolically, but she herself does not make many appearances. I realized that she could be considered one of the easiest "mediums" from which to view the events that played out in Evangelion. Her character is, for the most part, emphasized as being a very motherly one, and that was something that I could deal with with relative ease.
Of course, all this explanation doesn't mean that the story (or what little there is of it) is any good, so feel free to express any and all opinions.
Endnotes:
"the ripple of change from which the storm rises..." – "Amidst the eternal waves of time / From a ripple of change shall the storm rise / Out of the abyss peer the eyes of a demon / Behold the Razgriz, its wings of black sheath..." – Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War