If Only I Knew What I Know Today
- Recommended music : Hurt by Christina Aguilera. -
"Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault."
- Unknown
She was impaled by the past. A past so embedded in her soul that she would never be forgiven by neither herself nor others.
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do.
Fresh out of Hogwarts, former head girl, unblemished OWLS, flawless record, famous family, perfect life, she had failed interview after interview, but she was stubborn. She wanted to make a name for herself (as Rose not as Weasley but they were one and the same), and life was cruel and unfair. She just didn't believe it yet. She just couldn't comprehend how vile the real world was (being shielded by the warmth and youth of erect, brick walls).
But dear Merlin, she tried.
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away.
He was never there in person, but always in presence. A red rose here, a heartwarming note there, a kiss before sunrise always. But she was jealous.
A heroic future Auror, he was destined to be. A self-pitying failure, she saw herself. But he hugged her every day with a kiss on the forehead, promising things would get better, promising she was destined to do great things. It wasn't her that wasn't ready; it was the future that wasn't ready for her.
The clocked ticked and the future was never going to be ready and she realized his words were unfulfilled lies. He still reassured her and urged her to keep hope, but that hope faded. From his words, his kisses, from him, she ran away with a bottle of alcohol and muggle drugs in hand.
She just kept spiraling downdowndown and it never stoppedstoppedstopped.
"Rose. What happened to us? What happened to you?"
She answered him with a chug of firewhiskey burning down her throat.
One day, tired of her running away, he walked away.
It's so out of line to try to turn back time.
That day she broke (with her heart in pieces) as reality seeped through the cracks he left behind, and she vowed to be Rose Weasley again.
Are you proud of who I am?
Five years later, the future is finally ready for her.
But now (successful, powerful, wealthy) she still can't help but feel overshadowed by her past. The pains of her mistakes were still tugging at her heart and mind, strongest in bed when she feels cold emptiness where his sun like warmth should be.
After all these years, she still regrets on what could have been. If only…if only…
To have just one more chance.
With dull blonde hair instead of a fiery red, with an unknown stranger instead of the beautiful women of his dreams in bed beside him, he laments on what could have been if he had stayed. The next morning, he promises himself, he'll seek her out and say hi.
"Hey...Rose."
"Scorpius."
"It's nice to see you again. How are you?"
"What are you doing here?"
" - "
" - "
"I just wanted to say...I'm sorry. I'll see myself out."
"Wait. I should be the one saying sorry. I shouldn't have-. I mean-. I'm really-"
A kiss. A hug. A tear. An understanding. A collision and shattering of the restraining past.
"Merlin, I've missed you."
The reunion of a whole.
"I'm so sorry Scorpius. I'm so sorry. For everthing."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Forgive yourself first. And then I'll forgive you."
A kiss to the forehead and the future was finally ready...for the both of them.
And I've hurt myself by hurting you.
I absolutely adore this shipping. My first attempt at Rose and Scorpius. Feedback and reviews please? They are greatly appreciated. :)
- xilynnx