It's been a crazy semester of student teaching. I know I've not finished Running Out of Pain...there were a lot of personal problems and issues once end of July/August hit. I do plan to finish it in the next few months, but I have to graduate first. I didn't have many lessons to plan tonight and was listening to a few taty songs... the feeling I got from those songs and then a sentence fragment spawned this oneshot. I hope you enjoy because I certainly enjoyed writing it.... lets me know I've not lost my touch.
Warning: This story implies femslash and we all know that if you don't like it, don' t read it.
She swayed back and forth as she walked along the darkened path, not watching where she was heading. She was only focused on the ground before, and where she might end up that night. Home was an uncertainty… she had a place that could resemble a dingy home, but it was not some place she felt comfortable. Every time she set foot inside those walls, a cold feeling washed over her, a dread of things to come, things that could be, things that could have been. If only her friends could see her now, wandering about listlessly in the wee hours of the morning like a drunken fool…they'd hardly recognize her. She couldn't remember much of what she'd done that night; drink hadn't crossed her lips, but her memory was fuzzy. She'd gone from place to place, feeling the pulsating beats around her, the feel of sticky bodies that lingered with the sweet smell of sex… yet she could not recall how she fit into those images beyond that. Her soft brown eyes had capture many a wandering eye, but no takers had dared to cross her path. Somehow, they knew to steer clear of this potentially bad egg.
Pools of street light surrounded her feet every so often and instinctively her body knew that she was in the proximity of the park. She continued onward on the aimless journey, passing a few drunken revelers shouting at the moon and to anyone around them who would listen. She dared not stop here… it was certain that the police roaming the area would soon descend upon the party and break up their fun. Onward, onward, and finally settling on a cold park bench in one of the more secluded areas of the park. It was along one of the walking paths that wove through the park, near a clump of bushes. Danger did not register in her mind, and she feared nothing. She had nothing left to fear for and had nothing left to give away. Her eyes sought out the scenery around her, searching for anything that might trigger the thought of fleeing… company was not what she sought, only the calmness and serenity of being alone on this bitter, cold night.
The toe of her brown boot kicked at pebbles on the sidewalk as she shoved her hands into a jacket much too light for the cold weather. It had been getting steadily colder as the night wore on, but her body barely registered this fact. She kicked at a pebble, scattering it into a nearby bush; whatever nocturnal creature had been hiding in there chattered an angry reply before scattering. She looked upward, glancing at the clear night sky, which held barely any stars. The moon was a slim crescent, providing very little natural light, and was overshadowed by the city lights. She thought of the times she'd been off in the mountains years ago, looking up at the same sky, then brilliant with the light of the full moon and stars. A happy memory, a roaring campfire, a lover at her side… all fragments of the past, remnants of a lost girl. Sighing, she rose from the bench. She was not fond of the memories, and certainly had no plans of bringing them back tonight.
Moving forward, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, continuing down the path, away from the bench and toward some still unknown destination. For all she knew, she'd continue walking the paths in the park until daylight broke and she was forced to seek shelter to avoid dealing with the daily hustle and bustle of the small city. A sudden chilling wind blew across her path and she shoved her hands deeper into jacket pockets that were wearing thin. She kept her head low and her chin against her chest, somehow hoping that the small action would keep the wind from slipping down the neck of her jacket and chilling her lithe body. Her ears picked up on the crunching of shoes against leaves on the sidewalk, but she dared not to look up, only kept moving forward. She felt a rough push against her shoulder, and was knocked off balance, falling toward the ground. Her hands slipped from her pockets, and she rolled onto the sidewalk, laying still.
"Here, let me help…" came a soft, feminine voice, muffled by fabric.
She looked up, seeing an outstretched glove hand reach toward her, waiting for her to reach out and take it. It was the first time that night that she made true eye contact with anyone she'd seen and the first thing she noticed were the piercing blue eyes in the lamplight. She made no motion to take the stranger's hand, not wanting to fall for a trick or trap. Instead, she continued to look back at the stranger with the blue eyes, never moving, never attempting to get up. She waited for the stranger to make the first move.
The hand stayed outstretched. "I didn't see you there. I was too busy trying to get back home… I was at a friend's and hadn't realized how late it was… and here I am rambling to a stranger in the park. You must think I'm crazy."
Her hand began to move upward from the ground, as though contemplating taking this stranger's hand. Without hesitating on another second's thought, she took hold, and was pulled to her feet instantly. For a moment, she didn't want to let go; the stranger's gloved hand was so very warm against her chilled and chapped one. Her hand was dropped before she could strengthen a grip. She looked up at the stranger, noting the woman stood a few good inches taller than her. Her face was captured in the lamplight, and the stranger studied her brown eyes, noting first how they studied everything around her and secondly how they seemed to long for something. From the eyes she studied the face, the slightly untamed brunette tresses that peeked from beneath a ratty beret. Her eyes roamed the clothing next, noting the same state of the jacket. "Why do I get the urge that I know you?" she whispered.
Flee, run, get away, crossed her mind as the panic of being recognized swept over her. She quickly turned to head in the opposite direction at the same time that she felt a hand on her shoulder gently stop her. "I do know you… I didn't think… Kimberly?"
Kimberly stopped mid-step, wondering what to do. The voice was muffled, but so familiar. She couldn't place it… it was part of a past she'd buried behind her long ago. She thought of how to answer. Should she be truthful, or simply lie and disappear into what remained of the night? "I don't know who you're talking about," she replied casually, stepping forward and walking slowly away.
"Why'd you disappear? For so long we worried, we wondered… I didn't… I had hoped…"
Kimberly spun on her heels. "You hoped what? That I'd become the star athlete? The up and coming Olympic gymnast that everyone predicted I'd be? Did you follow only the news stories? Or the tabloids too? The scams, the rumors, the lies they wrote about my life that ultimately became true?"
"No… I read your letters and hoped you'd follow in your dreams, doing what I'd failed to do myself. Not that I wanted you to live my dreams, but I had hoped you would achieve what you wanted…"
Instantly, Kimberly knew who the stranger with the piercing blue eyes was. She hid her surprise and masked it, not wanting her to have any joy in discovering the washed up had been. "What I wanted no longer matters anymore… not much does… I won't bother you anymore and I'll be on my way…you're better off to forget that you saw me." As she walked, she heard footsteps following behind her, attempting to be as silent as possible on the cold, crisp night, but the leaves would have none of it.
"I never forgot you. I don't think I ever could forget your face."
Kimberly sighed inwardly. She could not get rid of her so easily and didn't want to deal with the thoughts that were already creeping into her mind, bringing back memories of the past she'd locked away. She turned around, planning to reprimand this perseverant stranger, but stopped short when she saw the stranger had drawn away her scarf and was looking at her in such a gentle, touching manner that it froze her in her spot.
The stranger continued to speak in a soft tone. "You've no idea how I worried about you, wondered about you after all these years. I never forgot you, and I never believed the rumors. I tried to track you down, but you weren't to be found. Seeing you now is like seeing a ghost, Kim… I'm tempted to believe you're not real and I'm merely hallucinating in the middle of the night."
Looking down, toeing her boot against the cement of the sidewalk, she spoke softly. "What do you want from me?" She looked up, right into those blue eyes. "You see me now, you know who I was, but what I am now is not what you would think. I have nothing. I barely have a home, nothing really worth taking. What do you want?"
"I don't see why you think I want something from you. If you truly have nothing and barely anywhere to go, come home with me then and stay awhile. I don't… I know it seems crazy, right?"
"I'm not your charity case and I refuse to let you think of me as such," she replied coldly.
"It's nothing like that! I don't intend to make you "my charity case" as you so kindly put it. I was simply offering… as your old friend."
"… I have no friends…" Kimberly noticed that woman's shoulders shrank in defeat, but felt no triumph in the fact. She stood her ground, fidgeting in her spot, uncertain of what to do. She wanted to turn and walk away, just as she had started to do, but she couldn't make herself move from the spot. She willed her feet to move, yet she couldn't put one foot in front of the other. As she struggled, she felt the quick pressing of lips against her own, tasted salt in her mouth as they quickly pulled away. Tears registered the thought in her mind as she watched the woman hurry away.
Instantly, her feet began to move after her, keeping a steady pace, not running to seem so desperate. Something inside her had snapped and she knew she'd been wrong. "Wait, wait up Katherine!" she called out, her voice carrying across the distance to the figure that was slowly disappearing before her. "Wait!...."
I hope you enjoyed... I really need to get to bed though... I hope to be able to write more in the future when student teaching has ending and my life is not taken up by mass amounts of lesson plans and 6th graders. I will finish Running Out of Pain eventually, just not right now. Thank you to those who still stick by me after all these years!