Gail stood at the edge of the bed after she'd slipped into her pajamas. When she had come in, she had just noticed Holly sleeping and was focused on getting ready for bed without collapsing from exhaustion.
Now, she just stood there, taking in the beautiful sight before her. The lamp was the only source of light and it cast a warm, golden glow over the room. Holly was curled on her side, facing away from Gail's side of the bed. Her hands were tucked in front of her chest; the rest of her body was hidden under their covers. Strands of her beautiful brown hair fell over her face in way that seemed too perfect to be real. A book that laid face down in the floor showed that Holly had been trying to wait up for her and clearly failed. Holly's breathing was slow and her face was so peaceful. A city official's wife had been murdered and it was an obvious cover up for the official's affair. The case ahead gained a lot of press attention and it was putting Holly under a great amount of stress at work and to see her calm and resting made Gail happier than words could ever say.
Emotion suddenly hit Gail like a tidal wave and she had to raise her hand to stifle a sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh. Until she had met Holly, Gail had never felt this way before about anyone. In past relationships, she'd had fun; she'd been content and settled. She had never felt so relaxed and happy before. With Holly, she felt that she'd finally planted her feet on solid ground, but at the same time she was soaring on cloud 9. She had never been able to give her whole heart to someone and trust them. Now that she had, she was scared that she would freak out and bitchy Gail would emerge and take control. The Gail that shut everybody out and pretended not to be the victim even though she knew she was guilty.
Gail could feel the insecurity coursing through her and she knew exactly why. Early on shift, she'd finally gotten the courage to officially come out to her friends. After wading through a mix of teasing and crude comments from the guys, it seemed like everybody was fine with it; she would even go as far to say that they were all proud of her. Then she'd gotten partnered with Nick. It took the golden boy two hours on patrol. Two hours preform he finally said something. "So, Holly, huh?" He asked. She gave him a glare out of the corner of her eye as Nick continued. "How long do you give it, Gail? I say it takes you a little over two months to get 'scared'." His casual tone was now laced with sarcasm. "I know the truth, though. You don't get scared. You just use people; you string them along until things get serious. You can't commit because you can't change. Does Holly really know how long she has until the Gail bomb goes off in her hands?" And Gail didn't fight him. All Nick got was a half-hearted "Shut the hell up" because he had just hit Gail where it hurt. He had just voiced all her insecurities and it burned her. Gail pushed back the memory and blinked back unshed tears.
Gail could feel the cracks in her emotions that had been pulled open. They had been there for years and so far, she'd only found one way to mend them. It was for that very reason she pushed back the bitterness and hurt. She had changed and she could change. For Holly. She shut out the lamp and slid beneath the covers. She sighed at the warmth and scooted closer to Holly. She wrapped an arm around her girlfriend, pressing her face into a sea of brown hair that held that familiar, comforting scent. She felt the other woman stir slightly, waking just enough to find Gail's hand with her own and whisper a drowsy, "I love you."
"I love you too." Gail whisper back, assuming that fell on deaf, sleeping ears. Holly knew, though. Holly knew that Gail loved her more than anyone in this god forsaken world.
Just before she drifted off to sleep. Gail felt a few more cracks pull themselves together and heal.