Edited 11/24/2014

This story was at one point titled :ME and MY Oboe!

(Begins in the middle of the fourth book-Yule Ball)

AKA: The Stereotypical, Super Odd, Obnoxiously Hard to Follow, Gonna Make You Piss Yourself: Harry Potter Soap Opera.

Episode# 1: Wizard Angst

It was the night of the Yule Ball and neither Ronald Weasley nor Harry Potter were having a good time. Yes they had managed to acquire dates, but neither was attending with the person he'd like.

"Look at them!" Ron complained as he sat at the table with Harry and glared at Hermione who was out on the dance floor giggling at something Victor Krum had just said. "It's disgusting! I mean, what does he have that I don't?"

"Fame, fortune, mad Quidditch skills," Harry Potter rattled off the first few suggestions that came to his mind, "a date."

"Didn't we have dates?" Ron asked, suddenly remembering the twin girls he and his friend had come to the ball with, "Where did those two get off to?"

Harry shrugged; he hadn't seen his date since the first dance of the night. He was pretty sure she had been sitting with them for at least the first six songs, but couldn't even begin to point out when she had left. To be completely honest, he'd been staring at Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory all night.

"Dude, I can't believe they came together," he said out loud, knowing full well that Ron didn't know, or care what he was talking about, "what about me dammit!?"

"You? What about me?" exclaimed Ron, still going on about how Hermione had done him wrong, or something similar, "Hermione is fraternizing with the bloody enemy! How do you think that makes ME feel?"

"Look at you guys!" exclaimed a shrill voice, causing the boys to turn in their seats, "you're both being ridiculous. Why are you just sitting here moping? This is supposed to be a party. Have some bloody fun already!"

"Hermione!" growled Ron, lifting his gaze when he realized that the object of his irritation was now standing before him. She seemed to be quite miffed as well. Ron's eyes narrowed into slits when he saw that she was not alone, "have you gone completely mental? You're sleeping with the enemy!"

The Great Hall went totally silent at his words. The band had just announced that they would be taking a break and many of those who had been dancing were eagerly seeking hydration and nourishment. Those who had been dancing quite rigorously moved towards the doors in search of fresh air and a quick cool down. However, those students who had heard Ron's exclamation and found it intriguing could be found watching, wondering how the brightest witch in her year would reply to this insult. The poor girl looked as though she were about to cry, when she was rescued by none other than Victor Krum.

"What of it?" Krum demanded, stepping in front of his date and glaring menacingly at the red haired Gryffindor, "are you going to make me kick your ass? Huh Weasley?"

"Yeah!" Ron shouted defiantly, but with great stupidity, "I am!"

A small crowd had begun to gather once Krum got involved and the argument suddenly became interesting. None of the bystanders particularly cared about any of it. What was it to them really if a four year old friendship got torn apart by jealousy? Everyone knew that Gryfindor's were prone to acts of stupidity with little concern for the consequences. The majority of those present being of the ages fourteen and up, most of them were simply grateful that it wasn't happening to them. As Ron stood up and Krum refused to back down, the crowd began to form a circle. It was clear by now that everybody wanted to see a fight, which they demonstrated by chanting the word 'fight' over and over.

Ron and Krum crouched into fighting stances and began circling, each attempting to anticipate the other's move.

Meanwhile, Harry noticed that Cedric had ditched Cho at the snack table, and appeared to be looking for someone. Probably him. He muttered something to Hermione about going outside to get some air, caught Cedric's eye, and then proceeded to actually go outside for air.

The front lawn had been transformed into a beautiful garden for the occasion. Harry found a dark secluded area, then sat down to wait for his secret lover.

(A/N: If this were an actual Soap Opera written for television, all of the previous action would probably have taken place BEFORE the opening credits. As such, I will use this opportunity to display the disclaimer.) Also, when I say that Cedric is a sixth year, I'm not being stupid. At the bottom of page 174 in Prisoner of Azkaban, Rowling clearly states that he is a fifth year. Also, (as far as i can tell, nowhere in Goblet of Fire does it say that he is a 7th year...so that makes him a 17 year old 6th year).

DISCLAIMER: The Harry Potter franchise and all of its characters belong to JK Rowling. Not me. I have simply borrowed the characters in order to use them in this rather odd tale which treads a VERY fine line between 'random, but funny' and 'the crackiest crack fic of all time'.

Now that that's taken care of, we return to our plot…

(Four hours previous)

"It's just for one night," Cedric told his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he carefully applied gel to his hair in preparation for the Yule Ball he was to attend with Cho Chang.

"Dude!" laughed Steve, a fellow Hufflepuff sixth year, "you're going to the ball with a major hottie. So what's with the face?"

Cedric was quiet for a moment. He wanted to say, "I'm really gay and I wish I was going with Harry Potter." He also knew he couldn't say that because of many things. Among them, the Triwizard tournament in which they were both competing.

"Dude?" Steve asked again. Apparently Cedric was taking too long to answer the question which, incidentally, he had forgotten.

"Huh?"

"Dude, you seem way too bummed. Are you sure everything's okay?" Steve asked, a look of concern beginning to spread across his face.

"I'm fine," Cedric lied, picking up his toothbrush.

"Okay," sighed Steve, thoroughly unconvinced as he watched his friend violently attack his gums with the toothbrush, "there's a spell that will do that for you, you know that, right?"

"I know."

"Okay. Well, lighten up dude, it's Christmas!" Steve said as he left the room.

"Bah humbug," muttered Cedric, glaring at his reflection.

Two hours later he met up with Cho. The four Triwizard champions and their dates had been forced to start the first dance. After that, he'd continued dancing, but only because it prevented him from actually having to converse with his date. It wasn't that Cho hadn't been talking incessantly since he'd met up with her, she had quite the gift for gab. However, the loud music, and the energetic dancing in the Great Hall gave him the perfect excuse to ignore it. He tried not to be rude, but hoped she hadn't noticed that he had been checking his watch every ten minutes.

"I like this song," Cho murmured softly, snuggling into his arms. Cedric had already figured out that if he blocked out her voice and closed his eyes, he could tolerate holding her by pretending that she was Harry. Not for the first time that evening, he found himself glancing at the table where his favorite Gryffindor sat with his friends. What he saw there gave him the excuse he had been searching for to abandon all attempts at dancing and being a polite date.

Victor Krum, the Triwizard Champion from Durmstrang was locked in clumsy hand-to-hand combat with Ronald Weasley, 4th year Gryffindor and Harry Potter's best friend.

"Look!" Cedric said, surprising his date, "fight."

"Let's go watch," the girl suggested. Cedric was more than happy to comply, as he was already planning his escape route so that he could follow the young fourth year who had just left the hall.

(Outside in the garden)

The December air was surprisingly chilly, which really shouldn't have been a surprise since the grounds of Hogwarts were covered by about a foot of snow, and the night sky looked like it would happily drop another foot or two without much provocation. Harry Potter rubbed his hands together in a vain attempt to get warm. "What's taking him so long?" he wondered for the third time in the last minute.

As if to reply, the sound of footsteps echoed through the garden.

"Cedric?" Harry called quietly, hoping he was not mistaken.

"I'm here," the 6th year Hufflepuff replied, his dress robes catching slightly on a rosebush as he rounded the corner, "chilly isn't it?"

"Just a little," laughed Harry, fighting off a shiver.

"How long have you been waiting?"

"Not that long really. Five minutes tops."

"I tried to get away sooner, but Cho just kept TALKING! Seriously, the girl never shuts up!" Cedric replied apologetically, his face breaking into a grin when he became aware that the more he complained about how awful his date had been, the happier it made Harry, "Are you jealous?" he asked, grinning like a highly flattered idiot.

"Not anymore," Harry said quietly, looking guiltily at the ground as he did so.

"Hey! None of that. I'm here now aren't I?" demanded Cedric, taking a seat next to the young Gryffindor and slipping an arm around his shoulders, "Cho Chang is definitely not my type. She's lacking certain anatomical parts, for one thing…"

Harry cracked a faint, but barely noticeable smile, but continued to stare at the ground in silence. It then became obvious to Cedric, who knew the boy better than anyone, that he had something to say. It was also clear that he really, REALLY didn't want to.

"Harry, what is it? I promise you, whatever is going on, we'll work it out. Just tell me."

"I'm pregnant."

(Gryffindor tower- After the ball)

"Well maybe you should have asked me first!" ranted Hermione Granger. She and Ron Weasley stood in the center of the Gryffindor Common room, screaming at each other as though they were the only ones present. In reality, their antics were once again drawing a crowd.

"That's not the point at all!" Ron argued, though he made no attempt to explain whatever point he thought he was making.

"What is the point?" the voice belonged to some random 3rd year whose name was unknown.

"You stay out of this!" ordered Ron, glaring at the third year.

"Yeah!" agreed Hermione. The third year shrunk back from the argument, and then suddenly took off flying toward the staircase that led to the dormitories, probably scarred for life.

"I just can't believe you went to the ball with Victor Krum!" Ron raged on, his black eye and enlarged upper lip becoming prominent in the light from the fire, "he's competing against Harry!"

Hermione, who was the only other person in Hogwarts who knew about Harry and Cedric, rolled her eyes and groaned with exasperation.

"I really don't think Harry cares, Ronald," she said with a certainty that seemed almost unexplainable to those gathered around. As usual, of course, her comment went right over Ron's head.

"I bet he does. We should ask him when he comes in!"

Everyone in the common room was so wrapped up in Ron and Hermione's argument that they didn't notice when the portrait hole swung open and a disheveled Ginny Weasley scurried past them without giving the argument or her brother's injuries a second glance. The young red-headed third year disappeared up the stairs and went to bed without saying a word to any of them.

"I am so sick of having this argument with you Ronald," Hermione exclaimed conclusively as she too headed up the stairs. Once she was gone, Ron turned to Neville Longbottem.

"That went pretty well, I think," Ron said with false enthusiasm. When Neville didn't respond, he continued, "Victory, I believe, is mine."

The reality of the situation was that Ron had made a fool of himself. He knew it, and everybody in the common room had known it. However, there was one thing that Ron knew that nobody else did, and that would explain everything. Except it was something that, if discovered, would change his life as well as the lives of several people around him. Ron was keeping his mouth shut….for now at least.

(Somewhere, Hogwarts)

George Weasley raised his glass, "To us!" he said with enthusiasm. Glancing around at all of his drinking buddies, Fred Weasley and Roger the glowing green fairy, George gulped his Fire Whiskey.

"To us!" echoed Fred and Roger, following suit.

"Let the fun begin," Roger thought to himself, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. He was beginning to get excited about the opportunities that would soon be appearing for him to make complete and utter fools out of the red-headed twins that sat in front of him.

Roger may have been a fairy, but that did not necessarily mean he wasn't a crazy son of a bitch. He cackled maniacally as he schemed up the dastardly plan that would soon have all of Hogwarts talking.

-How will Cedric react to Harry's shocking announcement? What does Ron know that he won't tell? Why is Ginny so distracted? What does Roger have in store for the twins? Discover the answers to this and more when you tune into next week's episode of The Stereotypical, Super Odd, Obnoxiously Hard to Follow, Gonna Make You Piss Yourself: Harry Potter Soap Opera.

-ORIGINAL AUTHORS NOTE! Wooooo! I get to make a note here! How awesome is that? Hmmm...I guess this is where I beg and plead to my audience to leave reviews telling me what they think of the story thus far, what they like/don't like, would like to see added, random events they think should occur...etc. BUT, I'm not gonna do that! I would totally beg you to review my story if I thought that would actually make you do so, but I understand that most people don't even read Authors Notes, so they dont even see that the author's are begging them for reviews. I'm not going to stoop to that level. I would absolutly LOVE to hear some feed back, but I'm not gonna beg.

-2014 Author's Note: Hello again. It's been awhile. Some of you may remember this story from back when I first posted it…you might notice some changes. Reading through recently, I found several unforgivable punctuation and spelling mistakes and discovered that several of my thoughts weren't expressed adequately. Over the next couple of weeks I'm planning to go through the story to edit and revise each chapter so that I might correct some of my atrocious typos. Here's hoping that this will be a little better. One more thing, should you wish to review a chapter that you've reviewed previously, simply submit an unsigned review. Feedback is fabulous!

McAwsome...OUT!