Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters.

A/n: Well, after "Hammer of the Gods" I'm depressed.. I had started to write this one shot some days ago... now I've completed it but it isn't good... sorry :(. I'm really depressed... I didn't expect Gabriel's death...

Before get drunk, Castiel did something else.

He went in a church and, after checking to be alone, he knelt.

Castiel felt stupid for that, but he was confused, hurt and... he didn't know what else to do. He never had been in a church, he was an angel, he spoke and God heard.

Not now, God didn't care about angels or humans...

But he needed to talk with his Father and he thought it was the right place. At least he hoped.

"God... I don't know if you can hear me... I mean, if you wanna hear me. But... I have to ask you something... it's really important and..."

What the heck am I doing? he thought sighing.

Castiel had blasphemed, God was surely upset with him.

And the angel was upset too, because he didn't expect this, he hoped to save the world with His help.

But now Castiel was on his kneels with head bowed, because he wanted to ask something to God.

"God.. I've been a good son... I guess. You... you have brought me back from the dead, I don't know why, I really don't understand.." he stopped, trying to hold back his tears.

Angels don't cry... he couldn't cry.

"You have given me my life back, maybe because you love me or something.. I don't know. Well.. what I'm trying to say is this. I guess I'll die very soon, tonight or tomorrow, maybe few days or months. This is my last wish... please God... give me... her. I know It's a kind of blasphemy but... I'm living my last days, few days and all will be over. Could you give me Anna? We are two... rebels, right? We are the same, we have always been the same. You don't care about us, that's okay. Just, bring her back to life, I beg you Father. My last request, I'll never bother you again."

He felt really stupid... he was speaking in a empty church, God wasn't there.

God would never resuscitated Anna, she was a fallen angel.

He wanted to cry.

"Of course, you won't do it. You have brought me back but Anna doesn't deserve it, right?" Why, Father? Tell me why!" he shouted, clenching his fists.

His voice sounded in that big empty church smelling of incense and candles.

"You okay, son?"

Castiel turned and saw a priest.

"Yes sir, I'm sorry I was speaking loud." apologized the angel.

The priest shook his head and sat.

"You was praying. What's that hurts you so much?"

"It's a long story, sir. I have to go now." and got up.

"Son, you was speaking about a woman. Your girlfriend? Your wife?"

"My sister."

"Your sister. Is she dead?"

The angel nodded. "Yes, she is."

"That's why you're so blue, I guess. I can understand what you feel..."

"No" snapped Castiel "you really can't understand. I'm sorry... sir, I really have to go. I don't even know why I'm here."

"This is the house of God, you are here for him." said the priest.

"No, God isn't here, God don't listens our prayers. You better to change job."

The old man sighed and smiled. "Have faith my son, God knows you."

"Oh yes, I know. He knows me, but he doesn't care about me or someone else. God has left the building, sir. He has left all of us." and walked away.

"You should have more faith, Castiel."

The angel stopped and turned.

"How you know my name?" asked Castiel.

The priest smiled. "God knows you, and I know you too. I'm His gardener."

Castiel was shocked. "Joshua?"

The man nodded. "Yes, son. Don't be afraid, I will not harm you."

"Why are you talking to me?" Castiel asked, still puzzled.

"Because you need it, boy."

"I don't understand ..." he said confused.

Joshua smiled again. " I know, you didn't recognize me. But have faith, little angel ... have faith ..."

Castiel wanted to ask him what he meant, but Joshua disappeared before his eyes.

The angel didn't know what to think.

What meant have faith?

Did God care about them?

Would she come back?

Castiel didn't know, but he hadn't faith anymore.

Everything was lost, Angels were playing with them, he was sure.

He knew his brothers.

The angel sighed and left. He needed some drink