I own nothing. Long A.N. at the end. Sorry about the formatting. It was pretty in the original document I swear. Forgot how much this site hates aesthetics and cooperating
The first time they met Johanna had been aiming to make an impression.
Finnick wanted the Mockingjay curious about him – slightly guarded as all victors were, but uncertain enough to wonder if there was a possibility she could trust him. Johanna wanted her completely baffled and uncomfortable, wanted the girl to hate how brash and unashamed she was. Katniss seemed a little too big for her britches, like she was the only victor that hated Snow with a passion, like every other person who had won the games had sold their soul to the Capitol and she was the only one who had stayed true to who she had been before. Except she was the baby of the group, the most recent victor. She had no idea how things worked yet walked around like she was the best of them. She wasn't the only one who hated the Capitol, hated Snow, hated the games – she was just the only one stupid enough to wear that hatred for all who were looking for it to see. And Johanna was looking for it.
She decided to make an impression that would piss the Mockingjay off like she pissed Johanna off and dropped her dress as soon as she slid in the elevator with them. Haymitch knew her well enough to know what she was doing and smirked, offering no complaints. Peeta seemed fixated on her – probably the first time the boy had ever seen a girl naked - it was easy to see Katniss certainly didn't like him enough to let them reach that stage. Katniss seemed annoyed and angry, both at Johanna's comfort in nothing but her skin and the boys' fascination with it. She mentally patted herself on the back as an awkward silence settled in the car. She knew that nudity made people uncomfortable in any situation, and that was amplified in the Capitol where people were expected to dress as outrageously as possible. They didn't know how to handle someone stripping all the glamor off and relishing in being bare so of course she reveled in doing so. Judging by Katniss and Peeta's attitude nudity wasn't big in their home district either, or maybe the Mockingjay really was as innocent and easily flustered as everyone said. Either way she could feel Katniss's disdain coming at her in waves.
Johanna also wanted to make the other girl realize that the victors weren't just mindless drones, that they were genuinely unpredictable like Katniss was trying to be, that she better watch her back in the arena because her current attitude of trying to be above them all would only make enemies. Judging by the twisted look on the Mockingjay's face she was succeeding. As the elevator reached the 7th floor and stopped to let her off she offered a wave.
"Let's do it again sometime!" She called over her shoulder, making sure to sway her hips on the way out. As soon as the doors slid shut behind her she stopped and turned to survey them. Interesting. She could have sworn she felt three pair of eyes on her ass as she exited.
0o0o0
The first time they fought together was exhilarating.
She had missed the power in the feeling of throwing her axes and watching them sink into a dangerous target. She didn't particularly like killing, but when you have no choice it is what it is. Not to mention she wasn't too fond of Cashmere so it wasn't something that would weigh heavily on her mind.
She had celebrated internally right after, over the fact that she had saved the Mockingjay's ass and hoped it would make her realize that not everyone else was as useless as she seemed to think. The next second she had to hold back more profanities as the idiot girl went running after Wiress's body to try to save the damn coil. They were trying to head a revolution and their chosen mascot had little regard for her own safety. Most people would have seen it as noble and selfless, perfect for someone who others were supposed to rally around. Johanna saw it as an endless irritation for those who were interested in keeping their movement alive, as well as a reliable reason to assume Katniss wasn't too bright. The girl was good with a bow but less so with anything else. She ignored the fact that the twinge of relief she felt when the Mockingjay didn't get scooped up along with Wiress's body was a little too strong to be just over the survival of their revolution.
She cared about the girl no more than necessary to keep her alive until they broke out of the arena. Sure Katniss was attractive and skilled, but she was harsh, all rough edges and sullen temperament around people she didn't know, like, or trust. Johanna could admit to herself that she was the very same thing. That was why the two of them didn't get along, they had the same animosity towards people that only amplified in each other's company. Johanna knew how to handle hers, how to stop it from preventing her from making a few friends, but that knowledge was hard won, it had resulted in her losing everything she had. She didn't want Katniss to learn to hide herself the same way.
0o0o0
The first time one worried about the other it was pointless.
Johanna ate dirt when the Cornucopia started to spin. She wasn't surprised the spinning island was a feature, the Capitol didn't play by any rules, but she was pissed that they chose that moment. They had been close to getting a good fight – she and Katniss had been on the heels of 2's tributes – yet they spun the arena anyway and that made Johanna crave the feeling of putting her axe in the game maker's face. They denied her a kill and took away her control in one fell swoop. She hated them.
She was torn out of her thoughts by things tumbling past her, including the girl on fire. Shit. Lunging downward she yelled at Katniss and felt a sure of relief when the other girl's hand grasped hers. The next second it turned to panic. She had miscalculated. Katniss was heavy and they were far enough from the center that the force of the spinning Cornucopia had them in an iron grip and was dragging them further to the edge. Groping desperately she fought for something to hold on to, finally realizing that even if it couldn't anchor in a rock her axe could hook onto a protrusion better than her hand. Swinging it as hard as she could over the closest anchor she felt the fear in her chest loosen for a moment before another wave washed over them and she felt Katniss's hand start slipping from hers. Turning to look at the other girl she saw fear then resignation cross her face before their hands disconnected and Katniss was sent tumbling into the waters below. Screaming after her Johanna almost forgot herself enough to lunge into the water after her. A second before she let the island hurl her out to the lake she felt a shift in its motion as the force lessened and it began to slow. It stopped almost as suddenly as it had begun – taking maybe 3 seconds to lock back into place – and Johanna was instantly on her feet running out to the spot where the churning water revealed Katniss's head.
As the other girl started to haul herself up she wrapped her hands around Katniss's arms and helped. Coughing fits overtook Katniss when she tried to gasp in air too quickly and Johanna placed both her hands on Katniss's stomach, helpless but wanting to fix it. "You're okay, you're okay," she started mumbling, before relief washed over Katniss's face and she reached out. For a second Johanna felt an odd tug in her chest, one that quickly turned into tightness when she realized Peeta was behind her. Releasing her grip she eased out of the way and let the two lovebirds comfort each other. She had helped enough already.
0o0o0
The first time they had a civil conversation Johanna knew one day she would want more.
She hadn't forgotten what love felt like. It had been years since it had been aimed at her, but she hadn't forgotten what it looked like either. When a voice started screaming for Katniss she knew from the look on her face that they were in trouble. Finnick followed seconds behind as she took off, while Peeta stood in shock. Grabbing Beetee Johanna hauled him into the forest, yelling at Peeta over her shoulder to move it. They stumbled around, for a minute, crashing through the foliage trying to find their two missing allies before she realized it was quiet. The voices were gone. Turning to Peeta she started to ask what had happened before the look of horror on his face silenced her. He lunged forward suddenly, his body flattening in mid-air against a force-field that apparently didn't injure but did bar them as well as any sound they made, and vice-versa.
She didn't bother telling him his attempts to try and stop Katniss from running into the barrier and subsequent efforts to comfort her were pointless. He knew as well as she did, but he felt as much love for Katniss as Katniss did for her sister and as Johanna once had and she knew he needed to feel like he was doing something. Even if it was nothing.
She hadn't meant to let it slip to all of them. Finnick knew of course, but the rest didn't need to. Not having anyone in her life was her own business and the looks of pity and awkward silence made her want to start swinging her axe. She was feeling bitter about the brush off at the Cornucopia and being thrust back in time by watching the star-crossed lovers, she just didn't realize how bitter until she had told them all that the Capitol had no one against her. Her trip to get water helped, and she was almost refocused until the damn mockingjay asked about Annie.
She would give anything to trade her situation with Finnick's, and at the same time would rather be forced into a third hunger games than be in his shoes. Thinking about her two best friends while having an civil – almost friendly if it weren't for the subject matter – conversation with a girl famous for her love story threw her off. When she miscounted the years since Annie's games by forgetting her own she knew she was in trouble. For a moment she had felt normal enough, enough like her old self, to forget her time in the arena. Considering Katniss out of the corner of her eye she sighed. Love was weird. And she didn't want to feel it again.
0o0o0
The first time one was annoyed at the other she refused to admit it was jealousy
Johanna knew they were planning to take off. They weren't stupid enough to think this alliance of 5 could last and she wasn't as stupid as they apparently thought. Well as Katniss apparently thought. As she let Beetee talk at her she kept one eye on Finnick and one on the conniving lovers. She was counting on Peeta to talk his girl down, to point out that there were still two enemies out there and abandoning allies now would be monumentally stupid. When she saw Katniss's posture tighten then relax as Peeta talked she relaxed as well. The boy wasn't particularly useful in a fight but he was level-headed and thought things through. Without him she was sure that Katniss would have put an arrow through at least her throat, if not Finnick's as well.
As they sat for a moment, content together, she felt some of her relaxation fade. When Peeta started talking again, clearly about a subject with more emotional depth than running away, the tightness between her shoulders returned. Gritting her teeth she tried to focus on Beetee but all she could think about was that their decision to stick with the group for now should mean rejoining the group instead to staying in their little bubble. Turning her gaze to the sand she cut her axe through it, drawing little patterns while trying to limit the number of times she looked up. When the two kissed after apparently sharing some heartfelt and tender moment she shot to her feet, cutting Beetee off mid-stream. Pacing down to the water she tried not to interrupt but when they rested their foreheads together and left them long enough for her to have walked halfway back up she had had enough.
"Alright lovebirds!" She hollered at them, finally getting them to separate. God they were annoying. She almost wished they had decided to leave. But then they'd be busy being too stupid to realize that a hunger games arena was no place to be getting cozy and both get killed. As irritating as they were she didn't want that. The rebellion depended on Katniss so she – they – had to stay alive.
0o0o0
The first time they fought each other they had the same goal.
Johanna knew she had to act fast, Katniss was a hunter and knew how to read and quickly react to her surroundings. She made sure the other girl had her bow firmly in her possession, took a deep breath, then swung without hesitating. The slightly wet crunch the spool made when it connected with flesh and bone was sickening and she fought to keep her stomach from rolling, trying not to think about why this affected her while the sight of her axe buried in Cashmere's chest was something she celebrated. She straddled Katniss quickly, pinning her with her knees and making sure she had a solid grip on her arm. Searching with her fingers she tried not to picture to perfect flesh she was about to mar, or how much pain she would soon inflict. Finding the tell-tale lump she slashed, and pulled the tracker out with as little invasion as possible. Judging by Katniss's thrashing it wasn't little enough and she swallowed back bile.
She made as much noise as possible crashing through the bushes. She knew the two careers had seen her, but she still had a niggling fear that they would stop at Katniss to inflict damage to her body and if they did she might actually end up dead. Heavy footsteps and panting and grunting followed her and she knew she had at least one. She ran for a couple more minutes before deciding they were far enough away for her to scale a tree. Safe and settled in the branches she waited, needing them to clear out before she went to find the others. She leaned back in the trunk and tried to banish the sight of Katniss lying underneath her half unconscious. If it wasn't for the blood and pain she might have relished in it for less than innocent reasons. Instead she feared how much damage she might have inadvertently done and hoped she would get the chance to explain and apologize.
0o0o0
The first time they trained together was brutal.
Johanna was still coming off a morphling withdrawal and Katniss was recovering from her injuries from the bombing. They had agreed to train together in their room, wanting to gain rank as quickly as possible because it was embarrassing for Hunger Games victors to be less than the best and they needed more practice than they were getting.
She was in the room an hour before Katniss, stretching and warming-up, eager to release pent up energy and frustration over not being able to swing an axe at the idiotic military leaders in 13. She heard the door opening and bounced to the center of the room, calling out "Took you long enough. Let's do this."
Relief washed over Katniss's face as soon as she saw her. "Oh thank god."
Johanna frowned. "What?"
"You're fully dressed."
She gaped for a moment, not sure what the other victor was talking about. "Yes. . .and? Oh." It suddenly clicked. The training room before the Quell. She had been naked and covered in oil, and Katniss had stopped and stared. She knew all three of them had been watching her ass on the way out of the elevator. She smirked and sauntered towards the other girl, swaying her hips and dropping her voice. "I was waiting for you. Easier to get oil in certain . . . spots if there's someone else to do it."
Katniss's face flushed bright red and she looked torn between being embarrassed, angry, and amused. "You are shameless aren't you?"
No actually, she wasn't. And that was evidenced by the fact that stripping down to train hadn't crossed her mind, even with the knowledge that she and Katniss were about to get sweaty and oh-so close. But she wasn't who she was anymore, wasn't the girl who could drop her clothes in an elevator with two dumbfounded strangers and one lecherous friend or who could strip down and oil up in a training room with 23 other deadly killers. No, now she was broken, covered in scars and burns, thin and bony without that muscular layer that had filled her body out before. And in thinking about it, her and Katniss's impending closeness was why she hadn't considered getting naked. She wanted the other girl to only know her body the way it was before, strong, whole, fully capable. Not this current wreck that she was sure would hold up no more than five minutes into sparring before it betrayed her once more, slowing and weakening out of exhaustion and crying out for a hit of morphling. But Katniss didn't need to know any of that, didn't need to know how she hated looking in the mirror because she didn't want to have to see what everyone else had to. So she shrugged instead. "It was a disarming tactic, and you seemed to be expecting it. So it would be pointless to try this time around." She stepped into Katniss's space and dragged a finger down her arm. "Of course if you really wanna get naked and roll around on the floor. . . "
Katniss snorted and pushed her away. "In your dreams Mason. Let's do this."
A small smile touched Johanna's lips as the other girl moved to the center of the room. Watching her stretch she murmured, "If only you knew Brainless. If only you knew."
0o0o0
The first time they shared a bed was in 13.
Katniss couldn't sleep, she was too stressed about the war to come. Awake well past when they turned the lights out she lay in bed staring into nothing, trying desperately to keep her mind blank. The bed across the room kept emitting sounds; Johanna rolling, shifting, or snuffling in her sleep. She tried to focus on that, but the movements were too inconsistent and served to bring her into higher alertness rather than relaxing her into sleep. Finally fed up she hissed at her roommate. "If I had known you were gonna be this freaking annoying at night I wouldn't have agreed to move in with you." She got no response other than the noise of sheets sliding together as Johanna moved again. "Of course."
The room lapsed into it's previous mix of silence and restlessness as Katniss laid still and Johanna shifted constantly. She had almost managed to drift to sleep when a thump jolted her awake. She was on her feet in seconds, hands automatically reaching for her bow to fight off the person that had just fallen out of their hiding spot. She didn't remember falling asleep on the ground, she should be in a tree where it was safe. And the ground didn't feel right, it felt to cold, hard, metallic . . . "Shit. Johanna." There was silence in the room except for the sound of her own slightly panicked breathing. That thump had been a human body she was sure of it. But there was no noise to indicate the other victor had woken and with instincts as finely tuned as her own Johanna wouldn't have stayed asleep through that. Unless, "The morphling. Dammit." The drug would have trapped Johanna in sleep, and Katniss vowed to herself to get her roommate to stop using. But for now she had to get her off the floor.
Creeping forward carefully she kept her hands outstretched and her feet gliding forward rather than lifting so she wouldn't step on the other girl. When her shin hit a body she leaned over and felt around, grabbing a hip, stomach, breast, then finally shoulder. "Johanna. Johanna!" Calling her name did nothing, nor did shaking her. Katniss sighed. Fine then. Leaning over she slid her arms under Johanna, testing slowly to see if she could bear her weight. When it was far too easy to lift the girl off the floor she felt an icy anger mixed with sorrow pierce her gut. She had one more reason to hate the Capitol; they had stripped one of their proudest most fearsome victors of her strength and power, and she felt as light and limp as a rag-doll in Katniss's arms. She moved forward carefully once more, stopping and biting her tongue to hold back a string of curses when her knee hit the metal bed frame.
Leaning over she let Johanna slide out of her arms and back onto her bed, groping in the darkness for the sheets to pull over her. When they were halfway up she hesitated. Johanna was warm, and aside from the occasional hitch her breathing was steady and even. She was lonely and nervous and if she had been with her family still she would have slept next to Prim, using her sister's presence as comfort. Johanna was rough and abrasive, but she was also human and had felt softer than her personality while in Katniss's arms. She could try it. Johanna might protest or push her out of bed the next morning but she could defend herself by saying she was trying to scare off bad dreams. Her fingers played at the edges of the sheet and she hesitated before gathering herself and slipping in with as much determination as she could muster.
Her whole body on edge, she slid down the bed next to Johanna, trying not to touch her at all. For several heartbeats she lay there, unconnected to the other victor, on her back, stiff as a board, barely breathing. Then Johanna shifted – towards her – and she turned her head even though she couldn't see the other girl in the darkness. A second later she felt steady breaths on her shoulder and huffing to herself she rolled on her side, throwing an arm out and over the body next to her. Johanna immediately moved and for a second she almost pulled away. Until she felt a hand clutch her shirt, fisting the matierial right between her breasts, then pulling once and connecting their bodies. Johanna melted into her, their legs tangling and stomachs pressing together. Her face moved forwards, nestling in the hollow of Katniss's throat, on bare skin exposed by the hand grasping her shirt. She inhaled deeply and lay unmoving for a few seconds before exhaling and relaxing completely, her head resting fully on her chest and a murmur escaping her lips. Katniss smiled in the dark, reaching up to run a hand through the short hair. "You're less scary than you pretend to be" she whispered to the sleeping girl. She closed her eyes and settled in, feeling her own body relax from the contact of another. Right before fully succumbing to sleep she dropped a single impulsive kiss on the crown of Johanna's head, then left her face buried there.
0o0o0
The first time one of them asked for the other was after they separated.
Katniss had developed a dependence on Johanna to fall asleep, unable to relax and drift off unless she had a body beside her. Every night after she was sure Johanna was out for the night she would crawl into bed next to her and ignore the tingle that ran through her body as soon as the other girl cuddled against her. She had been unsuccessful in getting Johanna to quit stealing morphling so she always woke up first and would crawl back into her own bed before she could get caught, using the damn drugs to her advantage.
Except Johanna knew she did it. The other side of her bed was usually still warm from Katniss's heat when she woke up, but it was Katniss's scent on the sheets that confirmed it. She ran out of morphling two nights after Katniss's first sleepover and once she realized what was happening she decided to see if it could be a substitute to stealing more. Sleeping next to someone worked better than the drugs and night after night she would pretend to drop off to sleep until Katniss joined her so she could actually sleep. Every morning she woke up to Katniss leaving her bed and would comfort herself with thoughts of the coming night as a stab of disappointment shot through her.
But Katniss passed the final test and she didn't. Katniss went to the Capitol and she didn't. Katniss slept (when possible) surrounded by other people and she didn't. Every night she woke up with a scream for Katniss dying on her lips and cold sweat making her skin stick to the sheets. Every night she panicked in the darkness of her now lonely room, flailing for the body she had come to depend on. She went in search of more drugs but the doctors must have become wise to her theft and had moved all the morphling. She became desperate. Katniss had become necessary to her life and the moment she realized that there was still someone left that she loved she lost it. That person wasn't with her but rather in the Capitol, fighting in a war and she had no idea if the Mocklingjay was dead or alive. She had been wrong. The Capitol could hurt her. And the odds were high that they were doing so because Katniss was on their turf.
She used water. Somehow she managed to convince them to let her outside, that she needed to take her axe and spend time in the forest to ease her boredom and calm her mind. As soon as she emerged in the sunlight she dropped her axe and headed towards the nearest body of water. She couldn't get through this without someone or something. Her someone was taken. It was time to get the doctors to give her back her something.
0o0o0
The first time one yelled at the other she wasn't aware enough to know what was happening.
The rebels had won but Katniss had lost. Peeta would never fully recover, her mother and Gale took off, and Prim was dead. People had labeled her as the mockingjay but they were wrong. It was Prim. Without Prim she never would have volunteered for the games, never would have beat the Capitol at their own game, never would have started a rebellion. The mockingjay had died in the second war and no one knew it but her.
She went back to 12 with Haymitch who had fallen back in the bottle. At first she didn't understand it, the rebels had won and there was no more need to ignore the injustice surrounding them, but it didn't take her long to realize it was all he had left. They were the same, they both had lost everything and as a result the final victory was a hollow one. There was nothing left to return to for her and she didn't know if Haymitch's relationship with alcohol was enviable or pitiable.
She kept an eye on him, less out of concern for his well being (after all she couldn't do anything anyway) and more because he was the last person in her life and she had nothing else to do. She didn't count on it being as painful as it was. Alcohol wasn't as potent as morphling but it had the same affect of removing the user from the world and she could see and feel him begin to slip away from her the same way morphling users did. Like the two tributes from 6. Like Johanna.
Her body went cold. Johanna. She hadn't had time to think of her roommate during the war – the imminent threat of death kept her mostly occupied – but after . . . she had assumed she was safe. She had remained back in 13 which had been one of the safest places so Katniss had believed that she would be fine. Except she hadn't seen her or heard from her since the war had ended and that was worrying. Not surprising knowing Johanna before the Quell, but she thought they had been close enough to warrant a letter from the other victor saying she had returned home to 7. Or gone somewhere else. Or stayed in 13. Katniss didn't really know where Johanna had ended up. She wanted to.
She left Haymitch with a promise from one of the few other 12 residents that they would stop by periodically by to make sure he hadn't drowned in the booze or his own vomit, and headed to 13 to find out what she could about Johanna's destination post-war. Instead of being sent to 7 like she expected she ended up fighting nausea as a grim-faced doctor told her of Johanna's plunge into a lake during a trip to the surface and how her screams could be heard by the guards posted at the entrance. They had pulled her out and ended up with one of her saviors dead and the other with claw marks all over his face as she had panicked and reacted with a level of violence that only a victor could. She had been on morphling ever since and every time they tried to pull her off and get her sober she had reached out desperately for other people only to – once again – react violently on contact. The doctor mused that she seemed to be searching for someone each time and never finding them, and the rolling in her stomach won as she emptied its contents all over his shoes.
Johanna was thin enough for her collarbones to be lifting her shirt away from her body, and her skin had a noticeable yellow undertone. She walked up to the bed, said the other girls name, put her hand on her and said it again, shook her and called for her – each time getting no response. She stood there looking at her trying to figure out what happened, what went wrong when and where. And out of nowhere she was screaming. Screaming at the unconscious figure in front of her for being so stupid and pig headed and utterly moronic and for not trusting her to come back, for abandoning her like everyone else. For being one more person she had started to count on before being let down, for letting the fire inside her – that Katniss had come to depend on – die, for ending up here in a hospital bed, drugged up to her eyeballs and unable to be a shoulder to lean on. Johanna had been down the road she was on and Katniss needed someone to help her, someone who knew what she was going through, and that someone was drugged into unconsciousness in a hospital bed. The screaming devolved into sobbing as she ended up bent over the bed, soaking the sheets under her as she gripped Johanna's hand hard enough that it started to hurt her own. She couldn't think, couldn't talk, couldn't breathe. She barely even felt the needle that was slipped into her neck and continued to grieve until the sedative took her away.
0o0o0
The first time they woke up together neither could speak.
She took Johanna home with her. It took a week of arguing, pleading, and threatening to convince the doctors to approve her for transport then another couple of days as they weaned her off the drug. Every time she saw one of them they warned her again about the problems Johanna would face. Physically and mentally she would be changed – possibly in ways she could never recover from. And if she did it would take years, years of struggling and suffering as she tried to return to her old life and health. Katniss ignored all of them, counting down the days each time they talked to her.
They sent Johanna with her while she was still unconscious - due to her incessant demands - saying the morphling needed a couple more days to work its way out of her system. The first night in 12 Katniss tried sleeping in a different room but found herself sitting bolt upright at every little creak thinking that Johanna had woken up and was leaving. She was in and out of her room so many times she finally gave up at 3am and crawled into bed with her. Johanna's usual reaction of instant gravitation towards her was absent due to her drugged state, but as she pulled the other girl into her arms her breath caught. In that moment everything in her life was bearable. Johanna was familiar despite the changes, something about her presence was still the same. Katniss felt tears prick at her eyes. Johanna would be okay, she would make sure of it. And if Johanna was okay she would be okay. They would be okay together. After that night she gave up on sleeping elsewhere, and each morning she help herself as still as possible waiting to see if the girl in her arms would wake up.
Katniss had developed the ability to feel other people's eyes on her in the arena and it never failed to instil a sense of panic in her when someone watched her. Like they were now. Except she was in her bed, after the war, in a district that was almost empty. There was no one here to watch her.
She sat up so fast she rammed her head into Johanna's chin. Johanna who had been conscious and propped up with said chin in her hand watching her. Who was now was gripping that chin, eyes screwed shut in pain as Katniss took her turn to stare. She didn't realize she was crying until Johanna managed to wrench her eyes open and looked at her in concern. She reached out to grasp Katniss's face but ended up with her arms full of her instead. Katniss's quiet tears turned to heavy sobs as she felt relief that Johanna was finally awake wash through her. It wasn't until she felt the other body shaking that she looked at her again, and tears were streaming down Johanna's face with a ferocity to match her own. The two of them stayed there, wrapped in each other's arms and crying out pent up devastation, pain, and relief before they exhausted themselves enough to drift off once more.
0o0o0
The first time they shared clothes Katniss realized she wanted more.
Johanna had nothing in 12, which wasn't surprising since she hadn't had anything in 13 either. The latter hadn't been a practical problem because they were provided with clothing and food. In 12 however it was an issue. Johanna refused to bring it up, partially from not wanting to bother Katniss but also because the morphling had removed her enough that nudity was again a non-issue for her. She had forgotten it was one for Katniss though, and was hilariously reminded when the other girl dived behind the counter when she wandered stark naked into the kitchen looking for food. A shrill accusation of being unwilling to ever cooperate assaulted her ears and when she argued that her single outfit smelled so much even she couldn't stand it Katniss had emerged – with a hand planted firmly over her eyes – groped in the air for Johanna's hand, then led her upstairs where she gestured to the closet and told Johanna to take whatever tickled her fancy.
Johanna returned downstairs, dressed in clothing that was a little to big and a little too short. She tried not to feel self-conscious about how ridiculous she looked, an odd feeling considering she didn't mind being naked with her ruined physical state. She stuck to awkwardly shuffling sideways into the kitchen with her hands in her pockets and shoulders hunched, sticking to the wall and avoiding Katniss's gaze. The air felt heavy with silence – uncomfortable on her part and confused on Katniss's – and finally unable to take it she looked up to see the other girl standing there with her mouth open a look of utter bewilderment on her face. Blushing hard she turned to go back up stairs, but Katniss grabbed her and held her in place, scanning her body before finally meeting her eyes. It took a moment and a few swallows before she finally asked "Am I supposed to realize I'm attracted to you the moment you put on my clothes?"
0o0o0
The first time they kissed was an accident.
Katniss's eyes were burning holes in her, flickering between her face and body with an intensity she didn't know how to deal with. She had given up and admitted her affection for the other girl had been building since they met right before plunging into the lake, but the thought that it wouldn't be returned had been a contributor to her decision. Except now the Mockingjay was standing here looking at her with a mix of confusion, affection, and lust while admitting she felt something. The girl Johanna was never supposed to be able to have was standing in front of her saying things that refused that assumption, except she wasn't as confident as she was before, and was more of a mess than she had ever been. She was in no shape to start a relationship with someone who had only ever been straight, had started out hating her, and who was as broken as she was. Her mind refused to process. Her legs buckled.
Katniss yelped as she was pulled forward by Johanna's sudden descent and ended up falling into her, their bodies colliding and faces bumping as gravity and momentum smacked their lips awkwardly together.
"Crap! Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Why did you fall? Do you need to sit down? Eat? Sleep? How can I help? Talk to me! Johanna! What happened?" She couldn't stop running her hands over the body under her, checking for injury and (as a strict second thought) enjoying the feel of it. But Johanna wasn't responding, just sitting there gaping at her, and her touch became more urgent until she was almost shaking her.
Johanna's brain had latched onto a single moment of the fall as she stuttered out, "Did you just – did you just kiss me?"
Katniss scrambled backwards until she was off Johanna and sitting on her heels in front of her instead. "What! No!"
"Really? Cause I'm pretty sure your mouth touched mine. Not well though."
"That was not a kiss that was a bump okay. I may not be a bold as you but I do know how to kiss. Look" And just to prove a point she leaned forward, attaching her lips to Johanna's. Part of her was screaming that she didn't actually have anything to prove and kissing Johanna was inappropriate, but the larger part of her was enjoying the sensation and was determined to stick with it. So she did. Softening the pressure she moved her mouth slowly and leisurely, waiting for Johanna to reciprocate. As soon as she got a response she deepened it, leaning into her and wrapping her arms around her neck, grounding Johanna's body so she could really kiss her. Their lips moved in tandem and as Johanna finally started to pull away Katniss swiped her tongue over the other girl's bottom lip before sitting back again and watching her.
"Shit Brainless. Warn a girl next time."
"You weren't exactly complaining."
"No, my mouth was a little occupied."
"Well you can complain now if you want."
Johanna shot her a crooked grin. "I'd rather do that again."
Katniss smiled back. "Good." She leaned in slowly, Johanna mirroring her movements. Right before their lips made contact she announced "Right after breakfast. Don't want you collapsing again."
She laughed as she jumped to her feet and left Johanna groaning on the floor.
A/N: I hated the latter half of Mockingjay so I was reluctant to go back through it for accuracy to this story. I caved and did so, but not very thoroughly (just enough to alleviate my guilt) so things may be a little off. Sorry that the time line and POV within this is all over the place, I tried to do scenes more than solid plot.
Probably some major issues here, like the complete lack of setting in a lot of them, and the spots where it flowed while writing then not while re-reading, resulting in a lot of choppiness. I did notice that but I've had this story going for about a week and a half and my brain is so sick of seeing it that I cannot pull my shit together enough to fix it. Most of this was written in a haze of combined exhaustion and restlessness cause sleep isn't a thing.
P.S. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it – I envy the hell out of you to those who don't.