So here's some insight as to what's going through my head right now. I'm currently working on the next chapter of "Blinded Light" and I hope very much to upload it later this evening but as of right now this was something that I wrote earlier. It didn't fit in to my story in the least bit but when inspiration comes I just kind of roll with it and this was the end result. I'm hoping that you enjoy it just as much as I did while writing it.

Jasper ll "Conquest Within"

Black. My little sprout of bubbling energy and enthused spunky-ness, felt black all the way to the depths of her core. Only once had I ever experienced an inkling of insight to this emotion, only when I had finally come to my senses after Bella's eighteenth birthday. I had surmised this feeling to that of guilt almost instantaneously and I had thought that once dealt with, it would amount to nothing. All my most primal reactions were geared to repair what mistakes I had made and once Edward had separated, I hadn't been allowed this transition into relief.

I was no longer black though. I had left behind that amount of guilt behind, once I had realized what my inner-turmoil was doing to everyone else. But how was it possible that my Alice could carry around so much blame in her pixie-like frame? She hadn't been the one to attack Edward's only chance at happiness. She hadn't been the one to tear up the poor girl's heart and shatter their relationship into a million small figments of hurting. I should have been the only one to harbor such emotions and yet, I was not.

"Love, please!" I begged, openly releasing my worry for her state of mind, "I can't have you feeling like this. Dammit, I was the one that messed up and haven't I apologized enough?" But I already knew the answer to that and I prayed fervently that she wouldn't voice it. No, I had not apologized enough. I could never apologize enough for tearing up the family because of my blood-thirsty reactions.

"I don't need you to apologize," She whispered brokenly. It had been days, weeks even, since she had uttered something and I found myself kneeling at her feet, thankful for the sound of her voice protruding from her lips and into my ears.

"Then what do you need? I swear to you Alice that I will do anything to have you back. I need you and I can't stand knowing how much you are truly suffering. Please Alice!"

She shook her head and I rested my arms on her knees, refusing to leave my position. "You've nothing to do. I am the one that has to do something and I can't! Do you know how absolutely painful that is? To know that there is something you must do and know that you can't?" She murmured.

But I was confused. What little information her riddled sentences left me with was far beyond my level of comprehension. I needed to know what it was that she had to do but I didn't think that I would understand this by asking; I didn't think that she would reveal it to me any quicker. I knew Alice and I knew that she would tell me when the time was right, but it was this waiting that proved nearly unbearable.

"I'm letting her down, Jazz." She sobbed. My eyebrows pulled in confusion and Alice leaped to her feet quickly, her hands thrown up in silent frustration as she paced the room. From the looks of it, our floor would disappear within only hours if she kept her pacing up. I didn't know how I was to explain that to the hotel staff; what was I to say when their flooring suddenly crumpled down to the levels below? Perhaps, I could blame it on their maintenance. I was sure that I could very nearly sue the hotel if I went with that…

"Oh stop planning on suing the damn place already!" She snapped in exasperation, "Yes it would work and yes you could gain in money, not that we need any more than we already have." I chuckled lightly, glad that I had broken through her dark mood, though not as effectively as I might have liked.

"Alice, who are you letting down?" Alice rolled her eyes at my blunt idiocy. Even with an advanced amount of space to think within the shelter of my thoughts, I still wasn't quick enough to pick up on where Alice's thoughts already were; already had been.

"Bella; I'm letting down Bella! For God's sake, keep up, would you?" She erupted before finally pausing, mid-stride and turning to face me. "I'm sorry, that was rude. I'm not used to having to explain. Edward would always do that for me and I hate that I have to slow down to enlighten. Not everyone can read my thoughts and know where I am, instantly."

"You're right," I managed, "I don't have Edward's ability… though I would go through hell and back to get it, if it meant that I could understand. So no, I'm not Edward; I'm only your immensely worried husband who would do anything to make you happy again."

Alice sighed before crushing her petite body tightly to mine. "I was supposed to watch Bella. I've always done that and now because of him, I can't. I hate not knowing if she's alright, or even what she's doing for the day. I liked to keep an eye on her and know first-hand that she was safe and it kills me Jazz. It absolutely kills me." Judging by the painful strain to her voice, I knew that her words were nothing short of the truth. It really was killing her, but I didn't know what more I could do to fix that, though I knew I had to.

I would search the world to find Edward and once I had him in my grasps I would bash his pretty little obdurate head through a-, "Jasper!" Alice gasped, effectively ending my appalling thoughts. I had expected a few choice words to come my way for what I had been planning and it only momentarily surprised me when none seemed forth-coming. Only momentarily because I felt Alice's small frame shudder, leaning out of my embrace, her topaz eyes glazed over.

"Alice! Alice, what is it?" I asked frantically. I held her tightly, refusing to allow an inch of space between us.

"I have to go!" She shrieked, forcefully tearing herself out of my grasp. I watched as she frantically searched the room for her bag before finally finding it neatly placed just inside of the closet. This wasn't like Alice; she wasn't prone to forgetting something as simple as to where she left her belongings.

"Alice, you're going to leave me just like that? What the hell is going on? What did you see? I swear to you I wouldn't have done any of those things to Edward; I swear!"

Alice's frantic movements faltered instantly before she glided over to stand before me again. "Do what to Edward? I didn't see anything happening to Edward."

"I, er-You didn't see me bashing his head into a-,"

"Jazz, if I'd have seen that I would have been encouraging you to leave right now and find him, which I have no doubt that you would. Perhaps you'd even knock some sense into him, although I'm not sure that anything could get through to his determination when it comes to Bella."

I was miffed. If she hadn't seen what I had been planning, though she still seemed approving of it, what had she seen that could affect her so entirely?

"It's Bella! Even as we speak she's planning on throwing herself of the edge of a cliff." I gasped. I had never pegged Bella as suicidal; certainly a danger magnet, but suicidal? Even so, if she was currently planning it, then how would we manage to stop her? We were six hours away from her at best, but how would we make it in time?

Alice seemed to sense my next question, or perhaps seen it coming, as her shoulders slouched and she seemed overcome with grief. "I can only see her disappearing. That means I won't make it in time, but what if something else changes? The future is by no means, set in stone. If something, anything, can stall her, I'd like to say that I would have been there to stop her."

I eyed her skeptically and she sighed despairingly, "I'll admit that it's all a little far-fetched on my part, but she's my best friend Jazz! Even if I don't make it, it'd be enough to know that I tried, rather than remaining here in this retched hole that isn't home. I might even be able to help Charlie, but I can't stay here."

"…But what about Edward? He won't be happy that you searched for her future." That was low. Albeit, I was grasping at thin strands of hope in keeping her at my side, something within me knew that I would never win; that I had to let her go this time.

"I didn't look for her future; I don't know why I saw it. Even so, I don't care. Not even Edward can begrudge me this and I will not live through the next millennium facing him if I didn't try to fix this. I won't have this hanging over my head and if Edward weren't in such a state, I'm certain he'd be one of the first to try and save her."

"If I hadn't tried to massacre Bella, he wouldn't be in this 'state,' as you refer to it and do not try to deny that. You know just as well as I do, that if I had been able to control my reactions, Edward and Bella would still be blissfully happy together." I emphasized. Alice shrugged and I knew that in this simple gesture, she was not just allowing me this win; she was finally letting me in, showing me how much of this she held on my shoulders though I knew this was the last thing she wanted me to see.

There was no hope in keeping Alice with me. If I even managed to keep her, she would have been even more miserable than she already was and I didn't want that on my hands. I sank down into a chair sighing heavily, "Then go to her, love. I'll deal with Edward if he catches wind of your decision, though I doubt he will…Go save Bella; if there's a way to do that, I know you'd be the one to find it."

Alice squealed happily before pouncing on me, "Thank you, Jasper! I have to do this, even if Edward will kill me for it."

I growled. Edward would never as much as touch Alice for this; not unless it be over my dead body.

"I didn't mean that literally. He might be mad at me, but that'd just be his pretense. Deep down I know he'd be grateful for what I'm doing and even if he wasn't, I wouldn't be one to give a damn." With a simple brush of the lips and a quick wave, she was gone. Alice had left me, racing after the life of a fragile human.

I would never be one to understand her decisions or even the connection that both she and Edward had created with Bella. She was a human and according to Edward, she always would be. She would live, laugh and love, but eventually she would die. I couldn't understand why Alice wouldn't let her time come now, as it eventually would. It was only a miracle to me that she had lasted this long without our intervention.

I shook my head resigned. I had never felt as empty as I did after Alice had left me. The room was darkening, but I didn't bother with the lights. I didn't require light to see and I most certainly wouldn't have cared even if I did find it necessary to my sight. Without Alice and my futile attempts to make her happy, I was able to focus on my own guilt that had only just resurfaced in her wake.

I felt sick. Bella was going to kill herself because Edward had left her; because we had left her. It may have been Edward's fault that we had left but it would always come down to the events that led up to his decision; it would always be my fault. Alice's earlier blackness was now my own, but I wasn't willing enough tear myself away from it; I couldn't keep from suffering anymore when I so plainly deserved to feel it. Even if Alice did somehow manage to save Bella, though I couldn't see the likeliness of it, I would always harbor this sense of guilt; I would always know that I was responsible for everyone's suffering.

Well what do you think? Hit or miss? I've never really tried Jasper's point of view and this was my first attempt so

please don't be too harsh on me and also, please remember to review.

And commentary is highly appreciated.

Thanks,

~Ash

xoxo

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