It had started as a mistake. A drunken mistake. The two of them woke one morning naked, said nothing about it or a still lingering smell of alcohol, showered, and went to work like it never happened, even if they had to wear the previous day's clothes to work and pretend like they had no idea what anyone meant when it was brought up. Forgot about it. Or at least, Deeks seemed to. Kensi never really did honestly, it was always there. She could remember parts, like how his lips felt, how gentle he was even with his breath reeking of alcohol, how his hair felt between her fingers... Even if she didn't like hair too much- or at all really, his was an exception to the rule, just like him.

Then, Kensi missed her period a month later. The agent took it for the stress- or maybe it was the new exercise routine?- and tried to forget. She wasn't thinking about the consequences of that night- how could she be? It had never been talked about, and Kensi had never thought about whether or not they had used protection in their alcohol-addled states. Though she wished Deeks would bring it up for once and she could kiss him, feel his lips on hers again, and they could be together and not be so damn awkward together, like a couple of awkward teenagers dealing with a crush on each other.

Before the young woman knew it, another month had passed, nausea started, and it must have been a stomach bug because it was only in the morning and then she was fine. That was a stomach bug, wasn't it? Blye could deal with being nauseous in the mornings. Just a stomach bug, that's all. Nothing more at all. Just like Kensi could deal with watching him and not getting to touch, craving his touch in the middle of the night when she couldn't ease the ache herself, and staring at him like a love struck young girl because she was too weak to say anything to him.

After a third passed, the marine had to give in and bought an expensive home test. Just a precaution, Kensi had convinced herself, but there was no point in going for the cheap ones. They could give false positives, and she didn't need that. Just like young Portuguese woman didn't need to keep fawning over him. Either say something or get over him. There was no way she could be the p word. She just had a stomach bug, and the weight was just not exercising enough, and she was just stressed. There was absolutely no way that Blye was just making excuses, nope, not at all, that wasn't something she did, especially not when stressed like now. The subsequent five minutes of waiting for the test almost sent her into a panic attack. The agent couldn't deal with a child, no, she had other, more important things to worry about, like him or her job or anything else besides having a kid.

He did too, and Kensi was a bit pissed she had to worry about that without him, it was obviously just stress and that was delaying her and nothing else, it had happened before with her line of work. One just wasn't a special agent without stressing about the job. Wishing he was here wasn't going to ease her problems though, and all it did was make her heart ache for someone she wasn't even sure she could have in the long run.

When the test came up positive, she almost cried. Almost. It could be a false positive, after all. Those things happened all the time, didn't they? She just had to go out, and get another test or three, and then they'd all be negative, and no one would know she had ever thought she was pregnant. The young woman was quick to the store, buying another two tests and giving a frazzled smile to the clerk when he gave her a knowing grin that spoke volumes about what he thought he knew about her life. No, Kensi wasn't. She couldn't be. No. No no no. Nonononono.

There was a small part that was hopeful, Martin would surely be excited, maybe he'd even want to be part of it, something they both made... Or would Deeks be upset, pissed, and hate her for ruining his life? Would he request a transfer and leave their entire team because of her? Would he hurt her? How would he even react?

Both turned up positive. A total of three green pluses taunted her, told her how she had screwed up royally. And with that, she cried. A lot. Kensi didn't want a child now, she was young, had dreams, why did this have to happen now? When the two of them weren't even actually together, when they hadn't kissed since that night, when he laughed awkwardly and avoided drinking with her anymore. It hurt.

Abortion came to mind, in the first hour. But it was part of him, part of who she loved so dearly, so that was a no. She couldn't get rid of the baby. She could ask for a transfer, he'd never have to know... Kensi couldn't do that to him though. He deserved better, to know, and she couldn't be like Jack, not like he was to her. That had hurt more than pretty much anything had in her entire life. The idea was tempting, to leave, but he'd be upset she left, she knew it, even if no one said he'd want her more than a friend. He probably wouldn't, but what did that matter? He would still miss her as a friend regardless of that one stupid night before, despite how glorious it had felt thinking about it, and how much she wanted it to happen again but without the alcohol.

She had to visit a doctor, that much was clear despite her worries and concerns over how Deeks would react and how the others might treat her when they found out. Hetty might figure it out if she did, someone would tell her, or she'd see the insurance report, or something. She had a way of finding things out and knowing before anyone else. Hell, she might already know, before Kensi herself did. She ended up pacing around the bathroom, running a hand through her hair often enough the Portuguese agent thought it might fall out if she did it one more time.

She had to tell him.

But how?

Before she knew it, she was staring at herself in her bathroom mirror. Though this was cliche and overly expected and done, she had to try practicing the only way she could without letting someone else find out. Later, she could talk to Hetty once she was either sure she was or warn't. Her doctor's appointment was going to be in a week, and she could only put off telling him for so long, especially if the doctor told her what she feared.

It was hard to think of how things were going to be if she was pregnant and she had to take maternity leave until the baby was old enough to be away from her. Daycare was going to be expensive, and that only made her hope all the more that she wasn't actually pregnant and this stressing was all for nothing.

"Deeks, I'm pregnant." Would it be better to be that blunt? Probably not. What would be better? Kensi's mirror seemed to be judging her very choice of words.

With a breathy sort of sigh, she looked away from the mirror. Practicing to tell him was a lot harder than she thought it should be. He'd love her anyways. Deeks wouldn't leave over this, right? Who was Kensi kidding, he could leave if he wanted to. If he left her too like Jack had, then she wasn't sure what she was going to do. She couldn't heal after that again. The scar would be too deep, and she would never be able to love someone as much as she did Marty and had Jack again.

She took a deep breath and looked back into the eyes of her mirror counterpart. It was easier to try and get a way to say it rather than fret over what would happened once he would out. Kensi had to tell him first, and that had to be the hardest part of this situation besides her worrying about his reaction and her future. "Hey Deeks! Guess what, you're going to be a dad!" She imagined the face he would make and shook her head. "No, that's not going to work..."

"Do you remember that night about three months ago? Well, there happen to be some consequences..."

"I understand if you hate me because of what happened all those months ago, I mean we never talked about it, but you have to know that I'm pregnant."

"Deeks, I love you with all of my heart, and I'm pregnant."

"I'm going to be a mom, and you're going to be a dad because we got drunk together and had sex. Remember that? That's okay, because I don't really remember it either."

"We're going to have a baby, isn't that great?"

"I'm with child. Your child, and I need to know if you're going to stay with around and still be part of the team even though we had a kid together."

"You know that we didn't use protection that night a few months ago? You know what that means? You're going to be a dad because of a stupid drunken mistake with me. Isn't that great?"

"Deeks, I'm probably pregnant with your kid, because of what we did together a few months ago and never talked about."

"What would you say if I told you that I was pregnant? With your kid?"

"We're going to have a baby, and I'm absolutely sure that it's yours."

"I think I'm pregnant."

She found herself stomping her feet in disgust at her inability to come up with the perfect words, the perfect way to tell him that she was going to be having his kid, the perfect way to tell him that she loved him and wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. She was stressing too much over his reaction, and she felt sick from thinking about what all could go wrong. A quick glance at the clock told her that it was well past midnight. She cursed herself for staying up late, and slipped off into her bed to try and sleep on the what in the world she could possibly say to tell him that she could be carrying his child. That was, if she was going to be able to sleep with everything that ran through her head.

It took her almost another month after her doctor's appointment to find the courage and time to tell him. It had to be perfect after all, there was no way Kensi could tell him if the timing wasn't perfect for the situation. and every moment seemed to wrong, wrong, wrong. The cases flew by- though it felt insensitive to say that, as if their lives didn't matter that much, but they did, they just didn't stick all that much with what was going through her head, she just didn't memorise their names or anything- and of course Hetty had known that she was with child. She had known from the first moment that Kensi had started feeling sick, she could just see it. The older woman had a way of knowing everything it seemed, with eyes and ears everywhere. Or maybe she just knew Kensi that well. Kensi almost found herself losing her nerve with each passing day, and she could only hide what was wrong with her for so long before someone would notice.

It was the third of September by the time she finally got around to telling him, and the air was slightly chilly. As a result, she had wore a jacket, and kept it close to her all day. There was really no telling when she would get cold, especially not with the fact she was pregnant counted in, as she was just that much more hormonal and it was hard to keep herself at a constant temperature, along with food in her stomach and her attention focused.

Most of the time her stomach either hurt, she was nauseous, or she was throwing up. There was no real in between, nor nothing that soothed her stomach much. Sour things did help however, but there was only so much of that the special agent could take. Chocolate did too, but she could never handle too much of that stuff at once, especially when her stomach was so sick. Her attention was always drawn to telling him and how he would react, despite whatever she was working on. It would only get better once she told him, she was sure of it.

The day had been nothing out of the ordinary, really. Kensi had fretted over telling him all day, they had exchanged a few quips and smiles, Hetty had given her some herbal tea to try to calm her stomach, and they had filled out their paperwork from a recent case. A young female marine had gone missing, only for them to find her a week later in a ditch. The woman had been murdered by her lover after finding out she was pregnant. It made her heart and stomach ache in an odd way, and she wasn't sure if she still wanted to tell him- what if Deeks acted the same way as the other marine had?- but she couldn't put it off any longer.

Hetty was going to tell him herself unless she did it today. She had told her so over their morning herbal tea, if only to help get Kensi through it. The older woman was going to push her to do it, but she was rather grateful that she was being pushed because there was no doubt she wouldn't be able to do it otherwise.

At lunch time, the boys were going out to a new restaurant to eat. She couldn't remember the name of it- some kind of fruit barrel, or maybe a Bread Barrel, or something?- but they supposedly had good southern food, like fried chicken and mashed potatoes. However, Kensi did see the perfect time to stop him before he left the office with Sam and Callen. She jerked up from her seat, pushing it back before they completely left the office.

"Wait! Uh, Deeks, could I talk to you before you go? Alone? There's something that's been bugging me lately, and I really want to talk with you about it," Kensi managed, and she caught a knowing look between the three guys, though Marty looked more worried about what was bugging her than interested in what the other two thought, even if it probably was going to dirty thoughts or something along those lines. There was honestly no telling what the two were thinking.

"Yeah, sure thing Kens. You two go get in the car, and I'll be out in a minute," he assured, and she let out a slow sigh of relief, happy that the other two weren't going to hang around.

"You got it man."

"Yeah yeah, just don't get caught macking in the office."

Her cheeks burned up at the thought, and she rolled her eyes, though she wasn't quite sure who had said which part. She was more focused on Deeks, and not the other two male agents. He looked like he was in a great mood, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to spoil that mood of his. But if she didn't, then Hetty would and it would be easier to her it coming from her. Deeks scoffed, and she was grateful that he wasn't going to let it go, but also worried that he'd think that she wasn't worth that.

"Get out of here, sheesh. Lunch will be over by the time we get there if you two keep putting off leaving so we can talk. "

"Come on G. Let's leave the lovebirds alone."

It took all of her will to not flip the bird- oh, the irony- at the senior age as he left with his partner, though she did put her arms around her stomach as if that would hide her pregnancy, and erase the fact that she was pregnant with Martin Deek's child, whom she didn't know the gender of and wouldn't until she went back to the doctor for her next appointment in a couple days, unless she ended up dead before then because he killed her or worse.

"Thanks," Kensi said after a moment to make sure that the other two were gone, smiling at the young male. He smiled back, running a hand through her hair. Oh, what she would give to be the one doing that. She hated hair, but she longed to touch his and gently tug it as he kissed and licked-

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?" Right, she couldn't get distracted with stupid thoughts about him and his hair between her fingers and what all she would rather be doing and what she wished she could remember about that night that slipped her memory so easily.

"Do you remember that night about four months ago?" she started gently, terrified of his response, and he looked so distraught, she was almost certain that it wasn't too late to request a transfer and forgo this entire situation. She could just act like there was nothing that she wanted Deeks hesitated before answering, giving her a small nod as he did so.

"Yeah Fern, I remember. Well, to be honest, no, I don't really remember much of the night itself, cause we were drunk off our asses and all, and I honestly can't tell you too much about it if you're asking me to." She couldn't remember too much about it either, but that didn't matter at the moment.

She had to do it now, before she lost her courage and never told him who the kid belonged to, or even that she was going to have a kid. His kid. It would still be so easy to leave him like she had been left, but she couldn't do that to him, couldn't hurt him like that. Hetty would make sure he knew anyways, even if she left and went to a different was no escape from it, was there? She had to tell him, or he'd be even more hurt than if she told him herself.

"I'm pregnant," Kensi blurted out after a moment of arguing with herself, and she felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders. Kensi relaxed and her shoulders slumped, but he tensed. Oh god, he was going to yell at her. She was going to end up just like that young woman they had just finished investigating, but this time they would be sure that the body was murdered by the father of the baby- whatever gender it may be- because he was the last one seen with her after she asked to talk to him alone, and god did she hope that their baby would be a little girl if anything, but she would never, ever get to know because-

"You're positive?"

"The doctor sure was when I went last month. I took three tests before then myself, and they all came up positive."

"Well, that's..." He was hesitating, dear god, he was going to want to leave or maybe he'd hurt her or maybe he'd yell or even do all three. "That's great!" Oh, there it was, he was going to start screaming at her now- Wait. What?

"What? Really?" she said after a moment, completely stunned by his reaction. She was expecting something much worse. She had been dreading his reaction for a month, for that?! He was ecstatic about it, and she wasn't quite sure how to feel about it herself. Before Kensi completely understood what was going on, he was wrapping her up in his arms and holding her close in a tight hug, his lips locked on hers in a way that took her breath away.

"Yes, really Kensi! That's great news, amazing news! I've never heard better news in my entire life. God, I love you so much that it hurts, and to hear that you're carrying a baby- my baby at that!- that just makes me so happy!" he sputtered between laughs, having started laughing some time when Kensi had been shocked by his exclamation. Had she really been worried about that for the last month or so? She should have just told him to begin with! She broke into laughs along side him, arms around his neck and holding him close like the God-sent angel he was. Could there have been a more perfect man with her now?

"I love you too. I love you so much Marty, don't ever leave me." There was some desperation in her voice, she could hear it, but she didn't care. She couldn't stand the thought of losing him, not when she had something so special, so dear to her, and he was going to stay with her, and everything was going to be great. How could things ever get any better?

"I won't Kensi, I promise I'll stay with you for the rest of my life."