This is the sequel to Waiting in the Wings. If you haven't read that one yet, it's under my stories.
Disclaimer: Pshh. Who likes to admit that they didn't come up with the amazingness that is Twilight anyway?
"Come on, Bella..." I muttered to myself, clutching the steering wheel. My knuckles, already almost translucent, seemed to go even whiter. Whether that was due to my imagination or to the non-existent blood leaving them, I didn't know. "You can do this. You've got to do this."
I was on the shoulder of the highway for what seemed like the trillionth time in the past few days, consoling myself.
"Nothing is going to attack me in Forks; nothing is going to attack me in Forks." I repeated over and over to myself. Deciding that I needed some air, I opened the door and walked over to sit behind the car.
As I said it to myself, a black Mercedes pulled to a stop parallel to me. With a pang, I was reminded of Carlisle's Merc. Slowly, the window rolled down and a man dressed casually poked his head out. "Car troubles?" he said in an Irish accent. I looked straight ahead as I answered, "No. Thank you for your concern."
"Might I ask where you're going, then?"
I rolled my eyes. "Washington," I answered. My voice was flat and uninterested in what this man had to say.
"I'm headed to north California, myself."
"Is that so?" I feigned interest.
"Yes ma'am. I'm going up to meet me brothers. We're in a band."
Holy crow, I didn't even know this guy.
"How interesting."
"It's about time that they let us go for the record-"
"Oh, excuse me!" I interrupted him, standing on my feet. "I am terribly sorry, but you've just reminded me. Speaking of time, I'm afraid I'm running on a deadline to get to Washington." I was in the car by now, the door hanging ajar.
"Oh… It's been a pleasure talking to you, ma'am."
"You as well," I replied more out of politeness than anything. "Good luck in California," I said as I closed the door and started the car. When he had moved, I floored it the opposite direction of his car and only a few minutes into the drive did I realize that I was going the wrong way.
But I figured… Why not just keep going?
"Stupid, stupid, stupid." I muttered to myself as I dialed Angela on my cell. I knew this was going to happen. I knew myself to well, I knew that I was going to chicken out. She answered on the first ring, as she usually did.
"Bella? Are you in Forks?" I shook my head, but then remembered that she couldn't see me. "No, Angela," I sighed, feeling stupid. "I'm coming home."
On the other end, Angela hesitated before answering.
"What do you mean, Bells?"
"I don't remember speaking in a Foreign language…"
"Come on, Bella. I'm being serious."
"Well, what's in Forks, anyway?" It was a rhetorical question.
"What's here?" Angela retorted.
"Adaline is there," I whispered. Angela hesitated again before answering. "Bells, I know you miss her. But you can not let that change your mind. You know she's going to be coming to visit you in two weeks; is that so long of a wait?"
"Angela, I don't expect you to understand. You don't have a daughter."
"She's like my daughter."
I shook my head. "Not the same thing. Anyway, as I was saying, I don't expect you to understand. But as my best friend, I am asking you – No… telling you – that you need to respect my decision."
"And I am telling you, Isabella Swan, that you need to go to Forks. It will be better out there. Maybe even more than you might think."
"And maybe that is just a load of crap."
Angela sighed. "Bella, give it a chance. When Adaline comes out to visit you, if you are still not happy, I'll fly you back out here."
"No, Angela."
"Bella, really. I think we both know what you're running from."
I refused to acknowledge what she was saying. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You can't run from Edward for forever, Bella."
"What?" I gasped. "Angela, how could you think that? How could you possibly think that I am running away from something instead of running to my daughter? My own flesh and blood?"
"You adopted her, hon."
"Big difference!"
"But yes, that is what I think. And here me out, Bella. Maybe his memory will be good for you. Maybe it'll help you to let go."
"Angela. Shut up, now." I let the venom flow into my voice – no pun intended.
"Not until you hear me out."
"Fine!" I shouted, exasperated. "Fine… start talking, then."
In the background, I heard the phone being shuffled around.
"Mom?"
I stiffened immediately. "Adaline? Sweetheart, I'm so sorry for going without –"
"Don't start on that, Angela explained it all to me. Not that you're off the hook, I am so going to chew you out for leaving without me the next time I talk to you. But now, I have a more pressing matter to discuss."
"Anything, darling, what is it?"
"Mom, I think you need to go to Forks."
Damn Angela. She knew that my daughter was my greatest weakness; that I would give in to anything she suggested. But I decided that I would try to fight. "Addie, darling… That is a very big decision that I have to make."
"No, mom, it really isn't. Now I'm not saying that I don't want you here, because I do. But you need to get over this guy before he drives you insane."
She caught on quickly. I hesitated for a moment before answering, and I decided that a lie would be best. "Adaline, there is no guy. Okay?"
"Then why are you so scared to go to Forks?"
"Because you're not with me!"
"Mom, go to Forks. I know the signs of 'boy deprivation', and I'll be there soon so we can watch romance movies and do each others hair, okay?"
"I… wait. What? What do you mean, you'll be here soon?"
"Angela is flying me out to Seattle in two weeks for spring break."
It took my mind a moment to register her words. But then it clicked. My daughter was going to be in Forks with me. In two weeks, she was going to be with me. "Adaline, do you realize! Two more weeks until I see you! Tell Angela thank you for me."
"Tell her yourself," she said, chuckling.
After a minute of silence, I started to speak.
"Addie-"
"None of your 'Addie', Mom," she interrupted me. "Go to Forks."
"And if I don't?" I challenged.
"If you show up here I swear I will deny that I have any idea who you are. You will be disowned."
I had to chuckle at that, much to Adaline's displeasure. "Mother… just go to Forks, okay? I'll be there as soon as I can."
I sighed. "Okay. I love you, darling."
"Love you too, Mom. Here's Angela." I heard the phone being transferred hands and then Angela's voice floated to my ears. "So…? Did she get you to stay?"
"You don't fight fair," I accused her. In the background, I heard somebody clapping hands together in a high five.
"I never said I did, Bells. So give it two weeks, for me."
"I will." I wanted to smile again when I remembered that Adaline would be coming out here, to Forks. To be with me. "Angela, thank you so much." She knew what I was talking about immediately.
"Of course, Bella. You know… I should take her shopping. She needs the proper Forks attire."
"It'll be easy – just get her a rain poncho," I said, laughing. After she laughed with me for a bit, she said, "So you'll be fine, right?"
"I'll be fine," I confirmed.
"Got all of your credit cards? Cash in case of emergency?"
I rolled my eyes and said, "Yes, Angela. I have everything." Sometimes she could be so… motherly. And whether that was a bad thing or not, I didn't know.
"Call me when you get there, alright?"
"'Kay," I said as I sighed. "Love you, Ang."
"Love you too, Bella," she said as she hung up.
I put my phone in the cup holder and put the gearshift back into drive and pulled out into the deserted road. Allotting for one last tank fill up, even though the needle was still hovering on more than three quarters of a tank, I estimated that I would arrive in Forks in approximately four hours. If I drove especially slow. Well, slow for me.
The time would pass easily, I told myself. I would force it to pass easily.
I was thinking about Adaline, and I was thinking about the last time I was here. That time, I had been… dead. And it frightened me to come back here. I was so afraid of the memories. There were so many of them, and now that I was coming back, they were attacking me with every unnecessary breath I took in. His face was in my mind all the time, and I could remember him clearer. I found that seeing his face calmed me; that I liked it. And that scared me.
I didn't know if I could do it.
But as I started to vaguely recognize the scenery, I felt a pang of excitement followed by a surge of phobia. Forks-o-Phobia. I wondered if there was such a thing.
Don't be stupid, Bella.
I nearly crashed into the traffic light when I heard his voice, scaring an elderly couple out of their skin. "Watch that car, lassie!" the elderly man had yelled, shaking his walking stick in my direction. Had I been alive, I would not have been able to hear him through the windows.
I did my best to hide behind the steering wheel.
What are you doing here? I scolded him. I was almost excided to being here, and now you had to go and ruin it. Thanks a lot.
The voice inside of my head that was him started to chuckle.
You're just looking for someone to blame for your… predicament.
Why did he have to be so all knowing, even in my head?
What's your point? I demanded.
My point is that you should face your fears, not ignore them.
I rolled my eyes. So you have the nerve to show up here, and then insult me by calling me a coward? Thanks. Thanks a lot.
He stopped talking then. As I took in my surroundings, I appeared to have gone quite a ways. I was driving into town, and I could already see the sign that said, "Welcome to Forks!"
I had to laugh at that. I did appreciate the unconscious welcome that Forks offered, but it really made me want to turn right around and drive all the way back to Pennsylvania. Again. I wanted to so badly, but there was a little tug in the back of my mind that said, "Stay." It was probably just my mind imagining what Angela or Addie would say if I showed up.
And so, I stayed. I drove down the main highway of Forks, kicking up dust and debris and causing many heads to turn my way.
I remember the exact directions to Charlie's – now my - house. When I got there, there was a big "FOR SALE" sign, which had the words "SOLD" pasted over them. It looked exactly the same as I remembered it, allotting for the extra ivy growing up the wall. Pulling up to the curb, I walked up to the front door of the old house.
When I pulled the key out from under the eave, I didn't even realize that it hadn't been removed.
It smelled like home, it looked like home. I was so comfortable here already, even though it had no furniture in it, because there were reminders of Charlie here. I could smell the faintest scent of fish. And the places where my school pictures hung were brighter than the rest of the wall; obviously nobody had cared enough to paint it. The kitchen cabinets were still yellow from when Renee had painted them all those years ago.
But I didn't care.
I was home.
Later That Day
I had all of my things in the house, or the little things I had to put in it. There was nothing to do until school started, and that was not for a couple of days. To pass the immediate time, I decided I would take a drive.
I got out into the refreshing outside evening air, and then got in the car. I drove through the rain and weather into town, and as I went, I started to remember small inconsequential things about the town.
I saw the lights on in the Thriftway and all the other buildings, but that's not what caused me to turn off of the highway. The sign said "Forks Cemetery." I parked Angela's car in the mud and started to walk through the sad little cemetery.
There were so many names here, names that I recognized, names that I called my friends. Jessica Stanley. Eric Yorkie. Mike Newton. I spotted many more, but I was looking for someone else.
With a pang, I saw the metal nameplate that read, "Charlie Swan". It was a sad little grave. For one thing, there was no headstone. Weeds and debris littered the soil. It stuck out like a sore thumb, all the rest of the graves were heavily decorated with plastic flowers and marble headstones.
For lack of anything better to do, I walked up to the nameplate and started talking.
"Hey, Dad." I began feebly. "I miss you." I crouched down and stroked the edge of the nameplate with my hand. "I'm sorry that you had to go. You've no idea how badly I wish I could have taken your place." I sighed. In the distance, it started to thunder. I didn't pay any attention to it as I got into Angela's car, promising to be back, and drove to the Thriftway.
I selected some Cyclamen flowers, for saying goodbye, purple Hyacinth to represent sorrow, a bundle of myrtle flowers to represent remembrance, white narcissus flowers, because they were his favorite and calla lilies because they brought the bouquet together nicely. I also purchased a glass cover for the flowers so that the rain would not destroy them.
(I know you probably couldn't get these flowers in Forks especially at the Thriftway, but let's pretend. And when I say the glass cover thing I'm talking about the thing that was over the enchanted rose in Beauty of the Beast. If you know what it's called please let me know!)
When I went back to my father's grave site, I began sifting through the soil for any left over man made debris. When it was cleared out, I lay the flowers at the foot of the nameplate and placed the glass over them. I would order a grand headstone as soon as I found a number to call.
Impulse took over as I lay down in the rich soil that was now quite moist and began to dry sob. I didn't know how long I remained there. It could have been a few minutes, an hour or two, or possibly several dark nights. I cried for my parents. I cried for my daughter. I cried for my memories, and I cried for the past. My face was wet and although that was because of the rain that was now pouring, I pretended the droplets were my tears.
I began to hallucinate again. I spoke to Adaline throughout the night about… anything and everything. I pretended that she was here with me. That was the best I could do, for now. It would have to hold me off until spring break.
You need to go back home, Bella.
What? I asked. I hadn't been counting on him interrupting me. Sorry; I didn't quite catch that.
Bella, someone's coming. If someone sees you like this…
If someone saw me like this, covered in muck and soaking wet, they would ask questions. I finished his sentence in my head. I didn't want to do questions right now. I swiftly got up and threw myself into Angela's car, not caring about the leather seats. They could be cleaned, and I highly doubted that Angela would even care. I turned the car on and exited the cemetery.
Windshield wipers, Bella.
Thanks, I thought as I clicked on the wipers. Not that I needed them, I could see just fine through the rain. Sometimes I really hated the human façade… it was so useless.
Tell me about it.
I made it back to Charlie's house quickly, even through the rain. I went to the trunk of the car to retrieve the bag that held my only the most necessary bathroom toiletries and clothes that I had forgotten to bring in the house earlier.
As I opened the front door, I noticed how obvious it was that nobody had lived in the old house since Charlie left it; his scent was the only one that I could find on the bottom floor. I trudged slowly up the stairs and made my way to the bathroom. It was empty and somewhat depressing. Too white and empty.
I had mud that was drying in my hair, and it felt… dirty. I needed to get into the shower. After running down to fetch a towel and clean clothes out my car, I peeled my wet clothes off of my body and stepped under the running water, sighing at how good it felt against my skin.
After I had finished in the shower, I put my hair in a wet pony tail and wore some sweatpants and a T-shirt.
I proceeded to walk around the house, and I soon realized just how very empty it was. There was not any furniture at all, and so I settled for leaning against the wall. In my head, I started making a list of things that I would pick up at the store when it opened again in the morning. Jacob would probably kill me, of course, when he found the bill. But I would deal with that later. I started downstairs in the kitchen. I would of course need a kitchen table, and chairs to sit at. Silverware, glassware, plastic ware, and etc. were going to be needed to be used by Adaline when she came to visit in two weeks.
I continued in this fashion throughout the whole house. As I passed Charlie's room, I decided that it would go to Adaline. I had my own bedroom already and I just didn't want to have to live in the same room that my father had once lived in.
Now, as I was about to place my hand on the doorknob of my bedroom, I thought, moment of truth, Bella. You can do this. I took a deep, unneeded breath of air and swung the door open. The scent from inside it hit me at once. It was different from the rest of the house. Not as musty, nor as deserted, somehow. But that made absolute no sense to me… I had, to Charlie's knowledge, died, and I was sure that he would not want to bother my bedroom once its inhabitant was forever gone.
The aroma that flowed from the room was sort of a honey, lilac and sun mixture that seemed to come from two different places at once; the window and… one of the floorboards, maybe? I knew I had come across the particular scent before, but I could not place my finger on where exactly. I swiftly crossed the room and snapped the window shut. It was easy to do, even by human standards. And that did not make sense to me, because it should have been stuck had it remained open for quite some time… I shrugged it off and looked around the room again. It was bare, but that would soon be fixed.
I stole a peek at the time on my cell phone and I noticed that it was almost six o'clock in the morning. If I left now, I could be in Seattle by eight or nine, just in time for the stores to open up. I wanted to make my new house feel like even more like home in as little time as possible, and as soon as possible.
I did not pay much attention on the drive to Seattle. Thankfully it was a cloudy day so I didn't have to turn back around. I stopped in various department stores and purchased the necessities (along with a few luxuries.) I chose to have them delivered overnight, where available.
As I was walking back to my car from Macy's, purchases in hand, I saw something – or rather… someone – that made me want to run as fast I could as far as I could in the other direction. He stood still, leaning against a building in the alleyway, hidden in the shadows. I did a double take to make sure that he was really there.
Thank goodness I had been proved wrong.
When I looked back again, he wasn't there. So this meant either he saw me and had ran away – I thought that that was kind of unlikely, as I hadn't smelled anything different from the time that I had seen him to the time that he left. Option two: he had never really been there, and all that I had seen was just a figment of my imagination.
Just a figment… I could deal with that.
Still, it had left me shocked. As I stood stationary, I wanted to hyperventilate. My mind was producing images of Edward Cullen. These were different from what I had experienced earlier; these were not memories that I had seen from inside my head.
I was vaguely aware of a background noise and when I focused on it I realized it was a honking horn.
…Oh. I had forgotten that I was in the middle of the parking lot. I waved in apology and walked off to the side, avoiding the gaze of the driver. I made my way to my car and shoved the bags into the trunk. I really wanted to get out of there, and fast.
As I had been shopping all day, the sun was setting as I was headed out of Seattle and towards Forks. When the last glint of light fell behind the horizon, I turned my lights off and floored it, weaving in and out between cars.
I made it home eventually, as I kept having to pull over and regain composure. But when I did finally make it home, the lawn was decorated in packages and boxes. Thank goodness for overnight delivery. I quickly listened around to make sure nobody was in earshot and then I grabbed the longest looking box and balanced it easily in one hand and opened the door with the other. Without bothering to turn on the lights, I carefully set it down in the living room and ripped the packaging off to reveal a black leather sofa. I pushed it against the wall and went to go get more boxes from outside.
When my house was furnished for the most part – I was still missing a couple of things for my bedroom and the kitchen counter barstools – I went to retrieve the bags from inside the car. As small as Angela's Civic was, it could hold a lot of things. I ran back to the house with my suitcase and various bags in hand and then distributed them throughout the house. Silverware to the kitchen, towels to the bathroom closet, and etcetera. I hung my clothes up in the closet, and it surprised me that I filled it close to bursting.
When I walked into my room, I started to unwrap the dozens upon dozens of CDs that I had purchased. Adaline had given me a list of her favorite songs, and the list was pretty hefty. To make her feel at home, I purchased the CDs that held those songs on them; plus a few of my own selections. Most of it was Classical, particularly Debussy.
My biggest splurge of the day had definitely been at various book stores in the Seattle area. I had purchased well over two hundred dollars in books, which is easy to do if you're me. I put all of them on the bookshelf, along with my beloved classics. Wurthing Heights had collected dust during its duration in the box so I picked it tenderly up and blew some off. For a moment I wanted to read it again, but there was a burn in my throat that was getting particularly hard to ignore. I needed to hunt, and so I opened the window and fell out. Landing steadily, I ran out into the depths of the forest.
Now in full fledge hunting mode, I tore the skin of a deer and drained it, dropping the carcass at my feet. I needed more, and I could smell a mountain lion ahead. I quickly ran to it and satisfied my thirst, for now. As I was done, I began to run back to the house to shower. When I got within seeing distance of the building, I started to walk. I wanted to take in everything around this place; my home.
And then, I was dreaming. But it wasn't a dream, as I was still obviously awake and walking down the forest path. But I couldn't be awake. It was impossible.
Edward was leaning against the trunk of a tree, his back to me. Suddenly I wanted to be by his side, to be in his arms. And so I ran to him. It was frustrating because although he never moved, he never got any closer. And then, he looked up at the sun through the treetops and as it came out from behind the clouds, he began to fade.
"Edward!" I screamed. He was leaving me… No! He couldn't, not after I got to see him again! "Edward, please! Don't… Don't go." I was dry sobbing now, for as the sun's rays hit him, he had disappeared. Faded away into nothing. My pleas had been ignored, and it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I clutched at it and fell to the forest floor, calling after Edward.
And then, I felt arms around my neck and legs, picking me up. I didn't want to open my eyes, as I knew that I would be hurt when it was not who I wanted it to be. My savior didn't speak, and neither did I. I wasn't sure if I was imagining something, or if somebody actually was carrying me back to the house. Either way, I had gone crazy already. I heard whomever it was open the door and enter into the house, with me still limp and lame in their arms. And then I felt them put me down on my leather couch, and I craved to be in their arms again. I felt something press against my hair, ever so gently, and then my rescuer vanished.
I don't know how long I stayed on the couch that day. All I know is that I spent my time with Edward. I was remembering him, I was talking to him through my mind, and I was wishing that he was here with me.
My phone started to vibrate on the counter. Somebody was calling me, but I ignored it. When it began to ring for the second time, out of irritation I threw it to my ear and yelled, "What?"
There was an intake of breath on the other line, so I decided that I had frightened whomever was on the other line. "Er…" I began. "Hello?" No answer. "Hello? Is someone there?" I tried again. And then I heard the click, signaling that my caller had hung up on the other line. I shrugged it off as a wrong number.
I checked the phone number. Restricted, naturally. I found out that they had called many, many times before I had answered, so I didn't think that it was a wrong number any more. But I couldn't call back, as the number had been withheld.
The time caught my eye. My phone read: Mon, 3/24, 7:15 AM. Which meant that I had to go to school today.
Ughh.. I groaned internally.
Now, Bella. School's important.
So..?
Go get cleaned up.
"But I don't want to," I muttered aloud. Just the same I trudged up the stairs and into the bathroom. When I first saw my face, I was a little bit taken aback. There was mud caked on bits of my hair and face, and dried blood as well from my kill.
Not wanting to waste any more time, I threw my clothes off onto the floor and stepped in the shower, turning on the water. It was cold, or would be to a human. To me, it felt lukewarm. I rinsed out my hair and shampooed it and quickly ran the conditioner through it. I scrubbed the layer of dirt and mud off of my skin; it was everywhere.
When I finally threw myself out of the shower I was, for want of a better word, nervous. I was slowly realizing that this scene, my first day of Forks High all over again, was all too familiar to me. I was scared, and I knew that I was being beyond ridiculous. But that knowledge still didn't erase the feeling.
What was the point of going to high school again? Surely there wasn't one. I would be the loner that nobody wanted to talk to, I would be the abnormally pretty new girl that knew every single answer that each teacher asked, and I would probably correct quite a few of them as well.
But, I needed to do something to keep my mind off of Adaline; even if it was worthless high school.
I blew my hair dry, scrunching it with my hands so that it was wavy when I was finished. I didn't pay close attention to what I was wearing, as I was still kind of flipping out for seeing Edward in the forest.
Taking one last sweeping look at my reflection in the mirror that hung by the front door, I decided I looked decent – even in human standards. I exited the house and walked down the lawn to my car and got in the front seat.
I opened the glove compartment and retrieved my Swarovski necklace, the one wedding present from years ago that I had kept, from its depths. I hardly ever took it off. When I had first laid eyes on the necklace, I felt drawn to it; connected, somehow. That connection was even stronger now.
As there was nothing more I could do to prolong my leaving, I put the necklace on and pulled out of the driveway, headed for the hell that was sure to be Forks High.
Ooh! I like this version SO MUCH BETTER. The other one was rubbish and deserved to be stepped on. LOL.
So Read and Review!
