So there I was, sticking my pointy yet rather short nose in a thick book while I was waiting for the teacher to come to the classroom. Suddenly one of my classmates in math yells "The teacher is coming!" and everybody else goes to their places so the teacher wouldn't be mad, but they are still laughing loud and swearing. "Good Morning…" the same boring old tune that I've been hearing all these years every day over and over again was ringing trough the classroom that suddenly became silent "Sit down" the teacher said and put down his briefcase. I sat down and opened my notebook. As soon as the teacher left the classroom to get something, I heard a voice "Hey, Erudite, what are you writing there, an equation to make you less annoying?" a male voice said, and to my surprise some of his friends actually laughed to that lame, lame joke. Ah well, what else am I to do then just ignore him. "Please, she couldn't come up with that even if it did exist. She's not smart enough!" a different male voice said and this time I looked up. I wasn't surprised when I saw Mark Phillips, my classmate in math. He was born in Dauntless but I bet he will get Erudite on the aptitude test and that he will choose it as his faction for the rest of his life, because he is such a nerd. I rolled my eyes. But I wasn't writing an equation, I was drawing. What those boys said about me didn't bother me at all. I know I'm somewhat intelligent, but I'm not even gonna try telling them that.
I grew up in Erudite. That means that I have been forced to read lots of educational books, and I am getting tired of it. I just can't live here anymore. And tomorrow I will finally find out which faction do I really belong to. I have been waiting for this all my life. I never really knew which faction will I choose, and I still don't, and the aptitude test will help me decide. I am looking forward to it, but I am still madly nervous, even now, and the test is tomorrow. What will the test even look like? Should I be scared? Should I not? I don't know. My sister says it was fine, nothing painful or anything. She got Candor, but she chose Dauntless. She says that the training was so hard, one girl committed suicide. I'm scared.
My thoughts completely distracted me from the class and the ringing bell. It was like I was asleep, just with my eyes wide open. Until Maggie, my best friend, pulled my hand and started talking. "Grace, we need to spend as much time as we can together today and tomorrow. After all, after tomorrow we might never see each other again." She said. What she said was breaking my heart into pieces. Well the second part, not the part about spending a lot of time together. I grabbed my books and hurried out of class. My books were, as usual, glued to my chest while I was holding them with my hands. "I am sooo choosing Dauntless tomorrow!" Maggie said. "I just need to try that Dauntless cake Martine was talking about!". I giggled. "Well, say hi to her, Martine, not the Dauntless cake, when you get there." I almost said 'If you get there', but bit my tongue instead. I didn't wanna scare her. I know Dauntless is the faction she wants to be in, even though I am a little worried about her. No, I am really worried. But on the other hand, my sister made it, and Maggie is better in sports than her as far as I know… and Maggie is tall, and that's good. But why am I even thinking about this, she is choosing Dauntless and I can't do anything about it. Plus, I have my own faction related problems to worry about. I seriously don't know which faction to choose. While I was deep in my thoughts again, it started raining heavily outside. I didn't have an umbrella. As soon as I stepped out of the school I was completely wet. And just today my parents can't pick me up. I decided to run, so I don't have that much time to get wet. But before I had time to start running, a short blonde Abnegation girl with an umbrella hurried to me and put it over my head. "Here," she said. "I saw you didn't have an umbrella of your own so I couldn't just let you stand here and get wet." I could barely hear her over the heavy rain that was flooding my shoes with cold water. "That's so nice of you!" I said. I knew they need to be doing that, but it still seemed like a really nice gesture. "I'm Beverly" She said sticking her hand out to mine, so I shook her hand and introduced myself "I'm Grace." She seemed like a really nice girl. Later she gave me the umbrella. I just couldn't live in Abnegation. They just constantly think about others, and never get some time for themselves. They never get gussied up, they never celebrate birthdays, and they always give other people their places on the bus, because otherwise, it would be 'self-indulgent'. Like Martine once said, it's unhealthy. I'm definitely not choosing that as my faction. If you ask me about what do I think about factions, I say I have the same question about it as for school; who the hell came up with it and why does it have to be so stupid?! But I can't do anything. This is just the way it is.
It's 12:00. I'm in bed. My parents think I'm asleep, but I am wide awake. Not because I want to be awake, but I just can't sleep. And that is because I have visitors in my room called disruptive thoughts. Look at them, they're everywhere! Chewing on my books, rummaging trough my closet, but mostly picking on my brain. I feel like they're these little goblins that come with flashlights and tools and put worries into my brain. And I can't stop them. They are also very good at their work. I wish I could just take a pill, eat it and it would put the little workers out of my brain. I actually tried once but apparently that wasn't for kids so I spent the day in a hospital. I was fine, but I had a huge rash. Anyways, worries are picking on my brain. They're starting to scare me. What if when I will drink that serum thingy something will go wrong and I will never wake up again?! Or if that person there is trying to hurt me because he needs Erudite brains to inspect?! No, no. That will not happen. Nobody there will try to hurt me. I'm gonna trust them. I need to trust them. There's no other way out.
It's Aptitude test day today. All the sixteen-year-olds will have to make the toughest decision of their lives today. Poor kids. One of them is my dear sister that I haven't seen since last year's Visiting day. We used to be really close, we were never just sisters, we were friends. I am just as nervous today as I was three years ago when I myself had to take the test. Even more, perhaps. So many things could go wrong- she might choose wrong, she might break a rule and become factionless… She might choose Dauntless. She mustn't, I don't want her to. Maybe she'll want to be reunited with her older sister- me- and forget all the other factions. And I'm afraid that's not that big a 'maybe'. And why shouldn't she choose Dauntless? It's absolute hell, at least the initiation. I remember how devastated I was when I found out what's this faction really like. I actually remember everything from the Aptitude test on…
On the day of my test, it wasn't cloudy like today- on the contrary, it was hot and sunny. It made me very excited about my test. Of course, as soon as I found myself waiting for someone to call my name, I got nervous. "Martine Oxton," I recall hearing a clear female voice. I hardly got up, I was shaking and I approached the room slowly. When I got in, I straightened up to look more confident. I don't like to seem scared when I go to the doctor or the dentist and since the chair I saw in the room resembled the doctor's one, I decided to apply the same approach here. "Sit," the woman said. She introduced herself before that, but I was too absent-minded to remember her name. As she started to put wires to my head, I couldn't help but jump in the seat a bit. I had no idea whether this was going to hurt or not. She smiled and comforted me, but I tried to tell- well, lie to her, that I'm not scared. I don't think she bought it, though. "Drink this," I was offered a glass of unknown liquid. I drank it carefully. I remember suddenly feeling tired and closing my eyes. A second later I automatically opened them again. I was in a strange room. A basket appeared before me. "Choose," a voice commanded. I got up and looked in the basket. I saw a knife and a piece of cheese. I reached out to take the knife, but hesitated. Should I choose the knife or would that lead to something dangerous? I asked myself. But then again, I figured, the knife implies there will be a fight and if so, the cheese is useless. My hand was still in the middle of both objects. "Choose!" I almost knocked the basket over because of the shock. I looked back at the knife. I bit my lip and frowned. Scared that the voice will speak up again, I quickly grabbed the knife. My hands were wrapped tightly around it, so I couldn't change my mind- but there was no need for that, the basket disappeared. I heard a bark then. It came from a big, angry dog standing behind me. Was I supposed to kill it. I didn't particularly like the idea. The dog started slowly approaching me. My hand held on to the weapon tighter. The dog suddenly jumped forward, but I couldn't do anything. I was waiting, frozen. In my head, killing was easy. In real life, it wasn't. I felt like someone could blame me if I killed this innocent dog. So I stood there as it jumped right at me. It knocked me down and started barking in my face. Now I felt deathly scared and picked up the knife up with absolute determination. I was prepared to stab it, but it bit me and made me throw the knife down. I felt helpless. I tried to push the dog off, but he wouldn't surrender. And when I thought it'd bite me again, it was gone and so was the room. I was now staring at a different celling. I got up and realized I'm on a bus. "Do you know this man?" a scary-looking old man asked, pointing to a newspaper article. It was about a murderer and the picture below showed a very familiar face. I don't know where I've seen it, but I remember I felt like something terrible would occur if I admitted the truth. "Um…" I started. Should I say no? Will that help the man in the picture? I thought. But I remembered the truth would come out sooner or later. "Yes, I do know this man," I said firmly. And then… I woke up. I couldn't wait for the results. "So, what am I?" I asked. "Well, your test showed you are most suited for Candor," she said. CANDOR. The word felt like a punch in the stomach. "Candor," I said miserably. "Something wrong?" the woman asked. "No, absolutely nothing," I assured her. I already saw how I couldn't even tell the truth all the time. At least when it comes to my feelings. I got up and lazily walked out of the room. I wished I got something cool, like… Well, at that time I didn't really even know what would I consider cool. I've always liked Dauntless., but I felt like the complete opposite of it. I considered myself brave, but I thought I wasn't athletic enough for that faction. That afternoon, my mum kept asking me what's wrong. As I predicted, she saw exactly how I was feeling, as always. But I kept denying it. How on Earth did I ever get Candor? I blame my built-in sense of guilt I get whenever I lie, that's why I basically don't. Only about my feelings sometimes, and out of politeness. Anyway, that night I couldn't sleep- I was thinking of the Choosing ceremony. Technically, I should've chosen Erudite. That way I could've lived with my family. But I didn't really believe my parents would mind if I didn't. That was pretty rare, as far as I know. My family has always been very different, actually. They never spoke of factions with big admiration (at home, of course. Outside it would be dangerous!) and they raised Grace, my sister, and I to believe that we all have different parts of us, parts that belong to different factions. They claimed life would be easier without them, in fact. I fully agree with that. Life must've been so simple before the faction system. But now we have it and we have to choose- that's what I told myself that night. One thing was sure- I wasn't Abnegation. I liked myself and doing things for my own good and pleasure, so I definitely did not believe in selflessness. I knew I was going to leave Erudite as well. I liked the fact that reading was very supported and that we had such an enormous choice of books in our libraries, but I hated Math, Science, Physics and Chemistry so I would sometimes almost crack under the pressure of school and studying. I also hated the clothes- tight sweaters and super polished skirts were a nightmare for me. I liked the messy, edgy kinda look much better. I was dying to dress up in leather, ripped jeans and sneakers. My parents said they don't mind, but that the leaders do and I absolutely MUST follow the dress code rules. In Dauntless, I'd have nothing against the dress code rules, though. Also, I could dye my hair, which I always wanted… Yes, judging by the looks, I could totally be a Dauntless. That option I did not consciously think about, but subconsciously- yes, a lot. Consciously, I focused on Amity instead. Amity and Candor. I considered Amity a good choice, because I always saw them as very happy people who always just sing and enjoy life. I still wonder how would've that turned out… And Candor was apparently the best option. The test said so. But I couldn't imagine always confessing about everything and constantly wearing black and white. As if I saw life as black and white. I didn't. There were a million of grays in between- just like the truth. It's often not black or white. I believe the truth is relative. And that's how I decided on Amity. I was still unhappy, but I realized I only had about 2 hours of sleep left, so I forced myself to empty my mind and fall asleep.