Title: Dancing in the Dark
Author: tromana
Rating: T
Characters: All of Gen 3.
Summary: One night, one party. Eight different experiences.
Notes: First lengthier piece for Skins. Be gentle with me...
Dancing in the Dark
Part One - Mini
She downs the vodka shot with practised ease and smiles brightly.
Mini McGuinness is young, free and single. What isn't there to celebrate? She has the rest of her life in front of her. The most she can do right here, right now is to make sure that she has the time of her life. After all, she isn't going to be young forever. Sooner or later, she's going to have to grow up. Hold down a job, pay bills, have actual responsibilities.
And then, then it'll all end.
For some, it comes sooner or later. She only has to have a look at her mum for that.
Shelley McGuinness sacrificed her life to have a kid too young, too soon. She didn't even manage to stay in contact with her father. Mini is proud of her mum; she managed to raise her single-handedly, but sometimes…
She shakes her head decisively. Now isn't the time to think of that. To dwell on what could have beens, what should have beens. Everyone else is having fun and therefore, why shouldn't she?
Mini trembles slightly as she lifts the cigarette to her mouth. Trying to light it is worse; her hand won't stop shaking. It takes more attempts than she'd care to admit before the lighter even sparks a little. And as soon as a flame shines brightly, it's extinguished once more. So, she tries again and again, to no avail.
Eventually, she simply gives up. Angrily, she throws the cigarette to the ground and stamps on it. It's a waste, but right now, she doesn't care.
This isn't her, it never has been.
People look at her and have so many expectations. She's slim, blonde and drop dead gorgeous. Of course there's going to be some preconceptions, just as there would be if she wore glasses and let her eyebrows grow out instead. When presented with something, everyone automatically think of the stereotypes. They forget there's more to people than just that.
She isn't happy.
She hasn't been for a long while.
A lot of what she does is for control. So much is intangible, reliant on other people, on fate or luck. She can maintain her weight through exercise and food, however. And she can choose how she dresses, who she hangs out with, what she smokes and so on. She can control how people see her and somewhat more importantly, how she views herself.
But can she go back in time and find her father? Stop him from leaving? Of course not. It feels like a lifetime ago now, but can she stop Liv from fucking her last boyfriend? No. Nor is she capable of stopping strangers from murdering each other, idiots from driving under the influence, stealing and doing all manner of unsavoury things. She's just as incapable of stopping the world from turning or the sun from burning.
And she hates feeling so out of control. Like a cog in a great machine, an insignificant part that doesn't really do anything. Mini wants to change the world, but of course, that's never going to happen. She's just one person. If, for any bizarre reason, she does end up with any modicum of influence, it's highly unlikely that it'll be enduring enough for her to make a real difference. As far as she's concerned, she's simply not clever enough for that. Not like Grace and Franky.
Her mum has had an influence on her as well. For as long as Mini can remember, she has boasted about how her daughter was just like a, well, mini version of her. Taught her how to tease the boys, make herself look beautiful. Drilled into her the importance of good fitness, hygiene and grooming. Told her that being street smart was as important as proving herself academically.
Repeated the mantra of 'men are only interested in one thing'.
The one thing she gave up all too easily.
At the time, it seemed like a great idea. Fuck you once and you'll never have it again. Then, he'll be gagging for more. Begging for forgiveness that she would be reluctant to give. Nick would prove himself to be worthy of her love after unexpected declarations of adoration. He'd be lost without her, need her by his side. They would be the power-couple of Roundview once more, just as they had been months ago. Like Cheryl and Ashley Cole, only with a happy ending.
Ultimately, it had been all wrong.
Nick has fallen off the rails, but that has as much to do with Matty and their father as it did to do with her. Instead of showering her with roses (that would soon die) and chocolates (that she wouldn't eat), he has found comfort in the bottom of a vodka bottle. Much as she is now.
Just because her mother fell from one relationship into another, it doesn't mean she has to as well.
Contrary to her mother's belief, she isn't entirely her mother's daughter.
She wants to love and be loved. Something deep, enduring. Like her friendship with Franky, in a way. It has to mean something. Mini doesn't want to be the easy fuck, just because she looks like the type. She wants the romantic picnics at the beach, the whispered sweet nothings, somebody to watch her fly and catch her when she falls.
Most of all, she just doesn't want to make do, like her mother has done for all of these years.
As far as she's concerned, she and Nick could have been everything she's ever dreamed of. Before he got too impatient and shagged Liv. Before he broke her heart (and dreams) into a thousand tiny pieces.
Before he stole her virginity, as if it meant nothing.
She watches as he dances with Liv and Matty, unbeknownst that his every move is being scrutinised. It's the first time he's looked happy for months and genuinely, she's pleased for him. He fell a long way, after he retired from the rugby team.
But he's still not the same Nick. Not the one she had loved. He's broken, flawed. Even the most careful restorer cannot cover his tracks. The damage has still been done.
Besides, she'll always remember what he's done to her, too. She's not exactly undamaged from this fiasco either.
However, it is a learning curve. She knows that there's certain things in life that are precious. She can't take certain things back, however much she wishes she could. People will betray her, especially if she remains blind to their faults. Even her best friends can turn and stab her in the back, without a moment's notice. You have to be harsh to live in this world. Nothing is ever easy, not even if you're the most beautiful girl in the world.
Mini also knows she won't hand herself on a plate to the next man who takes an attraction to her. Just because she's no longer a virgin, it doesn't mean she cannot be choosy about who she sleeps with,
Because if she really wants to stop history from repeating itself…