Oh my gods! Is this a band new story from ME? Indeed it is. Quite the shocker but lately Ive been in the writing mood. Surprising considering how I was positive I had lost it yesterday.
Today I decided to write a Yami no Matusei fanfiction in the school library. I did not have my editor or anyone else proofread it since I'm just in the mood to upload it. Maybe I'll have it corrected and re-uploaded later.
Does anyone out there want to read a D Gray man fanfiction from me? I have one and a half written and I'm wondering should I upload them or not. =\ One will probably turn into a small multiple chapter… I wonder.
Anyhow! I hope you enjoy cause Fanfiction needs some quality writing.. Well I think my writing is quality enough.
At night, or during the times where no one is around to distract me with their emotions, or their thoughts, I think. Thinking is not something pleasant that I like to do often. However when there is nothing to occupy my mind with, I start to think. You'd think after all those years of being isolated in my prison I'd be able to stop all form of melodramatic thoughts. No, it does not work like such.
During my thinking time, I sometimes wonder about regret. There is a lot of things I regret in my life. I regret not being smarter and lying to my parents about having empathy. I regret sneaking out of that dungeon. I regret a lot of things but the thing that I linger on the most recently was the Kyoto case.
Should I regret saving Tsuzuki? Should I have left him there to burn?
Sometimes he still has horrendous nightmares that even I cant save him from despite what Tatsumi thinks. The thoughts of suicide still linger in the back of his mind even if Tsuzuki thinks I don't notice. He sometimes stares at lethal weapons and I wonder if he is going to hurt himself with them.
Should I regret saving Tsuzuki?
Should I regret running into the deadly fires of Touda?
Should I regret giving up on killing Muraki and saving Tsuzuki instead?
Should I regret loving him?
These thoughts plague my mind sometimes.
People are selfish and they only care about their own wants, their own needs, their own wellbeing. I am one of those people who care only about their selfish wants and need. I need Tsuzuki to stay with me. I need him to be my guiding light and I would return the favor for him.
I try to stay firm with these thoughts as I watch him sleep at night. Sometimes when I cannot sleep, I'll teleport to his home and watch him sleep. Sometimes I'll catch him in a nightmare, and I'll try to project comfort so he could settle into a more peaceful sleep. Then the next day, I'd buy him more pastries. I wonder if he knows.
Lately he's been doing better, getting a lot better with his attitude. Tsuzuki has always been rather positive however there are times when his thoughts get rather dark. Lately, it's been better. He seems happier and when with me he seems to smile more genuinely. Its hard to not smile back and keep up with my reputation and keeping him from treating me like a kid.
Maybe I shouldn't regret.
Maybe I should tell him. One day I'll tell him how much I love him. That is if I can ever work up the guts to do so. However at the moment I am more than content with being his trusted partner, his best friend, and the one that secretly comforts him when he is asleep.