Hey! ^^
So, this is just a little drabble I wrote out of the blue. I was watching a particular episode of Chuck and, the dialogue seemed SO Royai, I had to do something about it. lol
Hope you like it.
**** Spoilers up to chapter 104 **** Read with caution!
Please!! Review!!!
"Why are you doing this, Lieutenant?"
The question came out of nowhere. The colonel had been quiet to his thoughts for a long time, now.
Although he got his sight back, the wounds from the battle against the Homunculi were not entirely healed, yet. No good deed goes unpunished, one could say. But Roy knew better than to think life was unfair to him. In fact, he was actually pretty sure that it gave more than he deserved. Maybe the Truth isn't as cold and cruel as one could think.
Once again, he found himself tied up to a hospital bed, when all he wanted was to get up and actually do something. He's been more than a burden for everyone in the past couple of days and he wanted to start on the 'next part of the plan' as soon as possible.
Looking at Lt. Hawkeye, sitting in a chair close to the door, reading a book, Roy couldn't help but remember how many times she called him "useless". And, indeed, she was right, he was useless. And that thought didn't quite help improving his current melancholic mood.
"Sorry, sir?" She asked after a while, blinking slowly and looking up from her reading, trying to catch his train of thought.
Her voice was still a little husky, as her throat was not yet entirely recovered. Maybe her voice would never go back to what it used to be… just like that scar that Roy knew was on her neck, just below the layers of bandages.
Everything about them and that scene seemed to scream of his imprudence, his guilt into bringing all of this upon her. Upon all of them. Him and his crazy dreams.
"Why do you keep protecting me? Why haven't you given up on me, yet?" he continued in almost a whisper, as if afraid she would actually answer it.
She sighed and, for a moment, he imagined he saw a ghost of a smile cross her lips.
"Because after all that you gave up, sir, after all you have struggled and suffered, you deserve to reach your goal. And this country deserves to have its freedom and deserves peace."
He knew she would say that. He knew her too well for his own good. Damn you, Riza, for being so damn stubborn, so damn righteous, so damn idealistic. For believing him in spite of everything. It just made him hate himself more. Made him feel so very strongly he was too bad of a person to deserve such unconditional trust.
"Thank you." He couldn't think of anything else to answer. Couldn't bring himself to open up his thoughts like that.
"You don't have to thank me. It's my job to protect you." She said formally. But her expression betrayed her, her eyes looking straight to him, conveying many things her words didn't say.
Roy was getting a little tired of this game of theirs. Pretending to be strangers other than work and job and ranks. As if they weren't people. As if they didn't grew up together. As if he didn't see the hurt in her eyes when her father ignored her. As if they weren't practically brothers. But not quite.
No more masks, no more made up characters.
"What about when it's not your job, anymore? What happens to us then?"
She considered for a moment to pretend she didn't know what he was talking about. But she was tired of pretending. Pretending that she didn't care for this man, pretending she was that cold, distant façade she put up at work, pretending to work for the enemy, pretend she wasn't afraid of dying when that man slit her throat, pretending she didn't woke up at night panting from nightmares about Ishval… pretending she was different from that shy, scared girl who lived practically by herself most of her life. She was torn between those two. Not a girl anymore, but not what she once thought adults were. She still felt fear, sometimes, still had doubts. She only learned to shut them up. And that was so tiresome, sometimes… overbearing.
She gave up everything to be beside this man. She could have lived a normal life somewhere else and, yet, she chose not to. "what happens to us, then?", it echoed in her mind. She didn't exactly know. Life was not as simple. She had been taught by her father, by her circumstances, by the military to shut down her feelings, her emotions, her wishes.
And she knew what she was doing back then. As hard as it may be, as tough as things could get, she was not there for herself. She couldn't afford to be selfish. She dedicated her life to others and that demanded everything from her.
His dream wasn't only HIS dream. It was hers, as well. It always had been. And for the sake of that dream, her other wishes had to suffer.
In order to make this country the peaceful and beautiful place they dreamt about, the place where the children come home for their parents, where there's no more fighting, no more war, no more deaths over nothing, no other 'Hughes'es.
For all that to happen, she had to do her job. She needed to protect this man, she need to look out for him and up to him. She had to put all those feelings aside (even though they still existed, in that hopeful, little corner of her head and heart) so she could carry on her duty, because that was so much bigger and stronger than her, bigger than him, than her selfish wishes of having the man for herself. She could not deny it. Not ever. She knew that from the moment she agreed to show him her back.
And she never was a greedy person, either way. Maybe, just maybe, the future stored bigger happiness for them. Someday, somewhere, they might be able to do something about it. And that hope, that thought was enough for her. She could think about it when the time came…
But for now…
Riza smiled secretly. This was perfect the way it was. And she stole a glance at the man as she answered.
"Try not think that far ahead, Sir. One thing at a time."