A/N: this is my very first fanfic, I hope you like it.
I came up with this one day when I was watching PoA and wondered why did he always carry chocolate with him. I thought this was a cute way of representing it, don't you think?
DISCLAIMER: everything belongs to their rightful owner, in this case, JKR.
Chocolate at Moon light.
"Eat, you'll feel better."
If only people knew how true that statement was. Usually when Remus John Lupin handed a chocolate bar to anyone after a particularly sad, distressing situation, they'd look at him with an aloof expression. How can this help? It's only chocolate. It would take a while before Remus would convince them that it actually, genuinely works, but whenever the person would take a bite, the response was never the one he'd expect.
Maybe they were holding it back, maybe they didn't want to admit that it did make them feel better, because the first time Remus had chocolate after a very specific distressing situation, oh god, he felt like floating in cotton-candy clouds and suddenly everything was better. However, that may have had a lot to do with the person who gave him the chocolate bar for the first time.
It occurred on the first full moon of his fifth year at Hogwarts; he'd been acting rather suspicious throughout the day and he didn't even show up for lunch. Nobody seemed to notice the absence, not even his so called best friends (and this was only because they knew of his condition.)
There was only one person who'd been desperately looking for him since morning, and that had to be Lily Evans.
They were friends and she liked him, despite all those rumors saying Remus Lupin was a werewolf. –How curious, he only disappears every month on full moon.- She'd been about to believe them several times, but she being Lily, always felt so conflicted. It's not like it was his fault, right? That's something he couldn't help, and if Lily had learned anything is that you can't judge people from being something they simply have no control of.
And she would've been a big hypocrite if she judged Remus on something he couldn't help being.
So she kicked James under the table, and he glanced at her with a frown upon his lips that was suddenly turned into his usual crooked smirk.
"So you're the one who's flirting now, Evans."
"Where's Remus?"
"Why'd you want to know?" asked Sirius at the same time he picked at his nails.
"We have prefect duty. And I know he usually asks you –and she pointed her finger at Potter, copper brows furrowed heavily- to cover up for him, and I don't want to spend my night in the corridors with you."
"Harsh. You wound me."
"Shut it. Now tell me, where is Remus?"
"You will never find out!" Peter shouted and Sirius nudged him a bit too harsh on the chest. "Ahhh-"
"Just tell me where he is!"
"I can tell you," began James, reaching out his hand across to table to grab Lily's. "If you really want to knooow…"
"James!" Peter shouted once more. "We're not supposed to—Ahhh."
Lily eyed the lot suspiciously, then glanced at Potter's hand over hers. "Well?"
"I can tell you if you promise you'll have a date with me."
Lily pulled her hand away from his, restraining herself from rolling her eyes. "You're a child!" she stood up and began to walk off. She was near the door when she heard him shout; "You adore me!"
This time she did roll her eyes.
The classes were ending and she had still to find Remus. She was in no way spending her afternoon alone with Potter, of all people. If it had been Peter, or even Sirius, she could have probably endure, but this was James Potter, the bloke who followed her around everywhere and kicked her under the table just to flirt, the bloke who'd been trying to get a date with her since fourth year. She was determined to find Remus or die trying, though she never thought that statement will somewhat become true.
At diner, she decided to kick Black under the table.
"You're only supposed to flirt with James."
"Tell me where is Remus."
"I would if I knew, red, but sadly none of us knows where he's been."
"Really? Your best friend goes missing and you don't even care to find him?"
"We're just giving him some space, I suppose." He shrugged nonchalantly, Lily sighed.
The diner went and dessert came, and when everyone was finished they headed for bed. James walked shoulder-on-shoulder with Lily, the former was absolutely happy, the latter not much.
She made sure all the first years were in the common room and heading for their dorms, and while she was on that, James sat with his friends in one of the couches next to the fireplace.
She pressed her forehead against the window-frame and sighed. Her breath condensed on the window and she drew a face on it with her fingers. She was about to clean it when she saw a lean shadow walking outside the castle.
It has to be Remus, she thought and hurried upstairs into the fifth year's room. It has to be Remus, she thought again as she opened Potter's drawers and looked about his clothes. After a few minutes, she found the object she so needed right then; Potter's invisibility cloak.
When she headed downstairs she saw Potter looking around the room with a hopeless expression on his face, and she had to restrain herself from laughing.
"Has anyone seen Evans?" he asked.
"She probably left you to do the prefect duty on her own." Sirius nodded, throwing a pillow at him.
"Oh no, she can't leave me!" and he hurried outside the common room and into the hallways.
Lily, on the other hand, decided to go in the opposite direction and headed outside the castle.
Even at that far of a distance she recognized him; it was indeed Remus, and the place he was heading for made her uneasy. He was walking straight into the Whomping Willow.
She took out her wand and muttered Lumos, and so she followed him. She was almost certain of what would happen next, all the rumors about him seemed to be right.
He put a charm on the willow and sneaked inside, Lily waited a moment before she went in after him. It was dark and silent, utterly silent; she could almost hear James calling out her name.
The way was long and she had no idea where they were going. After a while, they arrived to a place she was too familiar with; the shrieking shack.
She only knew the place because the first time she visited Hogsmeade she witnessed a bet between Potter and Black –Whoever lasts longer inside, wins!- but they both stayed there for far too long so she went to the town to get Professor McGonagall to get them out. She'd never been inside the building, but the boys had said it was really, really scary.
And she could see why, now. The walls were covered in scratch marks, too big and fierce to have been done by a human. The aura of the place itself was ghastly, the windows (or lack of them) allowed the wind to blow in and whistle in a creepily form that caused the hair at the back of her neck arouse, and the vibe… it was like something really terrible had happened in that place. Lily turned around, ready to leave, when she heard a loud, terrifying scream.
She turned to face Remus and the sight of him caused her heart to beat real rapid. He was hurting himself with his nails—or was it claws?- His whole body trembled and shook violently as if he was having a seizure, and after long prolonged howls that caused her eyes to fill with tears, the Remus John Lupin she knew was long gone and had been replaced by a giant werewolf.
And Lily stood there, unable to move. Remus –or the werewolf- looked in her general direction, and for a moment, Lily's sweat became cold for she thought he was looking right at her.
And he proceeded to move in her direction. Maybe invisibility cloaks don't work on werewolves? Her brain said move but her legs didn't respond. Remus got closer and closer. This was it, this was the end of Lily Evans. . .only-
Remus stood there, looking at her. It was just that, he was looking at her and she was looking at him. His eyes were big and yellow, but a part of them didn't feel quite right. And it hit her then; he was just as scared as she was. Maybe the Remus John Lupin she knew was still alive somewhere and the possibility of that was the only thing that kept her alive. The Remus she knew and loved didn't want this, didn't ask for this, and he was damned and the only thing he had left was acceptance.
She was so tempted to reach out and stroke him, to make him know that she understood, but she didn't. Mainly because she was paralyzed, and her limbs didn't respond to anything her brain commanded, but also because she didn't want to scare Remus.
And what happened next only made her heart break more. After a while he moved and started scratching the walls. That was okay, she could handle that. But then he started howling, or more like crying, and instead of attacking the walls he attacked himself. It was horrible to witness, the way he'd tear his skin and oh, the blood, and Remus! Stop this! But she couldn't do anything else than cry.
When Remus woke up the next morning he was naked. No surprise since he'd destroyed his clothes. He had freshly made wounds and there was blood all about him, it seemed like the typical after-full-moon scenario, except there was a set of legs standing right beside him.
For a moment, he thought he may have sneaked into town and killed someone, and he almost began to cry. But he directed his look up and found no other than Lily Evans looking down at him.
"Lily!" he cried, desperately trying to find something to cover himself with. "What are you—"
"I'm sorry, Remus. I shouldn't have followed you."
There was an uneasy pause. Remus gulped.
"Did you-?"
"Yes." She nodded, handing him a set of clothes. "I did."
He took the clothes and got dressed, she had returned to the castle for breakfast, or else people would get worried.
"But I wasn't scared." She finished. "I mean, I sure was but…Remus, it was more heartbreaking than scaring."
"I know." He said softly. "I'm sorry you had to see that…"
"It's okay." She sat down next to him and pulled out something from her jacket. "You missed breakfast, and I told Potter and the rest that I found out. Here."
"What's that?" He took whatever it was that she handed to him.
"Chocolate."
"Chocolate?" He repeated incredulously, she nodded.
"Whenever I felt sad, my mum gave me chocolate to sooth me. Eat it, you'll feel better."
And so Remus did. He took a bite on it and it felt like Christmas morning. Lily smiled at his reaction, the way his pupils dilated, and she wrapped an arm around him. "Let's return to the castle, okay?"
He nodded okay and they both got up. He finished the chocolate on his way to the castle, and from that moment on, he'd make sure to take a chocolate bar with him to the shrieking shack every full moon.
