Falling Down
Chapter 1
Story by: Cessy Angel


Daisuke ran into his room and slammed the door behind him. It hurt too much. It just hurt too much to see their faces, looking down at him, disappointed and angry faces. They always thought he was a failure, but did they need to say it so bluntly?

He was glad that his family had gone away for the holidays. He had stayed home because he had faked having a fever, when in reality he just wanted to be alone. The house was quiet, except shuffling feet as Chibimon ran towards Daisuke, who was slumped against the door, crying.

"What's wrong, Daisuke?" It asked, hopping into Daisuke's open arms.

"The other DigiDestined... they hate me! I knew they did!" He wiped away some of the tears that were accumulating in his eyes, but he couldn't help it. He always thought the DigiDestined hated him, but he chose to ignore it.

"Don't say that, I bet they don't really hate you!" Chibimon squeaked, it hadn't been the first time he saw his partner cry, he had seen him many, many times. But he was still worried.

"They do! Miyako always yells at me, Iori always says that I'm stupid, and Takeru and Hikari always ignore me and go on with their lives! And I always tried to be cheerful, to help them! Wasn't I supposed to be the leader? After what they did to me today..."

Chibimon only looked at him, his small eyes looking worried and begging him to explain. But it was too hard for him to form the words. He closed his eyes, he could see himself in the computer lab again, during school break. Everyone was there, talking about what they would do to stop the Digimon Kaizer. He had been leaning against the counter and accidentally slipped on a wet spot on the floor, sending him falling along with Miyako's projects which had been put there earlier.

He winced inwardly. He could hear Miyako's voice again. Anger, rage. "Daisuke, you idiot! I've been working on that project for months! Now it's all ruined! You're such a useless friend! You can't even lead us anywhere, you so-called leader! This is it! Motomiya Daisuke, you're useless! Completely useless!"

Those faces again. Everyone had bowed their heads, then looking at him as if everything-everything that ever went wrong, be it in the real of Digital World, had been his fault. He wasn't able to take it anymore, he yelled at them to shut up and to stop looking at them, and then he ran out of the room and to his house.

"Daisuke... " Chibimon looked at him with big imploring eyes. Usually Daisuke would smile, but he just couldn't today. Warm tears still ran down his face, and he bit on his lower lip, hard enough for him to be able to taste blood.

Chibimon's eyes grew wide. He didn't want Daisuke to bleed. He had seen Daisuke bleed a lot lately, especially from his arms, but Daisuke had always told him it was okay, that he was only doing that to feel better, and for the most part, he seemed okay afterwards. But deep inside, he knew it wasn't right. He didn't want to see his human partner getting hurt.

But the little blue digimon didn't say anything, instead he nuzzled closer to Daisuke and waited until he finished crying, which didn't stop and soon after the digimon fell asleep.

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"Miyako... don't you think you were a little harsh on Daisuke?" Hikari had already begun picking up some of the papers that lay on the wet floor.

"No, he deserved it!" Miyako crossed her arms, still angry from the earlier event.

"Daisuke can be a pain sometimes... but what you said was harsh. Plus I don't think he meant doing it, it was only an accident. Accidents happen." Takeru tried to calm his friend down a bit. He had been shocked by Daisuke's earlier actions, usually he would have laughed and excused himself, but today, he seemed really hurt.

"An accident? It happens all the time! That boy doesn't help at all! If anything, he pushes us further! He's good for nothing! Real world, digital world, it's all the same!"

"Miyako! Stop exaggerating. Didn't you see the look on Daisuke's face? You really hurt him." Iori walked up to Miyako, who only then seemed to remember Daisuke's hurt expression while she had yelled at him.

"Oh... no..." She sighed and looked at the floor. "I guess I'll need to apologize, huh? I'll go see him after school."

"After all, we're going to the Digital world again after school, right? We really need Daisuke and Veemon if we want to destroy the Digimon Kaizer. So we all go to Daisuke's house after school?" Hikari seemed pleased that Miyako had settled down a bit.

"No." Miyako fell silent for a moment. "I'll go alone. It's my fault, not yours."

"Okay then. We'll meet back here. We better hurry up or we'll be late for class!" Takeru pointed at the clock and they all left for their classes.

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Chibimon lay asleep on the bed, where Daisuke had put him a long while ago. He silently crept out of his bedroom and made way to the bathroom. He closed the door, even though no one else was in the house besides the Digimon.

"God, I hate myself for doing this. But..." He took off his long-sleeved shirt and put it on the counter. He examined his arms, bandaged rather quickly. He started un-wrapping the bandages on his right arm, slowly revealing the many scars he had inflicted himself.

Putting the bandage aside, and took out a small knife hidden under the counter. It was a pretty plain knife, with a copper handle. The blade was a clear, Daisuke had made task to always clean it afterwards. He wasn't completely stupid.

Tears began swelling in his eyes again, he kept thinking of everything the DigiDestined had called him, insulted him.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up..." He brought the knife close to a rather old scar, and slowly let the blade trace a trail without cutting himself. Then as he made another round on his arm, he put more pressure, more and more, until the wound finally began bleeding again.

He loved the sight of blood, he thought it looked absolutely beautiful. Running down his arm, a deep crimson color. He brought his arm closer to his mouth and gently began licking it, savoring the warm copper-like taste. His mouth eventually closed onto the wound and he began sucking harder and harder.

It seemed almost sexual. His body stretching even though he kept his mouth locked over the wound. He let the knife drop on the counter next to him. It would be all for now, right now he was more into the moment.

Suddenly it occurred to him that someone was knocking at the door. Or rather, it had begun pounding. He broke away from the wound, which was now bleeding only lightly. He looked around confused for a moment, then he opened the bathroom door.

"Daisuke! I know you're there! Open up! It's Miyako..." The voice on the other side said something else, but it wasn't loud enough to be heard on the other side.

"What does she want now... to humiliate me again? To yell at me? I'll shut her up!" Daisuke muttered angrily, now was his time. He walked to the door, not bothering to clean off the blood running down his arm or bothering to put on his shirt.

He unlocked the door, waiting a while to open up.

"Well, hurry up! Open the door!" Miyako yelled once more from the other side.

That was it!! He swung the door open angrily, letting it smash against the wall violently.

Miyako's eyes widened. Daisuke was in front of her, bare-chested. His arm was covered in scars, one scar had been opened and the blood ran freely down the arm. She could see drops of blood spilling from Daisuke's mouth. But his eyes... pure hatred, nothing else. Never had she seen Daisuke so angry.

"What do you want, you bitch! You wanted to come here to yell at me again?! You wanted to insult me one more time! No more! Okay? I've had it! I'm never going back! So you might as well forget about me helping you guys." He took the time to wipe away the trail of blood that ran down his mouth, then continued.

This time, his voice was less angry, but hurt instead. His eyes still were hard, but tears had begun to yet again to fill his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to. But you never let me explain. You just treat me like I'm a little boy who doesn't know everything."

He reached once again for the door, never letting his eyes brake contact from Miyako's.

"I hate you."

And he slammed the door in her face.

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author's note: boo. This is kinda like an experiment for me. My very first Digimon fanfic! Yey! Of course it includes Daisuke angst. Poor little Dai-chan. This will eventually become a Kaisuke/ Kensuke (what else?) So, erm, yeah. Please review! I need to know if you guys liked it ;.;