It's raining today and I find it very hard to write. Everyone keeps insisting that I go inside, but I don't want to. Not while InuYasha's being a jerk.
It's been pouring these past few days and the ground is still wet and soggy as the aftermath. I can still feel the humidity in the air and it feels uncomfortable. My hair always frizzes up when it gets like this. It's really annoying. One of these days, I'll have to resort to hair spray, but I'm not that desperate right now. A little mist won't do much.
I find it funny that Miroku quoted that too a few days ago. Before the downpour, we were on our way to his father's grave to mourn. I feel really sad for him every time I think about it and how he died. I know that he always thinks about it because, every time I mention it, he gets this sad, far off look and smiles bitterly. I hope that Sango is the right person in his life to make him feel better about the situation and himself.
Anyway, I was just talking about Shippou's amazing growth spurt (like a bean stalk!) when the sky darkened. Not like Naraku-is-coming darken, but serious rainstorm darken. The scent of oncoming rain tickled my nose and I sneezed.
Miroku suggested the nearest village, but it was about half a day away. We would've been drenched by the time we reached there. InuYasha fervently suggested the caves in the mountains we were approaching and, surprisingly, it was a very good idea. He doesn't usually get ideas like this.
By the time we had ducked under the overhang (it wasn't really a cave, but oh well), huge drops were staining out clothes a darker color. Shippou was busy laughing and shaking out his hair in a silly attempt to copy tiny Kirara. She was mewing and peeking at all of us as we joined him in his cute, pointless laughter. Even InuYasha was having a hard time masking his smile.
That's when I noticed that Tetsuaiga was missing.
InuYasha freaked out and probably would've torn our little overhang down if it wasn't for my "sit!" His golden eyes turned serious, the way it always was when he prepared for battle. I didn't like that and told him so but I knew that we would have to go looking for it. What if Naraku, or worse, Sesshoumaru found it?
InuYasha never went anywhere without Miroku and Miroku never went anywhere without Sango. Of course, Kirara never went anywhere without Sango and Shippou without Kirara.
"Are you sure that you'll be fine by yourself Kagome?" Sango asked nervously as she prepared to leave. She was also less enthusiastic about parading around in the rain like me, but her fear of having her fiancé hurt with InuYasha was stronger than her friendship with me. Of course; marriage is like that.
"I'm fine here. Just be safe, ok?" I pulled on a fake smile and waved. She threw me one last wince before stepping out into the curtain of water pouring down from the roof.
I sat down where I stood and sighed. I wondered how long they would be gone. It was probably in the last village we were in (the one where Miroku got us a free stay in a palace) and that was a day's walk away. That would mean a minimum of two days, not including the search days and the fights that InuYasha would most likely get involved in.
A few minutes later, my stomach ached and growled bitterly. I groaned. Dog-breath paraded off without leaving me any food. Ignoring it, I stretched out and stared at the ceiling and listened to the uniformed raindrops outside.
Boring boring boring.
I knew that I was hungry and that I was already bored. The thought of walking out into the rain was terrifying, but my stomach had me moving before I could stop and think.
It wasn't really cold, but thick and almost painful as individual drops pounded my back, my arms, my face as I proceeded forward. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, but I had to eat something. Desperately, I opened my mouth to the rain and nearly choked when the drops smashed into my throat.
I ended up on all fours, feeling around for anything edible like a potato or a bush of berries. The rain started pouring even harder and my line of sight was limited to a few inches in front of my face.
As soon as the rain lessened slightly, something smooth rolled into my searching fingers. Instinctively, I grabbed it and brought it to my eyes. Red, smooth, perfectly round and…
I couldn't bring my teeth any faster to the apple in front of me. Juice dripped down the sides of my mouth but I didn't care. The insides were so juicy and sweet I ended up finishing it sooner than I thought possible. I even chomped down on the woody core and the tough stem.
Satisfied, I sighed again and turned my face up to the rain. It wasn't so bad after all. But then it hit me: there were no apple trees around me. Maybe someone dropped it, I thought to myself as I scanned the area.
I thought that it was my imagination at first because all I saw was white against white rain, but then I squinted and I saw well enough. Black boots, soaking fluff over one shoulder and a stoic, hard face surrounded by those marks. A crescent moon on the forehead and then I matched the sight to the memory.
Sesshoumaru stood about five feet away, looking down at me with so much intensity, I had to look away to break the hold his eyes could force upon people. Or maybe it was only me. Surprisingly, I felt no fear, only a fierce curiosity. Why was he here? Why did he feed me? I wasted no time in scrambling to my feet.
The top of my head only came up to his shoulders. I shuddered away from the deadly looking spikes that encircled one empty sleeve. I remembered, with a strange pang of guilt, why it was so.
"Sesshoumaru," I croaked out. I felt no fear from him, though. After those first few attacks those early days, he had pretty much left us alone. If he meant harm, I would've probably already been laying in a puddle of my blood.
I also remembered the accident that involved Rin earlier this year. She was trapped in a freak landslide this winter and I mourned when I found this to be true. Sesshoumaru never showed any emotion, but lingered at her burial for over a week and then moved on. I knew that he was mourning inside too, but I never said that out loud to anyone. I guess that those unspoken words had already been known through his actions.
I thought about this as I stared into his deep, golden eyes. They reminded me so much of InuYasha, except for the fact that they were mature and composed unlike InuYasha's wild, crazy ones.
"They left you."
Those three words cut deep, even though I didn't know why. They just sounded so sad and empty. I looked at him in defiance.
"That doesn't matter to you though. They'll be back in a few days," I retorted. I hoped that I sounded convincing enough, because I started to wonder myself.
"Leaving you to fend for yourself." I marveled at how composed his tone was, deep and moving. I forced myself not to dwell on that and tore away.
I stalked back towards my "home" and didn't look back. Why did I want him to follow me? Was it because I was already lonely? I knew that eventually I would have to leave all my friends when the well closed, knew that Miroku was marrying Sango one day and running off with Shippou and Kirara, knew that InuYasha would finally achieve what he wanted and rejoin his dead beloved Kikyou. I knew, but I didn't believe. I rested my head between my knees and peeked outside.
Sesshoumaru was gone, but I knew that he'd come back. Some little part inside of me said that he'd come back to cure my loneliness, but I laughed at myself. I knew Sesshoumaru better than that, but I still hoped for the impossible, the unbelievable.
He was with me for four days.
Every morning, I would wake with an apple and other goods, like soup or roasted chicken next to my head and every morning, he would be sitting at the entrance of the cave, looking out at the painted sunrise with feigned disinterest in my consciousness.
I usually chatted with him at those times, talking about random nonsense and whatever popped into my head. It made no sense to me, but it helped keep my sadness away, helped keep me preoccupied. He wasn't much of an audience though. Sesshoumaru would just nod, frown, stare or "hn" at any comment I would spew, but listened nonetheless.
He would leave at about lunch and the come back an hour later with lunch. The same was done for dinner and I was always delighted at all the goodies he managed to conjure up. Once, he came with a kind of delicious sweet cake and, without thinking, I threw my arms around his neck in an enthusiastic hug. He stiffened and then touched my back in his version of a returned embrace.
I found that the days would fly by quickly with him here with me. He was very easy to talk to and even though he wouldn't speak very much verbally, his pretty eyes would talk for him.
On the fourth day, we could both feel InuYasha's presence arriving and Sesshoumaru paid his past visit to drop off a plate of steaming noddles. Somehow, I found myself not hungry. I didn't want to offend him so I chewed through it anyway.
"You-you're not coming back, are you?" What sad question. I had to hear it from him, though.
"No." Short and oddly painful. I looked away and bit my lip.
"So why?" Why was he here in the first place? That question hung over my head like a fly, and I managed to keep it away until now, his departure.
Sesshoumaru stood to leave his face turned away. I expected for him to ask me to explain what I was saying, but I knew him better than that.
"You're lonely."
I gasped quietly at the double meaning behind those two words. So short but so true. I didn't know if he was talking about himself or about me. I wasn't really sure about anything anymore, like the ripping hole in my chest or my breath catching and choking my throat.
He stepped outside of my cave and out of my life.
Its funny how time flies when you're anxious. The apple I hold in my hand now seems like more than just a piece of fruit; it looks like hope to me. It feels smooth, like how he mended my loneliness with a few simple visits. I know that there's sweetness inside, just like him. But overall, I know that it symbolizes what should've happened all of those years ago when I first stumbled on that well and fell into his world.
I should've rolled my heart out to him like he did with me, and I'm not missing my chance this time.
Better late than never.