David "Hesh" Walker
August 12th
Journal Entry:
"It's been about a month now, 39 days to be exact. 39 days since what? 39 days since I lost my little brother. Fucking Rorke took him. Merrick says this journal is go to help me. I don't understand how writing my stupid life down will help but I guess I could clear my head here. Not long before Rorke took Logan Rorke killed my father. Right in front of Logan and I. Mom died when I was eight-"
I threw the journal at the wall. "This isn't helping "I said to myself in a fit of rage. I'd been talking to myself a lot lately, I haven't been going out much either. I know it's not healthy but I can't find the strength or a reason to go out and if I did where would I go? "Stupid Merrick. He doesn't know anything about me." I ranted to myself whist grabbing another beer from the fridge. I didn't mean what I said of course. If it weren't for Keegan and Merrick I probably wouldn't be here today.
Merrick and Keegan are coming to visit me tomorrow. Merrick says that they visited to hang out but I knew the real reasons they visited me. They visited me so that I wouldn't think I was alone and probably to check if I'd killed myself. I wondered back to my room and sat on my bed, Riley limped behind me.
I'm a mess, not only mentally but physically too. It's been awhile since I've shaved and my hygiene was sloppy. The proud leader I once was died long ago and I've been living off 2 minute noodles for quite some time. I'm definitely in no shape to go on any missions but I don't know if I want to be a ghost anymore. I'm starting to forget what it really means to be a 'ghost'.
I drank my beer in silence and threw the can aside with the others. My room was a mess but I couldn't care less. I put my head on the pillow and shut the lamp off. "Good night Riley". He barked as a response to his name. I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep, but something lingered in the back of my mind. I knew what it was. I can't get over what happened that day in the Atacama Desert. I've been having night terrors since that day and the guilt that's built up inside me is overwhelming. I beat myself up constantly over what I wish I'd done differently.
I didn't sleep at all that night.