Title : Interview With EN

Summary: This is done for a little laugh. Even though some might not think so.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the following interview is mine.

Well, hello everyone. This is your friendly neighborhood pal smittenskitten. Today, due to very high demand, *cough* MY demand we have Eric Northman, the vampire sheriff of area 5 in the dark room with us.

Smittenskitten: Hello Mr. Northman.

Eric Northman: Human!

Smittenskitten: Dazed did you hear that… he called me human…

DazedRose: No way!

Smittenskitten: Mr. Northman, I am a big... huge, HUUUUGE fan!

Eric Northman: And why wouldn't you be?

Smittenskitten: Ohh, you are so cocky.

Flashing the famous grin.

Eric Northman: You have no idea...

Adjusting my seat

Smittenskitten: So Mr. Northman, the season 3 of True Blood is just around the corner. Are you expecting something out of it?

Eric Northman: I am expecting my hair to grow back by the end of season 3 or Alan's Balls will be in my hands.

Blinks a couple of time and gulps

Smittenskitten: You are so scary. I love you.

Eric Northman: *Sigh* Yes, yes. Another fangbanger... I would love to show you my... cockiness, but I am VERY committed to my bonded...

Smittenskitten: Sookie Stackhouse?

Eric Northman: *Growls* No, Cookie Cathouse. Of course Sookie Stackhouse! Haven't you read the Southern Vampire Mysteries yet?

Nods head mesmerized before shuffling paper.

Smittenskitten: Erm... ok, the new book from Charlaine Harris is also coming out May 4th. Any spoilers you want to give out?

Oh fuck me, Eric Northman just fucking sighed

Eric Northman: Sure, sure. What do you want to know kid?

Kid? What the fuck? I am 22 Mr!

Smittenskitten: Are you and Sookie still together?

Eric Northman: Of course, we are. Didn't I just say I am committed to my bonded?

Nodding head furiously

Smittenskitten: But the way CH described yours and Sookie's relationship in her latest book, it has us readers worried.

Eric Northman: Kid, she is doing what she thinks might have happened. Just because we are real doesn't mean her stories are too.

Smittenskitten: You mean you never lost your memory? What about the shower scene? What about … what about Mr. GP?

Eric Northman: Umhh, Mr. GP?

Smittenskitten: Gracious plenty.

Eric Northman: Oh don't worry… it's graciously plenty. And yes there are still showers and unfortunately I did have amnesia. It wasn't a good thing, but it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Smittenskitten: How so?

Eric Northman: I got Sookie to yield to me. *Smug grin*

Smittenskitten: Oooooh. Right. How did Sookie confess her love for you?

Eric Northman: She got down on one knee and proposed, I had bloody tears running down my cheeks.

Smittenskitten: Isn't it customary for the man to propose on his knees?

Eric Northman: Oh I did. Multiple times in fact... And she almost said yes once, when we were showering. But the bloody woman is a hot headed creature, she never does anything with her heart, it's always the head telling her what to do.

Smittenskitten: What made her finally proposed to you?

Eric Northman: She left, I sulked, she realized she loves me. The real me! Not the mambo jumbo amnesic Eric *mumbles* whatever that means...

Smittenskitten: Would you like to describe the event to our readers?

Eric Northman: It's better if I don't. You can ask her yourself.

Smittenskitten: Sheis here?

Eric Northman: I don't flaunt around my spouse in public. She is not keen about the human race anymore.

Smittenskitten: Have you turned her?

Eric Northman: Whatever gave you that idea?

Smittenskitten: Well you just said she is not keen of the human race...

Eric Northman: And?

Smittenskitten: Oh, nevermind. You are confusing the crap out of me. Are you still the sheriff of area 5?

Eric Northman: Yes, that I am. I love being the sheriff, it brings Sookie great pleasure when I wear my tight leather pants.

Smittenskitten: I can only imagine...

Shifty eyes

Eric Northman: Kid? Kid? HUMAN?

Smittenskitten: Yes... yes? What is it? Where's the fire?

Eric Northman: You dozed off.

Smittenskitten: Yeah I wasn't expecting to imagine you wearing tight leather black pants with two holes in the behind...

Arching eyebrow

Smittenskitten: *shakes head* Sorry, sorry... where was I...?

Eric Northman: Aha...

Smittenskitten: I have some requests from SVM fandom authors and readers. Would you mind answering them?

Eric Northman: Why not. I answered all the last shit, let's hear some more. How bad can it be?

Smittenskitten: Aha. First question is from schafer, she asks "if you can play the guitar or perhaps sing?"

Eric Northman: *Scoffs* Who do you think invented guitar? You don't live for one thousand years and not invent anything. As for singing... I do not sing in public, I am strictly a shower singer.

Smittenskitten: Alrighty...You invented guitar.. right and don't sing in public. Got it. Another one here, this is from sheba6086 "what have you seen that you never want to see again or what have you seen that you wish you could see again?"

Eric Northman: Are you sure you want to know?

Smittenskitten: If you don't mind.

Eric Northman: I never want to see BEELH dancing around in his thong …. Again.

Smitenskitten: BEELHIAM dances around wearing a thong? *shudder* how about what you wish you could see again?

Eric Northman: Oddly, Beelh wearing a thong and watching him do poll dancing. It was highly disgusting and hypnotizing at the same time.

Smittenskitten: Ooookay. Doooode I feel for you. Anyone would be traumatized. Another fangbanger here, Missus T asked, "is there anything you have not done that you would like to do? What is your favorite piece of technology?"

Eric Northman: I already did everything there is to do.. but I think I would like to travel outer space.

Smittenskitten: Like Astronauts do?

Eric Northman: Do I have to repeat myself every time? Yes, like Astronauts.

Smittenskitten: But you are superman... You know you can fly...why not go outer space flying?

Eric Northman: What do they teach kids these days? Ever heard about gravity? And even I can't go at that speed without becoming dust in the air space.

Smittenskitten: Right. Got it. How about technology?

Eric Northman: iPhone.Most definitely. Apple liberated the technology world with that. I do everything with it.

Pulls out his iPhone andmakes soothing circles around it like Gollum and I am pretty sure he is about to call the damn thing preeeecious!

Smittenskitten: Maaaahn,enough with the preeeecious now. Can we get on?

Eric Northman: Yes tiny human. Get on.

I really wanted to get on him.

Smittenskitten: "are your fangs sensitive?" Asked by Romanian fangbanger Kira_Karilina.

Eric Northman: Ahh, home of Vlad Teps. Why would a fangbanger need to know about my sensitivity towards my fangs? She is from the FotS and so are you, isn't that right?

Smittenskitten: Jeez. Do you ever lighten up a little? It's just a question! And she's a new fangbanger, she is just curious that's all. By the way you seemed very sensitive whenever Sookie runs her tongue around them.

His face has a humongous grin right now. And his fangs just popped down.

Mommy!

Eric Northman: Yes, when it's her I am sensitive with my fangs, but they are not breakable. I floss them everyday.

Smittenskitten: Well this nextone is asked by Northman Maille, "when did you realize just how beautiful you are?"

Eric Northman: From the moment I was born.

Smittenskitten: Aha….

Cocky bastard!

Eric Northman: Are you done asking stupid questions little girl?

Smittenskitten: Just one more thing - This is asked by fangbanger Missus T, but as she is not present, so you can demonstrate it on me.

Arching eyebrow

Smittenskitten: Could you demonstrate the proper use of GP on me please? *bats lashes*

Eric Northman: I do not bang fangbangers anymore, little girl. Go find yourself a real boy.

Smittenskitten: Yes, Pinocchio is hard to find these days.

Eric Northman: I'll be taking off. Sookie Stackhouse is waiting for me. Goodnight tiny human.

A/N: Special Thanks to VanPireNZ and peppermityrose for taking their time to listen to my rambling.

Also thanks to Kira_Karilina, Northman Maille, schafer, sheba6086 and Missus T for being such a great fangbangers.

My lovely DazedRose got the first read here. ILYSFM.

schafer did her mixing in this interview. She is my fuxhawt lemon gal. ILYSFM BB.

Reviews/Thoughts are always welcomed.

Goodnight everyone

I can attack the Viking in my dreams now.

meewow