I Will Survive

Disclaimer: Fairy Tail doesn't belong to me nor does the song I will survive.

At first I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

Without you by my side

Lucy stared out the door of their shared home of three years now watching the empty pathway he had long left and having lost the battle with the tears she had tried and failed to hold in. Their last conversation played on repeat in her mind over and over again.

He had come barging in the house like normal, a quest paper clenched tightly in his fist. For once though he was silent which for him was odd. The glimpse she caught of his face held a resigned look she had never seen before on him. He was always so happy go lucky and always so free spirited. Even when they fought, which happened more than she would like, he always would come back after he felt she had calmed down enough from Lucy kicking him from the room and make her laugh and forgive him for whatever idiotic thing he had done.

This time though was different. Everything felt different. They always made up within an hour of an argument but this time, this time they hadn't. He had slept in the living room the night before even when she told him to come to bed and when she got up from the little bit of sleep she did manage he was already gone. She had decided to stay home and not go to the guild in case he was there to give him space to calm down.

The argument felt so pointless at this point but also felt so relevant, because to her it did mean a lot but he was holding back. She had felt him holding back for some time now. She had simply asked him if he was ever going to be ready in taking the next step in the relationship with her by mating and again he had refused. She like normal due to her known fiery temper had blown up and him with his element being mainly fire had exploded. Then he had completely closed himself off.

She watched him come out of the bedroom holding a bag which she knew contained what he would mainly need for a mission, "I've taken a mission," he said simply his voice was colder than she had ever heard it.

"When will you be back?" she asked him, hope clenching in her heart waiting on his response.

He looked up at her a mixture of emotions so deep within his eyes, she saw guilt, regret, and sorrow before he closed it off making his eyes blank, "I don't think I will Luce. I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you but this is goodbye."

Her heart clenched at those words and she pushed her pain down putting on the noble mask she had learned from the days of her childhood, "Goodbye?"

He turned away from her answering her one-word question, "Yeah Lucy, goodbye. I'm sorry but," he dragged his hand through his hair, "just I can't. I thought I could make it work cause I do care about you. But, you aren't my mate."

If possible, her heart shattered even more at that sentence, "I'm, I'm not your mate?" she felt her voice crack slightly but quickly pulled herself together. She had to stay strong.

She saw him deflate slightly still refusing to look at her, "No you're not. I can't pull you along like that. I've taken a long mission to give us some space. To give you space. Maybe we can still be friends when I get back, maybe I've just ruined everything but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

With that he was gone. He had hurried out the door not even closing it in his haste to leave. She found herself blankly watching him as he went further and further away she then saw a small blue speck swoop down and grab him before he had faded completely from view. Once he was gone her composure shattered like glass. The tears began to fall freely as she fell to her knees sobbing.

He was her best friend and he was everything to her. That moment she had met him seven years ago, fourteen if you counted the seven lost years on Tenrou, her life had almost always revolved around him and his antics. Yes one of those years Fairy Tail was disbanded and she was on her own but, he had come back in the end. He had always come back. Now though she knew it was over. She felt as though her whole life was over.

She didn't know how long she sat there replaying their fight and his departure in her mind all she knew was when the tears finally stopped her knees ached from the hard ground beneath her and her back had a sharp pain from the angle she had crouched in. She shakily stood staring one last time at the empty road ahead before slowly closing the door. She made her way into the bedroom they had shared for the three years they had been together. With Natsu everything was always a whirlwind of activity and their romance had been like that as well.

When she finally got up the nerve to confess she remembered his blank look before a predatory grin had broken out on his face and he had seemed to devour all of her like the dragon she knew he was. They had moved into a cottage that they had built together with their family about five months after they had gotten together. While most relationships that would have seemed rushed but with him it hadn't. They had been friends for so long it just seemed like all the pieces were fitting together.

Though she had begun to recently notice his unwillingness to move forward and she now knew the reason. She wasn't his mate and he did not want a lifetime with her. Her heart clenched again and she felt the tears begin to start to fall once again. She clutched his pillow to her chest. She truly didn't know what to do at this point. How was she to keep going she had thought he was the one for her. He had all of her firsts and she had given everything she was to him. All of her was his and he had pretty much just crumpled what she was up in a little wad like one of her botched writings and had thrown it in the bin.

She stared blankly at the wall in front of her. She truly was lost and alone. Her hopes, her dreams of the future all of it was crushed in such a short instance. She felt a slight pull on her magic and to her surprise her mother figure was there next to her. She stared at the mermaid in trepidation knowing she wouldn't be able to handle tough love at this moment that her mermaid spirit was so fond of dishing out. To her surprise though Aquarius said nothing and instead pulled her close and stroked her hair and started to hum a nonsense tune. A new wave of tears began to fall as her oldest spirit and friend held her close. A silent comfort that she so willingly held onto and that she needed.

But then I spent so many nights

Thinking how you did me wrong

Then I grew strong

I learned how to get along

At first, she was a mess, she didn't leave her house, didn't check in with the guild and she didn't take care of herself at all. The once bubbly and confident woman was gone and in her place, was a broken shell. Her sprits tried to help her the best they could but there was only so much they were able to do. They at least kept her clean and kept her fed but mentally she had closed everyone away.

Everything changed though a month after he had gone. She was sitting in the living room staring at one of the photos of them together feeling her heart clench at the memories that bombarded her with the image of him and her. She had startled out of her revere with the door slamming open. She had looked up in hope that maybe he had changed his mind when it was shattered at the sight that greeted her.

Levy and Gajeel stood forefront of the group in her doorway and they were flanked by Mira, Lisanna, Juvia, Gray, Erza, Cana and surprisingly Evergreen and Laxus. The group made their way in the house silently not waiting for her to wave them in and instead her best female friend stomped and stood right in front of her. There was a glare on her face and her hands were on her hips as she stared her down.

Lucy felt herself gulp at the sight not knowing what to make of it. Her heart clenching at the worst scenario, what if they were here to kick her out of the guild, after all Laxus was here and he is the current master. She felt herself glance worriedly at the silent blonde who had made himself comfortable on the lounge across the room. Her worried thoughts were broken by a gruff voice though that definitely wasn't the bluenette in front of her, "Whatever you are thinking Bunny, stop it."

She looked over at the dark brooding man that flanked Levy slightly behind her as her ever constant shadow and flushed slightly. Her attention though was brought back to the short woman in front of her at the sound of the woman clearing her voice, "Now Lu-chan, enough is enough." Levy altered her stance now crossing her arms, "We aren't here to remove you from the guild, or to end our ties with you or whatever you have going on inside of your head right now. We are here because we are worried. We haven't heard from you in over a month! The last thing that happened was Natsu bursting into the guild grabbing a mission. Storming upstairs to tell Laxus that he was leaving for a while and to look after you."

Gray then spoke up from the corner he had placed himself in, his shirt already gone as he leaned against the wall, "Of course I chased the stupid flamebrain down to find out what was happening. Finally got it out of him and I wanted to beat him senseless the stupid asshole but he didn't even stay to fight."

"The thing is," Levy continued cutting Gray off before he could go into a tirade, "we're all worried about you. We all care deeply about you and are here for you. Besides, you've been moping long enough."

Cana then came forward and quickly pulled her to her feet, "In other words girl, we're here to get you back out there."

Lucy felt her eyes begin to water again but she quickly blinked back the tears she had been crying long enough, "I'm sorry for worrying you all. I just I don't know what to do or if I am even worth being me anymore." Everything suddenly came spilling out all the emotions she had been tending to on her own that she hadn't even let her spirits help her with. She suddenly found herself clinging onto Cana fresh tears fallen, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just don't know what to do. He was everything. He is my everything and I'm lost. I put so much around him that I don't know how to live without him now."

To hers' and everyone else's shock Cana pulled back and slapped her, "LUCY!" the brunette exclaimed, "Pull yourself together woman! Where is that sassy blonde bitch that joined this guild. You aren't nothing without him and you are damn fine mage without him! So stop this at once! You know what I know what you need you need to get out there and find a good fuck so you can see you don't need his ass."

Everyone stared at the drunk in a bit of shock even though she was crass they hadn't expected her to act this way towards the grieving woman. The brunette in turn looked at everyone else, "I'll say it cause no one else will put it this way. It sucks to lose someone you love like that and it hurts a hell of a lot. The best medicine though is to put yourself back out there. Enjoy yourself till you see he isn't the only one. There is more to life than that. Honestly you are way out of that Pinky's league and he knew it too. I've seen him growling and glaring at several guys as he walked by with you. So stop treating yourself this way."

Laxus spoke up then, "Cana's right you know." He then grinned lecherously, "If you want blondie we can go a few rounds if you want casual sex." He then winked at her playfully and she felt herself begin to blush before the sound of steel hitting electricity rang around the room.

Lucy felt some of the fire build back up in her as she looked at her redheaded friend ranting about her honor, "ERZA! Not in my house!" The woman in question turned to her in shock before moping in a black cloud for having Lucy yell at her. The blonde rolled her eyes at her teammates actions a slight smile forming for a moment on her lips.

She looked at her guildmates that were all making themselves comfortable in her home and let out a sigh. She knew they were right she needed to move forward and stop holding onto what wasn't meant to be. Her heart clenched again in grief but she pushed it down. He made it clear how he felt and she needed to get herself back on track.

And I spent so many nights

Just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry

But now I hold my head up high

It had been a week since that day her friends, her nakama came barging into her solidarity and pulled her from her self-depreciation. She finally found herself standing before her guild, finally having the courage to face the place she had so many fond memories with him. She stared at the door welling up the strength in there to push it open and she was pulled from her revere from a soothing voice behind her, "You know Lucy, I don't think staring at the door is going to make it move."

She gave a startled yelp and turned around facing the man behind her, her cheeks coloring at being caught off guard. She gave a nervous laugh and saw the teasing light in his blue eyes. She bowed to him formally as seeing the impeccably dressed man always seemed to bring out a bit of her childhood training to the forefront of her actions, "I'm sorry Freed, didn't mean to block the doorway."

He chuckled as he watched the blonde in front of him, "No need to apologize Lucy, I fully am aware that given your circumstances, this is a huge leap for you." He then bowed graciously towards her, "If, it will make it easier for you to take this step, I'm willing to accompany you, though I do not think there is need to fear our guild."

She found herself blushing again at his jesting and she turned away from him and faced the doors, "Who knew entering a building would be so daunting. It is after all just my family and my friends in there."

"Then why are you so hesitant. I think they would be quite thrilled to see you in person. You after all haven't been here in a good while."

"I'm scared," she slowly whispered before looking back at the green haired man, "what if they all hate me now. I hid away from everyone and," her eyes as she gazed at him held so much worry, sorrow, confusion.

"You know no one here can hate you, and no one here is angry with you. Quite the latter when what happened came to light."

Freed then stepped around her and she found herself staring at the man as he smirked over his shoulder at her. Of all people in the guild that would comfort her she never thought it would be the aloof Ruin Mage. He then pushed open the door pulling her from her thoughts, "After you my lady," he said imploringly with a short bow.

She flushed before steeling herself and walking brusquely into the hall, her head held high. The time for self-doubt and tears were over. Yes, she lost her best friend and lover but it wasn't the end of the world. It was time to move forward. As Cana reminded her that day, she is gorgeous and well sought after. It was no longer time to doubt herself and wallow in what ifs. He left her and that was his mistake, not hers. After all she is a strong and capable woman and she shouldn't have let a man hold her back.

She looked at all of the faces that were staring at her in shock before suddenly a loud cheer broke across the hall. Shouts of "Welcome home Lucy!" rang across the hall and she felt a wide smile break across her face. She felt a warm hand land on her shoulder and breath ghost her ear as the man she momentarily forgot about whispered in her ear, "There was nothing to be afraid of after all, now was there."

She flushed slightly and sent a glare at the man as he made his way away from her towards his team in their usual seats though she did catch him looking over at her one last time and winking. She blinked slightly in confusion at that, since it seemed so out of character for him. She shook her head and instead focused on her team at their usual table. Erza was sitting there with a huge slice of cake in front of her, hearts in her eyes as she stared at the confectionery. Gray was surprisingly reading something while Juvia, as normal was clinging onto his arm staring at the man as though he was an Adonis. Wendy was sitting next to Erza, with a piece of cake of her own, though smaller than the piece that the requip mage had in front of her, and seemed to be in an animated conversation with both Panterlily and Charle.

She smiled at the sight before heading to the bar seeing a smiling Mira watching her as she made her way towards her. "Lucy, I'm so happy to see you!" the demon barmaid squealed excitedly hearts making ways into her eyes before a look Lucy knew well crossed her features, "So I happened to see you enter with a certain green-haired mage. Is there something I should know about?"

Lucy flushed in embarrassment, "No Mira, don't read into things. He happened to arrive shortly after I did and kind of gave me a pep talk about coming in here."

A knowing look crossed the ex-models face. "Well that was good of him. So, do you want your usual smoothie?"

"Yes please. I'll be over with my team catching up."

Mira nodded at her and she quickly passed some jewel over to the barmaid before making her way towards her team. "Lucy-nii!" The air dragon-slayer said excitedly before standing quickly and barreling towards the blonde hair woman and pulling her into a tight embrace. "I'm so happy to see you. How are you feeling? Have you been taking care of yourself?"

The bluenette started firing off several questions rapidly hardly giving her a chance to answer them and she felt the sudden gentle wash of her healing magic and flushed slightly at realizing Wendy had performed a quick scan of her vitals. "Health wise you seem to be ok, maybe a little malnourished but it seems like you aren't in too bad of a condition."

She laughed slightly at the worrying girl before her, "I'm fine Wendy. Don't worry too much." She hugged the girl tightly before letting go and moving to sit on the other side of the Red-head who was halfway through the slice of cake.

She knew Erza was too enthralled with her cake to take notice and shook her head to herself when she found a pink smoothie being dropped in front of her. She looked up and smiled happily at the other Strauss sister, "Thanks Lis it looks great as always."

The woman blushed, "Well I'm glad if you need something else let us know!" she then cheerily waved while carrying her full tray to the next person to deliver an order.

She gratefully took a sip and sighed in delight of the sweet yet tart taste of the berries that rolled across her tongue. She was pulled from the delight of her smoothie shortly though by an arm falling across her, "Sooooo Luuuuuuuucy," a druken voice exclaimed, "I see you have made it out of your cave! Let's hit some bars tonight!"

She looked at the woman who had climbed into her personal space and rolled her eyes, "Cana, I don't think you really need to hit anymore bars."

"Why not?" The brunette began to pout as though her favorite toy had been stolen from her.

"You're already drunk, how many barrels have you had today?"

The card mage shrugged, "I lost count."

Lucy giggled at her friend's antics, "I appreciate the offer but I don't really want to go anywhere tonight really."

"But what about operation Get Lucy Laid?"

The blonde choked on her smoothie before looking at the woman who had now fully draped herself on her and sighing, "I don't think I really want to have a random one-night stand hook up with a stranger Cana."

"Oh, fine you're no fun." She then stood up, "If you change your mind though and decide to want to get some lovin' you know where to find me."

Lucy shook her head as the card mage sat back at the bar and ordered another barrel from Mira before looking at the people at the table. Wendy's face was a bright red and Erza surprisingly wasn't ranting about her honor though her fork was snapped in her grip and Gray was looking up from his book at her a smirk on his face while Juvia was sitting there her face matching Wendy's in color.

She smiled brightly at her team, "Ignoring Cana's brashness would you guys maybe want to go on a job soon."

Erza looked at her seriously, "Are you ready to do that Lucy?"

"I think I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, are you ready to focus on a job? You are still healing and I don't want you to lose focus and get hurt."

Lucy felt her face flush and glared slightly at the woman next to her. "Just because I'm still hurting doesn't mean I can't do a job!"

"Lucy," Gray sighed, "You know she's just worried. We all are. We know how much everything has been taking a toll on you and we don't want you jumping into things you aren't fully ready for."

She stood up angrily from the table feeling hurt at the fact they didn't trust her to do a simple job with them. Before she stormed away towards the bar. She slammed a few jewel on the counter earning a worried look from Mira, "I want something strong!"

Mira sighed before pouring her a drink and passing it over to it. She quickly knocked it back to the sound of Cana cajoling in the background about her sudden interest in drinking. She found herself ignoring those around her though and slammed a few more notes down asking for a second drink. Mira made her another one watching the blonde with worry. Lucy quickly slammed the next one back tears starting to blur her eyes that she quickly wiped away. She came here to move forward but seemed to be getting pushed back again.

She squashed the thought and ordered a third drink but before she could raise it to her lips a hand gently grabbed her wrist pushing the cup back down to the table, "Lucy I think that is enough. Let me take you home?"

She looked up at familiar and concerned aqua eyes. She found herself admiring the features of the man next to her before letting out a sigh, "I think I will take you up on that offer Freed. Thank you."

She smiled up at him as he graciously helped her up from the stool while putting a strong arm around her waist to keep her steady. They slowly made it towards the house that she called home and she felt that lonely clenching of her heart. She looked over at the man who was gently guiding her towards the home she once shared with someone else and she felt something inside of her snap.

They had just reached the doorstep and she found herself coyly looking at the man who was holding open the door for her. He unlike Natsu, she knew could understand her better. She knew he grew up like she had and he did hold several similar interests from the times she had spent in the guild library with him and Levy. The three of them bonding over a shared love of books and knowledge. She wasn't normally a rash person due to her upbringing, she always calculated out and strategize things but tonight, she felt like being brash.

A flush formed across her cheeks and through lowered lashes she looked closely at the ruin mage. He was handsome and well kept. He was always so poised and collected and she realized she wanted to unravel him. Her life had spiraled so out of control so quickly and here was one of the guild members before her known for his firm grasp on said control and she felt herself craving that. She wanted him to give that back to her and in turn she wanted to see him lose his.

A thought suddenly crossed her mind that she realized suddenly while looking at the man staring at her with confusion at her silence that the scar left by Natsu seemed to slowly close a little more. A devilish smile suddenly crossed her face and she looked at his lips that normally always held such a serious line and were moving with words she wasn't hearing. Suddenly she pounced. She flung herself forward and crashed her lips to his pulling him eagerly into a heated kiss. He responded out of instinct before his decorum caught up with him and he froze. Lucy looked up at him through hooded eyes both of their faces flushed and lips swollen before she backed up and smiled at him, "Thank you for looking after me Freed."

She quickly entered the house and closed the door behind her leaving a befuddled man behind her. She giggled slightly her face once again heating up out of how foolhardy her actions were and how out of character. Before raising her fingers up to her puffy lips, a smile curving across them. She realized then and there she could move forward from everything she just would need a little help that judging by his reaction a certain green haired mage wouldn't be as opposed to giving her.

Oh as long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my live to live

I've got all my love to give

Things with Freed were so very different than things with Natsu. While everything with Natsu was so fast and was like itself a raging wildfire that burned its way quickly through her very being. Things with Freed were slow but passionate. As she had figured he was more traditional in every sense. Of course, they both weren't blushing virgins but Freed was serious and because he was serious he was doing things the proper way.

At the beginning after that kiss that she knew alcohol was one of the leading factors of giving her the courage to do something like that she realized the next morning that she did in fact want to try to be with the man and wasn't looking towards him as a one off. She then decided to compose a letter. She simply told him she was sorry for how she behaved but she wasn't sorry for doing it. That she found him attractive and wanted to try and have a relationship if he was up for it.

She didn't turn up to the guild that day but she did get a response that morning. On her doorstep was a bouquet of Star Lilies and a missive from him in response. He had said that he would enjoy a relationship with her but he wanted to do it the proper way. After that it was a shower of courting gifts and romantic dinners. He did things that she didn't realize she was even craving. He was refined and a true gentleman and seemed to bring out in her, the confidence she had realized over the years she had lost.

She slowly had realized over time while she loved him her relationship with Natsu was doomed from the start. They were too different and he never truly respected her the way she should have been. She found that while she did miss him, she wasn't in love with him anymore. Instead her heart was focusing entirely on the man who was now before her.

They had been dating for six months now and she found that she truly was in love with him. They had just finished a job that she had taken with him and she felt her heart speed up as she looked at the man next to her. She gently grasped his hand and looked at him, adoration shining in her eyes. "I know you insisted on separate rooms, but, I want to spend the night with you."

He looked down at the woman next to him in shock, "Lucy are you sure?"

"Yes, Freed, I am sure. I might be hasty in saying this but these last six months have been wonderful and I'm in love with you. I want to be yours entirely and I want to share myself with you."

He pulled her close and a predatory glint gleamed in his eyes, they flashed purple for a moment and she felt a thrill race down her spine at the look he was giving her. "If my Lady is wishing it," he purred out his voice becoming seductive, "who am I to deny her."

He then pulled her into a searing kiss and then held her close as they continued to the hotel they were staying in. That night she gave herself fully to him in a passion she had never felt before. Her very heart and soul seemed to cry at their intimacy and she had never felt this complete before. To think one of the men she least expected to end up with ended up being the one that saved her from herself and made her feel the most complete.

And so you're back

From outer space

I just walked in here

To see you

With that sad look upon your face

A couple months had passed since that night they had spent together and more often than naught they had found each other staying at one or the others home. Freed had finally asked her to move in with him and she had happily agreed. She already had moved most of her belongings into her new home and just had a couple more things to grab. Freed had tried to insist on grabbing the last box for her but she declined saying that it wasn't much and that she could grab them. Eventually he relented knowing how far her stubbornness could travel at times.

She smiled happily as she walked up for the last time to the home she had once shared with Natsu. Nostalgia gripped her for a moment but it wasn't painful like it was before instead she smiled slightly at the memories. She had moved well past the pain and was truly happy now. She smiled down at her finger with a gleaming stone that rested upon it. The last job they had done together he had proposed and asked her to move in with him all at once. Her heart soared at the memory before she found herself at the closed door of her previous home.

She pulled out her key for what she knew to be the last time and slowly unlocked the door. She pushed it open and stood in shock at what greeted her. The last person she expected to see sat there on the couch his head in his hands. She swallowed slightly knowing because of his enhanced senses he would know she was there. Sure, enough he slowly looked up at her, grief in his eyes. "Luce," he whispered, "You're here I didn't think I would see you so soon. With everything being gone and well."

She realized her heart didn't flutter like it used to at seeing him once more face to face and she felt a sad smile cross her features, "I'm just grabbing the last bit of my stuff and I'll be gone."

"You know you don't need to leave right. I'm not going to kick you from our home. Honestly, Luce, I'm sorry I made a mistake. I realize that now. I was hoping we could try to start over."

She felt a bit of anger rise up in her for a second before she felt herself calm down almost instantly. She smiled once more at him a bit sadly again and shook her head, "I'm sorry Natsu, but it's too late."

She saw the confusion cross his face as he looked at her and then saw his eyes widen slightly at the sight of her left hand, "What do you mean it's too late? Don't say that Luce. What about everything we've gone through."

A slightly bitter laugh left her. She looked at the man that now stood in front of her and shook her head, "All of that didn't matter when you left Natsu. I'm sorry but, I've moved on. You were the one who said goodbye. You were the one who left and I had to pick up my own pieces by myself. You made it clear and I moved on. I'm happy now and I'm not giving that up."

She saw how crushed he looked but she continued she knew she had to be blunt with him, "Part of me will always care about you Natsu after all you were my best friend and you were my first love but I'm not in love with you anymore. Like I said I've come to grab the last of my stuff and then I'm out of here. I didn't expect to see you but I'm sure you'll eventually find your happiness. We just weren't meant to be."

She quickly fished out her keys that held the house key on it and took it off and passed it to him as he stood before her dumbfounded. She then picked up the small box that held a few precious possessions in it and turned to leave. She paused at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder she turned and looked at him one last time and she saw the tears swimming in his eyes. He gave her though his signature goofy grin though she could see how much pain he was in. She didn't like hurting him but she was hurt too and in the end, it was his decision that caused him to lose her. "I'm glad you're happy Luce and I am sorry for what I did. Maybe we can at least be friends again at some point."

She was a bit startled at how mature he was behaving for once and smiled at him, "Yeah maybe eventually. I wish you well Natsu and I'll see you at the guild."

She then turned and left. Realizing that whatever small doubts still clouded her heart were now put at ease. She was free to move forward with her life. Free to find her true happiness with Freed.

I will survive,

I will Survive

Hey, Hey