Figure it Out, Please.
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Chapter One: Confusion is Gay.
"Oh, hamburgers!"
Leopold Butters Stotch stared down fretfully with wide quivering eyes, a jagged rip running right across the turquoise fabric of his button-up shirt. He let his lips take on a small and puckered frown; his belly button was showing.
He hadn't noticed the tear before, but now, as the students in front and behind him were filing out of school to get to their warm and cozy homes, a slight wind had brushed against his skin and alerted him of the unfortunate snare. Butters turned his head from side to side, pale blond hair shuffling over his eyes in a messy heap. It would be quite embarrassing if the other students were to brush their eyes over his vulnerable belly button; just thinking about it made Butters want to blush like mad.
"Ahh, shucks," he mumbled to himself, hanging his head dejectedly. With a defeated sigh and a sarcastic smile to his lips, Butters continued his weary way down the school pathway, each footstep leading closer to home. His eyes brightened and his smile stretched even wider when he spotted the figures of four teenage boys off in the distance, laughing and ranting to each other in normal, boyish fashion.
As Butters drew near, he could hear each of their distinctive voices; Cartman's rough and rowdy one, Kyle's high pitched and passionate voice, Stan's low and rushed out babble and Kenny's husky and drawled out tone. Butters didn't have the time to actually listen to each of their conversations, but the sound of their voices was enough to sedate him until he was standing right in front of them, a giddy smile painted haphazardly upon his lips.
"Fucking Jew!" Cartman snapped, a meaty finger pointing at Kyle.
"Who's fucking a Jew?" Kenny asked lazily, a faint smile ghosting his lips as his eyes traveled over from Kyle to Stan. Cartman jerked his head towards Kenny's direction, shooting the poor fool a wonky glare and a tight lipped expression.
"That faggot over there!" Cartman shot out, sticking the middle finger up at the curly red-headed Jew, who was currently fuming out his ears and trembling ferociously out of anger. Stan was by his side, his hand placed on Kyle's shoulder in hopes of calming him down, but to no avail.
"Why, hey fellas!" Butters welcomed warmly, his hands waving out in front of him. Cartman suddenly stopped his Jewish-related insults and snapped his eyes to the happy-go-lucky being that was Butters. Cartman snuffed indignantly at him and furrowed his brow.
"Piss off, fag!" he snapped, making Butters momentarily tremble. Cartman then brushed Butters off with a haughty flick of his middle finger before returning his attention back to the flustered Jew. Butters stood there, not fully comprehending what had just happened, but a smile graced his face nonetheless. Sometimes he couldn't understand Cartman, but there was no sense in trying to figure him out; Butters would rather go about life without having to comprehend inappropriate things that people often tended to say to him.
Aware that someone was watching him, Butters turned to the side and flashed a perky smile at the orange-clad Kenny, whose hoody was currently down and revealing the shaggy and unmanageable corn-colored mass that was his hair. His blue eyes twinkled mischievously, as they always did, and his smile was stretched into more of a smirk, gracing his facial features with a sort of impish elegance. Butters stared at the boy, his eyes blinking a mile per minute, until Kenny finally averted his attention elsewhere.
"Dude, can we fucking go home now?" Kenny asked tiredly, running his fingers through his scraggly hair. He turned to Cartman and squinted his eyes into what seemed to be a carefully hidden glare, but what looked along the lines of a playful squint.
"Fucking fat-ass, stop calling me that!" Kyle raged, his cheeks turning a bright pink color.
"Dude, Kyle, calm down man, it's just Cartman," Stan reprimanded, patting Kyle's shoulder desperately. Kyle turned to Stan like a deadly nuclear missile, his fingers fisted at his side.
"Calm down, how the hell am I supposed to fucking calm down?!" Kyle shouted, his teeth gritting together. "I can't just fucking stand here and let that fat-ass insult me like that, like hell would I just stand around and listen to him spew that shit!"
"Oh look guys, Kyle's got sand in his vagina again. God, Kahl, what the hell's got your panties in a twist? Can't take a couple of jokes, just like your fucking fat-ass mom--."
"God dammit!" Kyle nearly screamed, his eyes quivering with passionate rage. He hated it when Cartman brought his mother into their arguments; it absolutely pissed him off to the extreme.
Despite all the tension that had been haplessly strung together between the boys, the sound of a lighter silenced the entire group, rendering them stiff and silent. They all turned to Kenny, including Butters, and watched him with curious eyes as he casually lighted his cigarette with a purple lighter. He then brought the flimsy stick to his lips and took a long drag from it before he puffed it back out in a swift breath.
"What?" he asked them softly, noticing their intense stares on his person. He smirked, taking another drag from the cigarette and letting the smoke escape from his lips like trapped tufts of cloud. The white, wispy smoke billowed around him, the gritty smell of nicotine clouding the air like a strong, addicting perfume.
"Look dudes, I'm gonna' go home now," he said crisply, taking another puff from his cigarette. "I'll see you fags later." He then strode over towards Butters with such speed that Butters had not even noticed him until Kenny slung his arm over Butters' shoulder in a casual manner. Fortunately, the rest of the group was too busy insulting each other to notice what Kenny had done, and stayed that way even when Kenny and Butters were long gone, their steady paces directing them out of school grounds and onto free pavement. Once they were safely away from the three babbling idiots, Kenny immediately dropped his arm from around Butters' shoulder and let it drop to his side in a swift fashion.
Meanwhile, Butters was too busy fidgeting where he stood, his hand rubbing at the nape of his neck in a flustered way. He had no clue why Kenny had flung his arm around him, but he was glad nonetheless; he didn't think he could take anymore of Kyle and Cartman's vulgar disputes.
"Gee, thanks Kenny!" he beamed, flashing his brightest smile, but when he opened his eyes, Kenny was gone. Butters shifted his weight to his other foot, blinking his eyes in astonishment. Kenny was nowhere to be found and Butters was still marveling at his amazing high-speed escapes.
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It was all unfamiliar to him.
The sheets were too stiff, the pillows not fluffy enough, and the smell was definitely not something that he recognized.
Kenny McCormick sat up in a groggy daze, his heart racing a mile per minute and his brain still stuck on off-mode. He looked around slowly, blinking his eyes in a sleepy haze, and stretched his limbs, opening his mouth in a long and drawled out yawn.
"Morning sexy."
Kenny stared down at the slender brunette currently draped around his naked waist, her long hair fanning out over his lean stomach. She was smiling seductively up at him, her full lips as smooth as silk. She batted her eyelashes at him before trailing a series of sultry patterns around his navel, all the while kissing his abdomen tenderly.
Kenny on the other hand didn't care less about what she was doing to him. He blinked his eyes one more time in alertness and suavely slid away from her, flashing her one of his stunning, God-like smiles so as to not discourage her. To discourage a customer would mean that he would actually lose the customer itself.
"Sorry, but I have another appointment," he cooed to her, ruffling his dirty-blond hair until it stuck up about his head in every direction. "But if you ever need me again, hit me up." She pouted at him, but it was quickly replaced by a dazzling smile, a smile that showed how much she thoroughly enjoyed his offer.
"Hell yes I will," she responded, plopping herself back down onto her own pillow and spreading the blankets over her naked form. "Like hell would I miss a chance to tap that fucking ass."
"I'm only here to deliver babe," he responded in perfect sequence, getting up from the bed where he then proceeded to gather up his belongings. He pranced about her room until he finally found his infamous orange hoody, draping it over his shoulder as he pulled on his jean pants and draped his red shirt over his chest. Kicking on his shoes and pulling the hoody over his head, he turned back and gave the girl another trademark smile, biting his lip to add emphasis. She licked her lips in response, rubbing the pads of her fingers over the bed sheets.
The customer was indeed here to stay.
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It was a crisp Saturday morning.
The birds were chirping soundly in their nests, the trees were whistling dazzling morning tunes as the wind passed them by, and somewhere in some part of the redneck town that was South Park, Butters was sitting under a tree, a spindle of thread in one hand and a sharp needle in the other.
"Lu lu lu," he sing-songed, threading the string in and out of his ripped button-up shirt. He was currently fixated on mending his precious shirt ever since his parents had seen the rip and threatened to ground him if he didn't get it repaired soon. He was momentarily ripped from his euphoric state when something whizzed past him with a flurry of speed. He looked up and his eyes brightened.
"Why hey Kenny!" he shouted at the retreating figure of orange and blue. Kenny halted in his tracks and turned around cautiously, as if getting caught for a hit and run accident, but once his eyes landed on Butters (who currently looked like a house-wife mending her husband's clothes) he immediately dropped his guard and flashed the innocent boy a hasty glare.
"What the fuck are you doing Butters?" Kenny asked sharply.
"I'm mending my shirt, would you like to see--?"
"Whatever dude," Kenny barked out and sped off down the street, his form growing smaller and smaller until Butters could no longer see him anymore.
"Hm?" Butters whimpered, shrugging his shoulders. With a shake of his head and a blink of his eyes, he continued to his work. He needed to repair the shirt by the time he went home, or else his mother and father would ground him for sure. He sure wished God had graced him the speed that Kenny had, or else he would have been done a long time ago.
"ARGH! Jesus!"
Butters jerked so hard that he accidentally pricked his index finger with the needle, a small swell of blood pooling out from the tiny injury.
"Craig! S-stop! Argh!"
"Fucking Christ, Tweek, calm down, it's not like I'm going to rape you."
Butters looked up at the looming figures of Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak, holding hands rather chaotically and seemingly trying to walk down the sidewalk without having Tweek jerk out into one of his many caffeine-induced spasms or ADD related symptoms. By the look on Craig's frustrated face, they were having a rather difficult time trying to stay low-key.
"Heya Craig, Tweek!" Butters chirped up at them, rubbing his bleeding finger on his thigh. Craig stared down at Butters with a critical eye and flipped him off, before turning his head away and focusing on the spasming boy beside him. "Fuck, Tweek."
"Gah! Oh man, I can't handle this anymore! Jesus, too much pressure―argh!" Tweek managed to mumble before blinking his eyes chaotically and jerking his hand so hard that Craig practically flew into the street.
"What's wrong with Tweek?" Butters asked concerned, placing his needle and thread gently on the grass. Craig snapped his head towards Butters and squinted his eyes in what seemed to be a glare.
"He's too fucking paranoid on PDA," he grit out through his teeth, holding Tweek's hand in place by his side so that the trembling teenager wouldn't cause futher damage.
"PDA?" Butters asked genuinely, cocking his head to the side.
"Jesus, Butters, don't you know anything?" Craig bit out, rolling his eyes out of impatience. "Public Display of Affection?"
"Oh," Butters said simply, puckering his lips in thought. "Why would he be paranoid...oh, oh hamburgers, you guys are holding hands!" As realization suddenly dawned on him, Butters' eyes widened and he placed his hands to his face in shock. Why were Craig and Tweek holding hands in the first place, wasn't it supposed to be an evil sin between the same gender?! Butters shook his head from side to side, thinking up of all the possible consequences that would result by his being seen with the two hand-holders. "Why are you guys holding hands?!"
Craig drew his lips into a tight line and squinted his eyes maliciously, squeezing Tweek's hand and bringing the spazzing boy close to his side. He then licked his lips and fired snappishly, "What's it to you?"
Butters stared at the two, his mind too far-gone to comprehend anything. Why were they holding hands?
"You guys should quit that!" Butters warned them fretfully, his eyes quivering and hands shaking in his lap. Craig immediately flipped out his finger and huffed angrily, shooting a wad of spit to the ground.
"We can hold hands if we want to, right Tweek?" Craig asked, shooting a warning glare at said boy.
"Ack! Jesus Christ!" Tweek responded, shaking his head from side to side. "Argh! Craig, I didn't want to do this in the first place, you made me! Argh! We can do it at home, not here!" By now, Tweek was shaking uncontrollably, his eyes scanning the expanse of streets while his eyes twitched every so often.
Butters was still at a loss. He finally took in a deep breath of air and calmed himself; he needed to gather up enough courage to ask them what he so desperately wanted to ask them.
"A-are you guys...h-homo-homosexuals?" he stuttered, staring up at them in both mortification and awe.
"Who the fuck cares, dude, so what if we are?" Craig spat, fire dancing in his eyes. "What, you gonna' tell on us?"
"No, not that!" Tweek screamed.
"Gosh, no!" Butters exclaimed, holding his hands out in front of him in defense. "It's just, it's so confusing. I-I...don't know what to say!"
Craig looked down at Butters, tilting his head in observation. He then brought out his middle finger and flicked it at him. "Don't bother saying anything, we're leaving. Come on Tweek."
And with that, the two boys left, Craig practically dragging Tweek down the street as they headed towards town.
TBC...
More of Kenny will be in the next chapter.
Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed.
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-Sesshyfanchick