Pretend
A Bleach fanfic
I wrote the letter, knowing I had no choice. How else could I keep you safe? I had lingered too long. I had stayed instead of running. And now… I don't know how to describe this bond. How is it that our threads of fate got so tangled together? No… that's not right. How is it that our hearts got so tangled together?
I can run to keep you away…
Only a few months together, and leaving you feels like I'm losing him all over again. No… it feels worse. Losing Kaien felt like someone stabbing me in the lung. Close to the heart, painful, life-threatening, but not quite there. Not quite dead, but neither alive. Somewhere in between.
I can pretend I don't feel…
Ichigo… the thought of him dying because of me, because of my carelessness… that felt like someone had been too impatient to let me bleed out or stab my heart. It was like someone pulled my entire heart out of my chest, still beating. Sure, maybe I could get a new heart… but it wouldn't be mine. I could keep breathing, keep living with that new heart, but… wouldn't I really just be hollow inside without you?
I can live without you by my side…
I'm glad it's raining, Ichigo. Because I like to think that the raindrops will hide any tears that spill over. I don't really think it will, but… it's nice to pretend. It's nice to lie to myself that no one will notice the tears on my face.
I can hide the pain inside…
I guess it's nice to wish that it won't just hide the tears. It's nice to imagine that the rain will wash away the cruel words I said. How could I say those horrible things? How could I call you that and watch the light die in your eyes?
But please…
You're not just a lowly human. You're my partner, my savior…
You're all that and so much more, Ichigo. You're unlike any other person I've ever known. I'm so, so glad I got to meet you. Even if I lose my life because of it, I don't mind. Because I would rather die today, than go another lifetime not knowing you.
Please… don't die…
Because I couldn't bear it.
A/N: And I return! With a Bleach fanfic, no less! And I will say now, no, I do not own Bleach. I was in a writing mood. Plus I watched this episode today. And these words just popped into my head and cried, "Write me! Write me!" And I'm in an obliging mood.