Ffirst stargate story! Thanks to treva for being so long to look at this for me!
Routine mission, my ass! The moment the words were out of his mouth, Jack wished them back. Nothing was routine for SG-1 and he had no clue what possessed him to actually say it. Bad luck and Murphy's Law always followed them through the gate. And this time was no different. No sooner did they rematerialize on PX-something-or-other, than all hell broke loose. Blast from staff weapons greeted them, causing the team to scramble for cover. An explosion hit hard, knocking both airmen to the ground hard enough to knock the breath from them. Teal'c and Daniel were lucky enough to have escaped the blast. Chunks of earth and stone rained down on them, causing mass confusion amongst the foursome. Together Jack and Sam moved, both in sync thanks to their countless years of facing combat together, and took their positions alongside Teal'c and Daniel. Through the cloud of battle, Jack counted and swore. They were outnumbered.
"Carter." Jack turned to look at his 2IC and felt his heart jerk to a stop. Her entire left side was covered in blood. She had been hit with a staff blast to the shoulder, taking a nice size chunk with it. The subsequent explosion that had greeted them also wounded the Major. Shrapnel caught her left side, starting from her waist and going up to her neck and cheek. It amazed himhow none of it fazed the woman who stood her ground taking down their oncoming enemy. "Daniel grenade. Teal'c coverme."
Daniel looked up, momentarily confused, then took note of Sam's condition and paled in horror.
Sam cursed when she emptied her clip and struggled to free a new magazine from her vest. Her hands were covered in muck and some other thick substance making it extremely difficult to get a grip on one. "Sir." She turned and was surprised to find the man in question already at her side, his face grim. There was a nasty gash running over his forehead and the blood was mixing in with the dirt. There were several other small gashes from the shrapnel so the look he wore wasn't for himself. "What? Who'shurt?" Her mind immediately went to the man to her left, "Daniel – -"
Jack shook his head and watched as both realization and pain crossed the woman's face. He was quick to catch her to soften her landing. "Keep your eyes on me," he instructed, already digging out emergency medical supplies from his pack. He could only do so much. What Jack needed to do was to get Sam back through the gate and into Frasier's hands. "Just keep them open."
Sam squirmed under the tidal wave of pain her brain was now starting to register. "Use the field dressing," she started to ramble about what he should do, knowing damn well the Colonel was more than capable of tending to her without her instructing him.
Jack didn't stop her. In fact, he liked the sound of her voice because it meant that she was alive. "Don't look," he commanded when Sam tried to asses her situation. "Keep talking, Carter."
"Hard to –" Sam swallowed and swore she tasted the metallic tang of blood. This was not good. "Internal bleeding. Must have been from the blast."
"Just hang in there until we can get you back to Frasier." Jack cursed his trembling hands as he struggled to slow the bleeding. It was pouring from the Major's body out of the gaping woundin her shoulder. The shrapnel embedded in her body wasn't helping matters. "Stay with me, Carter. You will not die on me. I'll make it an order if I have to."
"One that I would like to follow," Sam whispered and watched his mouth twitch into a half-hearted smile. The sounds of battle were starting to die down and, with a quick look at her other two team mates, she concluded that they were emerging victorious.
"Good. That's good," Jack tried to keep fear from flooding his voice. He had to remain like the detached leader he wassupposed to be. He was, under no cirimstances, not suppose to act like a terrified man who was watching the woman he lovedbleed out. "Because I don't feel like breaking in a new scientist. Not after Jonas. Plus you can't die without me taking you fishing."
She looked like she wanted to laugh or smile but couldn't even manage anything as her face lost more color. Just as her eyes began to close, she was shaken hard and her eyes bounced back to the terrified face of her CO. "C'mon, maybe my replacement won't bore you with techno babble," Sam tried to joke.
"But I like your techno babble," Jack confessed and watched a surprised look cross her pale face. He recalled a few times that Daniel had kicked him under the table because he had started to smile that smile as he listened to one of her techno rants. "I won't pretend that I understand anything that you say. Plus I think you're the only person in the galaxy that has the patienceto explain things over and over again to me."
"I don't know. I think Daniel can give me a run for my money.You just don't have the same amount of patience with him as you do me."
"What can I say, I don't like the sound of his voice as much as I do yours." A grin flashed across his face, "Just don't tell him that or it will hurt his feelings."
"Heard that!" Daniel shouted over a spurt of gunfire.
"Don't make me laugh, sir," Sam softly begged, struggling to keep her eyes focused on her CO's face. Lines of worry were etched into the older man's face and she knew things were grim. Somewhere from her left she heard Teal'c call out an All Clear and found Daniel at her side. His face paled instantly. "Don't give me that look. I'm fine Daniel."
Jack grabbed Daniel by the shirt to make sure he had the man's full attention. "Get back to the DHD and get the doc. Daniel,listen to me!" he commanded when Daniel continued to stare at him wide eyed and full of fear for the uncertain fate of their team mate. "Carter needs you. Do you understand what I need you to do?"
"Yes." Daniel nodded and, once released, took off back to the DHD.
"Jack."
Upon hearing his first name from Sam, Jack looked down to see the woman's eyes clouded and unable to focus. His stomach turned at the site of the blood soaking her uniform and seeping into the ground below her. Her face was pale, bleeding from the shrapnel, plastered with dirt and the color of a sheet. "Right here, Carter. Daniel is on his way to get the doc, so just stay with me, ok."
She gave an absent nod. Her body was beginning to numb,leaving her incapable of stringing two thoughts together. The words left her mouth before she could try to stop herself, "What if I left the Air Force?"
The question took the Colonel by complete surprise and it just gave him the confirmation that Sam was slipping fast. He swallowed the lump of fear in his throat, "I would never ask you to do that," he whispered.
Dazed, Sam reached a hand to his face with words on the tip of her tongue. Jack didn't give her a chance to say them.
"Don't. Don't say it, not like this," Jack softly begged. Not on some god-forsaken planet, light years away from Earth. No he wouldn't allow them to confess their feelings for each other when they were on the verge of being parted by death, again.Jack brought a blood-soaked hand to cover hers that cupped his face so tenderly. "Don't leave, Sam." There was such desperation in his voice. No longer was he her CO. He was just simply the man who had loved her for years. "Please don't leave me."
"I can't –" A single tear escaped down her dirty face. Not for herself, but for the fact that she was leaving him when there was so much more meant for them. There was so much regret for things that they never did and now could never do. Duty had always come first, now look where it got them.
"You can't leave me." His own tears were brimming, but he refused to let them fall. Here she was, life slipping out of her, and she was sad for him. Carter, selfless as always. His free hand played with the tips of her blonde hair, "You can't, youhear me. I need you, Sam. Not just to explain things to me, or to laugh at my stupid jokes. I need you in my life. You don't understand that every day I look forward to one thing and that is seeing you. Seeing you laugh and smile, you know that one that lights up your eyes and is meant only for me. I live for those moments. They're what keeps me going. Keeps me sane. Sam,there is no life without you so you will hang on."
She looked at him, eyes full of tears and emotions that she couldn't find the words for. Her fingers flexed against his face,wanting to bask in his touch just one last time. "Jack."
"Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c spoke, breaking them out of their world, "Daniel Jackson has returned with Doctor Frasier and SG-4."
"Help is here." Jack should have let go of her hand. It wouldn't do Sam any good if any members of SG-4 saw them like this. There were already enough rumors going on about them already. But he couldn't let her go, terrified that if he did, she would just slip away. "So just keep your eyes open."
"I'm so tired, Jack," Sam confessed.
"I know." Jack's throat tightened, "Sam please. I need you."
"Colonel I need you to move," Janet warned, as she came sliding across the dirt to the Major's side.
Jack complied, but didn't release Sam's hand, now cradling it against his heart as if trying to sustain her life through his. "She was coherent until just a few moments ago."
"Hey Sam." Janet gave her best friend the best smile she could muster. It was really hard to be the Napoleonic dictator of a doctor, as Jack so referred to her, when seeing Sam in such a condition. "We're going to get you home, all right. Just stay with me. Keep talking to her," Janet assured Sam and commandedJack as she went to work to stabilize her patient.
Daniel came to assist Janet as Teal'c kept SG-4 at a distance to keep a safe perimeter around the gate. Jack struggled to block out Janet and Daniel and just simply focus on Sam. There was so much he wanted to say, but couldn't bring himself to say any of it. "How about them Broncos?"
Sam's mouth twitched as her gaze shifted to Janet. "Tell Cassie–"
The doctor's face paled. "Oh, no no no," Janet spoke as she worked with quick hands to slow the bleeding from her shoulder. Sam's face was bone white and her eyes were beginning to droop. Janet handed an IV bag to Daniel to hold as she pushed a needle into the Major's arm. "You promised her we would take her out to the lake, remember? We're goingcamping, sailing and telling embarrassing stories."
"So you can go to the lake with Frasier and Cassie, but can't come fishing with me?" Jack gave her a look of mock horror. "I see where I rate in your life, Carter." Sam let out a small chuckle and winced in pain. He tried to muster his best military voice, but failed miserably, "No giggling, Major."
"Sorry sir," Sam choked out. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, they slid shut as her hand went limp, trapped inside the Colonel's hands.
"Sam?" Jack's heart was in his throat. "Janet!"
The doctor went into overdrive. "Ok, we need to get her back now!" She started barking orders and other members of SG-4 began to help the doctor stabilize the wounded soldier so they could get her back through the gate.
0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o
"Jack?"
Jack didn't look up or acknowledge the General when he came into the observation room. He just continued to stare out from the observation room as Janet worked to keep Sam alive in the room below. Janet had kicked him out and Daniel had tried to get him to clean up, but Jack refused to leave. How long had it been since they came back through the gate? Ten minutes? Five? An hour? Time just seemed to cease as he watched the room below. Sam had flat lined once and Janet was now struggling to keep her from doing it a second time. She had lost a lot of blood. Hell, Jack's hands and BDUs were still covered in it.
Hammond frowned and silently closed the door behind him, "I sent a message to Jacob."
Jack closed his eyes at the news. How was he going to face Sam's father if she died? He was the CO. He was responsible for her well being and he failed. It was his fault that Sam was now lying in the infirmary fighting for her life. "If it was to get him to use the healing device, they won't make it in time. We know how the Tok'ra work. They do things on their own terms and for their own benefit. I don't think saving the life of a host'sdaughter –"
"Jack." Hammond sat down next to the shaken man truly at a loss for what to say. SG-1 has had its share of brushes with death and they had brought them closer – too close by military standards – but Hammond fought for them because their closeness was what made SG-1 so capable of doing their job. So when they faced the possibility of losing a member, it cut deep.
"We were ambushed the moment we stepped out of the gate. Carter didn't even know she was hit." Jack dropped his face into his blood-caked hands.
"You couldn't have known."
"If she doesn't make it –" Jack couldn't even finish the thought.
"Sam is a fighter, we both know that." Hammond's gaze shifted to the woman in question in the room they overlooked. The white sheets were soaked in blood, which also now pooled on the tile underneath the gurney. The staff blast had hit an artery, causing Janet and her team to work feverishly to replace the blood that the Major's body was releasing. They also weredoing their best to fish out the shrapnel from Sam's face and neck before it started to release toxins into her blood stream. Even if the Air Force officer pulled through, she could be carrying the scars of this brush with death for the rest of her life. "Listen, Teal'c and Daniel are standing outside waiting for your word if you need them. This isn't something you all have to go through alone."
Jack just silently nodded.
After another moment of silence, Hammond pushed to his feet and placed a hand on the Colonel's shoulder. It was no secret, well at least to him, that Jack felt for Sam a lot more then he was suppose to. Hammond hated the fact that Jack denied himself happiness because of something as stupid as regulations. After everything the Colonel had gone through in his life, he deserved to be happy. Of course, this wasn't the General speaking because if it was, then it would mean that he would have to court marshal two of his best officers. "Listen Jack," Hammond lowered his voice to make sure that Jack was the only one who could hear him. "Moments like this should be the time you listen to your heart not your head. SG-1 has a dangerous job and you've all made more sacrifices then any one should be ever asked to do. With your job, you don't know what you'll be walking into or if you'll be walking back home through the gate. If you love somebody and want to be with them, nothing should stand in your way. You don't know what will come tomorrow or if thereeven will be one."
Jack looked up at the older man with tears shining in his eyes before the General left the room. He caught site of his two male team mates and waved them inside. Hammond was right; they should wait this through like they did everything else. Together.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
An hour, five blood transfusions, and countless medical supplies later, Janet watched as a nurse wheeled a now stable Sam from the room. After a moment to collect herself, Janet looked up into the observation room where the rest of SG-1 waited in earnest for her to speak. "I was able to stop thebleeding and removed as much of the shrapnel I could. The next twenty-four hours are going to be touch and go." Janet informedthem, watching Jack's face fall even more. "Give the nurses a few minutes then you guys can sit with her. And then I will look over you three personally."
Daniel looked up when Jack all but bolted from the room, "One of us should go with him," he whispered to Teal'c. "To make sure he doesn't do anything stupid and maybe get him to change into some fresh clothes."
"I agree. Major Carter should not see that upon awakening," Teal'c spoke as he moved to stand. "I will go after Colonel O'Neill. It also appears that Doctor Frasier seems to be in great distress. Perhaps she would benefit from a visit from you."
Daniel raised a brow, causing Teal'c to do the same. How theJaffa knew about Daniel's developing feelings for the doctor he didn't know. But he nodded in agreement nonetheless because Janet was still standing, completely motionless, in the middle of the room in pools of her friend's blood. "I'll meet you in the infirmary."
Something snapped Janet out of her trance and she began tofeverishly pull off her bloody gloves. It was everywhere – her blood. Janet looked at her blood stained shoes and clothes and fought the urge to get sick. A part of her, the best friend, wanted to run from the room and find a nice dark place and cry her eyes out. But she knew she couldn't do that. Janet was a doctor and a military officer with a patient and a whole base that needed her.First thing she needed to do was find a change of clothes and then she needed to go check out the remaining members of SG-1, even if it was the last thing they wanted to do.
Daniel followed her down to her office and waited for her to change. Things between him and the doctor had shifted in the last few weeks from friends into something more. They had moved away from the doctor and patient relationship after their first year due to the fact it seemed Daniel was in the infirmary every week or so. After the death of his wife, it had been Janet who broke through his exterior to get him to talk. To get him to heal. It was also Janet who was helping him adjust to being back after his ascension.
Daniel checked his watch and frowned. Curious, he placed his ear against the door and could hear the faint sound of crying. "Janet," calling out a warning, he pushed his way into her office.
The doctor in question was on the floor with her back against the wall and her knees drawn up to her chest. She had a hand pressed against her mouth as if trying to quiet the sobs she couldn't seem to control.
"Hey." He eased himself between her and the file cabinet before taking her in his arms. She turned her face into his throat and clung to him like her life depended upon it.
Because she knew she was safe with him, Janet let go of all her emotions she'd kept in for the last hour as sobs racked her body.She had tried to ignore the fact that it was Sam on her table; instead, trying to picture some stranger who was bleeding out. Janet knew there was a good possibility the Major might not even pull through the night. It was so hard to remain optimistic."She was trying to tell me her goodbye." Janet felt his hand start to stroke her hair. "I wouldn't let her give up because I sure ashell wasn't ready to let her go."
"Sam is strong," Daniel whispered into the crown of her hair."We all know that."
"We barely recovered from losing you, Daniel. Jack was, God,I thought he was going back into the deep end. If Sam – God I can't even imagine how we can pull him back if we lose her."
"Listen." Daniel cupped her face to thumb away the tears.There was fear in her dark eyes, fear that she was on the verge of losing her best friend. Fear that she would have to explain to Cassie that Sam wasn't going to ever come home again. "We are going to get through this one way or another. And we are going to do it because we have each other. Together we can do it."
"I need to get back."
He shook his head and tucked her head under his chin, "Just stay a bit longer."
Janet let his warmth wash over her and realized that he needed this moment just as much as he did.
0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Colonel O'Neill," Janet called out and got no response. The man in question was perched on the edge of a chair that he pulled up beside Sam's bed. His elbows rested on his thighs and his chin was perched in between his blood encrusted hands as he watched intently the rise and fall of the Major's chest. The only thing keeping her breathing was a ventilator, due to one of her lungs collapsing. "Colonel, I need to get you cleared and cleaned up."
"I'm fine," he whispered, his voice rough from holding back tears.
"You're covered in blood," Janet pointed out.
"None of it is mine."
"I'll be the judge of that." Janet looked to Daniel for help when Jack didn't budge.
Daniel pulled up another chair beside Jack's. "Jack." He braced himself for a lash out, but wasn't prepared for the tearful look he got from the Colonel. The man's eyes were bloodshot from his attempt to hold back the tears that he so desperately wanted to let out. Daniel had newfound resentment for the military and itsstupid rules. Jack shouldn't have to curb his emotions because it would be frowned upon and possibly hurt not only his career but Sam's as well. "You need to get cleaned up and you're injured. Teal'c and I aren't going anywhere."
"We're just going to be two beds over," Janet assured him and very reluctantly, Jack agreed. She led him down two beds and drew the curtain to give them privacy.
Jack, knowing the drill, was already removing the top half of his blood stained BDUs. Once he was naked from the waist up, he sat down on the edge of the bed. Janet frowned when she approached him with gauze soaked in saline. When she began toclean his wounds, he didn't even flinch. Usually, Jack O'Neill was one of her most troublesome patients. He always had to know what she was using and what it was for. It frightened her that Jack just continued to stare over her shoulder as she cleaned his face of blood.
Janet opened her mouth only to promptly shut it before one word escaped. Jack didn't need someone telling him that Sam was going to make it, especially someone who knew damn well that Sam could slip away at any moment. Janet knew firsthandjust how much Sam meant to Jack and the other way around. She knew it was against regulations, but Janet kept Sam's confidence whenever she needed an ear to talk to about her feelings for her CO. Duty obligated her to report the two all those years ago during the Za'tarc incident, but she had left out their confession of how they felt from her report, as did Teal'c.
"This is going to hurt," Janet warned as she picked up a pair of tweezers. "You've got some shrapnel along your cheek and possibly your head."
Jack barely flinched when the doctor dug out the first piece of shrapnel. Janet dropped it into a metal pan; the ping it made echoed throughout the infirmary. The eerie silence cut Jack's heart in two, "What are her chances?"
Janet faltered for a moment before recovering and pulling another piece of metal from the side of his face. "The night? I'd say 30%. If the toxin of the metal released into her bloodstream then there is the chance that it will turn septic, basically turning into poison, and I don't think her body is strong enough to fight it."
"Doctor Frasier!" Daniel called out moments before the machine that Sam was hooked up to started to scream out in loud beeps.
Shoving past Jack, Janet rushed to Sam's bedside, tearing off her bloody gloves to replace with a fresh pair. Her eyes scanned the screen and her face paled, "I'm going to need help in here. Guys, I need room." Instantly, Daniel and Teal'c abandoned their positions at Sam's side. "Her BP is dropping. Get the paddles ready." Janet started shouting instructions at the nursesheeding her cries for help. "Colonel, you better keep your ass on that bed."
Daniel stopped Jack in his tracks to give the doctor the room she needed to keep Sam alive. "Come on Jack." Though he struggled, Daniel managed to get Jack back to the gurney and sat down with him. Together they watched as Sam flat lined right before their eyes.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Hammond rubbed his tired face as he tried to concentrate on the report in front of him. It had been nearly ten hours since SG-1 returned, and the mood around the base was a very solemn one. For possibly the first time, every member of every SG team, well at least those not off world, stayed on base for the night. Hammond had a feeling that none of them were going home until they knew Sam's fate.
At the briefing two hours ago, Janet had reported Sam'schances had dropped since her blood results showed it was septic. She was having trouble stabilizing the Major's BP, which was the cause of respiratory complications, causing her to flat line a total of three times since she was brought through the gate. Jack, who had been patched up and convinced to change, had remained silent through the entire briefing. Hammond frowned at the memory of the Colonel. He had a sickening feeling that if they lost the Major that he was going to lose two officers.
"Sir." Jack knocked on the open door frame to announce his presence.
Glad for the distraction, Hammond looked up from his report. Jack's left side of his face was discolored from the shrapnel and he was favoring his right leg, but showed not an ounce of pain. It was lost in the sea of guilt and sadness. "Come in Colonel."
Jack shut the door behind him before laying a piece of paper on the General's desk.
Hammond frowned as he picked it up. "What is this?"
"My resignation, Sir," Jack informed him, his gaze set behind Hammond and his body at attention.
Hammond shot to his feet, "Excuse me?"
"It's my resignation." Jack repeated, pausing between each word to make sure the message got across. He was in no mood for games of any kind. If he lost Sam then he was gone as well. She was the last shining light in his life. Without her, Jack knew that the darkness was just going to overrun him again. If, by some miracle, Sam pulled through, he was going to stop making excuses. He loved her and if she really loved him back, baggage and all, he'd be damned to just let a set of rules keep them apart.
"Jack." Hammond leaned against the desk praying for patience.He understood where the Colonel was coming from, but Hammond refused to accept the resignation, because to him it was a sign that Jack had lost all hope. "Sam might pull through."
Jack shifted his gaze until it connected with Hammond's, "If she does then it still stands. I've nearly lost her too many times to count. I watched her die. I watched as the life bled out of her." His voice cracked, "I tried for so long to just think of her as justanother solider, and I've done a pretty damn good job at it –until now. I can't ignore what I feel, sir."
Hammond pinched the bridge of his nose, "Just how long –"
"Never," Jack assured him, wanting to make sure that no harm came to Sam's career. "We came to an understanding that nothing can happen because of the regs. That if when it came time for one of us to move up or for me to retire we would see where we stood."
"And you're willing to give this up? The SGC? The team?"
"I love the SGC and what I do, but I love her more. We've had to adjust to a new member before and I have no doubt that we can do it again. Plus we both know that I only have a few years left, if that, of active duty."
"Jack we both know that they won't let you do this. You're too valuable to this command and project. Hell, if it wasn't for you,there would be no Stargate program."
"Then reassign me! Transfer me to Command of the Stargate Training unit! I don't care, just do something!" Jack insistedslamming his hands against the General's desk, "Do something because I don't think I can just pretend like I don't love her anymore. I've watched her die, George, more than once. Hell, it was even by my own hand at one point. You told me to stop listening to my head and start listening to my heart, so I am. She might die without ever knowing how she saved me. Or how much I love her. I'll be damned if she pulls through and we walk through that gate again without her knowing."
Hammond watched the man's shoulders sag as he dropped his head to hide the tears he had been fighting all night. He had gotten the answer that he wanted. "Jack." He moved to place a hand on Jack's shaking shoulder, "Don't give up hope just yet,son. "
"Doc says there isn't much of a chance," Jack whispered the words bitterly. "Any luck getting a hold of Jacob?"
"No, but we're sending out a message every hour," Hammondtried to assure him, before picking up the letter. "Go and sit with her."
so Whatca think?