Title: Good As I Was To You
Song: Good As I was To You
Artist: Lorrie Morgan
Date: April 11, 2008
Summary: Dean's trying to make up for lost time but ends up losing more than time.
A/N: OK I'm a HUGE fan of the amazing PoisonChik88. I adore her and her work and so frequently while listening to the radio hearing songs of love triangles or lost loves and I think of the triangle she's created between Dean, her Kaela and my Autumn. So with that said I'd like to explain that this is what happens when I'm given free range with Kaela and the D's triangle it does not mean its likely to happen in her or my story as we're both inclined to kill off one of the females rather than have one or both walk off with their dignity. Dean needs to lose the love of his life to be considered a true Winchester anyway :pets Dean: We all know its true honey, and many of us would willingly die in that place.
Autumn fidgeted in the mirror a moment, there were bags under her hazel eyes, her hair once soft and silky frizzed about her face more like a mane than its once pretty flowing red stream, there were the start of crows feet around her eyes, and her mouth had found its own wrinkles too. But thus was the natural state of things for a thirty something year old hunter and mother of three. She barely had time to take a shower let alone the time to apply make-up, anti-aging creams, and the hours it would take to restore her hair. Autumn never did really think much about how she looked. She'd been graced with a natural beauty that saved her endless hours before the mirror in previous years. But tonight she couldn't help but fret. Tonight was stupid and shouldn't be allowed to take place. She wished someone would take her aside and scold her soundly for daring to think about this. But they all assumed their fearless, unyielding leader knew what she was doing.
"Mommy?" she turned to her young daughter. Kayla was sitting on her bed watching her in that silent observation that would be such an asset to her later in life. She beamed a smile at the woman who had cared enough to give up her life in order to be her mother and patted the bed next to her. Autumn moved to sit next to the little blonde and waited for the words of wisdom only an eight year old can speak. "Sawyer says that you're dating Daddy. But Uncle Bobby says that's not true because Daddy's married to that Kaela lady."
"Sawyer is just sore at me for agreeing to talk to Dean tonight. He's not 'daddy' either." Autumn corrected her.
"But he was always daddy before." the little girl argued not old enough to understand grown-ups.
"Yeah, but he's married now and not to me so we can't call him your daddy anymore. We don't want to mess things up for him and" she swallowed hating the term she was about to use. "Aunt Kaela. We need to be extra nice to her. Can I count on you and your sisters to help her out? I think Sarah Elizabeth is going to cause some problems for her." Kayla nodded dutifully.
"Sure, Mommy." she hugged her mother. "Remember you're curfew is 10 o'clock." The little girl said sternly. Autumn laughed ruffling the girls hair.
"I won't forget, now go finish your homework." Kayla ran off leaving Autumn to pull her hair back in a pony tail and mutter at her reflection about being stupid.
Dean was waiting for her by the Impala and she climbed in without hesitation, they'd gone out to dinners a million times in the past. The car rides, then, were populated with conversations about hunts, the girls, and their oldest two kids: Sam and Athena. But this wasn't going to be such a carefree ride. Dean slid into his seat and pulled the car out of the long drive before he said a single word.
"I'm not taking you down to the old pond to shoot you." He teased reaching over to stop her hands from picking at a lose thread on her jeans.
"I know," she said trying to ignore the hitch in her breathing to have his hand on her leg. He caught it though and withdrew his hand.
"So how have the girls been? I've missed so much."
She drove up to the restaurant .
Where they used to dine .
He was sitting at the table .
With someone new this time .
She walked up right beside him .
Her face did not turn red .
She looked at him so calmly .
And this is what she said .
"Good as I was to you .
Is this the thanks I get .
Are all the years we shared .
So easy to forget .
Does this mean that you've won .
Are you finally having fun .
Is she your dream come true .
Oh she sure looks good .
But she wont ever be .
Good as I was to you ."
Kaela approached them making her little speech and Autumn bit her tongue not to point out that Dean had been hers first that she'd been the first. She had been the one to wear him down and get him anywhere near marry able. Dean stood up grabbing her hand to keep her from leaving and all three of them knowing this was the conversation that would end things once and for all. She met his eyes and chewed her lip. Autumn shifted in her chair. Dean looked between the two women. Between the two options in the hardest choice he'd ever have to make.
"Kaela, don't go. We're just catching up." He pleaded.
"You want me to sit here and talk with her about your kids?" the tall raven haired woman asked surprised. "I can't do that, Dean. I can't sit here and talk about your kids, and the life the two of you seem to think you should have had. I can't listen to her heart wrenching story about why she sent you packing. I can't listen to you tell her about driving past her house every night for two months. You two have history, I can deal with that. But you're trying to make it your present too and that I can't deal with."
The room got awfully quiet .
Everybody stared .
Finally the waiter said,
Should I bring another chair .
She said, No, I was just leaving .
But as she walked out the door .
She said, "Honey, you can have him .
I don't want him anymore ."
Dean sat back down and didn't look at her for a long time. Autumn wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. The waiter wandered off and most of the on lookers found more entertaining ways of spending their meal still casting them a glance from time to time. "Dean, go after her." She encouraged her oldest dream to shrivel up and die. He looked up at her then, his jaw set but didn't move. "Dean Winchester!" She scolded. "Get your ass up and go after her. You married her for a reason go tell her its not over."
"Aut," he started but she pointed to the door.
"You love her, Dean, and if I hadn't shown back up you two would still be playing happily ever after. Don't let her leave."
Dean got up and went after his wife stopping her at her car but hadn't the slightest clue what he was supposed to say to her. He loved her, sure, but he loved Autumn too. He'd put off the topic of kids with Kaela as long as he had because kids always made him think of the triplets he'd left behind. Kaela was never allowed to drive the Impala, because Autumn had and seeing her in Autumn's place never set right.
"Good as I was to you .
Is this the thanks I get .
Are all the years we shared .
So easy to forget .
Is this the way its done .
Looking out for number one .
Did you think it through .
Oh she sure looks good .
But she wont ever be good as I was to you ." Kaela demanded through tears. She never cried so seeing the tears now broke his heart. Dean wanted to open the car door and hold her to tell her it would all be alright and to explain away what he was doing but he couldn't because much as he wanted to do that he knew he'd left Autumn in the same position back at their table and he wanted to go back to her even more.
"Kaela, lets talk about this. Things don't have to end like this." He fought half heartedly. "We'll leave the house just you and me and figure this all out."
"No, Dean! This is already figured out. What was I thinking? Did I really believe I could measure up to her?"
"You don't have to measure up to her."
"No, its just something else I can't do Dean. Not something I don't have to do, its not optional. You have to be better than the great Autumn Daemon! The sun freaking shines out her ass! The woman vomits rainbows doesn't she? Dean you don't get it do you? You're in love with her so stop playing with me."
"Kaela, please." Dean never thought he'd be one of those losers with an ex-wife but he would be in two seconds if he didn't fix this.
"It's over, just stop." She told him turning over the engine.
"Does this mean that you've won .
Are you finally having fun .
Is she your dream come true .
Oh she sure looks good .
But she wont ever be .
Good as I was to you .
Good as I was to you ." Keala asked to no one as she drove off into the night leaving her husband standing in the parking lot. He looked lost and broken, but at the same time free. She reminded herself that she was at least leaving with her dignity. But what was that compared to her heart?